Grace's Mind-it-on-your-own

2004-11-27T03:51:00.000-08:00

November 26, 2004, Friday, 9:22 AM, DLSU Gokongwei Lobby

Actually, I lay awake last night, sleep eluding me for almost an hour. I prayed an earnest prayer, talking with God all about my plans and my fears in life. I feel like crying, but felt and thought that there is no point in doing so. But deep in my heart, I did cry, and in my mind, I saw all my fears come to life.

But facing each day is not that bad anymore, unless I am left to idly wait for some time, with my mind on the roll again. But things could be much worst. I have been to the other extreme, where death or the idea of death, as I take my own life, was just somewhere around the corner, or beside me, as I take every step and think every thought. Actually, it, death, is still somewhere near, only thing is, I got an invisible wall around me at this round, and God back into my life. Of course, I still think of death, but then, I also think of a lot of other things before it: life after college, life working, life with a family (my own) and that of immediate and extended family, life at old age, life with kids growing up, life with my parents growing old. You see, I think of so much things about the future, and at most points, I remember the past – some I prefer to forget but remember, most I would never want to forget and fearful of forgetting.

I would have died years ago, but the thing is, aside from my now best friend being there for me when I needed her the most during those times, I am afraid to die. I can’t even kill myself. I would hurt myself, orchestrate my own death, think of what to use and where to hurt myself, but I never did kill myself. What’s the use of wanting to die if I can’t even kill myself? Funny how things are, right?

And so now, aside from death, life continues to baffle me as I continue to live it. I am still clueless as to the finality of my personality, as a whole person; each facet and aspect of me yearns to find out who I am and was and will be, but the thing I want to know is, who am I? If I can’t decide or at least have an inkling of this, it is hard to discern who I will be and can be in the future. Perhaps, I am just afraid of what my decision of who I am will be? Possibly. Once I speak of it, and live it, there’s no turning back. I can change, but as always, it will be hard to change, especially if it is for the better. Too much friction, too much shame, too much horror, unless you have love for oneself, and the love and support of others. Others can change alone, but I am lucky to have others, even with me just taking these baby steps to changing, though I am still in the rut about myself.

Whatever our decision will be, it will be as it is. If I decide to go this way, I live my life accordingly to the consequences of that decision, either it be good or bad consequences. If I made a different decision, there are different consequences. But whatever decision we make, there will always be consequences that we have to live with, and most importantly, live through. I guess one would say, it is on how you have made the decision that matters, if you followed your principles or your circumstances, or otherwise. But whatever that decision might be, basing it on either good or bad principles or circumstances, once you make it, once you decide to do it and make and go on the first step, there is no turning back. Most of us don’t seem to notice these decisions, because it seemed so trivial, but when you look back, it wasn’t and isn’t trivial at all (well, in my case, it was this way). Of course, some just get detained in the same condition as they are now in, because they chose to or because I choose to. God has prepared our life, but we actually make the choices, the decision on things that we really can decide on so that we could learn, and then God unravels the rest, and the consequences. And I think, He prepares these consequences as our learning ground, taking some (people and/or things) and leaving some, our ups and downs. But whatever choice we make, though it may seem trivial, or so grave, depending on how you’ve learned to look at it, we do and must make the choice, and learn to trust God to be with us through the rest. We learn to endure through it all – most of us stumble and never get back on our feet, but a lot others, after stumbling step back up, one step at a time, with hands guiding them, with eyes, ears and all other senses (oh, let us not forget God). Rising up against shame, and becoming “new”, because we either learn something new, or continue to remain blinded, but be forever changed and affected by all these experiences.

So for now, I live my life day by day, though I still fear tomorrow every night. Each day brings happiness, joy, as well as sorrow, shame, anger, pain. At night, each fear crawling up to me. I guess, for me, these are my consequences, and I am learning to live with and through them day by day. This doesn’t seem like a proper ending, because I guess, each decision leads to a new beginning, and as it is said, death is also a new beginning, but with life, each moment is a beginning that you can make. After death… well, let’s worry about it after or when we are dead.

2004-09-24T22:27:00.000-07:00

Actually, i have been updating qoamemories.blogspot.com more often than i do here. :)

so, i decided to "blog" here for a while. It has been a while. :)

Well, 2nd term has started. Of course, there is the feeling of i can't wait and i am afraid of might come our way, especially regarding our thesis. And then there is work. (and then what will happen after grad - oh please, i really want to graduate already!). Of course, what will be deciding on after graduation - work outside or stay non-profit! Wah!!!!! But i do hope that i get to decide after some more bumming period. (I am good at bumming around anyway. Therefore, such a waste my life is.)

Aside from that, i try to attend church every saturday, at CCF. Sundays, i stay home or go out, usually to enjoy some more or just you know, do something. :)

I actually want to write something a few days back, but i kept restraining myself, and it was actually not that hard in restraining myself. i just decided that i will not write or i leave it be.... I dunno.... If i really want to write i guess i wouldn't be able to stop myself from writing anything at all.... But the thing is, the thought of what i wanted to write stayed with me for a while.... and now that i am ready, i forgot about it....

anyway, i still have to search for the other journal site that i used to blog on to... Maintaining 3 is not that hard. It is just that, you guys wouldn't know which one to check for updates unless you check all three. Hehe :)

anyway, take care and hope to see you guys soon! :) i really miss you all!

P.S. is there something wrong with signmyguestbook.com?

2004-09-22T00:19:00.000-07:00

I would like to invite you all to Tzu Chi's Bazaar at Le Pavillion (along Roxas Blvd, near
the Toyoto Manila Bay area) this coming October 9-10. There will be different booths where
you can do an early christmas shopping or just look around.
If you have any questions regarding the event, to buy tickets (to buy stuff, you buy such
tickets which can be used as corresponding to the peso amount/value on that ticket), to
inquire about the organization, or how to join the bazaar(either as supplier or sponsor),
please call the Tzu Chi office at 7325714 and look for Peggy or Chieh Fang for more details.
:)
I hope to see you there! :)
~Grace Limtanhoa

2004-07-15T08:57:00.000-07:00

I was just reading through my guestbook, and i find it great to remember the times i wrote down my thoughts, and how we shared our thoughts through that guestbook. and of course, i remembered what it was like to be with friends like you, in school or out of school. :) It may not have been a lot, but we have been through much, especially Drew and I. hay.... you all now have graduated, while i, on the other hand, will stay for another term, instead of the sought after october grad (i will graduating by january 2005, and i hope that this coming second term would be the last term i stay in DLSU, though i am pretty sure that i don't want to graduate yet, but it is different without you guys.) And we all have to move on.

Memories just came rushing back, and it is nice to feel those emotions again.:) It is somewhat different now, but i know you guys are still there for me.:)

And since i haven't been blogging for almost over a year now, except for a few times this year and the picture blog, it is kinda weird to be blogging again. a lot of you have stopped blogging. but anyway, i just probably had a dry spell or it is just that i have been enjoying more of the world (as if, but i think i am, experiencing new things, new emotions, with old and new friends). I do go out, and everytime i go out, there would always be this thought in my mind that i want to write about but end up forgetting about it or pushing it aside as i am trying to live the moment. :) anyway, i think, today is an exception. i hope this won't be the last. :)

i have been reading Purpose-Driven Life for the second time, and it is said that we are born to this world, with the family we are in, where we are and when we were born -- these were all chosen by God for a reason. ... and i like watching Mcleod's Daughters on tv, and the lead character dies leaving behind a half-sister and her daughter... i mean, the sister left their farm when their parents divorced and came back during their father's death,determined to just leave the farm to the other sister, but then upon knowing that the farm was in debt, this other sister stayed behind to help out and ended up liking it there, especially now that she is with her older sister... but then as i've said, the older sister dies in a freak car accident.... with regard to that, i think we do have a purpose in each other's life. i mean, in that series, both sisters had each other in the end because both can help each other in ways they didn't get to before, and now that they are boht without parents, they are now there for each other, especially now that there were harder things to face in their lives, but now they could help each other, and do things together.... and sometimes i think, am i born in this family because God challenges me to be better from what i already am? I just don't know, but probably it is one of God's way to help me change for the better ( i don't think it would be for the worst, because we make mistakes, but it is to learn from those that we become better people, and we do make the decisions)....

anyway, i maybe getting rusty with my writing. But still, i hope that you understood what i was saying. :)

anyway, gotta sleep.:)

hope to hear from you guys soon! :) miss you all! :o

And here is a favorite song of mine right now, titled MY HEART IS LIKE A RIVER, from the Hallmark series Mcleod's Daughters, Click here to visit their site.:

My Heart Is Like A River

My heart is like a river
My heart is like these hills
They never change
I never change
and I never will

You called and I came running
You cried and now I'm here
So hold this faith
accept our faith
These are little fears

We have enough to guide us
We have enough to last
We're not alone
we never were
you and I aren't lost

Oh hold me very tightly
Hold me fast and strong
I am your love
Won't stray from you
You and I belong

My heart is like a river
My heart is like these hills
They never change
I never change
and I never will

2004-06-27T09:28:00.000-07:00

I have posted new pictures at my Picture Blog. Just click the link. :) It's more on the gimmick or rather a get together with mostly close high school friends. :)

2004-06-19T06:01:00.000-07:00

Go to http://qoamemories.blogspot.com for graduation pictures of Drew and the Gang. :) ...and of some other friends. :) Yup, even if i didn't get to graduate alongside these friends of mine, at least i was able to spend the graduation day with them. Thanks to Che's extra ticket. :) Well, i could have graduated with you guys, but then, thesis is thesis and i failed the first thesis proposal. Oh well. :)

It was really hot in there, but it was great seeing all these people graduate. Makes me wonder if i will make it this October. :) I do hope so. :)

But it is kinda funny, after a moment of happiness, graduation is done and over with. And you are now officially graduates and officially part of the working force (if you are already employed). or just a professional bum. :) Just the same, it seems to quick, that the graduation's done and that's it. College seemed to have just started just a few months ago (when in fact it has been four years already) and now you guys are leaving me, a term ahead that is. :)hehe :) That means you are all great company to have made our stay seem so short. :) This is the same with high school batchmates. :)

2004-05-28T04:08:00.000-07:00

If you have time, and are reading this, check out another of my blogs, at http://qoamemories.blogspot.com. :)

2004-05-25T23:42:00.000-07:00

This is Drew, holding their "award-winning thesis". And i do hope that is it one during grad! :)

2004-04-09T22:33:00.000-07:00

Sorry if i have been "out" for a while. with Drew's domain out for a while, and with my current course load this term, i wasn't able to give much attention to blogging. Anyway, i'm back. :) well, for the time being. :)

i'm also sorry for not informing about this "down" thing for a while. :)

well, final exams start this coming monday. but hey, i am glad that for most of my subjects, i wouldn't be having one. :) i am just waiting for the evaluation on our thesis document, so that we could start working on it and submit it on course card day. :) this is really the only one most of us are waiting for, well for those taking up ITTHES1 i guess. :) and of course, there is the course card day thing on april 19, and the grad/"senior's" ball afterwards that same day. :o

I will be leaving for Canada this coming April 20 - yup, right after course card day. :) i can't wait! I miss Canada. :) Oh, and i am happy to announce that i've bought a digicam for myself, after saving for almost a year (thank God for the red money envelopes or "ang paos" that family, relatives and family friends gave to me throughout the past year.). I bought a Canon Powershot A80, of course, a photo of it would be good, but i can't upload it because i can't picture itself. anyway, just search for it at google. :) i am sure search results will pop up. :)

anyway, got to go! i have to look for a blouse/top for me to wear on grad ball. I just hope i find one today so that i don't have to worry during the rest of the week. :) tatah! :)

2004-02-28T07:16:00.000-08:00

i had something going on here. yup, i forgot to keep a copy of what i type into this, and of course, something went wrong and i lost it.

anyway, this is what i've "saved":::

I want to reach out
To a vast world
A world i don't really know
A world that i am living in

to be able to affect
and be an effect to other people
and i hope that it would be good
good for one and all

i want to be who i am
and being that way
be there for a world
full of happiness
yet full of sorrow
full of tomorrow
yet trapped by the past
full of opportunities
yet full of obstructions
full of everything
yet full of everything that is opposite it

I just don't know who i will be.
I am afraid of who i'll be
I am afraid of what i'll lost
friends, family, people that i love.

I have lost some people
i have lost good time
i have made wrong decisions
i have hurt myself, physically and emotionally
I drove myself crazy
i have done a lot of things
things that i both regret
and i guess i am also glad that happened
believing, in some little way,
that things happen
because they are meant to be

like meeting people
losing people
like joining something
leaving something
like making a choice
and living the consequences, good or bad.

even if i go on and on,
it would just be the same
but for once
i guess in a way
i can laugh again for a while
looking forward to a new day
a new day of beginnings
for me,
my thoughts,
my life,
my decisions,
for the world

and for everyone of us
as we live with one another
Sleeping or just waking up
from the deep slumber
of either ignorance or by decision

i just hope one day
i wake up
and find my purpose
so that i could serve people the better
and feel better
and make this world
a better place
though it would be a really big task
for both you and me.

2004-02-23T16:56:00.000-08:00

February 20, 2004

Well, I just had this thought in my mind, about people being pretentious, or well, it is rather that I think of it that way. But the funny thing is, I am also one of those pretentious person. Well, not always, but of course, the pretentious me comes out whenever I am with someone I am not that close to, and have to spend time with them for some time. Well, this thought, as I was writing it down was cut short when Eric arrived, telling me that we will be having a meeting with Ms. Wendy.

As I was spurred to write about this because I saw my old thesismate, one of whom I was able to spend one whole term of preparing a thesis proposal with and we failed (this is the same person in the group who took me in when my supposed-to-be thesismates took me out of the group). In a way, this is the only person in my old group that I am able to really talk to, with no feeling of enmity, or at least we are able to be just straight and frank. Actually, I don¡¦t feel that awkward with her; she is really nice to me, and do my best to be real and be nice to her as well (and actually, I can be nice to her. ƒº).

Well, at one point, when I was working with them on our proposal, as well as during our on-the-job training, I felt that they were somewhat pretentious, and I didn¡¦t want to be affected by them ¡V I don¡¦t want to be like them. At times, they are so simple-minded, they don¡¦t think thoroughly, and see complicated things to be so simple. But then, they do get to do what they are asked to do. (Actually, I don¡¦t know why I want to talk about this anyway ¡V to live on, to go on?) And of course, I didn¡¦t like the way they work. And of course the inevitable happened: I did leave their group, and joined this group, of which I ended up with Eric, as Eric and I did talk about one day during the first proposal stage and we were still with our then groupmates.

Well, I was in the lobby today, and like everyday, whenever I see her and my old groupmates, I just sort of think nothing of it. But then today, I chose to let my mind wander. I then wondered, ¡§She seems that she¡¦s doing okay. Good for her. Good for her groupmates.¡¨ She was with her friend, and she left for a while (by the way, I was just observing from another table, the one nearest the main doors to the faculty room). And I told myself, ¡§is she really feeling happy or that even if we are just both in the same situation, working on our thesis, is she really doing well, and not hating the situation she is in?¡¨ Well, my thoughts were sort of in that line and then I told myself, why am I even thinking about this. And I thought, ¡§Are they pretending, or is it I who is pretending?¡¨ Of course, I don¡¦t know the answer to the first part of the question, because I can¡¦t read her mind, and it is her business if she wants to pretend everything is alright. But then, to the second question, I can¡¦t say that I am pretending at all, but then, I feel that I could have been pretending in some way or another. I am not angry at them at all, but most of the time, I find myself wondering what would have things been if this scenario happened and such. I admit, that most of the times, whenever I am with people that I am not really that close with and have to spend time with, I end up being a little more pretentious that I should be. Pretentious so that I don¡¦t need to disclose things about me, or I pretend that I don¡¦t care at all, so that I can stay in my space, in silence, or so at times I wanted to be so.

Of course, when i am with the people I believe in, I love, or think I love, I just want to share my thoughts.

I just hate being pretentious, but then whenever I am with strangers, though most of the time I am sincere, there are times that I just can¡¦t help pretending in some way or another, even if I don¡¦t really want to. You know, you end up pretending to be or to be doing something or being not someone or being not doing something, even in small doses, the small doses that we try to rationalize would be for the good for ourselves, and for others. But at times, I regret having done so. I just wish that I can be true to myself, and to others, all the way. But then, the fear of rejection still comes into my mind. And I end up trying to please people, when I spent most of my years growing up trying to fight the feeling of having to please people, especially those that have been stopping from such a stubborn and liberal person that I am. You can say that I am a rebel. But the truth is, all these years, I am very confused of myself, or rather, I am confused or think I feel confused or doubtful of how I can be so sure of myself. Yeah, I think this is the right thought¡K Well I hope it is. I just am typing down whatever is in my mind right now.

Actually, it has been a long time since I have last typed this long of a document or journal. I have been usually been writing about my day, almost like a diary, with the intimate details stripped away, and all the daily routine boring details are left. Well, I always have these thoughts in my mind that I really want to write about, but then these thoughts usually come about whenever I am doing something else, and can¡¦t be bothered to write about it at once, or it is just I am plain walking, or on my way to sleep, or I just don¡¦t have pen and paper. But today, I wrote about what is really in my mind, no stopping myself about that. I guessed watching ¡§You¡¦ve Got Mail¡¨, starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, kind of spurred the feeling of writing ¡V with all the typing and communication they have been doing, and all those they are typing their thoughts down and you can hear what they are thinking and is typing. Yeah, I think this is just it, but I really did write something this morning. ƒº

Anyway, I did go to University of Sto. Tomas today, for this thing in theology class. Well, I went and thought I would see somebody that I know who studies there. Lucky me, I saw Jennilyn Chua and Diane Maquilan. They kept me company, after I moved away from Arcy, Christian and JL for a while, and when I parted from Arcy, Christian and JL because the four of us have to go, they accompanied me to where Achi said I should meet them so that they could pick me up and we could go home. It was somewhere along Lacson Ave, and a BPI branch to which Jenny and Diane accompanied me to and kept me company until Achi came. I am thankful that they were there, and having taken the time to keep me company and enjoy each others presence. In a way, I felt guilty or ashamed for having to have them still accompany me. I know, in a way, I should. I am really guilty. But then, if I hadn¡¦t, in some way, I wouldn¡¦t have been able to talk with them some more. Because when we were walking towards the BPI branch, we were talking and enjoying our company. Actually, I did really enjoy being around them. ƒº

Oh, well, I can say that I am happy and glad that things went that way, though I did wish that I had asked Kuya Gudo or asked to be fetched a little later so that I can spend more time with Diane and Jenny, but then, in some ways, it would just be the same. ƒº (in just some ways, okay? ƒº) But of course, there is the assignments and projects that I have to worry about tomorrow, as well as the thesis documents that I have to finish, that we have to finish, but well of course, the thesis part that is assigned to me that I have to finish by Monday so that we can be done with it, meet about it, discuss any needed changes to it, and get on with other things at hand so that we can submit on the 25th of February ¡V the first deliverable for our ITTHES1.

Okay, gotta go. There are ¡§pins pricking my legs¡¨ ¡V my legs are numb with the laptop being on top of my lap.

2004-02-07T07:38:00.000-08:00

I wonder if people are still reading. but then at times, who cares...

anyway, it is just that it has been some time when i last blogged. i guess at the moment, i am just plain bored or just don't have anything to do.

2004-01-20T16:56:00.000-08:00

My sister and I had a fight last night. Of course, words can hurt as well. Well, i think she is still somewhat angry at me today. It's not that i don't mind, but then, i am not making a big deal out of it, and am just keeping my cool. So far, i think i don't feel anything against her. And i am glad i am handling myself and my emotions well. I don't end up feeling bad. :) Because i know i didn't made a big deal out of it. :) Of course, i wouldn't be telling what we were fighting about. :) Ohh. ;)

I really missed blogging. :) It has been a while since i last blogged, well, not including the occasional posts here. :) anyway, am just waiting for somebody else. Acutally, i am in school right now, with my laptop. i really don't have MWF classes, and we don't have any thesis group meeting today, but i just want to come to school so that, in a way, i won't be asked to run errands and in a way, just spend time all by myself. But i did come to school for important matters as well, such as photocopying needed reading materials for some of my subjects. :) So I am in school for the right reasons. :)

Anyway, til the next blog. ;)

2004-01-18T21:01:00.000-08:00

Hay.... Life. :) Yes, school just started last January 7. Well, so far, we are trying to busy ourselves with our thesis, though we can't really do so because we have to make some more decisions with regards with what the company wants and such.

Anyway, i am really glad that i am somewhat able to cope with my emotions. A big step up for me again ever since i started feeling being in an emotional rollercoaster ride during the past year. But anyway, now, i am still doing my best to cope, but at least i am coping better.

Right now, my only goal is to get pass this afternoon, waiting for my groupmates before we go to the company later, by 6pm. :) Glad that i bought reading materials, just in case i won't get to borrow Pat's laptop anymore. :) Ciao!

2004-01-03T05:35:00.000-08:00

What Classic Movie Are You?

from Che

What Famous Leader Are You?

from Che

2003-12-13T04:00:00.000-08:00

As of this date, a person I call by the name Aunt Haydee passed away. Before I go on with the details, I would like to say how much she means to every one of us whose life she had touched, one way or another. She is a family friend, friend of my parents, to whom I had the pleasure of being able to call an aunt as well as a friend. There are things in life that I wasn¡¦t able to share to others, but to which I have shared with her. I have always felt loved and at peace when I am around her. And she always made sure that my birthdays were celebrated. She would always ask somebody to bring over cakes to celebrate my birthday. She started doing so when our families met and even up to my college days. It only stopped last year, when she started going to the hospital. But then, she never stopped to show that she cared, because she would constantly send these beautiful text messages almost everyday. Our families enjoyed a lot of vacations together. And we do enjoy being with them. It is really an honor to have met them in our lifetime. And I admit, I like going to their place to visit them, whenever my parents do go there. And I did promise her, she will be a ¡§ninang¡¨ or principal sponsor on my wedding day. Well, I guess it won¡¦t get to happen.

Well, I guess I have to start from the beginning. My parents, of course, met the Rabos, I guess, as members of the Lions Club. I don¡¦t know much about that, but then, a while after that, both families went to vacations to other countries together: Hong Kong, Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, Japan, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and US. I was always first seated with Vlamir, but then since I would always pinch him, ¡§hurt¡¨ him, they made it a point that I be seated with Girlie. Well, I guess, since then I am usually with Girlie during family travels, in the tour bus, and sometimes as room mates. I can¡¦t gauge my closeness with Girlie, but I know that I was able to share my problems with her as well, and she always listened and was there to give me sound advices, as Aunt Haydee also did.

Both families don¡¦t get to meet much when not traveling together, but we do meet up once in a while, whenever mutual friends are around and such. Of course, there are also the debuts of Heidilyn, Hershey, Girlie to which we were always invited. Vlamir¡¦s as well. We were also invited to some of their immediate family¡¦s celebrations. Well, I can say that we are made somewhat to feel to be ¡§family¡¨. In some ways, both families helped each other. Oh, I even remembered going over to their place one time, and there was this small ¡§bahay kubo¡¨ and we would play inside there, ¡§bahay-bahayan¡¨ or so I remember of my childhood.

And of course, what I remember the most of Aunt Haydee in all those times shared with their family is that we are always welcomed. She always had this ready smile. She is a humble, kind, and loving person. I know a lot of people who can attest to that. She lived and enjoyed life. She believed in the goodness in people. And she loved her family very much. And I know she loved us as well. I sure did feel it because for me, she never forgot to make the people she love feel it.

This is why I wanted her to be part of my life in the future, and therefore promising her that she will be a ¡§ninang¡¨ or principal sponsor when I do get married, which would be a very special day in my life that I would really love enjoying with her and their family. She really wanted me to be slimmer, because she wanted me to be fit, healthy, and of course, probably in the end, find a good guy to marry. It is not that guys are very much that people liked people physically, it is just that, they need to see something that gets their attention, after which they will do their best to get to know after they are able to find out more of the, in this case, the girl. And I guess it can be the same way with girls as with choosing guys. She did say that she wants to be my ninang once I find the guy, of course, after slimming down. At that time, both families were in Hong Kong, and I just kind of agreed with her proposition, well, glad in a way that she really wants to be there for me when I do get married, though I am not really resolute in going on a diet or something like that. I think it was by that time I promised her. I guess I was already in college already, probably in my second year. I only got to dieting during my third year in college, when my mom made sure that I go to the gym by getting me a personal trainer, and in going through a diet given to me by another family friend, Venice. Well, Aunt Haydee was able to witness me losing 30 pounds, and I am glad that she was able to share that time with us. I know she was happy seeing and knowing I lost some weight. And I am, in a way, happy too.

Of course, the time did come when she had to go through surgery to take out a kidney. I was so afraid then, but of course, I am really glad that she got through that. But it would only take a year or less, before these tumors came around, and in the end, made her body so weak. During this time, while she was still strong, she never stopped forwarding beautiful and inspiring text messages. At those times, I would sometimes feel and think that she has a lot of time texting, probably she was bored and not doing much, and at times, did wish that she not text everyday. And of course, time went by and at one point she stopped forwarding messages. I didn¡¦t really notice that she stopped texting until I learned from my parents that tumors were found in her body, and that she in undergoing treatment, chemotherapy. It was then that I started worrying, and praying to God that He take care of her. As of June 18, 2003, I reminded her of my promise that she will be my ninang when I do get married, and she replied, ¡§Promise yan ha ƒº¡¨; I still have and do keep that text message in my SIM¡¦s inbox. From then on, we would visit her at the hospital, during chemo sessions. We would also visit her at their home, bring over food she might need that might be hard to find. I would always want to go and visit her.

October this year, she left to seek treatment in US, but then came back a month after. The doctors gave her a month, that it is better she came home here in the Philippines to be with her family. But it was since then that her health took a turn for the worst. And since then, she didn¡¦t really want much visitors. And since then, I can only hear much from my parents, who can only hear as much from other family members of the Rabo family.

And today, I woke up late, during noon. After eating lunch, I was asked to bring over feeding tubes that my parents have asked to be brought over from the US, sent over by my cousin, through Federal Express for Aunt Haydee. I changed my clothes and left as soon as I can. In the car, I prayed to God to help us, take care of us, and keep us strong. I have always prayed for Aunt Haydee and their family. When I arrived at the hospital, I wasn¡¦t really expecting to see Girlie outside the room, but there she was, with Vlamir and the doctor, I think, talking about Aunt Haydee¡¦s condition, when I arrived by Aunt Haydee¡¦s hospital room¡¦s door. Of course, I heard what was being discussed, that they¡¦ll try and do what they can, if not, to let her rest. When the doctor left, it was then that I heard about Aunt Haydee¡¦s condition. She can¡¦t move her body anymore, that her body was swollen to the point that she can¡¦t feel any pain anymore when she was injected. (I heard before that she would throw up and have mouth sores during treatment, but that was because of the chemo. Of course, it is hard just to hear that, what more to see a love one go through that.) That she was crying last night. Vlamir said that her eyes were yellowish, and that most of the tubes inserted in Aunt Haydee were taken out, except for one that was on Aunt Haydee¡¦s hand. Vlamir did most of the talking; Girlie was already crying then. At that time, I can¡¦t stop myself from crying. It was a shock; I didn¡¦t expect it to be that worse. I told myself before, she probably didn¡¦t want people to see her because they would just pity her, but then now I think she didn¡¦t want people to visit her because she didn¡¦t want them to go through ¡§pain¡¨, in an emotional sense. Of course, I would have wanted to go in, but I just felt that it was not proper to do so at that time. I hugged Girlie, and told them that I always prayed for Aunt Haydee, and Vlamir said that miracles can still happen. I told them that I¡¦ll be going, and Vlamir insisted on walking me to the elevator, I told him, ¡§go back inside. I can go by myself. Aunt Haydee needs the both of you more now.¡¨ And with that, I left as they want back in to the room.

I walked to the elevator, crying. And I continued doing so as I was in the car, on the way home. I did pray, ¡§God, I don¡¦t want to sound bad, but please take care of Aunt Haydee. Take away her pain, take her.¡¨. While in the car, I know that death was inevitable. When I arrived home, I went ahead to tell how things were with Aunt Haydee. After that, I just took a bath and watched TV. It took my mind off the idea of death for a while. TV did entertain me for a while so as not to think of Aunt Haydee¡¦s imminent death. I know, it sounds pathetic, but I did feel as if nothing happened; I just watched TV, though I would occasionally remember Aunt Haydee and would mutter a short prayer. I had been crying while in the hospital, in the car, when I told my mom of what I heard, and while I was taking a bath. I cried, and it made my head ache. I felt guilty while watching TV, but then, I just watched TV.

It was around 10pm something when I heard from my sister that Aunt Haydee passed away. Uncle Willie, the husband of Aunt Melissa who is Aunt Haydee¡¦s sister, texted my dad around 8pm. By that time, I was shocked. I didn¡¦t expect it to be so soon. Christmas was just around the corner. How about Hanie? How about her being my ninang? I didn¡¦t cry, though I did shed tears once I got to process what I heard. I told my brother, and he was surprised as well. My sister said, ¡§Life is really so short. Everything went so fast. Why so fast? Why so soon?¡¨ I also felt that way. But then, at that time, I didn¡¦t really know what I felt. I texted my best friend about this. I feel pathetic for just watching TV, Kate and Leopold, after I heard that. But then, what am I to do, sulk? I know that I have to grieve as well, but I just didn¡¦t know how to react just yet. Her death was so sudden; we knew that it was coming, but we didn¡¦t expect it to be today. As I said, we didn¡¦t expect it to be so soon.

But I guess, we can¡¦t put life, or death, on hold. We cannot stop death, nor life. As the line goes, ¡§Life goes on¡¨ It seems that here in our home, nobody cried, except for me, but then I guess we are all crying in the inside.

I don¡¦t know why I am writing this, but then I think this is my way of grieving, of helping me to cry and letting it all out, of moving on. I think Aunt Haydee would not want me to grieve and not let go of her. I wrote this because I don¡¦t want to forget her, because I want to grieve, because I want to let go, because I want to remember her and how she¡¦s been there for me and a lot of others when she lived, because I want to share how she became a part of me, of how she is and who she is to me, and because I want to share the passing of an extraordinary and dear person, who has touched the hearts of those who knew her and have become a part of her life, as she became a part of our lives.

I told myself, ¡§I am going to write a letter for Aunt Haydee since she didn¡¦t want visitors. In this way, I can tell her how much we love her even if we weren¡¦t there beside her right there and then.¡¨ But then, I did not get to write that letter, and now it¡¦s too late. But I guess, it is not too late to write this, for her love ones, and for those who are to read this. I think I know she already knows what¡¦s in this already. And I know God will take good care of her, and that she¡¦s already with him, watching over us all with God. May she rest in peace. Goodbye Aunt Haydee. We really love you.

2003-12-12T08:52:00.000-08:00

We passed IT-RESM! Yippee!! :) Got our course card for this today. :) I also had my POLIGOV final exam today. I feel kinda afraid that i might get a low grade in this final exam, but i know i did my best in reviewing, in answering the multiple choice questions as well as the essay questions. :) i am worrying, but then i have to remind myself that it is already my last day of final exams today, so better not make it worse for myself. :)

2003-12-08T20:48:00.000-08:00

Once and again
As always
In the deep pit of consciousness
Aware of what's in my mind
Of what's in my heart as well

Afraid of my thoughts
Afraid of my feelings
Frightened of the downward spiral
I must go through again
Despite holding myself up
Running away from all of these

Self-realization
I cannot face
though i can't hide from
And that is why it hurts so
Without even trying to fight

If i can just look out of the window
Watch the clouds go by
in the blue sky
And as that happens
for tears full of emotion
To empty this soul of mine

How i wish
I can die in this deep pit
Drowning from the tears
that i long to come to me
during my sleep

To look forward to a new day
Or to look back into the past
For in the present
With this unknown emotion
Or could it be what's real
Of me that wishes
to die
or to drain away this
so wakeful consciousness

2003-11-27T23:13:00.000-08:00

Wow.... So far, i am doing well. Well, i think and feel that i am. Despite having to go back and forth to our test bet company, BAR or Bureau of Agricultural Research, i am glad that we are getting something. Eric and I really hope that our thesis project, the EDMS (Electronic Document Management System) will help them, i mean really help the organization. I am really glad that Eric became my thesis mate as well. Well, i can't say that we really work that well very much with each other, but at least we are comfortable working with each other and i can be who i am while i work. :) I did thank him for being a good groupmate and thesismate (whenever we would need to go interview somebody in the company, he would always go over our place to pick me up, go to the company, then drive us to school. And whenever we work on the thesis proposal, we understand each other and we try to help each other. So far, he hasn't really shouted at me. He's been very patient. In the group, i think it is Eric and I who understand each other better. :) and i guess we work best together. :)). He told me after i thanked him, "anytime". :) And he said that it was probably meant to be, that God has a reason, that we left our old group. You see, i was out of Genina's group, transferred to Bic's group but then feeling unsure and uncommunicative as well as unable to understand them i have to leave them as well, which landed me to being groupmates with Malcolm, after which finding out that Eric himself moved out of their group and at which time i contacted him at once if he wants to join me and Malcolm and he said sure. :) We, Eric and I, planned to be groupmates if we plan to move out of our respective groups during our first IT-RESM proposal course if we want to, which we both failed. :) When i asked him right after our failing IT-RESM, he didn't say anything yet, and told me that he needed time to think. But then, who would have thought that our plan to be groupmates would be possible, and that we are now groupmates. :) He said that everything is destined, intertwined with the choices that we make and God's reasons on why these things happen to us. :) Well, so far, for me, i am glad and happy and comfortable that we are groupmates, because so far, we have been doing much of the work together and we seem to be comfortable and that we understand each other when we talk about the project. :) Well, i guess he is right that things are meant to be, and we are both glad that we can be groupmates, that our paths did cross and can work together. :)

I did go through a "down" phase just of late, and i am somewhat able to get a hold of myself, so i think that is good. :) RIght now, i feel okay. Though just this morning, i was really sleepy and i still have this throbbing headache at the back of my head. I dunno. Probably because i have been sleeping late lately. :o

When i was walking along inside school, i sort of felt glad, in some way, especially when i saw my best friend's cousin Mariane. :) and of course, i remembered Daph. :) and i remember a text message she sent me just recently and i tell myself as i look up to the sky with a smile, "I am glad that my friends are still there, that Daph is still there for me. I am still surrounded by the people i love and that loves me. Why should i bring myself to feel down over one person when there are a lot of other people who loves me more? Shouldn't i be happy and cherish my time with them?" :) Here's the text message: "If you are feeling and you think nobody's there to support, listen or show they care for you, just save this message and everytime you read it, it will remind you that a part of me is always with you... " And i do feel that she's been with me always, as she always reminded me that God is always with me as well. :) And that's caused me to smile more, because i remember more people like you guys who are there for me as well, always a part of my life. :)

2003-11-23T23:00:00.000-08:00

I look at my hands
I look at my feet
And i wonder
"Where am I going?"
"What am I to do with my life?"

Where does my life lead?
What am I thinking this way?
When one needs to live one's life
Without measuring up to others
Especially when it is on what one feels for oneself.

And i look back down at my hands
And i look back down at my feet
And wonder again where i must go
And then i look up
And continue to stare
Hoping that i can find an answer
to questions i keep having in my mind
and of feelings and qualms i always have.

--we always like listening about other people's lives, and marvel at how they went through life, and we don't even look at our lives the same way.

2003-11-13T04:48:00.000-08:00

Yes! We passed our IT-RESM, with revisions though! :) But that's alright. :) We still one week left to finish the revisions!
Oh no! :o We have just finished writing a letter to tell the Director of BAR to allow us to conduct further interviews and such. Oh, i just hope all goes well. BAR's IT department is willing to back us up, which is a good thing. :)

It's sad: i don't get to watch the PASICATCHAN tonight. I remember watching it last year because I promised Jo Yao. :)

Well, here's a poem i wrote while in the car on the way home:::

The raindrops on the window
Remind me of the tears that i've shed
shed over things in the world
a world that includes you

And i look through these eyes
In some way up to now
Unclear and distorted
Feeling what i have felt when we're together

And i feel dizzy
thinking about you
just as i feel sick
inside a fast car

I know that i shouldn't be thinking of you
but in the deepest of nights
when i am left alone to think
you come into my mind

Just like cars and people i passed by
i go after something
that i know very much
is out of my reach

I yearn for something
that can never come back
that can never be again
that will not be the same.

Change, we have to always face
To admit to ourselves and realize
that the world we think of is hard to have
especially if we don't have the people that we love

And i go dizzy agin
just thinking of all of these and you
Hoping that once again
I can be right beside you
when i felt everything is great
just being with you.

For what does a fool like me
have to do in times like this
over a lost love
and in search of oneself

To look forward to something
that is obviously out of the question
that is obviously not as it should be
Because you are you and i am me.

But it hurts much so
when you know i need you
when i cry out
and you move away...

it makes me want to hurt myself
wanting to either wake myself up
or end the uncertainty
that is eating me away

2003-11-09T19:05:00.000-08:00

We will be having our IT-RESM defense at 2-230pm this afternoon. I really hope we pass this term. :o

I heard and had already congratulated Nikki's group as well as Cha R., Cha E., and Marla. :) I am glad to hear that they passed IT-RESM. I hope and pray that we do pass as well. :o

Will blog you guys the outcome. :o

2003-10-24T21:15:00.000-07:00

As I grow older

As I grow a year older
Neither did I grow instantly to consciousness
Of the world around me
Nor did I find out the answer
To life’s questions.

I went through my day
As if in confusion
Both happy and sad
Clear-headed
Yet straining to wake up
From a headache and a nightmare

It doesn’t matter if I grow
With each passing minute
Each passing hour,
Each passing day,
Each passing month
Or each year

I may still end up
Thinking and feeling
Like a child
And also at the same time
Thinking and feeling like an adult

But I am neither
Or is it that I am either?
For we never grow up
From being children
And we never grow up enough
To be an adult

I may have a different perception
Of life today
As I know did realize
And I guess it will continue on
Until my life ends

It is just that I hope to realize more things
Make much more of my life
Do more things that I can
For me,
For those that I love
And For those that will be affected
By the actions I make,
The emotions I feel and share
And the thoughts that I make into deeds.

2003-10-22T05:37:00.000-07:00

Ikaw talaga Drew. :) But thanks for the guestbook entry. :)

2003-10-18T22:17:00.000-07:00

October 18, 2003 Saturday 1008pm

Here I am again, all with my mind running around and thinking of things. And I have this sudden urge to just want to hit something, more or less just to get this “energy” out of my body. Anyway, I have been working hard on my self-control, so I wouldn’t let this get me.

I don’t know what will happen with the thesis, but I hope we pass this time around. And of course, next week is midterm week, so things are kind of piling up a bit. But anyway, I just hope that we be able to work through all these. And then the next week would be defense week. Yikes! Just a little time for us to talk with the LASSO thing for the thesis. We are changing from Wireless applications to CRM to Workflow to Document Management System. Woo… I just hope we are doing the right thing.

Just this morning, we went to bring my ninong or godfather to his final resting place at Himlayang Pilipino at Tandang Sora. On the way to the cemetery, I reflected, and thank God. God is so great that he made sure that we are living together with the people that we love so that we wouldn’t be alone through times of happiness and sorrow, so that people that we love will be there for us to give us strength, support and love. I mean, aside from relatives, our parents have their friends, and we have our own set of friends. And our friends have their friends. God made sure that we are not alone whatever happens; the only thing that can stop us from having friends is when we shut these good people out of our lives. Every person we meet is done for a purpose, both for the person and for ourselves. I meet, I can only meet one unique you, as you meet me, and when you meet another person, or if I meet another person, though there are similarities with the people that we meet and in ourselves, there are still differences that make us so much unique because of the way we see things, of the way we act, of how we handle things, of how we believe would be. For instance, there is only one Drew, and even if I find somebody who is in a lot of ways like Drew, but then Drew is Drew, and nothing can change that. And the friendship and experiences with Drew will be distinctively something that Drew and I share. Unbelievable, but believe it. In all my 21 years in the world, it took me this long to see this. This “discovery”, for me, makes me want to cherish my friendships/relationships more, especially those relationships that are still going on for long and of which I have kept alive, with friends, relatives, acquaintances. These people will surely affect you one way or another; you may forget about it, but it has affected you in some way and molded you into who you are.

Anyway, I got to get back to translating this dialogue of ours (Jo and I) for our Elemfre midterms. And I do need to finish reading Bits and Pieces, and then doing mine and Jo’s group assignment for JPRIZAL (on Philippine History and Jose Rizal). :)

2003-10-17T05:32:00.000-07:00

I enjoy staying in Drew and the gang's project room. :) It's quiet there when nobody's around, and it is cheerful there when you guys are around. :) Well, right now, things are still going smooth. :) I just hope that i can continue hanging out there. :) Well, i do stay at Jo's project room as well, although i know i am not allowed into anybody's project room. :)

So far, this week is okay. :) And i find out that i can better control my temper lately. :) Thank God for that. :) And i continue to pray to God everyday. :)

Hello to all! :)

2003-10-12T02:45:00.000-07:00

October 11, 2003 Saturday 1133pm

I have just finished watching “A Beautiful Mind”, starring Russell Crowe as Nobel Prize winner John Nash and Jennifer Connelly as Alicia Nash. As my sister did say, it is a good movie. I am especially “affected” or touched by Alicia’s strength, and on her love and faith that things we go alright with her husband all through those years as he fought with schizophrenia and on seeing “people” around him. Alicia could have left her husband but she didn’t. She had the strength, even if she didn’t know what may happen in the future; she had faith and believed that everything will go alright in the end. She trusted that everything will work out not just for her husband, but for everyone else as well. She just believed, even as she went through what each of us would call a very emotionally draining experience. But despite all those, she got through them all. And the same thing with her husband as well, for his love for her made him do his best to get better, and to see things which are true in reality. It was their love, and their commitment; they were afraid, but despite this, they went through these together; even if they were given opportunities/circumstances/situations to leave each other, they chose to stay by each other’s side. A salute to people like John Nash and Alicia Nash.

And then I ended up thinking about my fears about the future. Will I be able to survive what may come in the future? Will I be able to handle the problems/temptations that may come my way? Will I be able to trust God still by then? Will I be able to serve the Lord and others throughout my lifetime? Will I be doing something that will be of service and of importance and benefit to everybody? Will I be doing something good? I know I may sound like I am trying to please everybody else, but then, I am really afraid if what I chose to do with my life will be of meaning not just for me, but also if what I do will be for the better of all.

I prayed to God. I know, in my “problems” during the past year, I never did mention God. All I did was rant and blabber about this certain person, and on how I felt lost and such. I didn’t talk to God; I didn’t turn to him for help, even when somebody pointed out to me that I am trusting everything, my happiness and self-worth included, to another person who is as imperfect as I am, and who is also prone to go through the same situation that I am in right now. He said, this friend of mine, that I am putting my trust on a weak foundation, on something that cannot give me what I need: peace, joy, contentment. At that time, I was adamant; I didn’t want to listen at all, though I did, but then I didn’t really that much about it.

I continued to feel bad about myself, especially since I ended up on thinking and thinking of why this person wouldn’t talk to me. I kept to asking myself, “Why? What did I do to this person? Why doesn’t this person talk to me? Is there something wrong with me?” At those times, I am thankful for those people around me who are willing and brave enough to point out things for me – my best friend Daphne, Drew, Arcy, Patrick Tan. Anyway, I kept asking this questions, and each time I did, my feelings of inferiority and anxiety just exploded into something so big that I can’t handle it anymore. I thought of killing myself. There would be this urge to just get a knife and just cut my wrist. I did attempt to do so by first starting out with my thumb, but the thing is, I just can’t do it yet. So what I did, so that I wouldn’t hurt myself in some way, I would put my “knife” away from me, although knowing where it is, I would just put it somewhere away from me, go to my bed, put my hands under the pillow that my head will be lying on, and sleep. I would always sleep, and continue to do so for almost 5 months.

In those five months, I started seeing the guidance counselor during the 3rd month(January 2003). (Right now, I don’t know why I am discussing this, even if this is just a journal of mine.) I didn’t really plan to go to him (the guidance counselor). I met up with him during December 2002, when I just found out that I had no thesis mates anymore since I was dropped out of the group; I was already feeling so down then. Anyway, during January 2003, at the start of school, I did share to him that I did find a new thesis group, and shared to him about my losing or being dropped out of the thesis group and about my getting all-attached to this person and feeling so down because this person doesn’t talk to me at all. He probably saw signs that I was going through something difficult and, I guess, dangerous because he told me at once that I set an appointment with him, for consultation. I did, with the support of my friends – Arcy, Drew and the gang (Cheryl, Carlo, Ellen and the others); even my best friend, if I remember it right, didn’t say anything against my seeing the counselor.

Well, I guess the counseling went as it should. I shared and we (the counselor and I) tried to find out why I am feeling that way. He even pointed out to me that I am protecting this person, and that in a way, I making it harder for myself. He asked me, “How long do you plan to get this going? When will you let this person go? When will let this feeling go? What are you going to do about it, about what you are feeling, about your relationship with this person?” Well, one of my answers is that I will see what happens during the next 5 months, during my practicum; it was a good plan, since I wouldn’t be seeing this person as much and such. I told him that this would be a good way to assess it my friendship with “this person” will go on despite time and distance; I mean, i went through this same problem with my best friend, thinking that I might lose her if we don’t talk as much, and if we are separated, but then after a year of being away from her, I found out that we were and are able to still be friends, and even found out that our relationship didn’t deteriorate despite being far away from each other and only being able to talk once a while. In fact, our relationship somewhat grew and strengthened; can I use the word “matured”? He said that it was a start. And so I continued seeing the counselor during classes that third term, and I think my appointment was during Friday mornings.

Well, of course, life went on. I went to the OJT. And we (me and this friend) seeing each other more than once. I didn’t stop myself if I wanted to talk to this person; I just let things go on naturally. And I am glad I did. Since then, I’ve been pretty “stable”, if I may call it that. Well, I was able to control a little of my thoughts, my wandering mind, my anxiety – I would usually end up, even up until now, trying to rationalize things, thinking of what may happen if I didn’t do something and such; I am still obsessive compulsive, and think of thoughts that bother me over and over again in my mind. Right now, I do my best to push those bothering thoughts aside if I think it’s not important at all. So far I’ve been able to do so, but of course, it would come back and back, since I am just suppressing/repressing it at the same time. And things are going okay with me and this person.

I am glad that Daphne, my best friend, constantly reminded me of God. She also recommended good books, one of which I am still reading, in my 34th day already (The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren; the other is The Prayer of Jabez by Bruce Wilkinson.). And I coming to meet and get to know God again. And I am glad I able to talk with God again. It’s like I have been cut off from him for so long, almost 3-4 years; there was a point in my life that I felt that I am becoming agnostic, and I guess I started feeling it last year, around October as well.

And back to my fears: of what will happen to me after I graduate, of what I can do with my limited skills that I got from college. I still feel that I am still not ready to graduate. I mean, I want to graduate already, but I don’t think that my skills are ready or that I didn’t make the best out of my stay in college to hone my skills. What will I become? I think I am not only one thinking about this, as I have already shared this questions with some friends, and they said that I shouldn’t be worrying about thinking this way since they are also thinking about the same thing. I mean, a lot of us are wondering what will be happening to us; a lot of us don’t want to work under Information Technology, we want to do something else, something that is near to our heart. Well, there are others who do want to work already, for their own reasons and/or the circumstances that they are currently in.

Still, I don’t know what God’s purpose for me is. Well, it will take time, I know, but I hope that I will be able to find out soon so that I can do it. I still want to grow in Him. But I really do need to make and take the initiative. It’s the only way, because it depends on me, on my choices, if I will do things for Him or for myself.

I hope that I don’t sound like I am trying to be a miss goody-goody. And I don’t even know why I am sharing this. Guess I just want to make a point that I am doing something about my search for myself, for my meaning/purpose in life, and for my God and my relationship with God. The questions in the second paragraph, I don’t really know how to answer, but I did share these with God, and I just hope and pray that I will be able to go through, to survive, any problem that God brings my way, that I don’t lose faith in him, especially in times that I feel that I am losing hope and that everything is crumbling down into nothing. I hope that I don’t turn and run away from God, but instead run towards Him and ask Him for help. I really did ask Him that, and right now, I am praying that He helps me not to lose faith in Him, that He make me see Him in everything in life, even in the small things and in nature. For me, this is the way to go so that I will learn to appreciate the small things in life, and to appreciate what God is doing for us as well by being able to live every single day, even if we are uncertain of our future. I can’t take away the fear still, but I guess it will help remind me that I must trust God in everything, and that despite this fear of mine, that He will always be there for me. Though God wasn’t “shown” in “A Beautiful Mind”, it showed what we can achieve with love, not just for ourselves, but for others. For from love comes trust and all else follows, which includes service to others, and the strength to live on and a lot of others. Rememember, God is Love. :)

** I guess, even I didn’t name the name of “this person”, it would be in some way obvious who the person is . :) But still, I don’t want to share that anymore, because things are going okay. And the above sharing is written because I just wanted to get it off my chest as well. And I feel quite fine being able to write it or type it down, so that I can share it to anybody who wants to read it. In a way, it is my way of giving the true events in my life, the truth. I didn’t divulge everything, but almost everything. It is my life experience. And I want to be honest, not just to myself, but to God and to others as well. I want to be honest to those who are reading this, and I want them to know who I really am. I don’t want to hide anymore, though I still am hiding in a way, but I guess I am working on being not afraid of what others think and just live my life because I want to do something worthwhile for the life of the people I can touch and that God be happy with what I am doing for Him, for others and for myself.

Good night! 1:00 AM. October 12, 2003 Sunday

2003-10-05T22:31:00.000-07:00

I still think about what will happen after college. Will I get a good job? Will I get paid? Will I be able to do it? These fears, and then the fear of what will happen to our thesis proposal. As of this coming Saturday, we should already have submitted a draft of our thesis proposal. San Miguel, supposedly our test bet company, wouldn’t give us information, and it would be really hard to keep on pursuing on that. I just hope we get to submit something on time. I will ask my thesismates that we talk with Ms. Tangkeko, and to do something about this, that they go find a company tomorrow. We really need to. Even if I can’t go with them.

I am still hiding
Still afraid of what others think of me
And my mind wanders off
And thoughts come into my mind
Thoughts that I have to brush away

Even God said
That it would be hard to change
It will be a constant struggle
A struggle to win over something
That you sure you don’t want to take over you

Breathing in
Breathing out
Still breathing
Breathing my first?
Breathing my last?

Faith, be strong
Love, be true
Me, be who you are
Learn to face the truth
And stand high despite all else

2003-10-03T03:24:00.000-07:00

October 2, 2003

It’s surprising on how things happen. Now knowing for sure that my dad has dengue, well, I am worried of course. Ever since I was told that he needs to be confined in the hospital, I started to worry though not that much since I really tried to think positively, that he will get better.

But I am thankful that I have friends who are willing to donate blood, and if they can’t, are there to support and pray for us. :)

Well, just this Tuesday, I also had a mini-accident. Well, I got a scratch at my right knee. Well, it hurts when I walk, but at least I can still walk. I did also get some scratches on my right arm, but I think it is only minimal. But I do feel my body aching. I just hope I don’t feel and get worst and that my dad’s condition gets better.

2003-09-30T02:39:00.000-07:00

Hope La Salle wins today's game against Ateneo. :)

2003-09-28T07:08:00.000-07:00

Went for a swim at Grace Village's swimming pool with my sis this morning. It was okay. :) Just shows that i am truly unfit. :) But then, we plan to go back again next Sunday. :)

Well, my sis and I got this sunburn. :) But the thing is, hers is worst. I mean, we both got in and out of the pool together, but then her sunburn affects her more than it does to me. :0 Her skin is so sensitive to the sun, ever since she got this really bad sunburn at Boracay. We had to put on aloe vera over her sunburned skin so that she could get relief.

Anyway we were thinking of buying Ultimate Cheese Pizza at Pizza Hut at that time, but then, when we got there, the store was still close; it was around 1030am. So, we just bought some wheat and rye bread nearby. Yummy! Not bad for a small store. :)

Well, i just spent the rest of the afternoon watching tv and checking some stuff on the net.

I called by bestfriend by 6pm and we talked for a while, for 30 minutes i guess. :) Well, she is pretty quiet today, but then i guess it is because she is tired after having a rough week; sleeping late finishing tons of papers. Well, we would always have those times when we both talk a lot, when one of us just does most of the talking or both of us not talking much at all but still not hanging up. I guess it is just one of those days that i am the one talking much more and she is listening and taking a rest. :)

Well, my dad has a fever. I hope he gets well soon. :0

2003-09-25T20:50:00.000-07:00

Wooh... been downloading updates for windows xp since this morning, as well as downloading a lot of other stuff. Oh well... hope it ends soon. I need to get to IT-RESM class.

2003-09-20T19:50:00.000-07:00

Hmm... The second week of school was okay. :) I did enjoy philosophy class as well as elementary french class. :) well, orient3 was okay. we did some talking and presentation. JPRIZAL is kinda a little boring except for the stories that our professor tell, and Poligov is kinda okay, but not really that interesting yet.

So far, i guess i am still doing fine. Well, the only thing that i am really "worried" about is the thesis proposal that we have to come up with. But we are currently looking into web CMS or content management system. :) Actually, i am researching on it now. We will be going to meet one of the companies that Eric and I went to leave a letter to this Wednesday because they are going to talk with us. I just hope that it would be a good enough project so that we could propose it. :)

Other than that, i guess i enjoyed my week, except that i always feel sleepy. :)

I am reading the book The Purpose Driven Life, by Rick Warren, and am currently on Day 14. :) You only read one chapter a day for forty days. But so far, i am learning more about God day by day. :) I make it a point to read each chapter daily. :) Thanks to my bestfriend Daphne, i get to be guided closer to God. :)

2003-09-14T00:14:00.000-07:00

I did have a weird dream last night. Well, it was rather scary because my best friend and I had a quarrel, an exchange of words and we were not talking to each other after that. We were in a supermarket then, together, but not really together. Of course, that is the only thing i remembered, and so i woke up. :0

I am worrying of not being able to lend an umbrella to Nats and Dianne when i could have had done so last thursday, when it was raining hard and I was on my to the car when i heard them call out to me. But i didn't get to help them out, and i am sort of afraid of what they think of me. Well, because if it had been Jo, i would have done everything that i can do to help, and they are Jo's friend, and how come i am indifferent to them when they did keep me company and drove me with the others to drop us off at Landmark during the afternoons after work during our OJT period. But i mean, i could have lent ito t them, and just told my dad that i lent the one of the umbrellas in the car to a friend who is in need of it. But then i didn't do so. But done is done.... Oh God... please help me in my worry, this worry. :0

Keren, thanks for the GB entry. :) hope we do get to meet in the next IT congress. :)

Well, we still don't have a thesis topic yet, and we need one by Sept 19, Friday. And of course, there should also be a test bet company of which business and IT problems our thesis proposal should solve. As of now, no company and thesis ideas yet. :(

2003-09-09T04:54:00.000-07:00

Just found out that our thesis mate, Masayuki Fujimoto, wouldn't be taking any classes next term due to financial problems, and since he is the one with the idea and the already "approved" thesis topic (well, sort of, since Mr. Malabanan said that his proposal was okay), well, then we can't use his idea, so we have to think up of a new one. So it is just me, Eric and Malcolm. Hope we come up with a proposal, and pass, on time. :0

Eric is planning on us going to San Miguel on Friday to ask if there is something that they need. He said that we should be in semi-formal attire. Hmm.... I just hope we find a good proposal soon. But at least we are working on it. :)

2003-09-08T07:42:00.000-07:00

Che, thanks for the GB entries. And you guys know what, my email address book has been used by the worm/virus that is spreading emails containing the virus/worm around, and if there is no such email, it returns back to my email account, and myself knowing for sure that i didn't send any email at all to that "certain" email address. Ohwee.... Yuck! Grr...

Since August 31, 2003, up to present, I haven’t been able to write or type my journal entry. I just got… tired? :) Well, not really. :) It just seems that I am typing a day-in, day-out journal/report of my days, but then I guess I was sort of “bored” at work and that is probably I end up writing those. But now, I guess, with school starting again on the 10th, it wouldn’t be must of a journal thing anymore, but would be something of a “what-I-think-is” journal(?). I do end up wondering of things most of the time.

I bought my own hardbound copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, which is book 5, during August 31, 2003, Sunday, as we were waiting around at Rockwell for an hour before watching the movie Pirates of the Caribbean to start. Well, I told my sister I going to stop by there to look around, and I am glad I did. I was waiting for copies of Book 5 to be on sale again, and my prayers were answered, and bought it with a discount; instead of P 1345, I paid P 1076, though I don’t know how much it would cost if I bought it at National Bookstore’s booksale from August 15 to September 15. Anyway, after the movie and eating out at Don Henrico’s, the Libis branch, I started reading the book once we got home. And of course, I would wake up late for the whole week and spend the day, well the afternoon up until evening reading the book.

September 2 was a very “rainy” day but I did get my ITPRACT course card (for the practicum), and me and my OJT mates passed the course. At last, there would be no problem about that at all; I heard that some of our batchmates who also took the OJT didn’t get to pass ITPRACT/OJT because the company withheld their Company-to-student evaluation forms since they didn’t work much during their OJT. Yikes! But thank God we passed. :) Well, I spent my morning with Ram and Alvin, lunch with Alvin, met up with Drew, Ad and Carlo at the Gokongwei lobby by 130pm I guess, and still waited to meet with Malcolm and Eric Uy, and therefore there are already four of us in our thesis group: me, Eric, Malcolm and Masayuki, as long as Masayuki doesn’t push through with his Leave of Absence for the coming term, or else we have to think of another thesis proposal, though I guess it wouldn’t hurt. Well, Drew, Ad, Carlo and I kept each other company up until 4pm, by which time they left and me, my brother and my cousin were picked up from school by my dad and sis since they were at Makati and were on their way home. :) Of course, I spent the night reading Harry Potter again.

September 3, yes, I woke up late. And of course, I didn’t wake up early for this week since I always ended up waking up late so I just stayed home and kept on reading. :) Well, I do remember reading up until 3am of September 4. :)

September 4, of course, I woke up real late, like by noon. And I kept on reading until I finished the book by about 6 in the evening. And well, I just watched tv. But I still slept late.

I was then awaken by a phone call made by my mom on September 5, around 1030am, telling me that I will be spending my afternoon collecting checks for the services/products delivered. :) And well, me and the driver were out of the office from 1230pm to 630pm. When I arrived home, went straight home, ate dinner and just drowned myself to tv.

September 6, woke up by 12nn and helped out with preparing orange juice for lunch drinks. After that, just stayed home, and kept on thinking about Pizza Hut’s Ultimate Cheese Pizza. Oh, my sister left for Batangas for a “vacation” with her friends early in the morning. Oh, Drew and I talked for over 2 hours, over anything under the sun. :)

September 7, well, woke up late, as always, left by 4pm to visit Aunt Haydee. After that, we went to eat at North Park, and then after that, went to visit my Aunt Gloria to bring her some food from North Park. By 10pm, my dad and I left to go pick up my sister at her friend’s house. Well I didn’t get to sleep until 3am the next day, well since I can’t sleep and since my sister needed some help, for me to get some things, like ice and towels, for her since the itchiness caused by the sunburn is making her restless and nauseous and needed help going around the house. But at least we got our sleep later on. :)

Monday, today, okay up by 1030am when my sister left for the office. I had to hand over some papers containing changes that are needed on some documents that my sister is working on. Well, I also did get to get my copy of The Purpose-Driven Life that I asked Ate Ana to buy for me at National bookstore. Well, after that, I just spent the day at home, reading and watching tv. I ate dinner early, and just kept on watching tv, more on programs about Japan. And of course, I remembered I have to type something down, I don’t know, to redeem myself over something I don’t really know, and I also think since I kept on reminding myself that I needed to research on a thesis topic and to check my email since I wasn’t really able to do so for the past week. Well, my best friend Daphne called through our cellphones by 923pm and we talked for a minute; she told me when she already got a line that she would sometimes call me since she has a lot of free minutes. :) and this is one of those times. :) She said she was sorry for not being able to reply; the truth is, I was glad that I was able to reply to her and didn’t really expect a reply from her today since I know she is busy. But I am also glad that she did call, and at least I get to hear her voice now and then whenever she calls when she wants to, to reply on the messages I send. :) She does time our talk to a minute, and that is just right since if she goes pass a minute or pass a fraction of a minute, it would be still a counted as a minute and any more extra. Well, she asked me how my sister was feeling due to the sunburn because she knows how it felt to do so and she had to take some medicine for it just to relieve herself of the pain and the itchiness. She also asked if I am still going to go back to La Salle, and I told her yes, on the 10th. :) Well, we have the trimestral system, theirs at Ateneo follows a semestral system. :) Anyway, she had to really go when told me that our minutes were up and she hung up. :) That’s okay. :) I was sort of “shocked” why somebody would call me, but I guess I would welcome it as long as it’s my best friend. :) and I went back to typing this “journal”, somewhat despicable for me since I wanted to write “differently”, though I don’t know if I really mean it while I watch Charmed. :)

2003-08-30T06:07:00.000-07:00

August 25, 2003 Monday

Woke up by 924am and arrived at the office by 10am. Well, did some “helping” out after which by lunch time, went back home. My mom got angry at me for forgetting about something she asked me to buy during my OJT days, the clear book plastic holders of the papers. Well she was asking me if there were still some left. I really can’t remember and told her that, and that I gave it to them if there were any pages left because I surely didn’t keep it/them with me. Well, she kept on asking, but I really can’t remember and told her that. She got angry. So when she called on my dad to go home and eat lunch, I didn’t go home with them and waited for my sister instead. They think they are always right, well , most of the time, but not always. My sister just told me to just let them be, that if I don’t want any more trouble, to just keep my mouth shut, which I did when she was getting angry and saying things. I also texted Daphne, about my mom getting angry over this small thing (it really is a small matter), and Daph replied by 214pm that she also has the same thing and that she doesn’t want to work for her parents in the future and that they have the tendency to think that they are always right. Once home, I stayed with my sister. I helped her out with some typing, since she needed me to type out the backprint of another form, since I am usually the one asked my dad to check or proofread backprints for forms we print before we show the sample to the clients. I was home from 1 to 3pm not doing anything but just lounging around. By 3pm up to 5, I was doing the typing. And since it is 5pm, work for the day is done, so I won’t go the office anymore.

Oh, one of our hamsters just gave birth to four (4) baby hamsters. :) And we thought there were no more baby hamsters to come. :0

I did try calling my OJTmate by 3pm but Bic wasn’t answering her phone. Weird. I tried calling again by 544pm; still, she wasn’t answering. Really weird. Guess I will just have to check on it on Wednesday, when I go to school for advance adjustment.

August 26, 2003
-birtday ni Arcy
-sumakit likod! Grrr..

august 27, 2003 Wednesday
-went to school. Arrived by 1020am. Waited until 130pm with Jo, Nat and Dianne. Got to see ms. Divine by about 3pm in the afternoon. Wasn’t able to get Orient3 section changed and wasn’t able to get relsfor for this term. Sorry guys!
-back still hurts and having this terrible cold still.
-home, online, eat, watch tv.

August 28, 2003 Thursday
-went with Elbert to dlsu to give my OJTmates the Student-to-company evaluation report (individually, that we have to fill out and submit.). Well, I should have woken up by 7am, but I had this dream with my best friend Daphne, my Canadian friend, and some sort of a previous dream that I had where I was running away from something, I think). Well, I woke up by 8am, the time by which we should have left. Anyway, his test started 10am,and ended 1230pm. Well, at least I got to give the forms to my OJTmates and my brother wasn’t late for the test, so lucky me, except for my still aching back.
-my first dream was that my best friend came over to sleep at our place. She arrived by 1am in the morning. I guess in the dream, she went to Ateneo for a 10pm class and on the way home, I guess there was this traffic situation and I don’t know how she got to Monumento, but anyway, she decided to stop over at our place for the night. Well, my parents welcomed her, and in fact, in the dream, I was the one who was surprised that she was in our place. :) Anyway, I went to sleep with her in the extra room in our house. Well, we were just smiling as we laid on the bed together and I asked her why she was out late and such, and she said something about going out with her parents, and then about something about their whole family going out. Anyway, I think, their plans didn’t push through since she had to go to a class. But anyway, I enjoyed her company in my dream. :) I didn’t expect her to be sleeping over so soon (well, she did sleep over at our place now, in the dream; I just hope she will be able to do so on my birthday). Well we just talked, and of course slept. She was still at our place the next day. :)) I guess I dreamed of her because she was the last person I was thinking of before I dozed off. :)
-the next dream was of me and my Canadian friend Christie. :) Well, I was sort of transported to that place from my first dream with my best friend. Well, we were just walking around some place during the night. We were looking at stuff from outside shop windows. We were just enjoying our walk. Then we had to go to a washroom. And then it was weird because she was saying something to me. And I just can’t really remember what happened, but then I was in another dream. I don’t really quite remember it, but I felt as if I was running from something. Anyway, that time, I didn’t really want to wake up yet, but then my brother came in, I sensed it and woke up. :0
-well, after dropping off the forms, I went back home, took a bath, and then went back to the office to be asked by my mom to fax and file some quotations. After lunch, my brother called asking me to bring over his testpapers to dlsu and also to pick him up from school as well. I told him that I will just ask the driver to bring it over to him, but he insisted that I go along so that there would be “communication” since the driver didn’t have his cellphone with him yet. Well, I didn’t really want to go to school due to my aching back, but anyway I went because my brother insisted. Well, after giving my brother the test paper and leaving school with him, we stopped over at St. Luke’s Hospital to collect a check. Well, on our way up to the supposed place where we were to collect the check, I missed a step and fell forward. Luckily, there was a nurse at my back when I fell forward by the stairs. She helped me up and asked if I was fine and if my knee was okay. When I assured her that I was fine, she hesitantly left. Well, when we got to the place, I was told that I should go back to where I was from and turn right somewhere. Well, we did get back there and collected the check. I was lucky that I insisted to my brother going with me in collecting the check; I told Elbert to go down with me since he insisted on me tagging along to bring his testpaper when I don’t really need to, and because of that, I insisted as well to keep my company when I go for the collection, since my back isn’t really feeling that good today. Lucky me! :)
-back at the office, I helped out in writing down or marking the missing parts of the numbering, sort of trying to make it look like the printing was okay so that there wouldn’t be any need for the customer to return the forms to us since it would be a waste; it was just the numbering, but we did try to make the numbers clearer so that there wouldn’t be any problem when the numbers are read (the control number). There would by 2s, 4s, 3s, 5s, 7s, and 9s that needs their outline to be clearer, and we just “retouched” it. :) By 5pm, I went home already. :) Watched tv, ate dinner, watched tv and now, online. :)
-back ache again. Found out that my best friend has just changed her cellphone number(from prepaid to line). :) Anyway, I texted her again before I went to sleep. :) I was already sleeping when she replied by 130am of August 29, 2003.

August 29, 2003 Friday
-replied to Daph. She called.me on my cellphone regarding my sister question on where DAph bought the slippers she gave me last Christmas, and I also asked if I could call later in the evening. She told me about the slippers, that she bought it in a tiangge in greenhills. She also told me that I can call tonight. And then she asked me if I have a cold, well hearing from my voice, and of course I said yes, with cough and back pains. Anyway, we had to hung up since she is using her cellphone.
-lunch and left with Gennet (sister) for the whole afternoon to collect checks, get samples and such. Despite the back ache, I think I enjoyed having the day out of the office and my sister and I didn’t fight over anything at all. Rather, we worked well together. Guess we were both in a good mood; well I definitely do say that I am in a good mood, looking forward to talk to my best friend. And I am reminded of memories, especially of me and my best friend. Awww. :)
-once home, watched tv and ate dinner. Can’t wait to call Daph.
-called by 815pm, make sure that I be a little late in calling. She was still eating by then, well, since I asked if she was still busy and she answered that she was still eating. Well, I asked then what time I should call, and she thought for a while. She told me that I can call by 10pm, but that it might be late or something; I assured her that I would still be up then. Well, she suddenly thought some more and suddenly started out softly, asking if I could call by 1030pm, and I said yes(well, if I can wait until 10pm, I surely can wait for 1030pm. It is just 30 minutes away. And I really am still up by then; I usually am still awake up until 1am. :)). She said that she still needed to get a paper done. Well, that is okay with me. At least I know when I call, she is ready to talk to me and give me her whole attention, not having to think of the paper that she has to finish. And so, I am back to watching tv for a while, as I wait for 1030pm to come. And I’ll get to talk to my best friend. :)
-when I did get to call, we only got to talk for 10minutes because she wasn’t finished with the paper she was working on. I knew before I called. :) Well, at least we got to talk for a while. :)
-after that, I just watched tv until my sister arrived by 12mn.
***Oh, Ruz already submitted our OJT paper requirements to Ms. Hazel since Sir Rene Molano is at Iloilo and has asked us to just give it to Hazel. Yes!!! :) at least that is done with. :)

August 30, 2003 Saturday
-woke up by 10am. Well, helped out with squeezing of fresh orange juice for us to drink by lunch time. After lunch, watched tv and then went online. After sitting for some time, I had to check my computer for virus, so I just left the laptop to run and just went to another room to let my back rest straight on the bed. Well, I ended up watching tv up until 5pm. I then took a bath and after that, watched some more tv before I ate dinner. Now, I am back to going online, since I didn’t really get to finish my checking email accounts due to this weird thing happening to my explorer.exe. We didn’t get to go out to watch movies yesterday, as we were supposed to, but my sister said yesterday that we would be going out to watch a movie tomorrow. :) Oh, this morning, I also talked to Drew over the phone; hope that we could watch Pirates of the Caribbean or Legally Blonde 2 on coursecard day. :)

2003-08-24T02:19:00.000-07:00

August 16, 2003 Saturday
-woke up by 830am. Left to see doctor about my swollen left ear. Was prescribed antibiotics and antibacterial drops.
-drove home, hit a water pipe thingy when I was parking the car. Lucky I was home, and that I told papa right away or else he might get angry if he finds out about it from other people. Though it is weird because he didn’t get angry at me.
-lunch. Helped Elbert with his project on Busorga up to 3pm.
-3pm, left with papa to buy egg tarts from Lord Stowe’s and then we went to visit Aunt Haydee at St. Lukes. She is in there for her chemotherapy. We arrived there 415 and left almost 545pm.
-went home. Watched tv most of the night. Did go online for some time. Then Mi called and I had to call Ad about the blaster.worm thing, which is the problem with Mi’s computer right now. More or less, slept by 215am, when my sis arrived. Was keeping myself awake by reading magazine and decided to stay at the living room sofa and sleep there.

August 17, 2003 Sunday
-woke up by 10am. Watched tv. Ate lunch. Watched more tv, DVD of FRIENDS. By almost 5pm, I took a bath. After that, I went out with my mom and dad to eat Xiao long pao and congee at a restaurant in Retiro. Then went to buy some bread and ice cream at Hi-top,then bought chocolate mousse and ube cake from Red Ribbon. Got home. Ate a slice of each cake. Went to watch DVD, now of Sex and the City. Got into a sort of disagreement. Decided to go into my room. Out of sheer, I don’t know, I brushed my teeth, flossed, after which I listed down and calculated my expenses for the month of June and July. After which I just spent time deleting files from my laptop and then listening to mp3s as well, and then typing this down. It is now currently 140am and I should be sleeping because I will be leaving with Elbert tomorrow to run some errands for my dad.

August 18, 2003 Monday
-well, I woke up early to go to “help out” at my parents office. Well, I woke up early because I had to pick up a sample from a client at Makati(the truth is, I woke up late, that was why my brother had to wait for me and was late for class). Well, I arrived by 8am at the client’s office, but it was only 9am when I got to see the person. I got the sample, and chit-chatted for a while with Aunt Mary Jane (our client). :) Anyway, after that, I went back home, made the necessary changes to the sample I brought with me(this is the reason why I had to pick up the sample: to correct and make changes to the document so that it could be approved for printing.). Anyway, I really felt tired.
-Had lunch and then by 1pm, left for Laguna. Me, my dad, my uncle Victor, and the quality control person of Mayleen paper, our paper supplier, left the office to see Mrs. Yamada, the owner of Adamay International (Adamay is Yamada spelled backwards. Cool, right?) Well, we arrived there by 2pm something I guess and we went to look at the rejected printed forms and then was met by Mrs. Yamada. Well, for the rejected 9 boxes of forms to be taken out of the PEZA zone (Philippine Economic Zone Authority?), a form should be filled up and approved. So we stayed there, chatted with Mrs. Yamada up until 5pm. Well, we talked about company problems and such. And the thing I was surprised about was that Mrs. Yamada gave me this bag of Japanese goodies. :) Of course, I knew that the bag contained food, but didn’t find out what kind of goodies they were until I opened the bag of goodies when we were already on our way home. :) I seemed like a kid who got treasure, with a smile reaching both ears. Haha :)
-before we went home, we stopped by Colette’s to buy Buko pie (7 pies) and my dad bought honey as well. :)
-We arrived back at Metro Manila, home, by 8pm, just as Mrs. Yamada said. :)
-ate dinner. And then watched Charmed, and then watched some part of Children of Dune. :) And then I went to sleep. I was really tired due to the trip to and from Laguna.

August 19, 2003 Tuesday
-woke up and went to school with Elbert to return CD to Ad and to give some of those Japanese goodies to Drew. :) Well, I stayed to keep a lookout at the table that Carlo reserved for them. :) I waited for GV, but knowing that my sis (she came with us because she had other errands to run and clients to see) has some things else to do, I told her to go on and just come back for me. She told me, “bahala ka! Basta, bahala ka!” The truth is, I thought that she wasn’t going to come back for me, so I informed my brother that I will be taking the LRT home with him. And so, I stayed at school for a while. I sort of missed going to school. :) Anyway, when their class was done by 930am, I chatted with Drew and the others until they had to leave. Well, I was left with Carlo, and some more others, and of course, Johnny, Che, and Fed. Well, I did receive a text message from my sister telling me that she’s on her way to pick me up. Well, I waited until 10am with Che; we chatted for a while.
-Went to PhilamPlans and Compania de Filipinas for collection.
-Well, on the way home, the floodwaters were deep. Wow. But we were able to get home.
-ate lunch and left for a BayanTrade meeting/orientation with my dad and sis; we stopped by Ortigas to drop off something and then went to the orientation at the IBM building at Libis. The orientation already started when we arrived by 3pm. Anyway, the orientation went on until 7pm, because of me, my sister and my dad asking a lot of questions in relation to security issues. :) and of course a lot of other relevant things that the person who presented to us cannot answer. He was trying to sell the E-catolog services of the company and that’s it; if we hadn’t asked him to show us the other side/services that BayanTrade offers, he wouldn’t have and will not want to because when he showed us the supplier side of bayantrade (he only showed us the buyer side before we asked about this), more questions, and complaints, arose, therefore the meeting ended only by 7pm, mainly due to the three of us. Hehehe :) but I guess what I learned at DLSU is not a complete waste because I was able to use it to think and analyze the faults in the system they(BayanTrade) is using. (Ms. Jane Bacong did say that when we got out, even still as students of IT, we won’t be able to stop analyzing things: processes, etc… You know, most of the times, you’ll find yourself saying, “this shouldn’t be this way”, “the process would be easier if such and such…”, “the system would be better if…” and such comments. :) I did say one such “comment” when they showed a form to be filled out by the supplier. And then there was this field for “Note to buyer” and a checkbox to click if the supplier wants this note to be sent to the supplier; I mean, the checkbox is not needed anymore if the “Note to buyer” field is filled up, which means, that the supplier wants the note to be sent for sure or else there wouldn’t be any need to fill it up, right? And everyone in the room agreed with me. :) and of course, I raised other relevant questions, such as on their terms and conditions with the buyers not being thought of well because it has loopholes that is beneficial to the buyers and not to the suppliers. Of course, my sister and my dad also had such comments and questions that made the meeting go on for as long as that. :) But our supplier were glad we came and also for the questions raised. :)
-well, we got home by 8pm. Well, I watched Smallville, then the continuation of the Children of Dune mini-series. aFter that, chatted with my parents, and siblings, until 12mn. :) and of course, sleep.

August 20, 2003 Wednesday
-woke up by 7am, but went back to sleep until I woke up again by 8am and took a bath.
-went to the office by 9am. At first, I had nothing to do, but then my dad asked me to do some cut and pasting of forms which occupied me up until lunch. Hershey, a family friend, came over; she talked with my parents, since our parents are close friends. And we taught her how to use the mercury sphygmomanometer, so that she can get her dad’s blood pressure instead of her dad doing it on his own, which is really hard.
-after lunch, rested for a while. Left with my sister to fetch my brother, and then went over to pick something from my sister’s ex-boyfriend’s mom. After that, once home by 3pm, I continued on the cutting and pasting up until 5pm something. My dad, mom, sis and brother had their hair cut. I stayed behind, to finish up with what is asked of me to be done. By then, I was done. So with nothing else to do, I decided to call and ask National Bookstore and Goodwill as well if they have the following books: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Book 5, hardbound, worth 1345), The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren (recommended by my best friend, worth 250), and also the Dune books by Frank Herbert. Well, they didn’t have any of the Dune books, and the Harry Potter Book 5 is still out of stock. The Purpose Driven life is available, but then, I decided to buy it when Harry Potter is already available, so that it would only one trip to National, but then, it depends, I might go there early. :)
-I then decided to go home for a while, to return some things of mine. But then I decided to stay for a while. I didn’t know everybody was already home. Anyway, watched tv for a while, then I talked to Jo for a while since she called (I called their place this morning but her mom told me that she went to DLSU for a meeting with her thesismates so I texted Mich to tell Jo to call me once she gets home. And she did call. :) I told her that I would be taking Relsfor next term so that I could take it with Drew and the gang. Yehey! She said it was alright, and that I needn’t worry about her being alone during our breaktime since her thesis group is already planning on how and when to meet for their thesis project. :) I also told her about the EAF distribution and the Advance adjustment dates. :) I told her that she text me or inform me when she will be going for Advance Adjustment, and she said she will call or text me. :)). This morning, I also texted my OJT groupmates to text me or to inform me if they have submitted the papers required to be submitted when they submit. I just said just that, and they didn’t reply again; of course, the only reply to this would be the actual message telling me that they did already submit it, but since, they didn’t submit it yet, no replies yet, and I didn’t tell them to text me if they did get my message. But then I must remind myself to check up on them.
-went back to the office. I had to ask my dad to check my work, and then we made some corrections. aFter that, I went back home, and watched tv for a while until I sensed that they were already eating, and they were. After dinner, watched tv again, more of Children of Dune, and then Lizzie Maguire. After that, I brushed my teeth and started typing this down, as well as the journal entries for August 18 and 19. :) My sis not home yet, as of now, 1148pm, well she just got back home, from her meeting/badminton match with some of her high school friends.

August 21, 2003 Thursday
I had a hard time waking up again today, but well, I was able to leave home with my brother. We reached DLSU by 830am. I went to get the check that needed to be collected from La Salle and then I went on to get my EAF. After that, I went on to PBCOM to bring over the document for approval. Well, Aunt Mary Jane wasn’t there, so I talked with Mr. Emil Papa. After that, I went home. On the way home, I would remember Daph, Drew and a lot others, more or less memories and “wish could come true in the future” thoughts. :) Of course, I would smile and feel good. I especially remembered my best friend when we passed by Corinthian Gardens on the way home. Imagine how many times I pass by Corinthian Gardens but am not able to visit my best friend.

Once home, I reported to my dad and listened to their talk. And of course, there was one weird thing at home. When we cracked 2 eggs opened, the white ones, not the native eggs, instead of the egg whites being “clear”, it was yellowish green! Yuck!

Well, anyway, after lunch, I helped my sister in typing out the Terms and Conditions for the back print of one of the form that we are to print for a client. Once done, we printed the form samples, and then showed it to mama. Well, now, 313pm, my sister just came back home from talking with my mom about the form etc…. Anyway, we are thinking of visiting Aunt Haydee at their Libis place. She has been going to chemotherapy, as I had seen her just last Saturday. I hope she gets better soon. :0 Please pray for her. :0 Anyway, we can’t leave yet because my sister has to finish the “typesetting”. I don’t really know how to do the typesetting, so I can’t help out yet. :0

After that, we ended up lounging around at home. We talked for a while. After that, we didn’t get on to visiting Aunt Haydee because the typesetting thing that my sister was doing just wasn’t approved by ma, so we decided to go out anymore. I then took a bath. And I guess the rest of the night, I just spent it at home, watching tv and such.

August 22, 2003 Friday

No classes and no work. :) I woke up by 9am in the morning, and just watched tv and used my computer. We also “networked” my laptop and my brother’s computer. More or less that was what I did for the day. :) I can’t really remember what I did this day, but then I knew that I was just at home most of the day. That night, watched tv and then was networked to my brother’s computer again. I slept by 1am.

August 23, 2003 Saturday

Woke up by 8am to get to gym by 9am. After gym, I bought CD-Rs and prepaid internet cards. After lunch, burned a copy of the CD of fonts so that I could return the original copy of the fonts cd to the office and the other to be left at home. After that, I also burned a cd copy of the Korean songs that Ad did burn for me in the past. After that, my sister and I spent time together since she wants to burn some MP3s into the CD-Rs that she asked me to buy this morning. But then I have to leave by 330pm for my orthodontist’s appointment. I drove to the orthodontist’s and drove back home as well. :) Oh, the rubber thingy on my braces is colored blue or light blue I think. :) (Hear that Carlo? :) ). Well, when I got home, Ate Rems had a day off, so more or less by 6pm, my mom asked me to call North Park for delivery. After dinner, I washed the dishes. My sister went out to meet with her friends to watch a movie by 6pm. (Though my sister did say that we will be going out on August 29. :) Yippee! :)). After the dishes, more or less watched tv up until 12mn, when my sis got home. :) And then I slept.

August 24, 2003 Sunday

I woke up by 9am. I tried the CD of Korean songs that I did burn for my sister yesterday at her car’s cd player. It was not working, as she said last night, though the cd would play if we used the cd players at home. There was this mark at the cd player in her car (40Wx4). I think it means that it can only read those cds written at the speed of 40x, right? I dunno. :)

Well, watched tv and just walked around the house. Ate Rems is still on day off, so we ordered for 30pcs of barbeque that we will be picking up by 1130am. And so we left to pick up the bbq, and then went home to eat lunch. After lunch, I washed the dishes and have to watched the water being boiled. After that, surfed the net for 45 minutes and my sister and I left by 2pm.

She allowed me to drive to her friend’s house to pick up paper and plastic products and brought it over to a recycling center at Banawe. Well, she said that I am not a good driver yet, and that I shouldn’t be driving at all. Anyway, she let me drive the car, telling me what I should do, so that I’ll learn. And from Banawe, to SM to buy CD-Rs and diskettes, to Mushroom burger branch at West to buy Mushroomburgers and to home, she drove. Well, it is a shock that I didn’t get angry at all when she was shouting at me in the car, telling me to do this and that. I guessed I was happy that at least she took the courage to let me drive, to see me drive, and teach me the correct way to drive. Up until now, I don’t feel angry at her at all; I am very happy because at least she wanted me to learn how to drive the right way, so that the car wouldn’t be “destroyed” by me and that I can be a good and responsible driver. Once home, we ate the mushroomburgers we bought; my parents and my brother went out to bring some stuff to my mom’s younger sister after my parents had arrived home after going to the grocery (my sister and I were already at SM by then when they arrived home). Right now, I am online to search for lyrics for my dad and to check my mail, since I haven’t done so for a week (and since there was this problem with Yahoo whenever I use my brother’s computer but nothing wrong to it at all when I am using my laptop, like today. :) ).

Of course, there came the usual being online, eating dinner, printing the lyrics that my dad asked me to look for over the net, and then me replying to my best friend Daph’s reply. It is pretty long, I think. :) Only she can say. :) And of course, tv and sleep. :)

2003-08-15T10:34:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the late posting. :)

Yes Che, you look so tired in the picture. Hope you get more rest in the following days to come. :) Thanks for signing my guestbook. :)

You know what, there is this problem with signmyguestbook.com, sometimes, when i sign a guestbook, my entry would be added, soemtimes not. If the entry is not added, they would display the following message, "oops, you cannot sign... so fast..." or something like that. Weird.

Oh, today is or was my last day at work for OJT. :) I hope i do have a vacation and enjoy it, vacation or not. :)

2003-08-15T10:29:00.000-07:00

August 15, 2003 Friday
-woke up by 542am. I think it (my inflamed/swollen left ear) is a little bearable already because I slept on my left side; I just put my hand under my side of the head where the ear is to give some room for my left ear so that it won?¦t touch the pillow a lot. But then in the morning, I had to move my head, and myself, a little downward so that the area where my left ear is wouldn?¦t be touching the pillow at all.
-arrived at work by 730am. Went on to the office. Counted my total hours for the month and for the whole duration of the practicum. I have accumulated 93 hours and 45 minutes for this month, and for the whole duration, I have 581 hours and 45 minutes worth of ITPRACT hours. :) and of course, I am typing this down. I will be finishing the last diagram for the flowchart, and then I will be compiling them together into one file. After that, I guess that?¦s it; of course, the transfer of file between my diskette to one of theirs. :)
-oh, the other day, a poem sort of came into mind, but I wasn?¦t really able to work on it because I was in the car. I was telling myself that I am to continue it once I am in the office, but then it seems that I forgot since I went on to work on the program. It was suppose to start like this:::

Like the flowers that are still in bloom
Facing the sky with the sun at high
I am happy to see you day by day
Even just in my dreams and in my thoughts
Especially in my heart where you stay.

I smile at the thought of you
Of your smile that I see so true
And I continue to smile to all the memories
Shared with you through all of these years.

And each day, I feel light at heart
To know that you are doing well by far
For there is nothing else that I will ever ask God
Except that He always take care of you,
To bless you and never to desert you.

I prayed that He reminds you of all that you can be
And I prayed He remind me of the same thing
But I also prayed that He keeps me still
To be around you whenever you need me.

And He and I talked for some more time
In a prayer that may sound so simple to everyone who hears
For I asked that He help all of us, and take care of all of us as well
And that may I be a living guardian angel for Him
Especially to the people that I truly love and care about so much.

?K well, I started with the first stanza, which was the original though I had in mind, and I just continued on. :)

-by 10am, I am officially done with the documents (flow chart, user?¦s manual, and the code document). And so, I left a zipped copy of the files as well as the file themselves on the laptop of Kuya Sannel. Did go down to meet with Jo since she needed to get the print out of 2 copies of the Attendance sheet from me.
-by 1125am, some of the office staff invited us to tag along with them. They will be eating at Detour(did I hear them right?). I didn?¦t go with them anymore; I really already brought lunch with me already. And I think they will be playing billiards; I know my parents will say, if I told them about this, that I should have gone, but then I don?¦t really want to, and I don?¦t want to spend when I don?¦t really have to, and if everybody was to be invited for us, they should have also invited Ate Ana and Ate Thess, though if they go along, nobody will be in the office, as in literally empty. And I feel much comfortable alone than with them. I don?¦t really get to talk to them except as supervisor and programmer. I mean, my groupmates also invited me to go, since they already decided to go, but I told them that I am afraid that I might spend, and that Sir Eric Tabunda might spend more money because we tag along. They said it was alright, but I still said that I won?¦t tag along, thanks, and that they tell Sir Eric and the others. Ewan ko, I feel okay naman, though a part of me feels I should have gone, but then, I can live with this. I mean, they can say na hindi ako nakikisama, but then, I guess, hindi nga ako nakikisama. But still, ewan ko. I have already decided and they have already left. And I am not really feeling well because of my left ear. So, I have to accept the consequences of my actions and decisions. :0
-ate lunch. Ayun. Now, 12:08am. Just here in the office. Let?¦s see, there is just me, Ate Ana, Ate thess, Marco, and Eric(Jandusay) here in the office. Just us. :0
-the pancit malabon we?¦ve ordered just arrived, as of 1225pm. Luckily, I was around to receive it and pay for it. Probably why they didn?¦t really urge me to go anymore. They are still with them outside. They texted me to order two, but then since it is already delivered, they didn?¦t pursue it anymore; I called Ruz?¦s number and Bic answered, she asked if I have money to pay(535 for the pancit malabon), and that they?¦ll pay me later. They didn?¦t tell me to call for another one anymore, so more or less, one is enough. Hmm?K the smell of pancit malabon?K. Yummy, but then I already ate lunch. I?¦ll eat later. :)
-well, so all in all, for the merienda for our going-away later, the total expenses for all four of us is 535+60=595. It is more or less 148.75 each. But then, it would be 133.75 for the 535 I paid for the pancit malabon, and 15 each for the 60 Farids paid for the plates and such. Well, they paid me 390, 130 each person, and with my 130, it would be 520 already, and there would be the 15 pesos missing(11.25 actually(which is their share of the payment, @ 3.75 per person), because the other 3.75 is originally my share of the payment for the pancit malabon. Well, then, there is the case of the 15 pesos to Farids, but they didn?¦t let me pay anymore. I guess, I got paid, and paid my share as well. It?¦s now 210pm. If I leave by 415pm, eight hours for the day (2 hours five minutes to go). And yes, home sweet home. And 25 days (I think and hope) for vacation. :)
-left by 415pm. arrived by 5pm. to hi-top to drop raffle tickets. once home, watched tv, ate dinner. after that, printed some things for mama. and then arcy called. and then i went online to email something for elbert. and then i had to restart my laptop since something wrong is happening again always not responding. then i went online again. Daph is online and using yahoomessenger, doing her sister's assignment (who is eight years younger than her), to help her sister out on finding the population in every region. right now, we are still online, 1255am. :)
-we stayed up until 145am. :)

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August 14, 2003 Thursday
-was woken up by Elbert by 620am. But I really woke up by 642am. Of course, he was first driven to school, and then we went on to go to PNB and then at PBCOM. I arrived at work by 930am. Right now, 1008am, am typing this down before I start and finish up with the program flowchart. I plan to finish it today, so that I can concentrate on helping Elbert on his Access project and have no cares anymore (since I have done the requirements of the company) tomorrow, except for the paperwork needed for us to submit for ITPRACT.
-well, I went on working on the flowchart. Ate lunch, and then back to flowcharting. Sir Rene arrived for the LO visit by 150pm something, and chitchatted with us for a while. He looked at our pictures (grad pics) and then asked about the thesis proposals for next term. He asked how we were doing, about what we do and such, asking about Sir Ogie as well. More or less it was just that. He left by about 2:05pm. Hope we pass ITPRACT. Of course, he reminded us about the paper work and the certification of completion of the 560 hours and such. I guess, that is the only thing that needs work on and submitting to help in the completion of the ITPRACT requirements. Okay, it?¦s now 211pm ?V time to continue the flowchart so that I will be finished by 5pm.
-groupmates left by more or less 4pm, except for Bic. By sometime near 5pm, Bic also left. My mom called then, asking if I am still at work and if we have already ordered pizza for the staff to eat for our last day. I answered I am still at work, and that we will be buying the pizza tomorrow. And then she asked me up to what time will I be staying. I told her that up to 6pm. But now, by 542pm, I am preparing to go home. Just one more flowchart diagram left, and I am done with all the things needed to be with the AutoFTP program.
-well, I arrived at North Avenue Station by 645pm, as I expected and my dad arrived to fetch me by 7pm. Once home, read magazine, then ate dinner. After dinner, watched tv. Talked with Jo by 10pm up to 1030pm. And then after that I tried to help brother out, went online. But nothing much to do so I went to sleep, and anyway, my left still swells and it hurts.

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August 13, 2003 Wednesday
-had a hard time waking up. Arrived at work by 730am since I went with Elbert to school again. I worked on the program and tried some things on my program. It still downloads the big files, but then, it doesn?¦t return the focus to my program anymore, leaving my program not responding. I told Sir Alvin that I tried his approach on the program and it still didn?¦t work; I told him that I am trying something else, and I even did it twice. It still didn?¦t work, and I told him. Well, he can?¦t figure it out himself. So he told me that I can go on ahead and make the document or the flowchart, and just to take note of that. I asked why he is asking me to make this FTP program since they already have one made by Sannel. He said that there is no problem with Sannel?¦s ftp program, but he just wanted an FTP program with user interface. I mean, Sannel?¦s FTP program can download files as big as 100 mb, but then it is running at DOS. Sir Alvin wanted one with user interface. Well, there is an user interface in my program, alright, but then there is the limitation of the program hanging up when it finishes downloading big files. :0 I told my bestfriend about this as well, and she hope that I finish fixing this program. But I just can?¦t find what else to do. I mean, my program is plain and simple. It calls a function of Windows. It is just one line, and what more can I get out of it unless I look into ?§that?¨ closer which would be tampering the Windows files. Oh well?K. Going to start on the document.
-1146am. Bics and Farids arrived by 1020am and then they went up to see the bazaar somewhere at the upper floors. Ruz arrived by 11am and followed. I am still working on the flowchart.
-well, I worked on the flowcharting. Ate lunch and then continued on with the flowcharting. Up until 2pm I guess. And then they used the computer. And then by 3pm something, I asked kuya sannel to help me out with the AutoFTP program, to see what was wrong. When I discussed to him how my program finishes the 8mb downloading and goes back to my program, and then on how my program finishes a 20mb file downloading but does not go back to my program, he said that it is windows that has the problem. Well, we tried running my program in his computer. We downloaded the 8mb file from Drew?¦s ftp server. It was longer, but it worked. And then I told him again about downloading a 20mb file being completed but not going back to my program. He then started an FTP server in his own computer, and making one of his directories/folders act like an FTP server. We connected to that, and then downloaded a 39mb file (mind that, that is 39mb, 19mbs bigger/larger than the file that I am downloading from Drew?¦s ftp server. Since it was just getting and rerouting the file from his computer folder(acting as a ftp server), therefore downloading to another folder in his computer, the download was much faster, and the downloading was finished and control did go back to my program. He said that my program works and that windows has the problem. I cannot believe what I saw, that my program worked, since when the 39mb file finished downloading, it showed/popped the window with the 3 buttons back. Kuya Sannel said that the problem is not with my program but with Windows, and how it handles delays; he said that when the delay is too long, windows forgot or didn?¦t or wasn?¦t able to give back the control or focus to my program. Anyway, happy as I am, knowing that at least it is not my program that has the bug but rather windows, I told Sir Alvin, and he was sort of smiling; well, he wanted to hear why my program hangs, and has been asking to make sure to find the reason why it hangs like so, and now that I asked for Kuya Sannel?¦s help and found the answer and told him so, he was sort of smiling, and I told him that I will continue on with the program flowchart, as I already did start making this morning, since I really didn?¦t know why the program hangs and he told me to start or continue on the documentation and make the flowchart. Well, during the morning, I really felt uneasy doing the flowchart not knowing why my program isn?¦t working, but now that I knew why it was hanging, I was much more happier and relaxed and can get on doing that. When I told him about the problem with windows, he just smiled and then told me to continue on with the documentation. :) He was also saying something about me thanking him later for his making me do this FTP program. I don?¦t know why, but I hope it would be of help to me in the future. :)
-I went home by 4pm, and mama, papa,and Gennet went to fetch me at the North Avenue Station. Once home, I went to get medicine for my left ear from my dad. After that, we ate dinner. After dinner, we updated my laptop?¦s virus definitions and then downloaded the windows xp patch update from Microsoft. After that, I tried helping my brother with his Access project. But then I got tired, due to the pain in my ear causing me headaches; I wasn?¦t even able to do what I wanted to do ?V finish the documentation of the AutoFTP program. Anyway, we just watched Pocahontas II. After that, we went to sleep.

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August 12, 2003 Tuesday

-woke up by 645am. Didn?¦t get to sleep much because of my inflamed left. I like sleeping on my left side, but then because of the ear, I would wake up. And I feel so tired. Anyway, I just did my best to wake up. My brother and I left by about 715am. I slept in the car all the way from home up to work.
-arrived at work by 845am. The computer was still acting up weird: the desktop items were not displaying. And then I tried some other approaches, and it still wasn?¦t displaying. And then I remembered about msconfig that Drew had showed me to use once; this msconfig thing is called from Run and will show you a window of what programs are called during start up. Anyway, I did try to run it by typing in msconfig; it didn?¦t work. I tried just the word ?§config?¨, and then all of a sudden, all the desktop items were displayed! :0 I guess when the computer was loading, it wasn?¦t able to call the config.ini file, so it wasn?¦t able to display and load all the needed files. :0 But at least now I can see the desktop, therefore it wouldn?¦t be hard to have to call it from Task Manager or to use internet explorer to get about and looking for such. Now, I can click on My Computer again and such. :)
-I think Bic, Farids and Ruz wouldn?¦t be coming today, based from what I heard they were saying yesterday on visiting Sir Ogie. Oh well?K I know I should have visited Sir Ogie as well, but then?K I don?¦t know. I just asked Bic yesterday to tell him to get well na lang. :0
-well, I did try downloading the 20mb file. Well, the download was successful, but then my program hang; not responding, really.
-from morning, til now, 357pm, I have been trying to figure out why my AutoFTP program hangs. I have tried downloading files ranging from 841KB, to 2MB, to 3.3MB , to 8MB, and it returns to the previous window, as stated in the program. But when I do download files greater than 10MB in size, well, the downloading will finish but then the program would just ?§hang?¨ and the only way to stop it is through the task manager despite the fact that the downloading is successful. Grrr?K.
-having a hard time thinking, and trying to find out why it happens. Oh well?K.
-426pm. Emailed my bestfriend. Testing the program again?K my dad to pick me up from work today. :) but I still need to work on the flowchart, which is why a part of me is tense, aside from being tense from working on the program to which I don?¦t know it hangs up when it downloads 20mb file.
-my dad picked me up at work by 515pm. Well, of course, I discussed about my program having a limit of downloading 20mb files. I mean, it can download bigger files, but then, when the download is completed, it doesn?¦t go back to my program; my program just hangs. Of course, I told my mom and my sister as well, and they told me that although it is ?§finished?¨, because of the limitation of it hanging due to downloading larger files, it is still not ?§finished?¨. Arggghhh?K. And I know that they are somewhat right, though I do feel that I have done what Sir Alvin asked me to do, but that my program has a limitation. Grrr?K. Of course, that night, while thinking of what else to do with my program, was watching tv with my sis. Slept by 11pm.

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August 11, 2003 Monday
-went to work early, took a ride with Elbert. Stopped by PBCOM to see aunt mary Jane on the samples that my dad asked me to bring to her. Arrived at their office by 740am. She arrived by 9am. We talked up until 930am. :)
-at work right now, 1020am. The icons doesn?¦t show up at all even if the computer is restarted several times. I am able to type this down because I initiated the programs through the Task Manager utility of Windows 2000.
-met with Jo by 12 nn at FoodPark. I accompanied her while she ate lunch. Talked with her for a while and handed her the print outs of the forms needed for the Practicum. I wasn?¦t feeling well then, and since this morning. She asked if I was sick, but I said I dunno because from the outside, I don?¦t seem to have the flu, but then I have this headache and I just feel so tired, so sleepy. She went ahead to put her hand on my forehead (the back of her hand) and on my neck to see if I was having a fever; she said that I don?¦t. But still, I feel so tired, with the headache and all. She told me to get some rest while in the office. I walked her up to their building, still wearing my jacket and not feeling hot/warm outside at all. And I still didn?¦t feel it hot when I went back to the office. I still felt tired and sick. It was then I suspected my ?§inflamed?¨ left ear. So I sent a text message to my aunt, who is a doctor, if such a thing exists and she told me that she?¦ll take a look at it later. Once in the office, I took a nap for a while, from 1240pm to 130pm, I think. I just can?¦t help it since my head really hurts. After that, I can?¦t sleep anymore though I can really say that I am still sleepy. I decided to start on the flowcharting of the FTP program, but then I can?¦t continue because I need to have the vbp file open. So I am just writing this down. Bic is using the laptop, and Farids the computer. They arrived by 10am something this morning. Ruz didn?¦t come to work. It?¦s now 233pm.
-Oh, I heard from Bic , when she arrived this morning, that our supervisor , Sir Ogie, was hurt from a gunshot wound when he was held up near his home. He?¦s currently in the hospital. My groupmates, I think, will go see him tomorrow. I think they are going straight there to the hospital because they asked for all our documents that needed signatures to be given to her (bic) so that they could bring it over at once since it would take a week before Sir Ogie can be discharged from the hospital and go back to the office.
-now 335pm and Bic done with the usage of the laptop. Will use it for a while to get a start on the flowcharting. Am currently using Kuya Sannel?¦s computer.
-from 335pm t0 440pm, I worked on the flowcharts using Kuya Sannel?¦s laptop. Then Sir Alvin arrived and asked me to give a demo of the FTP program I worked on. It works well with small files ( 0 KB and such). Right now, we are testing downloading bigger files, sizes that range from 3mb above. I uploaded a 20mb file to ftp.drew.ph. After the successful uploading, I am trying to download it using my ftp program. Right now, 520pm, it is still downloading. But I think, it is still working, so far, or else, the program would have already ended; if the downloading is successful, the previous window will be displayed.
-I was wondering why it was taking so long, so I watched and looked at task manager. There, it?¦s status was Not Responding. I waited for some more time. But then I thought that something was wrong, so I ended the program. I then tried to download a smaller file using my AutoFTP.exe, a 841KB file. While downloading, it did go to a Not Responding state, and then it showed the previous window, and the download was successful because I found it in the folder that I specified it to go to. :) I guess the file was too big so it took so long, and since it was downloading the file, it went on a Not Responding state. :) I told this to Sir Alvin and he asked to try downloading the 20mb file again tomorrow so that I won?¦t get home late today. :)
-left the office by almost 6pm. When at the north Avenue station, my mom, dad and brother were able to fetch me by 730pm something. Then we went to buy some things at Hi-Top. Once home, we ate dinner. 9pm, watched Charmed. Then after that, me, my brother and sister, enjoyed some hot cocoa, cream of mushroom soup and kernel corn with butter. After that, we went to sleep. Wasn?¦t able to see my aunt, whose a doctor, but she said that I can see her tomorrow when she gets back from bowling by 9pm.

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August 10, 2003 Sunday
-woke up by about 11am plus. Slept last night by about 1230am something.
-brushed my teeth, ate lunch.
-1pm. Printed the things Jo asked me, well I offered to, print, reports for the practicum.
-230pm, took a bath.
-3pm, called Daph, but then they were not home yet. I just watched Tv.
-4pm. Called Daph again. They just got home. We talked for a while, up until 420pm I guess. She told me that her friendship with Joe, as bestfriends, has officially ended. Last night, some of her barkada, came to watch the musical in support for her. Well, Joe texted Tere to forward to Daph that Joe will be sending over the clothes that she borrowed from Daph and will be brought over Daph?¦s place tomorrow, and that Daph return her stuff as well. I just prayed to God that He help her and that He help Joe to heal soon and know that she had just let go of such a precious person. I also prayed that God help me be there to protect my bestfriend whenever I can, to be there for my bestfriend. I don?¦t know if that is right, but then, I know that I don?¦t want my bestfriend to get hurt, but then at least if she does get hurt (which I hope she doesn?¦t, always), that I be there for her. Anyway, I asked her if she has anything else to do; she said that she has some homework and stuff, but that she can do those later. :) She just talked with me for a while. :) Oh, she asked about my OJT, and she did tell me that I bring picture on the last day, but then I told her that I don?¦t need pictures to remember (but I felt bad when I said this, so after we hung up, I texted her to tell I am sorry for saying such when she is just being encouraging and supportive, and was just giving suggestions). We also talked about the grad pics, that I had already picked the ones to be printed in the yearbook, but then I told her still that I will show her that contact prints that I currently have. And I told her that we see each other real soon, and if it could be sooner, this August. :) Of course, I hope to see her on my birthday as well. But I guess better plan on the short term. I really want to see her soon, and hug her, to remind her that I am always here. I have always wanted to hug her. When I told her that we should see each other sometime soon, real soon, like for this month, this August, she didn?¦t say anything against it, though she didn?¦t say anything on it. Sort of her silence meant and felt like, ?§sure?¨, though I felt there was a tinge of sadness(probably on her and Joe?¦s friendship), but that she is open to the idea of the meeting or spending a day together as long as our schedules match, when we are both free. But at least she didn?¦t object, though she didn?¦t actually really agreed. But I guess it is alright with her, as long as I pick a day, and then if we can both see each other, then I guess it is okay with her. Ganun naman diba. :) If you want to see each other, better choose a day, so that both of you can plan your sched. :) I also told her to call if she can and if she needs to, and she said that I do so as well. But she had to hung up because the manicurist has arrived to work on her feet. :) She said that her feet is not so beautiful, so at least she has to do something to take care of it and make it beautiful. :) But I sent her a message, telling her not to say that some part of her is not beautiful, because she is one of the most beautiful persons I have known, inside and out. I told her to take care and that I hope we see each other soon.
-after talking with Daph, I called Jo. She said last night they might go out, but I tried calling anyway. She answered. I asked if she was doing anything, and she said she was watching tv. I asked if she wanted to finish what she is watching, and she said yes. So we hung up. That?¦s alright. :) she said she didn?¦t go out with her parents because she just wanted to stay home. :)
-watched tv: lizzie Maguire, totally spies and Kim Possible. And then watched more tv. I then called Drew up. We talked about Daph, about me having nothing to do for my bestfriend (guess all I can do is be there for her), and then about going back to school, and then of going out to this Art Exhibit (hope that we can go and probably have my bestfriend along. :) she is atenean?K :) ). And of course, of watching Finding Nemo, if Drew gets to plan those two events. :) and of course, we were glad to be able to talk with each other. He said that he already sent his reply, that I check my mail. I did check a while ago, but I still haven?¦t gotten it. I will just check it in the office tomorrow. :) Of course, by about I don?¦t know, by around 940pm, we had to hung up since he still got to do something. I probably called by 9pm. I can?¦t wait to finish OJT and go back to DLSU. And I hope that we be able to submit all the requirements needed to make the OJT officially finished. :) Well, it is already 1030pm. Better go to sleep and watch Charmed tomorrow by 9pm. :) But I am glad that I was able to talk with my bestfriend and then to talk to Drew as well. :) Jo didn?¦t call anymore, and I don?¦t dare call her since she is going to wake up early tomorrow. Hope she remembers to see me at enterprise center tomorrow since she would be getting the reports for the OJT that I have printed for her. :) But a part of me do wish I could have done something for my bestfriend, but then there is nothing else I can do, and she seems to have been able to go through with life, moving on and wishing the best for her exbestfriend and I guess for herself as well I guess. I hope that when Drew does plan to go to the Art Exhibit at Ateneo and the Finding Nemo movie, that we could invite Daph to come along. I just hope that we will be able to do so, and that they could drive me and Daph home. :) OH well, but until then, they are just plans that are not yet scheduled. :) But I do hope that it will be scheduled soon. :)

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August 9, 2003 Saturday
-woke up by 821am. Went to gym; was late by almost 30 minutes. Gym for one and a half hour. Got a message from Daph, asking if I wanted to watch Honk! The Ugly Duckling. I am still waiting to call her. She also said in her text message if I was able to read her emails/reply to my emails. Well, I didn?¦t check my email last night. Well, I called her when I received her text messages by 930am, which was the time I was already working out. So after gym, I went ahead to call her, but nobody is answering. And then when I was done changing and on my way to the car, I called their home phone, and I was told that she was still asleep. When I droved home, and was already home, I called her again. She was still sleeping. :) Probably tired from the all the work she did this week at school, as I have now read her emails. :) Anyway, I went ahead to check my email then, but then it was already lunch time, so I had to eat lunch after somewhat skimming through the emails she sent. After lunch, read her mail. There are a lot of things that we haven?¦t talked about and didn?¦t know about. Hmmm?K. :0 and Jo didn?¦t text me at all. Hmm.. Anyway, I am just waiting for it to be 1pm so I can call Daph, as I told her in my message just 12nn. She replied to my reply to her 930am message by 12nn. But it was a good thing going to the gym; I feel that I got to move my body. I don?¦t feel ?§strained?¨; rather, I feel somewhat light and ?§lively?¨. :)
-I called Daph by 1pm. Nobody was answering the phone in her room. So I told their household help that I will call again by 130pm. When I did call by 130pm, I was glad that at last I got to talk to her. She was sleeping since 1030pm last night up to about 12noon today. :) and I could still hear her yawn, still wanting to sleep as she said. Well, of course, I told her that I can?¦t go to see the Honk! Musical. Nobody is going to drive me. I don?¦t want to ask papa because he is tired lately, and just last last week, he was having a headache, and I thought that he was having high blood pressure, but her blood pressure was normal for their age. And then, Achi doesn?¦t really want to drive me to Meralco; I told Daph I don?¦t want to ask achi to drive me there when she doesn?¦t really feel like driving me there. Therefore I declined Daph?¦s offer. Although I really like to go, because another thing would be I could get to see her and hug her. :) I told her if I am good at driving already, I would go alone, but then, it is not that way yet. And she has to go to school by 2pm for a meeting, and so I told her that I will talk with her up until at least 145pm, asking her if she can finish preparing herself for the meeting and leaving the house, and she said syempre, sya pa. We talked about what she wrote in the email, especially about her and Joe.
I told Daph pala that I will call her tomorrow, Sunday. She said that she called this morning(mga 9am, she woke up and called and texted me but then went back to sleep), but they said that I was out (kasi nasa gym ako diba). And then I told her na yun nga, pumunta ako gym, and I feel lighter and lively. ƒ? sabi niya it is a good investment naman daw, when I said that mag-pt ako. And that I would be paying another 5500 para sa next 10 sessions with ate Irene, for PT, kasi sabi ko kapag bigyan ako ng program, parang pwede kong dayain. And she said something na tama, na may discipline and something like that. Mas gusto ko kasi at least nandun si ate Irene, para ganahan ako pumunta. At least kapag andyan si ate Irene, gagawin ko talaga. ƒ? sabi ni daph na okay daw na investment ang pag-gym ko. ƒ? I told her na gusto sana sya isama but then hindi siya member. And she asked kung san ako gym, and I told her sa slimmers. Ayun. She is going tonight. Sayang di ako makapunta. Ano kaya, next time, kung free ako tsaka siya, nood kami movies. Sabi ni mama, mas worth it pa daw manuod ng movie for 130 per ticket compared to itong 650 pesos. But then kung sabi naman ni Daph maganda, maganda naman talaga. Kagaya nung libro na ni-recommend niya. Tsaka pupunta si Daph! :0 but then wala na akong magagawa, nagsabi na ako hindi ako makapunta dahil wala hatid sa akin at wala kaming magagawa kaya okay lang. Okay lang naman daw, but I really hoped that I had supported her. But I did tell her that I will call her tomorrow, and I really will. But I will always be there for her, when she really needs me and my presence. Thank God for letting me have a friend in Daph, my best friend. ƒ?
-went out with achi to bring native eggs and oranges for auntie haydee. Then we went to buy onion rings at Don Henrico?¦s, Libis branch, and then bought Halo-halo from CoolKing at SM North Edsa. :)
-didn?¦t eat anymore. Just watched tv. Jo still out; not yet home. Daph, I know is at the Meralco center, watching Honk! Musical. Well, pretty tired just watching tv, so will just reply to Daph?¦s email. ƒ?
-911pm. Jo called. And we talked up until 1020pm. ƒ? ayaw ko pa nga baba phone, but then antok na daw siya, kaya sige na nga. Pero I don?¦t answer yes, instead I say something gibberish. Ayaw daw niya baba phone, but then when I told her that I am already in my dad?¦s room, para isoli yung wireless, binaba na naming. Hehe ƒ? kung anu-ano ang pinag-uusapan. Can?¦t wait to talk to Daph tomorrow. Try lang daw ni Jo tawag tomorrow. :)

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August 8, 2003 Friday
-was woken up by Elbert by around 515am. I did say that I will help him with the flowcharting, so I took the paper of the process that he was waving before me and slept some more. I did woke up by around 527am. While in the bathroom, I worked on the flowchart, and after which I went to take a bath. We left home by 630am. I arrived in the office by 8am. I think it is much better for me, in my opinion, to go with Elbert during the mornings on his way to school. I mean, I wouldn?¦t be late for work, and I can get to sleep peacefully while in the car and not miss my stop because I can?¦t really sleep in the mrt with all the people and having to be awake to know you are at your stop or else you go past that point. :) I can survive going home alone after work; it is better to go home by mrt because it would be much faster compared to going home by car, although you have to squeeze yourself in the mrt ?§cart?¨ with all those other people, especially on Fridays. But then it would be faster, and be at the north avenue station from the ayala station in just 30 minutes, compared to going by car through edsa and arriving at SM north edsa area an hour later. :)
-was asked to do the filing again later. Sir Alvin is early today too and he was also surprised that I am early today but then I told him that it is much easier for me to wake up early and be driven to work so that I can still sleep while in the car. And anyway, it is just the last 6 days of work. :) sir Alvin just told me to relax for a while since it is still early. :) but I will try working on the additions I made to the FTP program so that I can start on the documentation, it is most final form, as of for this version. :)
-920am something. Was asked to do the filing with Ate Girlie after I was done filling up the reports we have to submit as well the evaluation forms to be given to our supervisor. We were done with the filing by 940am.
-going back to working on the FTP program. Groupmates not here yet.
-1030am. Groupmates arrived by this time. They were late due to the rain. Anyway, kept on working on FTP program and was able to solve the thing on directories, that if directories is existing, it wouldn?¦t make another one. :) It worked. I was done with it by 12nn. :) Ate lunch with them. After lunch, I made the project AutoFTP.vbp into an EXE file AutoFTP.exe. and it works when it is run at another computer, as long as you put it under C:\AutoFTP and then create the C:\AutoFTP\files_used folder and then that?¦s it. It would work okay still under present circumstances. :) I tried on the computer we are using, and it works. I tried on Kuya Sannel?¦s computer and it works. :) Great! :)
-1247pm. Just typing this journal entry. :) didn?¦t eat lunch with Liz and the others due to the rain outside. Anyway. :) At least I am done with the FTP program. I will just have to work on the manuals (user manual and flowchart) and then at that?¦s it. :) I have already checked with my list of things to do or change in this FTP program and that?¦s all; just the flowchart and user?¦s manual left. :)
-115pm. Just finished checking email accounts. More or less will end up sleepy again. Will try to work on the user manual.
-345pm. I finished the user?¦s manual and program set-up guide by this time. I also found out that there is a slight ?§missing?¨ characters, an underscore ( _ ) at some part of the program. Luckily at that time I was looking for the filename formats of the six text files created by the program, and suddenly some of the code missing the underscore. :0 I quickly made the changes and made a new .exe file. Whew! :0 Yup, I checked it again, just run my eyes through, and found no more errors or anything missing, I think and I hope so. Just the flowchart left to do. :)
-went down by 415pm. But achi arrived by 445pm since there was a traffic jam near Petron, at Gil Puyat. She bought me cupcakes from figaro anyway, so I ate and ate on the way home. Once home, watched tv, then ate dinner. And then I watched tv again, about a movie of a teenage girl who goes out of the closet to tell the world that she is a lesbian. After that, by around 845pm, I called my bestfriend, but then she was still talking with her mom, so I called Jo. I was also calling Drew, but nobody was answering the phone. Well, jo and I talked for a while. She was also going to call me but then since I already called, she is going to entertain my call. She talked about how she felt somewhat bad today. And then after that, we had to hung up because her mom is going to receive a long-distance call. And so after that, I watched tv for a while. Anyway, when I decided to brush my teeth, and am on my way out from the last room to our room, I heard Achi asking Elbert where the cordless phone was and then I heard the phone ringing, so I answered the phone, and it was Jo. And so we talked for some while again, about my crush, and about me being sentimental, and then about our going to Canada, and then about me somewhat being ?§irritated?¨ afraid of the thought that since I made it a point to be in the same class as she is, that what if her phycom classes would be on TH(most of our classes are on TH, and so if her phycom comes in a TH, she has to move/adjust her sched). I told her why I felt that way, but that it is not her fault, since it is not my right to assume and presume that I did her a favor when in fact it is my decision. Anyway, after that, we talked some more. Although she already told me that her mom needed to go to sleep (she was in her parent?¦s room and was sitting on her mom?¦s bed), we talked for some more until I reminded her that she needed to hang up so that her mom can sleep. Although a part of me didn?¦t want to hang up, we did, but before we said our goodbyes, she told me that she will text me when she is and she is not at home. :) Jo also told me that she might she me on Monday, but then she will tell me if her plans of seeing me on Monday will push through by tomorrow, august 9, 2003. When I called during 845pm, since she was also thinking of calling, but since I called, she sort of joked on why I called, and then she said, ?§miss mo ako noh??¨ And I said, ?§ganun? Sige na nga.?¨ :) And we laughed. :) Well, the truth is, I did kinda miss her, but of course I wouldn?¦t die if I didn?¦t call or didn?¦t get to talk to her, as I wouldn?¦t die if Daph and I didn?¦t get to talk much on the phone or on emails, or even if I don?¦t get to see her much; I mean, Daph and I are still friends, I think good friends, despite time and distance, and we really do do our best to keep in touch with each other despite each other?¦s schedule and each other?¦s life. We survived through it. :) Although a part of me really yearns to talk to her more often, but then we just have to understand that she is busy and tired from school, and that I am much more relaxed because of OJT. But if we are both going to school again, then we both would be busy with our own lives din, but then we do try to call each other still even in that situation, and keep up about each other?¦s life. Even if we are both tired or needed to do something for school, we do sometimes for a while longer, an hour or two longer, because we did enjoy talking with each other again after a long time; even if we are tired, we do talk. :) and I admit feeling refreshed after that. :) I hope that it is the same way to her as well. :) I also told her(Jo) that I will be going to the gym by 9am tomorrow morning. After that, we hung up. It was almost 1015pm then. After that, I thought long and hard if I should call Daph, I did try to call DAph by 1030pm. I did call and ask if she was still awake, but then their maid coursed my call through to her phone in her room, when she answered, I detected right away from her voice that she was already sleeping. I asked if she was sleeping; she answered ?§sort of.?¨ I then told her that what if she just sleep na lang. I then said sorry for disturbing, that she sleep na lang. She said okay, and that we talk sometime on Sunday if we can. And with that, we hung up. :) I knew I shouldn?¦t have called, but then I just tried. :) And she did answer and did entertain my call, but of course, she is tired for all the schoolwork she did, as she told me in her email that they had a major report today, and remembered that when I called yesterday that she had friends over at their place, probably working on to prepare for their report. I then decided to go brush and floss my teeth. (I haven?¦t been flossing for the whole week because I have been mentally tired for the whole week, and would end up dozing off at once when my head hits the pillow.) And right now, 1110pm, I am typing this entry down. :)

Oh, I just remembered, I was walking home, alone, along SM Makati and I saw this kid reaching out to his mom or sister, to hold his mom?¦s/sister?¦s hand. To think of it, as kids we long to hold out to people, and touch them. We were not afraid to give and share our love. We were much verbal, and we were not afraid to tell the people that we love that we love them. But then, as we grew, and we found out/discover about the risk of rejection, and being rejected ourselves, that we know pull ourselves back, and we just keep quiet inside, afraid of telling the people that we love that we really and deeply care for them because we are afraid that they might move away. WE are afraid to hold each other?¦s hand and touch each other?¦s lives. I smiled and sort of felt guilty when this came into mind. Because I myself have found it hard to tell people, especially the people that I love the most and would really want them to know that I love them but then afraid that they might just push me away. Although I have told people that I truly care about, like my bestfriend that I love her very much, and I really do care a lot for her, a part of me wished that I could say that to my parents and not be afraid to hug them. but then a part of me is still afraid ever since they ?§pushed?¨ me away when I hugged my mom when I was still young; she told me, ?§what?¦s the use of your hugging me if you are always making mistakes??¨. I mean, as a child, I really wanted to just hug them and I wasn?¦t expecting anything else from them except to see them smiled, but when she lashed out at me like that, since then, I have been afraid to hug her and get close to her, and even to my dad, because I am afraid that she?¦ll reject me again. I told myself, in a way, that it is better this way than to get hurt again. In a way, it was easier to tell the friends that I do care a lot about that I love them, and that I do care deeply about them. Funny, how I can say it to my good friends, and not to my family.

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August 7, 2003 Thursday
-arrived at the office by 845am. My sister will be going for a teaching demo at LaSalle today by 1pm, for an accounting class. :) Hope she gets accepted. :)
-started the day doing Sir Alvin?¦s documentation again, well at least this time it is just binding and segregating them according to their chapters. :) and then I just surfed the net and then typing this journal down before I start programming/adding something else to my FTP program. :)
-Kat said that they will be going to change their itelec3 from netdema to elemfre (of another college). But I told her to read the email of my correspondence with ms. Divine before anything else, so that we could be sure. They will be doing the enrollment changes for me. I would rather they see my schedule na rin kasi eh.
-groupmates didn?¦t come to work yesterday. I just don?¦t know about today.
-Well, they arrived by almost 1030am. But at least both Farids and Bic arrived. Ruz didn?¦t come in today.
-I ended up adding elemfre as our electives and taking away the other electives, netdema for liz, kat, nats and Dianne, and advnweb from me and jo, and adding in elemfre for all six of us and changing liz, kat, nats, and dianne?¦s intphil from s16 to EB(an engineering block) since it is in conflict with the elemfre a51 section. At least, we are all in the same elemfre section even if for just that. :)
-I printed a copy of our(all six of us) class schedule for next term, as well as the emails correspondence between me and Ms. Divine, so that I can show them, sort of for me a confirmation because I know I made the changes, but then I just want somebody to confirm it for me. :)
-ate lunch with Farids and Bic. After that, I did nothing, and just tried to keep busy. From 256 to 310pm, I was asleep. I really had a headache. Anyway, after that, I just used Kuya Sannel?¦s computer so that I can type this and check my mail. Farids was working on the TTR system manual, so I just let them be.
-they left by 408pm.
-I am still thinking on how I will be putting the Mkdir thing to my program. I have this idea in my head, but just don?¦t want to work on it much. (lazy me. :)). Just waiting for it to be 5pm. :) it is just 52minutes away.
-457pm. Just finished surfing the web again. Did try to look for sources on the checking directory thing so that I won?¦t need to devise a way to check if the directory is already present. But oh, well, I didn?¦t find anything on it. Though I also searched for the song ?§You?¨ by Jim Brickman featuring Jane Krakowski. :) It is just 3 minutes away from 5pm.
-went down by 505pm. Liz and the others got down from the office by 525pm. Ghe Tan had already arrived before that. Well, Kat and Ghe went on their own way. Liz, Dianne and I rode in Nats car. And then Liz and I took MRT home. Once home, ate dinner after watching some tv. Then helped Elbert in his ERD diagram. Then went online for a while, networking my laptop and Elbert?¦s computer. Then found out a weird thing when I checked my mail: my bestfriend?¦s reply to my email was in the Trash Folder of my yahoo account, already replied to! :0 I didn?¦t even reply to it, and I don?¦t definitely delete messages from her, and that is why it is very weird! :0 anyway, I called her place, but then she had friends over because, as she had mentioned in her email, they have a major report tomorrow. So after that, I just replied to her reply, and I guess my email is a long one. :) after that, I went to sleep, telling my brother that I will help him out with the flowchart thing, for their program, in the morning, as long as he wakes me up.

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August 6, 2003 Wednesday
-woke up 540am. Left with Elbert 630am. Forgot lunch box. Arrived at office 745am. Worked on ftp (making directories if program first used. To set the directories already.) left again by 930am, with liz, kat, nats, Dianne, to dlsu to see gradpics. Arrived at dlsu by 1030am. Chose pics. Accompanied lizette to registrar and accounting. Went to gokongwei. Saw cha espinar, romero, and harry at sps (gradpic). Went to gokongwei. Left by almost 11am something. Arrived back at makati by almost 12nn. Will go home with liz this afternoon. They invited me to their going away party from prudential on Friday or something. Bought lunch from olivers and ate it at pantry.
-cannot continue working on program because asked by sir Alvin to make necessary changes to document he asked me to do for web billing. Groupmates haven?¦t arrived yet at all. I think they are also going to choose the grad pic to be printed today.
-was done with the editing of the manual/document by 5pm. But then the printing was so slow that I stayed later than I expected. I told Liz that she can go home first if she needs to, and she does, so she went ahead. Right now, 712pm, I am still here. From 5to712pm, I ended up working on the FTP program that I wasn?¦t able to ?§finish?¨ or ?§clean up?¨ because I left for dlsu and because I was asked to do the editing.
-left by 730pm. Went home alone in the night. Arrived at north avenue station by almost 830pm. Papa and ma fetched me; we stopped by mcdo first then home. After that, they went to Paz because a family friend?¦s mother died. Stayed home, at dinner(would you believe, I ate two cups of rice?), watched Alias at Studio23 and was asleep by 1030pm.

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August 5, 2003 Tuesday
-arrived by 9am. Worked on the editing of the manuals that sir Alvin asked me to do yesterday. I stopped for a while when Sir Molano arrived for the LO visit this morning. He talked with us and Sir Ogie. After a short while, he left. I went back to working on the manuals. Stopped for a while for lunch. After that, back to editing, up until 445pm, by which I am now taking time to type down this journal. Groupmates left by 230-3pm. Liz and I won?¦t be riding home together since Dianne?¦s dad will be treating them dinner.
-it has been a pretty tiring day, but at least not a moment is wasted since I am able to accomplish what I am asked to do. :) That?¦s the most important thing. I plan to start/continue the documentation for the FTP program tomorrow; I don?¦t want to add the ?§create directory?¨ part anymore, because whenever I add something, it usually takes me another week to figure out the error. :) And at least, I can finish the documentation before we leave, which the also another important part aside from the FTP program.
-will leave by 5pm or so after checking my mail.
-went home. Once home, ah, I ate dinner, and then watched Smallville by 9pm while trying to make an ERD diagram for my brother?¦s project. Sleep.

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August 4, 2003 Monday
-arrived at work by 920am. Worked on the FTP program. Last Friday?¦s error is already fixed. :) they arrived by 10am and so. I just kept on working on the program, and then Sir Alvin asked me to edit the grammar of the manuals made by employees in PLDT HK. I worked on those even up until now, 306pm.
-groupmates left by about 245pm since they don?¦t have much to do and I am doing much of the work given by Sir Alvin.
-we don?¦t know if Sir Rene Molano will come to the office for a LO visit tomorrow. Hope that he does. We only have two weeks to go, and the LO needs to visit at least twice before we reach our 560 hours.
-didn?¦t go to school with Jo today to see contact prints. Nat, Liz, Dianne, and Kat are going there on Wednesday and Jo told me that I go with them on Wednesday instead of going with her today since they would be rushing to do things when they get to La Salle since they need to submit some things.
-411pm. Spent the rest of the afternoon continuing with the editing of the user manual grammar after spending some time checking my email accounts. Will leave by 5pm to meet with Liz at the walkway.
-Liz arrived by 530pm. We arrived at the North Avenue station by almost 630pm. Achi and Papa fetched me and we went to stop by at SM North Edsa to buy Halo-halo from CoolKing but then when I got there, there were no more banana, and the other ingredients that we want, so I just went to buy cassava crackers for my sis which we ate on the way home. We stopped over my sister?¦s bestfriend?¦s house to pick her up since my sister decided that she wanted to colour her hair and has asked this friend to do it for her. Once home, ate dinner, scanned the Villman receipt for Carlo, watched tv (Charmed), and then went to sleep.

2003-08-03T02:39:00.000-07:00

August 3, 2003 Sunday
-woke up by 10pm. Watched tv. Body still feels tired, not in condition. And then helped out in the mornings burning of incense. (Buddhist tradition). Ate lunch afterwards. Then watched tv…. Up until 3pm something.
-made note to work on the ftp program I am working on since there are still some unwanted “bugs” and to update my journal entries as well and also to fix my things and to take good care of my newly bought hub/switch. I was starting to feel drowsy, probably because I ate pizza and drank hot cocoa while watching tv. :)
-called Jo. Only talked for a while. Did talk about tomorrow’s plan of going to school to check out and decide on which contact prints should be printed and be put into the yearbook. And then of course she told me that she is thinking of dropping advnweb and taking something else. I told her to tell me/inform me on both counts. Then we hung up because she needed to work on their system and I had to call Daph.
-called Daph. Well, she just got home. :) she was surprised, well not really surprised, that I called. :) anyway, I was feeling drowsy then, and while I was talking to her, she kinda noticed my drowsiness (though I didn’t tell her that I was feeling drowsy) and asked me if I was feeling okay. :) I told her that I was feeling fine except that I am sleepy but then that I must not sleep. She asked why I musn’t sleep; I told her that if I sleep now, I wouldn’t be able to sleep later tonight. :) and she got what I meant and agreed to what I said. :) it is funny on how I tried not to sound drowsy and tired, but still, she noticed that I am drowsy and such. Guess, we can “feel” or “sense” each other, even on the phone, by just each other’s voice. :) when I heard her voice on the phone, I knew she was busy and then she told me that she just got home, needed to do a lot of other things and that she is emailing something for her sister but then something is wrong with her new yahoo account. Anyway, we talked a while, with her discussing with me about this email problem, and then me asking if her computer’s time is correct to which she answered yes. And then I talked about buying the hub/switch, and she didn’t know what it was, I explained what it can do and then she understood. It feels great to know that somebody can still understand what you are trying to explain as simple as possible. But then come to think of it, Daph and I have known each other for so long, and we are comfortable with each other and therefore on both reasons, are why we can easily understand each other. :) well, anyway, after that, she did mention about can’t wait to see each other again, that she hopes we could meet up on their semestral break. I then asked when their sembreak was and she told me that it would be sometime on October. :) I then mentioned on how I hope that we could see each other on my birthday, asking her as well if she it is sembreak at ATeneo on my birthday. :) Anyway, more or less she had to get on doing the email thing for her sister Beng, to email it to be printed, but first checking it out on her brother’s computer(she did explain on how she has to email that, and on how beng’s groupmate didn’t want to do the printing at all[oh, their printer at home was not working so they had to ask beng’s groupmate to print it], but then did agree to do so. :)). She also said that it was a hassle having her yahoo account to go “berserk” and having to change accounts since she has to keep her yahoogroups groups updated on her new email account and then joining those yahoogroups all over again. But then she really had to go, but told me that I email her still those email that I did send a few days ago, and knew that they were there, but then never did get to see them. she told me to email it/them to her bluebottle.com address. :) I told her that this time, I saved it to my sent folders. :) she asked if I had the reasons on why I switched to a different thesis group and I said yes, because I think that I do have written the reasons on the saved emails. :) she said that she will check her mail again later and that she will read them, and email when she can. :) but I really had to let her go and get on with what she needs to do, so we said our goodbyes and she gave me a “kiss” or a “mwuh!” goodbye.:) after that, we hung up. :) and I really feel happy being able to talk to her. :) and I hope that she does feel the same way too. :)
-I went to get my laptop from elbert’s room and then went online to check my mail and also update this journal entry for the week. :) it is 541pm now. :)
-i do feel somewhat tense because i want to make sure that i finish the ftp program, but then i wouldn't really want to do it at home because i would always choose to do it in the office. so i don't push myself to do it at home but that i make it a point to work at it when in the office. oh well...

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August 2, 2003 Saturday
-woke up by 9am. well, i guess i was just lounging around at home and was listening to mp3s with my sis. and then i played my playlist with the home audiovisual system where the speakers not being used anymore for my own use. :) connected it through a jack or what ever you call it with the same ends(sort of the end of hte earphone that you plug in to computers ). it worked.
-i helped out in cleaning the hamster food dishes and one of the hamsters cage.
-ate lunch and listened to mp3. went to take a bath. called carlo to verify if we will still push through in buying the hub/switch. he said yes and that i call if i am 20 minutes away from sm carpark.
-drove to orthodontist's at e.rodriguez. was really in condition, but i still made it. :) my appointment was 4pm, but the orthodontist was only able to work on my braces by 445pm. But I did get to sm carpark by around 530pm. Carlo arrived by almost 6pm.
-well, he did the scouting for the hub/switch. We found one, that he especially likes and found from the villman.com site, and guess where we bought my hub/switch: villman branch at sm carpark. :) but there was only one left, so I bought it and a lan cable as well. He will be buying his from the Villman’s West Avenue branch tomorrow. :)
-we arrived at our place by 730pm. We ate dinner first, then worked on setting up the hub/switch and doing the mapping drive thing and such. :) we also shared the internet connection and such, and we did try to make a back up of my files, but then something is wrong, so I would end up manually moving my files from my laptop to my brother’s computer. Well, I guess that is better that nothing at all. :) he left our place by around 9pm.
-just watched tv and waited until my sister came home before 12mn, by which time I also decided to go to sleep. :)
-oh, and did I mention, the rubber band on my braces are “glow in the dark”. It is kinda scary when I do look at the mirror in the dark. :) but of course, it isn’t too obvious because it doesn’t glow that much to be noticeable unless you flash the flashlight before it for a while and then show your braces in the dark. :) (just imagine the teeth and the skull). :)

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August 1, 2003 Friday
-woke up by 6am and left home by 630am with elbert. sir rene was coming over for a LO visit.
-arrived at worked by 8am. worked on ftp project while using messenger to talk with aunt loudette. after that, found out that the memorandum of agreement was not yet done and so sir rene can't meet with us after talking with me and sir ogie. he'll probably come next tuesday.
-from 10am up until afternoon, we were worrying about the enrollment. when it was nearing 10am, i decided to borrow a computer,a nd sir alvin helped me out by askng for kuya sannel's password. and so i got to use the comp. Ruz used the computer we are using, marivic borrowed jovani's laptop, and i shared kuya sannel's computer with Farids. anyway, bic and ruz were already done with the enrollment. I, on the other hand, with farids, had to wait. but i was able to complete my enrollment, most of my subjects at S14(same block as joanne Yao), and then itresm at s11 and orient at s14. Farids had to wait longer before she got to finish hers. more or less by 2pm somthing, before 3pm, we were officially done with the enrollment. whew. in the past, the enrollment would take just 5 minutes or less; now, it took as more or less 5 hours. and the enrollment during the morning scared me a lot because i thought all the sections are closed, luckily i was calling up dianne cabrera, Jo and Kat to ask and also know what their section is. whew... and they told me to try again when they found out that things are working better online.
-while enrolling, i was eating my packed lunch. lucky i decided to bring food along with me this friday. i got to brush my teeth by 245pm, when i remembered, after enrolling and suffering this headache ever since the enrollment started. whew....
-can't do much anymore right now. more or less, i will just continue with the programming next week. the enrollment is really tiring.
-groupmates left by 3pm something. they asked me if was not leaving yet, told them yes because i have to wait for Lizette.
-351pm. more or less,i got an updated zip copy of the program i am working on. and then i just checked my email accounts. i am just waiting for it to be 5pm. can't really do much anymore right now. just want to sleep and look forward for the weekend. want to relax after the grueling enrollment. will probably just delete unwanted emails and update journal entry until 5pm.
-440pm. well, i have just taken the time to delete messages from my yahoomail account. am pretty sleepy. but then there is only 20 minutes left before 5. :) it's really cold here. didn't expect that i was going to tremble because of the airconditioning system. brrrr......
-to think of it, we (as individuals trying to enroll subjects) were helping each other and more or less got together more harmoniously. i mean, i would even joke around and such. well, i don't know, but i am already with another group, so no use thinking about it anymore, but at least we got along today. :)
-5pm. left the office then. waited for liz at the walkway. more or less,they got up from the walkway by 515pm. walked and got to the station. once there, we found that there are a lot of people and we waited for at least three trains to come by before we did get to board one. once at the north avenue station, achi picked me up from there and we went to see Marshall at their home in LIbis(he had just gotten back to the Philippines from taiwan, and will be in the philippines for a few days). we ate at DOn Henrico's in LIbis, more or less vegetarian. then we stopped over at their home, and then achi and i went home. we got home by about 11pm. i still called Carlo over the phone to discuss about us buying the hub for me to use at home. well, things will go as planned. i then went to sleep since i really had a throbbing headache.

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July 31, 2003 Thursday
-slept by 12am/1am. was listening to mp3s.
-woke up by 642am. at work by 9am.
-work, work, work. made changes on the ftp program based on the thoughts that came to mind yesterday of possible errors. now that i have incorporated those changes, one part works and the other(automatic mode) starts to have errors. haven't found the cause/source; will most probably continue tomorrow. (ruz, Farids, and Bic) using computer.
-i've told them yesterday about moving/changing groups, to malcolm's group. today, it is more or less the same as the way they treat me and act everyday. civil naman. when i asked if it was okay that i moved to malcolm's group, bic said that it was alright. (i didn't say this out loud since sir ogie was around, so i implied "about yesterday".) and i thanked them for it.
-would and did text Daph. she started texting telling me she's sorry she wasn't able to check her email yesterday because she had a headache and slept early last night. I said it's okay. she's checking her email at home this morning since she doesn't have class today, but will be attending a meeting at school by 1pm. she said she hasn't gotten to my email yet because of all the junkmails, and that she'll text me later. :)
-ate lunch, and now back at the table. not doing much, trying to figure out what went wrong in the program but can't do much as of now since they're using the computer. oh, i really have to work on it at home.
-Sir rene molano, would be coming for a L.O. (linkage officer) visit tomorrow morning. i already told Bic, Farids, ruz and Sir Ogie about it.
-1234pm. sleepy! :0 will take mrt ride home with Liz this afternoon.
|don't forget to get signed attendance sheet and weekly reports.|
-156pm. informed sir alvin of new errors that came up after correcting some "logical errors". i also asked Sir Ogie to sign my june and july attendance sheets as well as the 2 weekly group reports for the last two weeks of July (7-21 to 25) and (7/28 to 8/1). 3 hours and 19 minutes left.
-224pm. 2 hours and 51 minutes. Sir ogie is preparing himself as well for sir Rene's LO visit tomoorw. He knows that he's not around the office much the other month, but then he does his best to know and familiarize himself with what we are doing here, even if it is on the last minute so that he could say things right, based on the reports we have written and submitted so that we could pass our practicum. :)
-since they're using the computer, all i can do right now is to try to run the program in my mind, to trace and find where the possible cause/s of errors might be. and that's all i can do until i can get to try it out on the computer. and i guess this is what i will end up doing for the remainder of the day. it's hard to use another staff's computer here because most of them don't have vb6 installed, and if it's installed, the computer is locked for use by that personnel only.
-240pm. it seems tat every month, the chinese employees of Unified COmmunications from Malaysia comes over to the philippines. :) :0 :| :)?
-3pm. Groupmates left! they thought sir ogie already left, but the lo and behold, he just went to the washroom and now that he's going back to the office, found them leaving work early. Anyway, will do checking now of my thoughts on the errors and the possible solutions.
-345pm. typing this entry to rest after trying out the thoughts i had on solving the errors i found earlier in the program. :) one hour and 30 minutes left.
-420pm. just finished typing the down the day's journal entry that i wrote down, as well as finishing checking my mail. will go back to working on the program up until, let's say, 5pm.
-i programmed up until 515pm.i was supposed to go down by 5pm, but i was so engrossed in programming, finding out that i am able to find a solution and make the problems i found earlier work properly again led me to forget about the time. luckily, i remembered by 515pm and went to meet with Liz and the others.
-Liz and I took mrt home. but we arrived by almost 7pmm since the mrt stopped for so long at boni avenue. mama and achi then went to fetch me after they had finished ordering food from banawe's monte villa. once home, we ate dinner. and then i talked with jo and then took my father's blood pressure. after that, i went online and icqed with carlo, then drew. and then after that, almost by 11pm something, went to sleep after my sister was done talking with me.

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July 30, 2003 Wednesday

-did get a reply from Daph, telling me that my text didn't wake her up since she was fast and sound asleep and that she'll reply to my email later today. :) (i texted her last night and said that i sent the email to her and that i hope that my msg, when the phone beeps, wouldn't wake her up. :)).
-left for work by 830am, with Papa and Kuya Gudo driving me to the office. while in the car, my dad explained the incident about me and jo going together to Canada and such. that at least i ask first, "magpaalam" dahil may "galang" or respect to them as parents, kasi my moving there would involve them as well. i did feel a little tense, but then i understood their side/stand, and i didn't say anything anymore. I am glad that i am able to control of myself, and that i am able to understand their perspective. usually, it would be hard for me to accept what they are telling me, but today, i was able to take in into heart. last night i wouldn't, but am glad that he explained it today not last night because i would really not listen much to them last night, but now that i am relaxed, i am listened to them.
-arrived at work by 945am. Marivic and Farids arrived b 1030am something. am now working on the flowchart thing. i plan to tell them now about me moving to Malcolm's group. and we hope that we could work on the time-in/out program today as well. hope things turn out fine. i can't wait to read Daph's reply. :)
-more or less, i worked on the flowchart. and then of course, i would have ideas or sudden thoughts that would make me think that something is wrong with the program or that may cause problems in the program in the future. i just took note of those. more or less, that was what i did from morning to afternoon. they were using the computer today, working on the time-in/out program for the company, and of course, making sure that the ttr can be used by the computers in the office that are networked together.
-i also told them that i am moving to another group. i wasn't able to them face to face so i just wrote it down and gave it to them as a letter when i was to leave work by 5pm. in the letter, i told them that i just wrote it down because i tend to forget what i have to say, but with a letter, i can put all my thoughts down and then there wouldn't be problem of me having to find a spot for us to talk with nobody else hearing about it. I also thanked them for giving me a 2nd chance, and i also mentioned that the second chance was so that we could see if things could work out, and if things don't work out, that we can disband. I told them that i am moving to another group because i have the problem. that i think we are doing okay right now, but that there is internal conflict in me, and that i can't communciation with them: hard for me to delegate and share work to them on the program and that they have a hard time follwing my train of thought, and it is also the same the other way around. i also told them that i am already accepted by another group. and that i think it would be better to disband even before the thesis proposal, because it would be harder if we were to have problems during thesis proper. I also said that i really thank them for taking me in when i lost thesismates then(Genina, Che and Au), that i thank them very much. but that i don't want to wait for long before i tell them, so i just wrote it down. i also said that i guess we can still work harmoniously together for the remainder of the OJT, though we are somewhat "hiwalay" or separate since i work on a different project now and they are working on another as well, (though we did work on some program together). I said that i know that they (the three of them) can work together well with each other, and can get those projects done themselves. I also said that i don't want to be their "enemy" because of the thesis, or for any other reason. I also said that i hope there would be no hard feelings. I also said that i thank them for the second chance, the honesty, the pakikisama and the consideration they gave me, and that my moving would be for the better[of both]. and i ended it with a sincerely yours from me. (well, this is what i remember of the letter. i didn't make any copy anymore. i was thinking of asking Liz to read it during our MRT ride, but today she had to go home with her mom, so i took the mrt alone. i think i have to believe my instinct in that i am able to write a letter that wouldn't offend them in any way and still get my message, that i am moving to another group, across. i just can't wait anymore; i didn't tell them anything for almost a week i think.). Well, when i was at the ayala station platform, i checked my cellphone and saw i received a message from Bic, asking, "Ei grace, curious lang me, sinong group yun?". i told her, "kina malcolm", and sent another message, "sana hindi kayo galit or anything..". Bic didn't reply anymore. IN a way, i feel that a weight has been lifted, but then of course, there is the thought of what may happen tomorrow if we see each other at work. Well, i am expecting the worst, but hoping that things would still be the same. but for me, i felt better because i am not keeping anything from them anymore, not keeping my mouth shut about me moving to malcolm's group.
-i told mama and papa about it when they fetched me at the station. my mom said i should have told this to them face to face, but then i told them that i tend to forget what i say. i told her that i wrote the letter in a way that i am saying that i am the one with the problem and that is why i am the one moving out. anyway, we then went to Unimart to buy some stuff.
-once home, ate dinner and then after that put together the groceries since most of them will be for sunday's "offerings". i put things into order. after that, i checked my mail; my bestfriend hasn't replied yet. :( and then i called Malcolm up, telling him that i told Bic already, in a letter, based on what i remembered that i wrote on the letter, and then Bic's text message and my answer/s. and then he told me that we might have a problem with the problem since our other groupmates, masayuki, is currently having trouble, and if case financially masayuki can't work things out, there would only be the two of us as a group; but if masayuki's financial problem works out,then there is still three of us. of course, after that, we hung up. during the call, malcolm was sort of smiling or laughing a little at me, on how i told Bic and such....
-after that, i wanted to work on the flowchart thing changes, but i guess i will be working on it at the office. we arrived home from unimart by 8pm something, and after eating dinner and putting the groceries in order and checking main and talking to Malcolm, it is already 10pm. and now i am typing this entry down and it is already 1036pm. anyway, after talking to malcolm, i remembered to call jo but then she was already sleeping. :) oh well, and i came back to typing this journal. oh, and i also posted a paper containing my schedule for the saturdays of august. :) more or less that's it. :) got a new earphone from my dad since my other earphones is not working properly(on the left is working. :)). OH, Sir Rene, our Linkage officer, texted me informing me that he might visit us on friday and told me to call him. i called him and then he told me that more or less he will be going to visit us this friday, august 1. and he asked some things about the work place, about the job given to us, the number of people in the office, the office set-up and such. :) and after that, that's it, he is saying something about the memorandum of agreement from Hazel of which he didn't text me about nor did farids tell me about if he did inform her. he said that he will more or less visit us in the morning and more on meeting with us as a group, and asked who our supervisor is, and who is the head of the office. Anyway, that's all we talked about(i think, because that is all that i remember as of now). i hope i answered his questions right. because our project supervisor in all the reports we submit is sir Ogie, so i told him our direct supervisor is ogie abanilla. I hope that i did things and answered his questions correctly. Oh well, too late to think about it now.

oh, my dad gave me his old earphones, which he has only used twice, to me since my current earphone's left side works. but then, since he hasn't used it for long, the rubbery coating was kinda sticky, and i had to put powder on it so that it won't be sticky to use.

a poem i typed yesterday:::
i look up to the sky still.
Whether it be blue or gray
even in the black of night
in happiness and sadness felt

at each stare and each breath
i think of you as if you're here
how i pray that you be safe
everytime, everywhere, everyday.

every cloud, every star
the rays of the sun
the light of the moon
reminds me of friends afar.

and with the rustling of leaves
as the wind passes bay
and the footsteps of each person
and more of the sounds of the world.

but then my mind goes back
to thinking of you
a person i miss so
because i do really love so.

and i continue to write poems
passing idle time
and waiting for the workday to end
[and looking forward to seeing you again]
and trying my best to make this rhyme.

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July 29, 2003 Tuesday
-groupmates didn't come to work because today is their yearbook pictorial (duh...)
-really didn't want to wake up but still. arrived at work by 945am. well,when we drove my brother to school, my sister asked if we could get something from SM Manila Bay. i agreed. when we arrived there, the guard said that nobody is inside yet and that work starts 9am. it was already 844am then, so i told her that we can wait. we left that place, after my sister got to get what we needed to get there, by 9am something. and arrived at work late. :)
-just worked on the comments for the AutoFTP program, and suddenly found out that i didn't put a part of the code that would handle the transition in the year. I am still currently working on it now since i only found out about this today.
-spent lunch break with Jo, Liz, Kat, Nats, Dianne, Mitch, TJ. really didn't feel well, my mind seems too heavy.
-back at work, think, think and think of a solution for the year transition thing. and i am still thinking up to now, 240pm. did ask sir alvin if i should do a dfd, as he said, or a flowchart, since a dfd is only for those where data is processed, but not in this program. and so he agreed on me making a flowchart instead (but this would be a very "webby" flowchart). i don't want to start with the time-in&out program thing without the other "3" since we should work together and i didn't really get the idea about it discussed to them. i will be leaving the office by 530pm today; i will be meeting my parents at Makati Medical. Liz already told me yesterday that we can't take the ride home together since she has to accompany her mom to a function this night; i am lucky because i can get a ride home with my parents since my mom will be going for a check-up this night, at 6pm. i hope that i can figure out the year transition problem wiht my program. :)
-426pm. i did find a solution to that year transition thing. what i did is that i check the current year's log, if the log contains values at the first four rows, then it would most probably be the current year still, no transition, and so it will go to that branch of the else statement where it would be correctly handled; if there is no value or if it is blank, then it would mean that it is a new file, therefore the program must check the previous year's log, jsut to see if there are still any files not downloaded yet. and then do the downloading, and write it on the new current year's log. :) whew! :) but i did have a problem with the if-else-end if block and i had to print out 7 pages worth of code before i was able to find out where it was that was missing an end-if. :) okay, i will be indenting the code, to make it readable, and then i will work on the flowchart, if i still have time. :)
-452pm. i found out that there are some new people from outside the philippines again, and i think they are speaking fookien, but in a way a fookien with a different accent. :) i tried talking to one in fookien, but i guess he didn't understand me. :)
-523pm. i have finished with the indenting. I have also finished with the comments. :) more or less, i will be working on the flowchart tomorrow. I will be leaving by 525pm to meet with my parents at Makati medical. :)
-met with my parents at Makati Med by 615pm. told him about plans to go to Canada with Jo and that we would be living together. they got "angry", and told me that since i cannot distinguish things therefore i am not able to be reasonable at all. well, my mom went on with her check-up. i jsut didn't want to talk anymore because i felt bad and felt that i might just shout at them or say something bad so i just waited outside the clinic while both of my parents went in to see the doctor. after taht, we ate at floating island. we were more or less quiet. i didn't say anything anymore. on the way home, the two of them were doing most of the talking. i just kept quiet. though we would still talk if they were going to buy the donut for my brother. but i dare not bring up the topic of me going to Canada with Jo anymore. i wanted to let them know what i plan to do after college, but then i don't want being made to feel bad when i tell them about this.
-well, we went ahead to find a dunkin donuts store. the one at delta already closed down, as well as taht at Del Monte. I remembered one at Munoz and we went there. and there it was. we bought my brother 6 choco frosted donuts and 25 pcs of honey dipped munchkins. after that we went straight home. once at home, checked mail, called Malcolm(i told him that i will be in the same itresm class as he is but that i will be in the block where Joanne Yao will be for the other subjects, and he said it was just okay. and then he asked me waht coco's and the others reaction were to my changing group for thesis; i told him that i haven't told bic yet because my parents told me not to yet. but then he told me to tell them already, so that they won't be "shocked" when they hear it from me and i also said it as well, the word "shocked" when he told me to tell it to bic already. i told him that i will. checked mail and found out that i didn't save the long e-mail that i have typed for daph. anyway, i emailed her at the new email address she gave to me and told her that i will just call her up and tell her about the changing group thing, and did ask that she reply to my email if she did get my email.
-anyway, gotta go. found out that ccs enrollment is moved to aug. 1 instead of aug.2. did call jo but nobody's answering the phone.
-went to sleep by 1am, after finishing the email i typed/wrote for my bestfriend, sending it and making sure that i save it in my Sent Folders. :) did text to tell her that i already sent it to her.

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July 28, 2003 Monday

-yesterday's coup de etat ended last night.
-arrived by 915am. took a ride to Makati with papa; papa and driver drove me to work.
-they arrived by 945am, for Farids, and Bic and RUz came by 10am.
-well, i did make some changes to the AutoFTP program that i wasn't able to work on much last week since i would come in somewhat late and my groupmates had to work a lot on the revisions for the TTR program and then i was asked to do something else.
-oh well, i really can't sleep last night from fear of how the enrollment would go. well, but since the enrollment is moved to Aug 2, then oh well. :)
-more or less, was using the computer for the whole morning. making changes to the project and surfing the net, checking my email and reading up on Frank Herbert's Dune.:)
-well, last night, was watching Children of Dune at Hallmark Channel. :) Liked the story and that is why i intend to buy/get a copy of the book so that i can read up and understand the story much further. :) this is why i am adding it to the things that i am saving on to buy: harry potter and the order of the phoenix(book 5) and then Frank Herbert's Dune, Dune Messiah, Children of Dune, Heretics of Dune, and two other books on Dune. :) Frank Herbert wrote this 6 books, but then there are still other books that his son has continued writing, but i am only interested in those books written by Frank Herbert. :)
-after lunch, was pretty much not doing much. and they were still using the computer, so i jsut went over to use the laptop for a while, or as long as i can. :) typing down this entry and doing some other things that i can do. :)
-oh, i will be buying my first ever hub with Carlo this saturday. probably during the afternoon, as long as we're both done with the enrollment during the morning; and i will be having an appointment with the orthodontist that afternoon, by 4pm. well, i guess after buying i did ask Carlo if he could come over our place and help set-up the hub to test if it works, and he said "sure! :)" cool. :) At least if there is any problem when i connect my laptop and my brother's computer, then carlo would be there to help us solve it out, instead of having to call him up and having to describe what happens when i click this and that and such. :)
-1:46pm. well, just went on to play solitaire and won. :) not doing much. well, we can really go home already, if we want to but then i have to wait for Liz up to 5pm, so better wait then. :) 3 hours and 14 minutes. Just three hours away. :)
-2:11pm. 2 hours and 49 minutes. :) oh well... :) more or less i am just doing nothing. i really want to sleep.
-348pm. am boring myself to death. :) hehe :) well, not really doing much. I don't know how to plan doing the time in-time out thing. i have been online for a while, but i guess by now, the net is slowing down so i might as well do the user manual for the Autoftp that i have worked on for the past month. :)
-414pm. i have just finished the user's manual for the autoftp. well, i have the much more technical manual to work on now. Sir alvin wanted some sort of dfd, but i don't think i can do that. I would more or less make a flowchart instead.
-just wrote an email for my bestfriend. after that i went down to meet Liz at the walkway. took the mrt ride home together. was fetched from north avenue station by 630pm(i arrived by 610pm) since my dad and mom and sis had to go buy banana's for this sunday's "offerings". we then went to Hi-top for some groceries. once home, ate dinner. and then by 9pm, watched charmed. after that, watched Lizzie Maguire. after that, just listened to some mp3s. and by 1131pm, slept. :)

2003-08-01T00:06:00.000-07:00

Thanks Keren! :)

We were really happen then, since it was the first time for over a long period of time that we at least get to see each other, even if it is just a few of us. Our highschool batch comprises of 112 students; that day, almost 12 of us were there.

My best friend and i get to see each other more or less once a year. this year, we saw each other twice and i hope to get to see her again soon. :)

I do check your site whenever i can, but sometimes i have this problem with the guestbook since sometimes it wouldn't allow me to sign your guestbook, but i do come back whenever i can. :)

Thanks. :)

2003-07-30T08:42:00.000-07:00

Oh, here is a pic of me and my high school batchmates last June 20, 2003. :)

the one wearing the orange shirt is my best friend, Daphne. :)

seated from left to right: mitzi, Daphne, grace, Nicole, miriam
and the only guy is Benjamin (my high school crush. hehe :))

it may take a while to load. :) i didn't resize it anymore, so that you could see their faces in detail. :)

oh, and something happened to the middle of the pic. might be caused by the ftp ascii uploading. :-0 but anyway, it is still us. :)

go to Our Pic

2003-07-27T05:22:00.000-07:00

July 27, 2003 Sunday

-woke up by 949am. heard about the coup de etat already.
-more or less watched tv... ate lunch...
-watched Sleepless in Seattle.
-went out to buy halo-halo and stopped by Rockwell to get something my sister left there last night from Kulinarya. When we were at Rockwell by 3pm, almost all stores were already closed. Rockwell was closing by 5pm today for the day. we saw tanks when we were going to rockwell. on the way back, i thought on how i hope my best friend is home already at Corinthians when we passed by the edsa shrine. we then went to sm edsa to buy halo-halo at cool king. boy! there were a lot of people there, compared to rockwell which is almost empty.
-once home, eat, watch tv, eat, watch tv, sleep, online....
-heard that no classes at DLSU? :0

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July 26, 2003 Saturday
-automatically woke up by 8am. took a bath. went to bring over a ethnic drum we had at home to my high school friend's house so that we wouldn't have a hard time trying to meet on tuesday. and i am not doing anyway since i cannot go to Marie France for treatments and Ate Irene and I cancelled the pt session for today last night. drove to my friends place and back home. i really need more practice in driving.
-after lunch, my sis and i cleaned our bathroom.
-watched tv.
-ate dinner.
-typed down the minutes of yesterdays meeting. planned the contents for the list and the evaluation form that i will finish tomorrow.
-called Jo by 845pm. and talked until 930pm something.
-typed journal entries down. :) miss my friends a lot, all of you around the world. :0
-did worry about my bestfriend. texted her and she replied that they are 30 minutes away from tagaytay. :0
-watched tv and waited until my sis came home. slept by 249am.

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July 25, 2003.
-last night, dreamt of Jubilee with ghosts. but i also had this dream: dream was sort of in Jubilee and saw Daph there, attempting to do a feat(something like those done in ripleys believe it or not, but i had to go so i went over to say that i had to go home. i gave her a hug(she hugged back), patted her back, and kissed her head(on her hair). but then it didn't stop there. i heard her mom was sick or to be doing something wrong to her body. I am not really sure now, but i did remember that in the dream i did go back to see Daph and she is now almost done with her feat but was really having a hard time. i gave her a hug and stayed by her side to support her body, and told her something's wrong with her mom. she asked what it was, as i am still hugging her since i saw her having a hard time and needed support. I whispered to her ear and when she heard she was surprised, shocked, and we hugged each other all the more. and i woke up. it was 630am, and i can't go back to sleep when i can still can up to 7am. :0
-went to office with Diku.
-while in the MRT, did have a scary feeling when i thought about Daph, that was why i texted her at once when i got to the office.
-was late, 945am. But then Bic, Farids and Ruz were much late that i was. :0
-didn't get to do much. ended up writing something. see below.:)
-they left by 2pm. pretty early right?
-was asked to attend meeting with Sir Ogie, and take down the minutes of the meeting. Was asked to make a list and evaluation form as well, and that i inform my groupmates about meeting with Sir ogie about new project for us. email the minutes by monday, July 28, 2003.
-left by 5pm. took mrt ride home with liz. once at MRT north avenue, sister picked me up and we went to get my mom's eyeglasses, the new ones. once home, more or less didn't move a lot since i didn't feel good (it's the time of the month...)
-went to sleep after watching Lizzie Maguire.

---
Did you ever wonder why when you look at the world, and when you remember things, people, places, we see those around us as we "watch"? YOu know, you can always imagine yourself also in them, but the thing is you can remember their actions and faces but not really yours. IT is sort of like you are the one filming or videotaping the event. YOu can remember what you're doing but not see how you really did it because you can't "videotape" yourself, much like how others can't videotape themselves while they're doing the videotaping.

I ended up thinking about this when i was sort of in position, ready to sleep in the office. And then i remembered, in my head, things that happened in the past. And then i thought of how i would imagine myself in different situations(daydreaming?) and going back to reality, zapping myself back from what i was thinking. I really don't know why i came to thinking of this. I always did do so but usually didn't have the time or was unusually lazy to write. But come to think of it, we always observe those around us, and try our best to keep track of our reactions and actions to those things that are happening to those that we are observing. Adn most of us don't stop observing, although most of the time we don't see a lot of the world as a whole because we get fixated to certain things, people, places or memories. I know, because it happens to me most of the time.

Bur right now, i miss my best friend. And both of us can't wait to see each other again. Our last meeting was a day before her birthday this year, June 28, 2003, at her home. OH, and July 23, she went over to La Salle to meet with the DLSU Alumni Association and the Student council for a joint fundraising activity of which i don't know a thing about, but she did tell me that she can't wait fr our next bonding session; i told her that we must definitely plan another meeting, spending a day with each other(while its still my OJT and 2nd term not starting yet. OF course, we have to meet on my birthday, if i get to finalize the plans and all goes well. :)). OH, i can't wait to see her too, and to spend time with her.:) Especially much the more since i know the "feeling" is definitely mutual. :)
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Hope you guys can get to meet her, my bestfriend Daphne, soon. :)

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July 24, 2003 Thursday
-was happy on the way to school - thinking about Daph, and time together. :)
-830am pictorial started at 9am. (details on the make-up and hair as well as the pictorial to be added later.)
-late for work. bic and farids already here wen i arrived. Ruz came some time after i did.
-continued to do what was asked of me to do.
-met with Jo for lunch, with mich and ate sarah. ate and ate. nahalata ang maayos na buhok and the eyebrows being "shaved" to have contour. they asked about pictorial.
-went back to work. when i walked them down to the ayala entrance/exit, i asked why Jo didn't call. she said she didn't get my reply when i answered back her text on my home phone numbers. anyway, i told her my number, saying it in fookien. and then went back up. and then i remembered that when i emailed Sarah rivera's name, id number and spec to cristalle acosta, i had read that she was to give/submit it yesterday. so i called jo and told her about this, though i still did email but that she ask sarah to at least check it out na lang sa school.
-typed this down....
-back to work.
-worked on the typing of the trouble ticket details for different countries. double checked it before preparing it to be put into Sir Ogie's table. done by 4pm. they left by 4pm as well. left the office by 5pm.
-went home with liz.
-when my sis picked me up from station, we went to greenhills to have my mom's eyeglasses fixed. back at home, just stayed in my room, and talked with jo why cleaning my face (had allergy from the make up). :) slept early, i think.

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July 23, 2003 Wednesday
-dreamt i was sort of on a mission or something, double agent stuff (i watched ALIAS last night, it figures!). anyway, woke up by 730am. was really glad Daph texted last night, and sayang talaga coz i can't meet her at school today; it has always been like that before -- if she comes over to la salle, we don't get to meet. :) but anyway, i told her last night in one of my text, twice, that we will definitely plan another meeting, another day to spend with each other. :)
-arrived at the office by 915am. well, the net is being used by Sir Alvin's computer, i think, so i can't do much, and i can't go on with my project as well, so i will just let it be and just typed this entry down. :) groupmates haven't arrived by this time yet, so i was suddenly asked by Sir Ogie to do some typing down some trouble ticket reports for him. He discussed it for the whole morning, up until 12nn. well, i don't think he really needs to get down to details to ask me to do what i am suppose to do(sorting the records), but then, at least he discussed it so i get to learn something new about the company we are taking our OJT in.
-ate lunch with Jo, Kat, Liz, Nats, Dianne, and TJ. walked with Jo back to the building since she didn't have any pocket and she brought her dad's cell phone with her.
-back at office, started to work on what Kuya Ogie told me to do. Bic and Farids were asked to present the revised TTR. I didn't help out anymore since i was asked to do soemething. sort of pinagtulungan sila, joking but trying to say something. i don't really know. I just kept quiet and continued to do what was asked of me since this morning. I don't want to sound bad, but i felt "glad" that at least the staff see that i come early and they don't, that i leave much later than they do.
-went home with Liz still by 5pm even if my dad was in the makati area. Of course, chattery on the way home. Once home, at dinner, watched some tv. and then did type down what Ogie asked me to do, though i didn't finish it since i was tired. I relaxed a little, listened to mp3s and remembered memories, and then went to sleep. Jo said she was suppose to call but then she didn't. when i did call her at home, she was already asleep. Oh well.

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July 22, 2003 Tuesday
-was late for work, arrived by 940am. traffic on the way to makati from La salle.
-once at the office, checked mail, and tried to work on project. but then i really needed the ftp connection authorization of Kuya Sannel so that i can try my program out. I asked Kuya Alvin, and he told me that we would have to wait for Kuya Sannel. since he is still not here, even by 1136am, i just made some checking and changes to my program, like changing the names of the objects and then testing the automatic mode, after it hasn't sent anything during saturday and sunday, and resuming on tuesday, with it's last send date on July 18, sending the July 17 log; the program must start sending July 18 file log. At first it didn't work right, and then i checked the code and found my logic error. Made change and it worked. :) instead of subtracting 1 , i made it subtract the number of days by the number of days difference between today and last day sent (using DateSerial(year, month, day)). I know i don't know if i am still making any sense, but anyway, on with the journal.
-Bic and Ruz came to work as their usual time of 1030am or so. Farids didn't come to work at all today. Anyway, they went down and went to Glorietta to buy something. I was asked by Ate Ana to do some scanning, since i am not really doing much, and then Ate Thess asked me to do some punching of papers for them to put into those 3 ring binders. While doing so, i ate lunch. After that, i stayed by the computer again, doing not much, since when Kuya sannel arrived by 12nn, he seemed so tense and seem that needed to get soemthing done right away. When i left the office for the washroom and when i got back, Bic and Ruz were already back and were using the net. I just let them be and went to my side of the room. anyway, they kept on surfing the net. from 1-2pm, i didn't do anything. i was waiting for Globe's 223 to work because since morning up until 1:53pm, i can't reload, and i only have more or less 20 pesos left. :0 Anyway, i was so tired, i fell asleep for an hour. anyway, after that hour, i didn't do anything anymore but write down my best friend's chinese name: li rei yi. Well, i was glad that Liz texted me that they were allowed to leave by 3pm, because of the strong wind and rain. I asked for permission to go home early and went home ahead. Bic and Ruz stayed behind. Oh, i haven't told them yet that i am moving out of the group. Malcolm didn't reply to my text this morning yet.
-Anyway, as usual, Liz and i chatted on the way home. Once at North Avenue station, my sister picked me up, we stopped over to buy burgers at Tropical Hut and we even got into a small but soemwhat big argument. anyway, once home, found out there was a brownout. anyway, ate dinner early, and waited for the lights to come back on until about 7pm i guess. And then i waited until 8pm to call Malcolm at his home phone number.
=here is what i wrote down: called him na. sure na(thesismates kami). we are thesis mates. na magkita na alng next term. na kailangan nila 2. na kailangan namin ng isa pa. that i don't text him dahil sira phone niya. he asked me kung sure na ako hiwalay from Bic. I said dba nga nung June 25, 2003, na Bic said that if things don't work out then better disband. And i think it doesn't work out for me anymore. Now, yes, but not for long. more or less nagulat nga sya when i called, he asked where i got his number and told him from the IT directory, written on the CD given out last year or last term. :) anyway, i told him that my parents told me to at least call him up kahit na we have already agreed through text na thesismates na, my parents told me to call him up pa rin, that to make sure, kasi once i tell Marivic and the others that lilipat na ako, i can't go back to them if soemthing goes wrong, diba. He said he already told Masayuki fujimoto that i will be joining them; Masayuki said that si Malcolm na lang daw bahala, and so okay na na i am with them na. sabi nya that we see each other na lang next term. ayun that they still needed 2 nun. and i added tat we still needed 1 more and he said yes. he asked if i am sure that i am going to leave Bic's group and as i told him nga, dahil din namin sa sinabi nila nung June 25(i definitely remembered saying this to him, and i have mentioned this date in the paragraph twice.) na if things don't work out, better disband. told him that i will tell bic tomorrow. ayun, so before we said goodbyes, i said, "so sure na ah, thesis mates na ah" and he said yes. and then we said goodbye. we hung up the phone.
-anyway, after the call, i told my mom that i already called malcolm, and what we talked about, as mentioned in the paragraph or bullet above. My mom said that i say nothing to marivic about this yet, not until i am sure daw na enrolled na kami nila Malcolm sa it-resm next term. although i know that mag-eenrol naman talaga si malcolm, it is not bad to take precautions still. i felt afraid of the thought of certainty na nga, but still feeling uncertain, as i do now, but then i prayed. my mom just wanted to make sure that i have a fall back if anyting happens, and anyway, better for the OJT to finish daw before i tell them kasi baka mamaya daw, ipabagsak daw ako. ;0 i don't know, but then, i think nga it would be better to let the OJT finish bago ko sabihin.
-after that, i was going to sleep, but then elbert bugged us for a while. i did text daph, and i thought she wouldn't reply anymore, but i was surprised when she did reply. :) she had just downloaded ChikkaText. :) anyway, she told me that she can't wait for our next bonding session, and that she would be coming over to Dlsu tomorrow to meet with the DLSU alumni association and the student council for a joint fundraising activity by both La salle and Ateneo. That is big work, right? :) Of course, my best friend is a hardworking person, and responsible too. she told me sayang, kasi wala ako sa school coz of my OJT. Anyway, i was really happy when i fell asleep.
-was dreaming, but then in the dream, i was happy but then i felt it was so silent and felt that anohter power outage just came. i woke up, and there was a power outage. i had to turn the aircon off, and then open the doors, coz i feel that there was so little oxygen and that i can't breath. i also had to shift positions so that i can relax a little. Anyway, a little while later, felt that the power was back on since my dad went ahead to turn on the aircon and didn't bother to tell me so when i felt it was so cold. :0 And back to dreamland.

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July 21, 2003

-arrived at work by 920am. groupmates arrived by 1040am, and 11am(Ruz)
-worked on FTP project up until 1145am.
-went down to meet Jo and Mich at FoodPark. they miscalled me since Jo wanted to borrow my Flash disk again.
-back up by 1230pm.
-been not doing much, as of now 236pm. did ask Jo about mving to Malcolm's group during lunch time and she asked Mich and seems that he's the only one working in his old group, more or less mukhang okay kagroup si malcolm. i texted Malcolm about this and he replied back by 1250pm, and after that, na sure, na sali na daw ako sa kanila. Now, i am thinking when i should tell Bic, Ruz and Farids. Thought that i should tell them now, but i called Jo and she said that probably by tomorrow ko na lang daw sabihin.

reply ni malcom to my message (about asking him kung okay lang ba na lipat ako sa kanila sa grouping sa thesis, though i didn't really specify about this and nung nagrep siya the first time around, akala ko he was saying/answering about itpract, so i replied again that i am not that good at vb but that i had been using vb lately. and that i also added to the text message that my decision on moving to their group is referred to the it-resm, itthes1 and itthes2 part(not on ITPract), and that i wanted to "kalas" from Bic's group na kasi eh.):::
"Oh, i c, cge, sali ka na... may kilala ka bang magaling mag vb or may alam sa cobol? kelangan pa namin isa eh.."
-groupmates left by 302pm. did ask me to go with them, but i told them that i will be going home with Liz, and i had to wait for her, that's the truth naman eh. :)
-did also text Malcolm about seeing him soon/next term as thesismates, and that i will be telling Bic and the others that i will be moving to his group, and i said that i wouldn't mention his name but just that i am moving to another group. And that i will text him if i have already told Bic, Ruz and FArids. And then he replied, of which is as follows in the next bullet. i guess he didn't reply to all anymore, and jsut put the answer in the one he sent as seen in the next bullet. :)
-3pm. Malcolm replied back that yes, he will inform me of any requirements, and then he added that there are no requirements, that they need a good thesismate, not a name.:)
here is the actual text message (i sort of texted him to tell me if there is any requirements and in what section of itresm will they be in next term, that they text me):
"Uhm, cge.. wala namang requirements eh... we nid a good thesismate, not a name.. :)"
-went home early with Liz by 430pm. we talked about me and Malcolm being thesis mates and such, my switching to his group.
-went to Hi-top with ma and pa and told them about me moving to Malcolm's group. they both told me to call him up and check up with him, at least sure, kahit na makulit. kasi once na sinabi ko na kina bic, wala ng balikan. i should check both sides daw, baka mamaya, pag nasabi ko na kay bic, wala rin pala akong kagroup with Malcolm. diba, so back to square one ako. :0
-tried calling him up 8-830pm, but cannot be reached daw.
-called carlo, asked about hub to buy, and then he told me about the email incident that he didn't send but his aunt thought he sent. we plan to buy the hub together, i asked him to accompany me, on august 2, if everything pushes through.
-laptop was still defragmenting since July 20, but as of July 21 night, it still wasnt finished. my brother and i moved the computer back to the guestroom, where my brother usually sleeps. (he had to move to the other room because we had the japanese guest stay over during the weekend.) I also moved my laptop to his room.
-we went online, and saw carlo online to. and of course, i asked carlo questions, and he told me to try defragmenting when my laptop is in safe mode. we did, and the defragmenting was going much smoother. :) we then talked about error messages, hubs and joking to each other. But then i had to go to sleep already. offline and went to bed. left the laptop to continue on with teh defragmenting.

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July 20, 2003 Sunday

Well, i really did want to go take our Japanese visitor to the airport with my mom and dad but since i slept late, and woke up late, i can't. Anyway, i hope that i can get my eyeglasses later from an optical shop at greenhills. :) ANd i think i might be asked to help out correcting some more non-working parts in the webpage of my brother and in documenting it as well.

1140am. ordered lunch from Alex III, because ate remy took a day off.
1pm. washed dishes and boiled water for drinking up until 145pm.
230pm. left to get eyeglass at Greenhills. Before 230pm, working on elbert frontpage project docu while checking email.
Back at home by about 4pm something. Continued working on Elbert project. watch Tv, cadet kelly tec... ate dinner, work, watched Children Of Dune.. slept by 11pm something, after elbert stopped bugging us.
230pm, started defragmenting my laptop's hard disk again.

---

July 19, 2003

Went back to the store, and they tested it on their computer and it worked. But since it doesn¡¦t work on mine, and it always keeps on making an error, terminating the program as it is shown with a blue screen. But anyway, they gave me my refund of 2500. though I got my money back, I felt guilty for ¡§shouting¡¨ at them. But come to think of it, I think it would be much more worth it to buy a hub now than a flash disk. :)

I found out that night that we had new scanner, connecting to the computer using USB. I tried installing it on my laptop, following all instructions. After installation, I plugged it into my laptop¡¦s usb port, and it worked. :) Now, it makes me wonder why a small USB flash disk wouldn¡¦t work and a big device connected through USB worked.

July 19, 2003 Saturday

Was supposed to go to PT but then last night, Irene had to back out last minute. Anyway, i woke up by 9am. started to get myself ready by 10am, and left with Achi, Papa and Kogane by 11am.

while on our way to Century Park, i texted Daph, telling her how am doing okay with OJT and thesismates, i think. And then of course, about the program i am working on and that i presented to sir alvin, of which there are some revisions but that that's okay, and telling her that i miss her still and that i love her very much. that she take care. she replied when we were in Rockwell, sometime by 3 pm, telling me that she's glad to hear that am doing well with OJT and thesismates, and that she knew it can be done if i will it. she also said that she is nervous for a test she had to take by 5pm. she also said that she will also be always there for me and that is why i should take care of myself. :)

We first went to eat lunch at Century Park Seafood Restaurant. After that, we went to Rockwell. We just walked around, going into stores. But we bought food when we were already at the food section, at Auntie Anne's(pretzel), and drinks for the three of them( i didn't drink because it was more or less veggies.). AFter that, we went and arrived at Greenbelt by 4pm. I had to go my separate way because i got to get my refund for the flash disk. anyway, i did get my refund to the flash disk, though i did feel that i "shouted" at them, and therefore feeling guilty. Anyway, i wanted to buy the other flash disk at another store, but when i told them the problem about the blue screen that happened with the flash disk that i bought from the last store, they sort of didn't let me buy it anymore because if they made a sale, and knew it was working fine, then they wouldn't give a refund; they said that the problem lies not in the flash disk but with my computer, something with the registry, because when they tried it at the shop where i bought the flash disk, it was working in their windows 98 computer, but then since i have no use for it, since i cannot reformat my comp yet, i had to get a refund; i would always get an error, and what used with a 2500 pesos worth of flash disk that i cannot use because my comp fail to register it, and how i wish i could use it but then there is a need to reformat the comp but then i can't reformat yet because there are a lot of files in my computer. In a way, the other store not letting me buy their flash disk was a good sign from God. And when i was in the car going to Hi-Top, i ended up realizing that good thing the other shop didn't sort of let me buy it, since i remember Carlo telling me that a hub would cost 2000 something(almost as much as the flash disk thing), and then i wondered that there wouldn't be anymore problem with that right, and that it is more or less easier to handle(?) when you know how to use it, not really a new device that needs driver, but rather it becomes the interface or means by which two computers can send info to each other. :) I knew i went to meet them back at Greenbelt 3 foodcourt. After that, we stopped over at Cinnzeo at GB1, and i went down to buy 2 cinnroll. AFter that, we went to Hi-Top, because our Japanese friend wanted to buy Jufran banana ketchup (yeah, i also don't know why he wants to, but then he is the guest, and he is going to spend his money. :)). After that, we went to Alfredo's to eat dinner; my sister and i shared the soup, salad and steak she ordered for us. and then we went to eat at Fleur De Lys(?) to eat cake. YUm. :) After that, we went home. :) My dad and the Japanese went out again for a massage. My sister went out as well to meet with her friends. SO, my mom was at home, watching vcds, and i was helping my brother doing his webpage project. But before i did, Jo called by 8pm, and we talked up until 943pm :); we more or less shared what happened during our days, and asking why we didn't see each other at the walkway along makati avenue when we were both there by 425pm. :) And then we talked about our bestfriends, and on crushes and stuff, and then more or less sharing. :) mY brother had to go in and out of my room, sort of waiting for me to finish talking with Jo and to help him out. :)

Well, when i did finish, i didn't exactly startn helping him out yet, i told him that i wanted to rest for a while, and that he finish what he is playing. And then after that, it tried to connect the new scanner at home(an epson model, connecting to the computer by USB.). Anyway, i tried it out with my laptop, if it would work, to see if there is something wrong with laptop's registry and would end up with a blue screen again (it is a new device, just like the USB flash disk; i thought if there is an error with the USB flash disk, there should also be an error to the USB scanner). Anyway, i went on the installation, after finishing, i plugged the scanner, and it worked! i even tried unplugging it again and restarting my laptop, and then after the OS finished loading, i plugged it in the usb again, and it still works. i switched it around the 4 usb ports of my laptop and it still works. So, why is there a problem with a small device, and no problem at all with a big device? Hmm.... i don't want to think about it anymore. Anyway, i guess it was by 11pm that we started to make the changes to the webpages, correcting all the errors that we see or parts that are not working or displayed as we wanted to it(in a way, i am glad i am a comsci major, because i get to spot the areas where the errors are, and i know where i can find them and then correct them. My brother don't know why the errors happen until i showed him where the errors sprung from. :)). Anyway, the long process was uploading the picture files, sizes ranging from 990 kb and above. Anyway, while he was doing so, i was checking my mail(to make good use of the internet connection) and also to sign up for new email accounts. I signed it for a free 6mb at www.softhome.net, and then another 10mb at www.bluebottle.com (yup, 10mb. it also blocks spam, because only senders on your allowed list can send email to your account. :)). Anyway, i also made sure to check my brother's computer and made sure it was updated through windows update. MOre or less, i got to sleep by 2am in the morning. Luckily, my mom didn't get angry at me anymore. :) OH, we did try out the CDwriter at my brother's comp. Of course, i am the one who can do it as of now. Hehe :)

---

July 18, 2003 Friday

Dreamt last night. Saw Daphne and we were just walking around some sort of freak show. We just stayed side by side of each other and didn¡¦t go far away from each other. I also saw Joanne, Arcy, JO¡¦s mom and dad, Christian(Arcy¡¦s groupmate) in my dream. Joanne, in the dream, got sick, sort of becoming unconscious and I was with her, her mom and dad and another person in the hospital(though it didn¡¦t look like a hospital because it was open space on the sides, but we do have a roof and floor,above and beneath us respectively. But suddenly, she woke up. And then there was this part in the dream where Christian asked me to get something Xeroxed since I am just at Enterprise Center and there was a photocopying place nearby, at Dela Rosa Street, but then I had to wait for something, to fix a Javascript program that I made (sort of the Javascript program that my brother and I got through the net the other night, in real life), and then I was getting late, and so I left this guy alone since he will be doing the checking for me, and then I felt it was getting late, and I woke up.

Got to work by 945am. I was all ready by 810am. But then my Diku will be going to take the MRT with me, so I decided to wait for him; I like it when I take a ride with a companion. Of course, we left by 830am something. We got to Ayala station by about 915am. Of course we did a lot of talking along the way. Anyway, we bought surenet prepaid internet cards when we were on the Ayala Station. And then we walked up until HSBC or Enterprise Center and I accompanied him up to the 7th Floor of Tower 1 of the Enterprise Center. He was going to collect a check. I was planning to stay with him up until he finishes the collection for this building, but then, when we arrived, the guard told us that it starts 10am. So I told him, and he told me, that I leave him, since I am already late for work(though the truth is, it was okay to be late today, because at least I enjoyed my morning despite being tired from sleeping late last night.) Anyway, I am afraid of my ¡§presenting¡¨ the FTP program I made to Sir Alvin. Hope I do well; I did try to pray while at the MRT and while talking with Diku. I just hope I do well, and that only minor revisions are made.

Liz and I will be going back to Park Square later this afternoon after work to let me buy the flash disk I want and then I will be needing to buy my brother some CDr and CDrw. He did give me some money to buy it. And anyway, since I am in the area, I guess it is okay. Anyway, I know where I am going. :)

I presented my AutoFTP program to Sir Alvin by 1030am and we ended by 1110am. More or less, I need to do some revisions, but it is not that big of a change. I think I can manage. :) So, after that, I let them(Ruz, Farids and Bic) use the computer since there are still some ¡§bugs¡¨ on the TTR program. :) I went down by 1145am to join Jo, Liz, Kat, Nats, Dianne and Michelle for lunch. (I know, I should have joined my thesis mates, but then, I was sort of waiting for them to invite me to buy lunch, since they did buy lunch, and when they did buy lunch and decided to eat, they went on ahead. So, it only signals that I can eat with Jo and the others, and that eating together is just a petty thing in the group when we can still work together despite not eating together.)

Anyway, Jo and I ordered from the same place. I ordered Daing na Bangus with rice, pancit and vegetable, with Gulaman drink for the price of 99 pesos. I think it is worth it; I still don¡¦t feel hungry, compared to my everyday lunch. Of course, after eating, I got back to the office by 1pm. Oh, when I met up with JO, she gave me a letter written on a tissue. I got to read it when I got back to the office. I am touched by the letter. :)

Once back at the office, really had nothing to do since they were using the computer. Anyway, I really did nothing much, until they left by 330pm. I stayed behind and was just surfing the net. Ate Ana needed to scan something and since the scanner is connected to the computer we are using, she asked if she could do some scanning; I offered to do it for her. :) Anyway, after that, we got to talk and she asked what family business we have. And when she heard that we print computer forms, she asked about printing Official receipts. Of course, we don¡¦t do ORs but then I told her that I can ask my Grandpa¡¦s personnel, because they might be able to do so. So anyway, after that, I was supposed to get back to checking my mail, but then Sir Ogie, seeing nobody else of the four of us except me, asked me to punch some Resumes and interview questions and answers. I started by 4pm, and ended by 450pm since I was making sure that at least they were somewhat clean and orderly, and since the resumes and stuff were printed on different sizes of paper, I have to make sure that I punch those properly. Anyway, after that, I went back to typing this and am preparing myself to leave work by 510pm. :) Currently, it is 508pm. :) Tatah. :)

After work, Liz and I went to buy my brother¡¦s cds first then to buy my flash disk. Anyway, we got to ride the MRT by 615pm. I should have been at the North Avenue station by 615pm, but hten since I have to buy some things, we ended up taking the MRT late. Anyway, I arrived at the North avenue Station by 645pm. It is embarrassing to have made Liz get home late, but then what can we do. :0 anyway, I waited for my dad to come pick me up by the station. They arrived by 715pm, and we went on our way to Gloria Maris Greenhills since my grandpa wanted to have dinner with the Japanese guest and so invited us as well(this is also the reason why I should have been by North Avenue Station by 615pm, but then was late for). Anyway, of course, I ate and ate. Once home, I tried the flash disk. It wouldn¡¦t work. When I found out I installed it incorrectly, I installed it again. But it still wouldn¡¦t work. I was so frustrated. I tested it with my brother¡¦s computer and it work, but not on mine. I nearly wasn¡¦t able to go to sleep; I prayed to God and gladly, he put me to sleep.

---

July 17, 2003 Thursday

845am. I arrived at the office. The truth is, I woke up real late today, 656am. I really had to rush everything to prepare myself, luckily my brother waited for me, and also he forgot some things and needed to get them, so I had some more time for me to finish.

Lately, I think my brother and I are doing well. :) I think. Though my mom has been getting angry at me a lot of times lately as well. :0 But I hope everything works out for the better of everybody else. :)

Bic arrived by 930am. She¡¦s early today because she said she might need to leave early this afternoon. Ruz came by about 1040am something. Well, when I arrived at work, I checked my mail first, and also updated yesterday¡¦s journal entry. After that, I worked on the FTP project. Now I get what 13369348 and 13369352 means; it means that it is successful, or else it would return a zero; if I had read the .doc file containing the text I copied from the net, it is written and indicated there. :) Well, at least now I know. :) Of course, I tried to refine the program, putting more error handlers, now that I know what 13369348, 13369352 and 0 would mean. :) I think the Manual FTP transfer works okay. But then my problem was the automatic mode. Well, I told Sir Alvin, that I am still trying to finish up and that my FTP program is not so great and robust, and that it will only append an error.txt file if something wrong happens and that¡¦s it. But he asked, is it working? I said, yes, for the manual mode, I was able to transfer something. But for the automatic mode, I haven¡¦t been able to do so yet. So I told him if I can just it to him tomorrow. He said that that would be okay. :) Great. :) And so I went back to work on the program. Now, I tried the automatic mode a lot of times, thinking, why isn¡¦t it working? I know that the flow is correct¡K But then I looked at the error messages at error.txt and studied it well. ¡§Oh, I forgot to add a folder from which the program will get the file¡¨, and so I did so. After that, automatic mode still seems not to work, and I studied the error message again. The thing is, if I am going to send a file today, it should be that of the previous days; the format of the file is daymonthASRreport.dbg ¡V the daymonth here should be that of yesterday¡¦s. So, since today is July 17, the filename of the file I have to send is 1607ASRreport.dbg. I have already created this file and put it in the folder where it should be found(since if the program doesn¡¦t find the file, it returns an PutFile error message, meaning the FTP uploading is not successful.), and made sure that everything is okay. It still didn¡¦t work. I looked at the error message and found out that the filename being searched for is 1507ASRreport.dbg, when in fact, for today, it should be 1607ASRreport.dbg. I checked my code, and found that a function I am using to get the parts of the date were getting the date read from a text file(a history log of previous uploads), instead of today¡¦s text file. Now I know, and I made the necessary changes. Voila! It works. :) Am really happy. :) So more or less, I can relax a little now, though I guess there is still a lot of room for improvement. :) But then, it can wait until tomorrow. :) I want to relax and be glad that at least it worked for today. :) I am somewhat ¡§finished¡¨ though of course there would be revisions made and improvements to put into the program. :)

Anyway, from then on, I didn¡¦t get to do much. After eating lunch, I helped out in what Sir Ogie asked them to do: change the numbers to the calling cards he has. And then after that, I was just idle, more or less left to keep myself busy. After that, by 2pm, I helped Ruz sort out a stack of paper given to us by Sir Eric, and we were done by 3pm. From that time until 330pm, I was left to keep myself busy, writing in Katakana, hiragana, and Chinese characters. I didn¡¦t want to make anymore changes in the program; it already works, and I did check ftp.drew.ph to see if the file was there, and it is, though I already deleted it. I want to check the program tomorrow, not today, to see if it is still working. :) (Weird, huh?) ;) Well, Ruz and Bic left by 340pm. They invited to leave with them as well, but the thing is, I will go home together with Liz today, so I told them that I still have to wait for Lizette; anyway, that is the truth. And so they left. And now, I am typing this journal entry and will just surf the net. :)

Liz and I will stop by park square 1 to go ask at compex and ABC solutions about 128mb flash disks. :) I am interested in buying one, one that I can use for computers with USB ports that are of the OSs 98 to xp. I just hope that it wouldn¡¦t be too expensive. I hope to be able to use it to transfer files from my laptop to my brother¡¦s computer, when files would need to be moved back and forth. I am sort of not thinking of buying a cdwriter anymore, but then I will just use my money to pay for my next 10 PT sessions, since I only have 3 left and my mom told me that she wouldn¡¦t want to pay for it anymore. I just don¡¦t know; it is my money, but I think it would be a better investment to pay for the PT rather than the cd writer, since the PT sessions would be for my health and body, and anyway, we do have a cdwriter at home already. :)

Going to surf for a while. The computer¡¦s monitor is kinda going ¡§purply¡¨. Guess the video card is deteriorating.

451pm. Will be preparing to leave by 455pm. Did get to surf and check email, doing deletion of old and bulky messages. :)

I left by 5pm, and then Liz and I joined the others in Nat¡¦s car. And then, we went to Park Square 1 to ask about the 128MB flash disk that can be connected through USB. And then we took the MRT ride home. We, as we always did for the past few weeks, kept on talking while taking the ride home; it seems as if we have a lot of things to say, and that we are not at lost for words. :) Once home, I helped my brother out with his project, but after talking to Jo when she called me up by 8pm. I also called Drew up but had to hung up when Jo called. Anyway, after that, I had to help out with carrying the luggage of our Japanese visitor and family friend, and then that is it. I had to rewind some 10+ something VHS tapes for my mom and got to sleep by past midnight.

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July 16, 2003 Wednesday

Left home by 750am. And arrived at the office by 9am. :) I am not late today. ;) Anyway, while on the MRT, I told myself that I will try to ¡§sew¡¨ together the torn face of my Hello Kitty pillow(you know, with the face being the pillow); it seems to have a ¡§cross¡¨ on its ¡§forehead¡¨ area and I need to patch it up, with the piece of cloth underneath, not outside(do I make sense? :)). And then of course, I thought about the FTP project I am working on since I think it is working well, except that the Long values the FTP/Wininet dll functions returns are not really used at all, and of course, I am really not able to send anything at all. Hmm¡K what to do with those ¡§values¡¨, e.g. 13369348, 13369352. I have looked these up yesterday, but it doesn¡¦t really mean anything to me yet. I will really ask for help tomorrow if I don¡¦t find answers today. :0

Anyway, Ruz and Farids came in, but not Bic. Farids and Ruz arrived by 1030am something. Bic absent. I used computer until 1130am. Then they used computer up until 1pm. I used computer for a while again, then changes are needed for the TTR program are needed again, so as of now, 2pm, they are using the computer again.

255pm. Had been listing down my expenses for the month of July. I thought I spent a lot, 1000 pesos more than I should and could; it was just my mistake, adding it to my outstanding balance for June twice, when it should only be once. That was why I was wondering about the 1000 pesos amount. But when I did find out, the outstanding balance for June, plus the July allowance, and the added money given by my parents, minus total expenses from June 28-July 16, is equals to the amount of money I still do really have left in my wallet. Whew! I thought I spent too much, not knowing where I got the money, and if I do have the money. But then if 1000 pesos is missing, you¡¦d be wondering what you did with the money, right? Well, I figured out how my July expenses are as what they are, but not with my June expenses, of which I spent almost another hour figuring out, though to no success.

I thought my groupmates where going to leave by 4pm, as they always do, but today, they decided to stay much longer and finish the revisions to the TTR system, well, most of it, except one other requirement and the docu. They more or less left 10 minutes before 5pm. I left by 5pm. I didn¡¦t get to do anything on the program during the whole afternoon. But anyway, I did get to figure out my expenses, and then I got to think about the program I am working on, despite not working in front of it, because anyway, it is all in my head already. :) From 4-5pm, more or less, I was just lounging around and thinking. And for some 20 minutes I guess, I helped Farids punch some papers(3 inches thick, estimate only, that is given to us by Sir Ogie) to put into a binder. They have this weird but nice puncher that is worth almost 3000 pesos. It needed a lot of twisting, but it works great. :) Anyway, after that, and cleaning up, I waited until it was 5pm, and I left. Met up with Liz, Kat, Nats and Dianne at their buildings parking area.

After leaving by 5pm, of course, it is the usual trip to Ayala Station with Liz and then the MRT ride home. During the walk and ride home, Liz and I talked about a lot of things, from banking, to cars, to driving, to money, and a lot of other stuff, also about me hitting another car when driving once at Monumento. Once home, I was asked to remember some things for my dad, and do some small chores. And then after dinner, I went on to sew the Hello kitty face pillow of mine; at least now it is closed and the ¡§guts¡¨ or the fillings won¡¦t get out anymore. :) I then helped my brother out with his project. We had to go online to look for some midis and gifs and really did take long. We stopped by sometime after 12midnight. :-0

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July 15, 2003 Tuesday

Arriving at Enterprise Center and going up to work by 845am, I ended up thinking how I would be missing working, the time I can get out to meet with friends, and then doing nothing much at home over going to school. But then I also miss school, the sort of security it gives, and because I don¡¦t like to graduate yet since I feel that I am not yet ready to face the world, no more ¡§no classes¡¨ and such. I mean, once you¡¦re working, one can say that one can enjoy once life but you must earn for your living. Studying, despite having to do some assignments, you enjoy being with your friends and trying to find you dream, the security that having our parents around(for those of us who still have our parents taking care of us), of being with our friends and such, meeting almost each day. Oh well, both have its advantages and disadvantages, but then both are stages of life that we must go to. Oh well¡K.

Oh, Jo Yao called me and asked if I wanted to join them for lunch again today. Of course, I said yes. I¡¦ll go down by 1130am.

Anyway, groupmates, except for Ruz, arrived by 10am something. I was working on the FTP program. After anyway, by 11am, I let the use the computer. By 1130am, I left to join Jo for lunch.

Jo arrived with Mich at the Foodpark by 1145am, and then after that, by 12nn, Liz, Nats, Kat, and Dianne, with TJ, arrived as well. Of course, I ate lunch with them. After lunch, they were discussing about the online enrollment this coming July 28. And then I remembered that there are still questions that need to be asked and cleared up. I just hope that I can email them on time. And I hope that I can be in the same classes as Jo, Liz and the others would be next term, if not for all, then at least almost all. I cannot be in a block section, but then, I hope that there still is a possibility that I can be in the same classes in most of the subjects that they are all going to take. I really hope and pray. Unless Bic and the others specifically asks that we all be in the same block, or something like that. I know, I could ask, but then I would rather it come from them as well. Anyway, I got back to work by 1pm. By this time, Ruz hasn¡¦t even arrived at the office yet. Guess she will be absent again today. I think.

Ruz really didn¡¦t come to work. Anyway, groupmates left by 4pm. During the afternoon, some of the time, I would be working on the FTP program, and then the latter part of the afternoon, they were using the computer to show Sir Eric the TTR application we made. I left sometime by 5pm. From 4pm up to 5pm, I didn¡¦t get to do much anymore, but join this poetry contest on the net. Well, anyway, once I got off work, I met up with Liz and we took the MRT home together. Once home, tried to help my brother out with his Webpage project, but then before that, we transferred the new computer parts(monitor, keyboard, etc) to the computer table where the old computer/PC was. I had to do all the ¡§taking off/disconnecting¡¨ the different parts and having them attached to each other correctly. My brother is afraid of static, so I had to do it, but at least I get to order him around. :) hehe :)

After that, we went online, and trying to find a mp3 to midi converter, but to our dismay, all are sharewares, therefore we cannot save the midi file created or we can only get 15 seconds of the midi. Oh well¡K. Well, my brother told me that we can continue doing the page tomorrow, and went ahead to sleep. I was still awake by 1148pm, and my mom got angry at me for still being awake, that I should already be asleep by 10pm; she asked me if I wanted her to ¡§destroy¡¨ my laptop, and such as she shouted at me. I just kept my peace, and went to our room, and just prayed that I don¡¦t feel angry anymore. Well, I did stop feeling angry, because I easily fell asleep.

---

July 14, 2003 Monday

I arrived at work by 920am today. Well, of course, checked my mail. And then after that, did some checking of the program codes I did last week. But then, I was asked to do some printing of some documents that Sir Alvin had asked me to do last Friday. After that, more or less, I did some checking of the program I made. By 1115am, Jo called, well, it is more of a miscall, my phone and was asking me if I wanted to eat lunch with her. Of course I said I could. She continued doing the miscall thing until I went down at the FoodPark and found out that she wasn¡¦t there so I called her.

Anyway, I was already at the FoodPark by 1125am. I was sort of really tired today, the feeling of which you have no energy to work. Might probably be the gym session being too strenuous, but I did bring it upon myself. Anyway, I waited until Jo arrived by 1145am. She bought her lunch and also made sure she brought me a ¡§peace¡¨ offering of a chocolate hot fudge sundae when she shouldn¡¦t have, because I wasn¡¦t angry at her at all or anything. I just really feel tired today, together with the headache and stuff. Anyway, a little while I was waiting for Jo, Dianne Cabrera called and told me that they will also being coming over and asked that I also save some seats for them. That I did. Anyway, Jo and Mich are still not doing well, though it seems Mich isn¡¦t ¡§sensing¡¨ anything at all, I think. Anyway, Jo shared what she felt, and I also shared how things were during the weekend. Liz, Kat, Nats and Dianne arrived sometime by 1210pm I think and of course, we went on eating and chatting and stuff. :) We left sometime by 1250pm. Jo had to part ways with them, so I went to walk with Jo.

This is the first time since 3rd term, January 2003 to April 2003, that she allowed me to hold her hands. :) and she didn¡¦t shake it off or something. In fact, her right hand was sort of holding my hand as well. :) She is warm, I mean, because my hands are cold because it is called in the office. But then, of course, I also made sure that I didn¡¦t hold her hand for too long. I don¡¦t know why, but I just felt it would be right that way. Anyway, on the way down, she thanked me for being there, for listening. (In a way, I felt her friends didn¡¦t listen to her, although they do want to help her out. But who am I to judge, probably they did understand each other. But then, a part of me felt the Jo kept on repeating what she wanted to say. Oh well¡K) While on the escalator, Jo was saying something like, what if she would also wait for me, that we graduate together, with her also delaying and shifting some other subjects to another term, sort of waiting for me. Well, I dunno. I told her it depends on her. Well, anyway, I told her that Carlo said that I can ¡§graduate¡¨ with them (go to the graduation ceremony, even I haven¡¦t even completed all the units needed). Well, I told her that is what Carlo said, and that I am really not sure about that. Anyway, she told me that she will just call (did tell her that mama told me that I cannot watch the tv and cannot use the phone) me. Oh well, I hope she calls later.

I arrived back at the office by almost 1pm something. I have been out of the office for almost an hour and 40 minutes. But I still feel tired. Anyway, I will be going home with Liz again today. We will meet by the parking lot of where the building they are working in is. Yup, which means I leave by 510pm or something.

Oh Ruz probably came in after I went down to meet with Jo and the others, since I didn¡¦t see her when I left and saw her when I came back to the office.

343pm. Groupmates left. I just saw their ¡§temporary attendance sheet¡¨ and it still indicates that they came to work 8 hours a day, including Ruz who has been absent for two days last week, when in fact they didn¡¦t do so in that fashion at all. Oh well¡K.

I left work by 515pm. And then Liz and I rode the MRT home. Once home, since our Japanese family friend came over, I went out to eat with them at Banawe¡¦s North Park, after which I bought Lord Stowe¡¦s egg tart for him to eat. Then we drove him to his hotel. The truth is, by that time, I really needed to get to a CR because my tummy was turning upside down. Anyway, I told my dad this when our Japanese friend already went in to his hotel and we were on our way home. My dad had to turn on the hazard lights and drive as fast as he could. I guess at first he didn¡¦t really believed me and wanted to eat some of the egg tarts. I told him, ¡§it wouldn¡¦t just be a smokebomb, but a fartbomb.¡¨ And then a while later, he asked me how much was the egg tarts, so that he could pay me. I told him that it is worth 300 pesos, but that my body is more important than money and that his car is more important than ¡§what I want to get out of my system¡¨. He laughed, and I sort of wanted to laugh but then I had to control myself or else ¡§all may break loose¡¨ and it was really very hard to wait, especially there at Scout Borromeo corner Quezon Avenue where the stoplight for our side has to be red for so long. But anyway, he got me home as fast as he could and I went straight to the bathroom. The thing is, before I got into the house, Ate Remy has to walk slowly to open the door for me; she knew, but then she wanted to joke around. I was already shouting. Anyway, after the bathroom, I felt better. I helped my brother in filling some forms out and then I went ahead to sleep.

---

July 13, 2003 Sunday

woke up by almost 920am. called Jo, but then she was still sleeping. after that, we left by about 1015am. arrived at Greenhills, had my eyes checked, and chose a new frame for me since mom and Gennet said that i look so old with my old eyeglass frame. after that, we went to buy some things at Unimart, based on a list papa had written down. after that, i had my hair cut by Romy at David's Salon, the branch of which is near home.

AFter that, i went to take a bath. by 2pm, called Daph and Jo but Daph wasn't home yet and Jo went out with her dad. and by almost 230pm, and went to fetch Katrina, Kerwin and Kevin. We then went on our way to Rockwell. Once there, by 330pm, we bought tickets, then the girls and guys parted ways. me, gennet and Katrina went to the grocery first and then went on to walk around to look at clothes, bags, and shoes. we went back up to where the cinemas are by 520pm and then ordered popcorn, nachos and some drinks. We then watched Terminator 3. When the movie was about to start, i was startled to hear my cellphone beep. Guess what, got a text message from Ad telling me that he was seated somewhere above me, and there he was when i looked back. Anyway, after the movie, i asked if he was going home already and he said yes, and so i said goodbye. WE then went on to go to DAvid's teahouse to eat dinner; it is located at Timog. AFter that, of course, was stuffed. not that bad food.

after driving Kat, Ker and Kevin home, we went home. Once at home, i tried calling jo again. his brother answered and told me she was already sleeping. I wanted to call Daph but then i thought that she might need to do something else for school so, i just scrapped the idea, since i think she might need to wake early tomorrow. Anyway, i went ahead to do what i told and was asked to do yesterday.

elbert asked for help with his reflection paper for Relstwo class. both my sister and i didn't help him or else he wouldn't learn to write one for himself; we feel that he doesn't have his own ideas, principles and opinions on things when he must have or else how else can he have a say on things that will affect his life later on.

i have been praying the Jabez prayer for two days. although i did feel some "hate" in me when i am being told i am doing something wrong, i kept on praying to God to help me control my prayer. and so far, things are doing okay. and i do feel at peace lately. :) I just hope i am doing the right things.

i always look at Daph's place whenver we pass by corinthian gardens, either by car or by MRT. :) funny huh? miss her though i can't always call because she is much more busier than i am. :0

---

July 12, 2003 Saturday

Last night, dreamt that i was sort of with Jo and Daph and some other people. Well, there was this part when i was just sitting at the steps leading to the main door of the TWPAC office, and was singing and trying to write poems. And then there was this part that we were all going to eat together. And then sort of anohter part when i was just outside a room or a shop and Daph was inside one. It was already late at night then, but then she was still in there and i went in. i asked her why she hadn't closed the doors, so that it would be much safer, and i sort of gave her a kiss or kisses on the cheek. Daph didn't answer me at all, but she really didn't move away either. but you could feel that it was somewhat tense and stuff, but then she didn't go away. and i think somebody sort of came in, i am just not sure. And i woke up. :0

Went to the gym today. was late. really did do my best to do all the weights program. :) glad i did,i have my best friend as my inspiration and motivation. :)

anyway, will go to despedida party of Ms. Hernandez. Oh, and 1026am, daph texted me something, of which i will type later. :) Orthodontist appointment by 4pm. achi and i will leave by 2pm, and she will drop me off at the orthodontist's office. and then i hope that i will be picked up and driven to Mi's place. :)

after gym, went home. left home by 230pm, instead of 2pm since mama and gennet were helping me out to pick a good combination of clothes. after that, i reached the orthodontist's by three pm and was ready to wait until 4pm for my appointment. luckily somebody backed out/canceled and i was able to get my brace's adjustment done by 330pm. I called papa and he went on to pick me up since he was in the area. we then went to see a client, and then after that he dropped me off at Mi's place.

Once at Mi's place, was offered drink and food to eat. by about 5pm something, JO called and told me to call her once i am home. anyway, we left mi's place for gerri's grill by 630pm and arrived there sometime by 7pm. Anyway, we started eating by about 730pm i think, when ms. hernandez arrived. One by one, people arrived. more or less, there were almost 30 of us there. Mi and i left by almost 10pm. they drove me home. arrived by 1030pm, and went ahead to sleep already. :0 well, i did try to call jo, but then nobody was answering. am really tired. and my muscles hurt.

---

July 11, 2003 Friday

Woke up by 733am. Arrived at work by 930am. Took a taxi with Diku from home since Kuya Gudo didn¡¦t come to work today. When I arrived at Ayala station, had the urge, to look at how much a Harry Potter Book 5 would cost. I went to look around and ended up seeing the book my best friend recommended , Prayer of Jabez. It was supposed to be worth 295 pesos, but then it was a surprise when they scanned the barcode and the price ended up to be 195. It took another 10 minutes or so to verify. While the verification was ongoing, we did try the other copies of the book and it was still the same. It was verified that it was worth 195. Lucky me. :) I got a 100 pesos ¡§discount¡¨. :) anyway, it was funny I was looking for a harry potter book and I ended up seeing this, out of all books, and then buying it. But I guess if my best friend said it is a good book, then it might be. ƒº I can take my best friend¡¦s word for it, since I trust her taste in books. ƒº

By 1130am, I texted Liz and asked them if I could join them for lunch. Well, the case is, I am supposed to eat with them today, as I have told Bic that I will eat with them on Fridays. But then, by the time I asked them if they were eating lunch, they have already bought and brought their lunch with them. I mean, I can still go on down and buy lunch, but then, they would have to wait for me to buy the food and come back before they can start eating. If I did do that, by the time I get back up, they would have finished eating already anyway; I rather that that not be the case, so I decided that I not join them for lunch again today. Liz then replied, I guess through Nat¡¦s cellphone this time, that I can join them at Tokyo Tokyo, and I did. But my groupmates did offer me lunch, to which I said ¡§no thank you¡¨ so that they could go on and eat lunch. :) It is not a big deal, though in a way it would have been nice if I only knew that they were already getting lunch. :)

Anyway, of course I met up with Nats, Liz, kat, Dianne and their co-worker Julius. Of course, it is the usual lunch. We ate at the Greenbelt1 branch of Tokyo Tokyo. Anyway, after lunch, we went back to the office. Nats, Dianne, Liz and Kat walked me up to Dela Rosa street, to see and make sure that I get to the other side and up the walkway safe.:) when I was already going up the walkway, i waved goodbye and they went on ahead back to their office. I was back at the office by 1pm. ƒº I could have called Jo, since she wanted to eat at Tokyo Tokyo, as she had said so last night. Well, she did miscall Dianne¡¦s phone, but then if we were to text Jo at Mich¡¦s number, I don¡¦t know. Well, I was still thinking like so, but then I didn¡¦t text her at Mich¡¦s number. And after that, I felt somewhat bad, hoping in one way I did, but since I didn¡¦t I asked Liz, she said that it¡¦s alright, that it is already late. I don¡¦t know, I will just tell Jo about what happened. Well, Jo did call Dianne, but I do have the information that she would have wanted to join them, but then, I can never say for sure what is in her mind.

From 1-2pm, I just read The Prayer Of Jabez.

2PM. I started reading the book The Prayer of Jabez this morning, around 10am, and I am done reading it now, 2pm. :) Well, it¡¦s just 92 pages long. There was one part in the book that while reading it I shed some tears. I didn¡¦t really know why but I felt overwhelmed yet somewhat at peace. I made note to myself that I am going to let my sister read this book as well since she is looking for guidance, spiritual guidance to find herself, in her life. Great book. And it does make you wonder why you didn¡¦t ask for more from God, thinking that you are being selfish if you do so when in fact it is something that God would really like you to do. But right now, I still feel tired and just want to sleep. I know, I can do it right now, the project I mean, but I will wait until Bic tells me that I can use the computer already.

More or less from 230pm up to now, 404pm, I continued on programming. More or less, I think I am done, but I haven¡¦t tested it yet. I don¡¦t really know how to test that part. But anyway, I still have to look out for the error messages and how to email the error if its in automatic mode and those kind of stuff. I will continue on on Monday. :)

called daph, busy pa rin phone since 9pm.

called jo, july 11, i called kaya lang tulog na siya dahil masakit daw ulo nya. her mom answered the phone.

called mi. wala lang. :)

2003-07-14T18:34:00.000-07:00

Thanks Chanty. :)

I will be updating my blogs, in a while. :)

Tatah! :)

2003-07-10T08:13:00.000-07:00

Hello Keren! :) Thanks Che! :) I am proud of my new layout, though it is kinda slow at loading the jpeg. :)

Here are the entries that i should have posted a long time ago. :)
:::::>>>>>>>>

July 10, 2003 Thursday

Dreamt about being at home, and then going out to drive, but then I didn¡¦t really drive the car(pick-up) that I usually drive, instead I was riding a bicycle, no a tricycle, the one with three wheels. Weird.

Went to school, and met up with Ad to get the Korean CDs of Joanne Yao. He also gave me a copies of those CDs; I asked him how am I going to pay him, told me that I don¡¦t need to. :) But anyway, once I got down, I texted him and told him that I thank him very much and that I will repay him sometime later, and that he just ask me anything if needed. He replied, ¡§You are always welcome! :) ¡§

I got to work by 910am. I checked my mail for a while. Of course, by 939am, the Chinese guy from Kuala Lumpur, who arrived yesterday or the other day, came early, so I have to give the LAN cable to him since he will be using it much more than I do. :) Of course, as always, I am still sleepy. :)

Groupmates arrived by around 1030am. Farids and Bic already arrived, except for Ruz. Is it Ruz¡¦s turn to be absent today? Maybe. I did tell Farids that if I don¡¦t get to understand the program anymore, that I will let them check it and she nodded, to say yes. :) Well, at least I was able to say that and sort of ask for ¡§help¡¨. :)

I told my mom that I already got the CD copies of the Korean cds with me already. She replied that I get home at once, with a smile, which means she is joking[¡§bilissssss uwi ka naƒº¡¨]. :) I told her that I can¡¦t, but that I will leave work early; I also told her that I go home early because I get to take the MRT ride home with somebody else. She then asked me who I was taking the MRT with, and I told her Liz, who is Jo¡¦s friend. She then replied that she thought that I already have a boyfriend. I answered, ¡§Me, a boyfriend? :) If I do have one, I will most certainly bring him home so that you could meet him. A lot of things are going on in your mind. :) [ako, may boyfriend? :) kung meron dapat isama ko siya sa bahay para makilala nyo noh. :) kaw a, kung anu-ano ang iniisip mo ah. :)]¡¨

Joanne Yao called me by about 1112am, to tell me that they would be coming over to eat at Enterprise center. Of course, I said yes, since I also needed to return the Korean CDs of hers that Ad borrowed. :) Well, we talked for almost 2 minutes and 40 seconds; she used her sim card in Mich¡¦s cellphone. :)

Anyway, I continued on with the program I am working on until 1130am, when I really couldn¡¦t think of anything else to do. I waited until it was 1150am before I went down to the FoodPark here at Enterprise Center.

Once at the Foodpark, I didn¡¦t see them at the usual area that we occupy, so I went to look out for table, and after finding one, sat there to wait for them. They arrived a little while later after they replied to my text asking them where they were. Anyway, ate with Jo and Mich. Of course, I talked a lot today. We finished eating by about 1220pm. I then walked them to the exit/entrance where they usually go out/in. I then went back up to the office, and arrived there by 1230pm. Jo also asked me what restaurants serve good food at Ongpin. I told her I forgot, but that I will ask Gennet, though I did mention Sincerity or Go Hiong Zai. Anyway, after that, she asked me if I wanted to buy anything there, told her that I can¡¦t think of any, but that I will ask ma if she wanted to buy anything there, though I doubt it. :)

Anyway, my groupmates have been using the computer since I left it this morning, by 1130am. I will let them be. They are working on another program that is asked of them by Sir Eric of Customer Support. I did also tell Bic, as I did Farids, to help me out with the program I am working on, and she said yes, but that they will do their best to finish this mini-program for Sir Eric.

1:23pm. Still writing this journal entry. I asked Ate Ana of Unified if I can borrow Kuya Sannel¡¦s computer for a while; she told me I could and that I just move over when Kuya Sannel¡¦s back. :) Trying to check e-mail, if not trying to do program for a while. :) Wah¡K the net¡¦s slow today. Anyway, ¡K

340pm. Well, I have been idle today. Well, I mean, I can always borrow Kuya Sannel¡¦s computer today because he went out with Kuya Alvin, but then they might come back anytime, so all I use his computer for is to type this entry. Well, I am a much quicker typist when I am writing my journal compared to when I am programming. I would usually end up just looking at the screen if I am programming. Rather, it would be easier for me to formulate one day and program the other. More or less I would just be doodling something or writing in Chinese characters, yawning and such. The Chinese guy from Malaysia talked with me a while ago, asking if I was also Chinese, if I was born in manila and such, and if I was working part time at Unified Communications, and asks about what we program here, and then he told me that VB.Net is much better nowadays and that SNMP would help at least broaden my opportunities and such, since he is also a programmer. :)

I left work by 512pm. Liz, Kat, Nats, and Dianne were all waiting for me, but I guess I wasn¡¦t the last they were waiting for, since we also waited until Gerald Tan arrived. :) Anyway, their friend, DJ/TJ dropped us off at Landmark. Liz and I went our way and she had to buy some things, after which we picked up the pictures that she wanted developed, and of course what followed was the MRT trip home. As always, we were chatting all throughout the trip. :)

Well, when my dad fetched me at the station, we went to pick my mom up at a Bulacan Sweets shop near the Tropical Hut grocery at Scout Borremeo, after which we went home. Once home, I ate dinner. By 830pm, I called Joanne Yao, and we talked for a while; well she did ask me to call once I get to ask my sister about the great places to eat at Ongpin, and I did just that. By 9pm, we hanged up since she is going to watch the F4 vcd that her mom bought. I then called my high school friend Miriam, and we talked for a while. We have plans to attend this despedida party and I told her if it would be okay that if after my appointment with my orthodontist if I could go straight to their house instead of me going home and having to go back to Tomas Morato; she said sure, and I guess it was also what she would have thought of. She also asked me to write her yearbook write up for her. Sure. At first, I wouldn¡¦t let her hang up because she wanted me to work and focus, though she kept on telling me that I can do it some other time since it is due next week and that I still have a lot of time. Well, I am really not doing much at the moment, so I took the opportunity and told her that I can do it now. In the end, I did let her hang up so that she can read up on brand management. Anyway, it was almost 940pm something I guess. I am done with her write-up by 1020pm something. :) Fast, but I guess since I am not really busy about anything else, I can write things out easily since I am focused, concentrated on writing it out. Here it is:::

Miriam: a simple person, who has God in the center of her life. What do I mean by simple? She is simple in that she can enjoy the little things in life; what else can there be in life if one can¡¦t even enjoy the things one can have everyday? But aside from this, she is an achiever in the things that she does, being intelligent, hardworking and talented. But what makes Miriam Miriam is that she is a great friend despite her very ¡§makulit¡¨ ways; this is not bad because you see, she can make you smile, and feel good about yourself. You are sure to feel welcome in the friendship you share with this person because she takes time to listen to you, and she does her best to help you out, even going out of her way just to be there for you. You can feel at home with her because you can easily talk to her, always ready to offer a sincere smile that is coupled by a good sense of humor and a touch of seriousness that we all need to go about our lives. A deeper look into her life would show you a loving person as a whole, being true to herself in all her roles in this life, in this world. One can never always see the uniqueness in each of us, but then, the truth is, we are all very much the same; we make ourselves unique in the way we live our lives, and that is how Miriam does it. :)

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July 9, 2003 Wednesday

Dreamt that I was with somebody, Dane Lim I think. And then I was in this bus and then somebody asked us to get down; it was Pam and Eya. Once out of the bus, they were sort of trying to fight with us, Batch Assembly members, but then we knew they wouldn¡¦t really want to fight, and we did our best not to fight and tried to stop the fight. After that, they told us that it was just a test, to see if we really knew each other, and that we knew enough that we all didn¡¦t want to fight. :)

Well, anyway, I was already somewhat awake by 648am. But I went back to sleep, despite the intermittent alarms from 7am to 740am. I ended up waking up late by 742am. :) anyway, I rushed in preparing myself, and was driven to the MRT by 8am. I arrived at work by 915am.

Anyway, I forgot if my mom really approved of me going to the going away party for our high school teacher, so I kept on asking her this morning. She didn¡¦t really answer me right away, so I kept on prodding, asking her and replying to her text. She then told me that it seems that I am not busy with anything since I keep on texting when I shouldn¡¦t because it is working hours. She told me that it seems like I have a lot of budget at hand, and that I go out so often nowadays, but that if was asked to help my brother out, I would do my best not to. I then told her that I would stop if she would just answer my question, and I also told her that I even helped my brother out in writing in the application letter, and my brother even asked me to do all the installing, and asked me to help him out on the webpage thing this evening. She then told me that I can go if I really want to, and that I help my brother out in finishing up with his Webpage project which is due July 14. I told her I will but that I will only ¡§help¡¨ and not ¡§do¡¨ the whole project. And then she sort of told me that the next time around, she would answer me ¡§no¡¨ always, ending the message with a smiley face, to which I replied, ¡§you cannot do that. And you ended your message with a smiley face.¡¨. My mom didn¡¦t reply anymore.

Okay, will be going back to work now. :)

1133am. My group mates still haven¡¦t arrived yet. I wonder if they will still be coming to work today. Probably just for half a day? Anyway, that is the least of my concerns today. I was looking at my program, and it seems that I am getting confused on what I need to do since ideas, and more ideas of problems and solutions alike keep popping into my mind. That is why I ended up writing down my thoughts on how the program should work instead of trying to face it head on by the computer. If I am before the computer, I end up having a blank state of mind, or a mind trying to make meaning to what snippets and comments on the program that I planned to make but have not made actions on. And with that came a headache, and sleepiness. So, I took a break again, and did my best to think of the things I need to do, and then wrote down the text messages sent to me by my bestfriend that I dare not delete that past week but then found out that I need to or else no more messages can come in if messages do rain into my cell phone inbox. But of course, I made note of what I deleted, and made sure I had a copy, and also of what I still kept in my inbox. And then after that, wondering because my groupmates aren¡¦t still in for work, ended up typing my thoughts down for a while, despite that my stomach is already growling, asking to be fed. Oh, I need to help my brother out with his project tonight. Oh well.

115pm. Oh well, I have just printed a copy of the codes I am working on so that I won¡¦t need to keep on turning to the computer and just getting myself all confused and overwhelmed all over again. :) My groupmates haven¡¦t arrived, not one of them did come in this morning. More or less, I am going to be alone again today, unless by some miracle they even think of coming to work this afternoon, though I doubt it because I know Sir Ogie was here this morning, as well as Sir Anthony and Sir Eric. So, there is no way they would be outside, attending meetings, with these people. Thess, the company¡¦s accountant, asked where my groupmates are; of course, I told the truth, I don¡¦t know. I think it is obvious that they didn¡¦t come in. I don¡¦t really know what is going on in my groupmates¡¦ minds, on how they could always be absent. Guess because they know Ogie or what, I don¡¦t really know the answers, but at least I am coming to work everyday, and if I don¡¦t come in, I did ask for permission and made necessary note of it in my attendance.

315pm. Obviously, since there is still no sign of my groupmates, it means that they really won¡¦t be coming in today. :0 Oh well. I ended up checking my email by 240pm something. And am still doing so as I am typing this down. :0

4:05pm. Well, I checked my mail as I reviewed the code that I was working on. Truth is, I am still feeling sleepy, and I don¡¦t really want to move on. Perhaps it is time for me to ask my groupmates to help me out? I can always ask for help, right? Probably just ask them to check my work out, right? Oh well, but not today, since they didn¡¦t come to work. 50 minutes more to go. More or less I will leave the office by about 510pm.

422pm. I am back on typing and trying out the program/pseudocode I have written. Hope that they work well, once I try them tomorrow. :)

457pm. I will be leaving in a little while. By 440pm, I ended up relaxing myself because I find myself having another headache. After which I just read an e-text of Shakespeare¡¦s Twelfth Night. :)

I left by about 515pm. More or less, I am the one late with my meeting Kat and Liz at the usual meeting place. :) anyway, we rode in Nat¡¦s car and she drove us to Landmark. From there, Liz and I stopped by Kodak to get some pictures developed, that we will be getting tomorrow. After that, we took the MRT home. Once home, more or less, I watched tv. After that, I went to call Jo by 930pm, and we talked up until 1030pm. After that, the whole night, my sister and I talked about life, about not losing what one really likes, knowing what you want and what makes you happy, to never let go of that because once you do, you can¡¦t find what makes you so passionate about your life and to live one¡¦s life fully. We more or less talked about stuff like that, and she told me not to let go of that, because she doesn¡¦t really know what she wants anymore, as of now. Anyway, after that, we went to sleep.

----

July 8, 2003 Tuesday

Did check my email, but then something is wrong with the net/dsl connection here, so I will end up doing the project proposal tonight. I did get to check the email sent by Ms. Magpantay and Mr. Molano and have already emailed them my reply, so there is no problem with those.

Last night, I dreamt that I was ordained a priest(a lady priest). During the ordination, I gave my Bible(though I don¡¦t own a nice-looking bible in real life, in my dream I did.), a pen and an X-Men Wolverine card(Hugh Jackman) as ¡§offerings¡¨ (weird right?). After the ordination, I was the one presiding over my sister¡¦s wedding with a guy I didn¡¦t really see the face of. Anyway, I got angry because people got no respect for God. I saw Arcy there as well, telling me that my sister¡¦s wedding day was also mother¡¦s day. I also saw Aunt Haydee and was sorry because I told her that she will be one of the principal sponsors when I get married(this is our agreement in real life, a promise to each other. This is true), but then in the dream since I became a priest, I broke that promise. Well, I felt so angry at the people for being disrespectful, and in a way I can¡¦t imagine how I could become a priest if I get angry so easily, and that was when I woke up.

Anyway, I readied myself for work and left home with Elbert for school. Funny thing is, before we left, I was talking with Ate Remy about my dream. After that of course she asked me what I wanted to eat; she told me that I could eat theresas/silvanas, but then I told her how can I slim down if I eat that, so we decided on toasted wheat bread with nothing in it. When my mom heard it, I guess she was happy about it. And then they were suddenly on the topic of crushes, with my mom telling me that maybe my old crush would like me again, and I said no, but then Ate Remy said something about Boogie being a nice person to me and such. Of course, Ate Remy should have said anything about it, but then what else can I do if it is already out of her mouth. Grrr¡K anyway, I told her that she shouldn¡¦t have mentioned anything about it, but then Ate Rems told me that my mom would feel happy knowing about those things. Anyway, after that, my brother and I left for school.

Once in the car, I found out that I left my lunchbox, and exclaimed it out loud. We went back to get it. Once I got it, Ate Remy was still saying something. I didn¡¦t get it; I thought she was telling met that my water bottle with my lunchbox is not closed tight, but luckily my brother understood and told me something like spoon or chopsticks. When I checked, my chopsticks weren¡¦t there. Luckily, we weren¡¦t out of the compound yet, so I we went back again, I ran back into the house and got the chopsticks from Ate Remy. Funny thing I should forget; I guess I was just disturbed by the dream and by still feeling sleepy. :) Guess I had that dream because I didn¡¦t pray, but then it may also have deeper meaning. :)

Well, of course, luckily our driver is a good one so he still got my brother at school even if he is 5 minutes late (compared to the other times when he would be 30 minutes late). I went down as well, and went to see you guys at Gokongwei. I did get to talk with Ad, since I did return the Lavender CD to him, and then Caleb returned the Vandread 2nd Stage cds. :) I also told Ad about my dream and he jokingly said that it was a sign of aging. :) and then since I was having a small problem with the program I am working on, I asked help from him, and glad I did, because when I got to the office and made the necessary changes according to what Ad said, my program is working okay. :) Well, I left goks by 815am. :) Got to the office by 9am. :)

My groupmates, except for Farids who didn¡¦t come to work today, arrived by 1040am. And stayed here in the office up to now, 330pm. They didn¡¦t leave the office for lunch. Anyway, since this morning, I tried working on the program, but if I can¡¦t, I would stop and check my email for a while (get a little irritated in the process since it would be down again) and then get back to work. During lunch time, I did watch Episode 13 of Vandread 2nd stage during my break. :) After that, I went back to working on the program. But they by 3pm, my mind was sort of ¡§not working¡¨ properly, so I decided to unwind and type down this journal entry. :) Well, I did get to add new snippets of codes to the program I am working on, so I can¡¦t say that I haven¡¦t been productive for the day. I am just taking things slowly, one at a time, so that at least I can think better, being disorganized with my thoughts on the program in some way.

Groupmates left by 410pm. Before that time, I did do my best to get back to the program I am working on, but my mind can¡¦t think of anything else anymore. I will be leaving early again today, to take the MRT home again with Liz. And so, I also ended up trying to do the project proposal that GV asked me to do for one of the BA(batch assembly) activities.

Well, Liz did get off work by 505pm, and waited for Liz and Kat at the usual spot, our meeting place. Then Liz and I went to Landmark since I needed to buy shampoo and she had to look for a pond¡¦s cream sachet for her mom. Well, we didn¡¦t get to find one, so we went ahead to go to the Ayala station and took the MRT home. As usual, the trip home seems so short when you are taking it with another person. :) Once home, of course, I was asked by my brother to install all the programs that we needed for the home PC since we already have CDs of different installers bought just this past Saturday from Greenhills. Anyway, while doing so, I was also talking with a friend of mine, Miriam, from high school, who kept on persuading me to go to the despedida or going away party for one of our high school professors who will be going to teach in Texas. Anyway, I told her that I still need to ask for my mom¡¦s permission. Oh, and we won¡¦t be watching any movies this Saturday night. :0 After that, I went on to eat my dinner, then called Carlo about the project proposal that I had to do. We chatted for a while. After that, I finished up with the proposal and then I went on to help my brother in writing an application letter since he is planning to join the ACM or corporate management program for their college, more or less something like choosing their ¡§major¡¨. I also asked my mom if she would let me go, and I think she said yes. Anyway, after the letter composition, I went on to go to sleep.

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July 7, 2003 Monday

Going to gym this weekend (July 5) really did ¡§stretch¡¨ my muscles. More or less, I am doing okay and can still move around, but then my body also hurts at certain parts, especially at the joints. Well, at least that means that the exercises given to me are taking effect. :)

I am still sleepy because I slept late last night. But I¡¦ll do my best to keep myself awake by thinking how I will be going about the program I am working on.

I was asked to move to the computer of Sannel, and that I can use it since he is on sick leave.

Anyway, my groupmates arrived by 1030am.

I went down to eat lunch with Joanne Yao by 12 noon. Well, it is the usual sharing we do: talking while eating. :) She also returned the extension cord and the Flash disk that she borrowed from me, as well as the Lavender CD of Pinky that will be returned to Ad. She also gave me a gift: a keychain (a long one) of 3 angels dressed in blue with a cross on their clothes up front. :) Where to put it, I wonder, so that I won¡¦t lose any one of the three angels? :) We ate up until 1255pm, and then we went down. I walked her towards where she usually exits Enterprise Center, and then I went back up to the office. Oh, since our order didn¡¦t include drinks, she bought our drinks from Jollibee, and she wouldn¡¦t late me pay her back! :0 Luckily, when she went to buy a Peach Mango Pie for Michelle Concepcion and left left her wallet with me, I slipped the 21 pesos into her wallet; I really didn¡¦t know how much the drink was, so at least being able to pay for my share, even partially, would be enough. :)

233pm. Groupmates haven¡¦t arrived back from outside yet anyway. Last night, when I talked with Daph, glad to know that her mom is doing better and feeling fine. When I talked with Jo, sabi niya if ever kaming overnight sa bahay naming, they(arcy and her) wouldn¡¦t make Daph feel out of place. :)

313pm. Groupmates came back.

Groupmates left sometime by 430pm. I told them about email of Ms. Magpantay. They asked me if were to leave yet, told them that I will leave a little later.

I left by 5pm; I know, I logged in a timeout of 6pm, but then I really didn¡¦t know how to go about my program anymore, so I decided to go home as well despite my logging out of ¡§6pm¡¨. My groupmates came to work late and left early and still get 8 hours for the day, how about me? I mean, I don¡¦t want to be unfair as well, but then, what am I to do? I also like going home early, to rest and to do something else.

Anyway, took the MRT ride home with Liz. She was also feeling sick. Hope she gets better soon. Once home, I tried typing down the Mandarin lyrics of the songs for Lavender. I finished late. :) Anyway, had just been asked by GV to write a project proposal on the Job Expo for the Batch Assembly. I will get on with it tomorrow at the office. Sir Molano also told me that he emailed me. I will also check it tomorrow.

My sister also said something about watching movies this coming Saturday, terminator3, but then I told her that I wanted to watch Charlie¡¦s Angels 2. Well, she said then she might watch Terminator with her friend, and me, my brother and the brothers of my sister¡¦s friend would watch Charlie¡¦s Angels with me. She also told me that we would both be going to Greenhills on Sunday, to get me new eyeglasses (for a change in looks), and also to get a new haircut. I told her it is up to her where we go since she is the one driving. :)

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July 6, 2003 Sunday

woke up by 930am.
1pm, lunch with Aunt Rufina, Uncle Dalmacio, Buenconsejo family and us. up to 3pm.
stopped over at Greenhills because achi had to go pick up a skirt she liked.
once home, watched tv and slept.
really full. didn't eat dinner anymore.
920pm, called DAph, was still in cr. called her again by 930pm. talked for a while, but i sense she was busy, and she told me that she still has to do some reading, so we hung up, and i told her that i will call her another time. :)
called jo Yao. we chatted from 940pm something up to 1115pm. supposed to be, i told her that we will stop talking to each other by 1045pm, but then we talked some more, and we ended up talking until 1115pm. :) we will eat lunch together tomorrow. we will meet each other at the Foodpark. :) we talked about crushes and such, and a lot about ourselves, and a lot about daph. :) we also talked about me papapayat, and then about going out together, me, her and arcy and eating out probably on July 19. let's just see. :) i told her to just call me. :) ayun. i told her that i hope that they will be able to come overnight at my place, she, arcy and daph. :) so taht they could all meet. :) and about me planning of either going together out with them, daph, drew and the gang, and high school friends, but these are all plans, and it seems that there are too much people. :) anyway, she'll support me, cheer me on, on my want to lose 20 pounds by my next birthday. :)

anyway, gotta sleep now. :) it is already 1130pm.

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July 5, 2003 Saturday

bring change of clothes and bag with all my things in it.

9am, slimmers, meet with jo at sm
she waited for me at the lobby of slimmers.
we left together. i droved the car to La salle.
sabay na kami punta ng La Salle. pahintay gudo. meet with arcy by 1130am.
ate lunch with her, arcy, and ram at Kenny Rogers
attend meeting from 1-230pm.
left school by 230pm.
stopped by Baler Shell station for gasoline refill.
once home, just tinkled with my laptop.
530pm. took a bath.
left by 6pm plus to eat with Angkong for his bday.
once home by 1030pm, called Jo and we talked up until 12midnight. we might meet each other on Monday.
still thinking of Daph. Hope that her mother gets well. Today, her mom didn't go for the check-up yet, and found out that her mom is now having diarrhea as well. we both hope that her mom gets well soon. when i replied to her text message, she didn't reply anymore.

---
daph -- called her July 4 night.
her mom is not feeling good. nanghihina and having splitting headaches, side effects of the medicine she is taking for her colon.

popeye, their dog, died of eating something poisonous. just heard this from papa, telling me namatay daw of hepatitis. i didn't want to believe but asked daph muna. well, sinabi ni daph nga na namatay daw dahil of something poisonous.

a part of me doesn't want to go on and meet with Jo and Arcy, and just wanna see Daph and visit her mom, and of course, to stay home with my parents. but i guess daph wouldn't want me to stop my life, even it be for her. I just hope that Daph is doing fine, and i hope that her mom gets better na. It has already been one week already. It is very scary having to go through that. I hope Daph takes good care of herself, so that she could take care of her mom better. I think one reason that she is pretty busy, aside from school, is of course to take care of her parents, and especially now that her mom needs Daph to keep her company, sort of being her strength, in some way.

----

A fear comes to me every day, every single day: fear of losing the people that i love. It is not because i am very dependent on them; it is just because they have brought so much meaning to my life. THey have helped mold me to who i am today, from who I were, to who i will be. It is a fear of the death of a part of yourself, when you lose these people. An undending fear that is usually sudden, and all encompassing.

My parents, as most of our parents, are pretty stressed out lately aside from just the current economical conditions, but as well as for the other things that may be affecting their health, add to that that they have to care for us even at our age, fearing for the worst: that they may not be able to give what they can for the children that they love. During the past week, i was really afraid when i heard my mom started getting a high blood pressure. sure, with her hypoactive thyroid, it was sort of normal occurence, but then when the high blood pressure comes in unison with her not being able to move her right arm, the thought of stroke came into my mind. I admit: i was afraid then as i am still afraid now. We were lucky that my mom were surrounded by people in the office who told her take a rest and to take some precautions. I thank God for having us being surrounded by nice people, who would take care of us when we end up not being able to do anything for ourselves at some point in time. My dad did have rheumatism just a month ago; i thought it was muscle degeneration. We are lucky it is not. But just think of it, our parents are not getting younger, and neither are we.

I end up asking: what if something happens? Am i ready to face the world that my parents have been doing their best to make me ready for? My answer: I don't really know, though i am more inclined to say that i am not ready at all, and that i wouldn't know what to do if ever something happens. It is an unnerving thought to think about losing people, but when you see people around you who die so suddenly during the past few years(2001, my maternal grandmother, 2002, my dad's cousin, 2003, my dad's cousin's wife's sister, and how about the loved ones your loved ones have lost...), you just can't rule out the possibility or the probability of it coming anytime to each one of us.

Of course, there are a lot of things that we cannot answer ourselves. But right now, i jsut want to take the time to tell you guys to take very good care of yourselves, and to take care of the people that you love as early as now, to let them know and feel that they are loved, before it is too late. Make the most of what's still there for us to give to these special people, and that we continue to pray for God's grace, guidance and help, and that He continues to care for us, as He has already done so for so long. Let us ask Him for strength to do our best, to move on, to do everything for everybody's good.

And lastly, i love you all! You have all made, even if just a little, difference in my life. All the little things in life counts, as they make up the whole of what life can be. TAke care!

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July 4, 2003 Friday

Yes! It¡¦s Friday. :)

My mom woke me up by 5am to help my brother in writing a letter for application to ACM or something on Corporate Management(this is the time of the year when they choose their majors). Anyway, I told her that if Elbert really needed me, he will come in and wake me up himself, before I went back to sleep. But the truth is, I never did get back to sleep, well, not to a comfortable one. I kept on thinking and waiting why my brother didn¡¦t wake me up. And then my sister went ahead to use the bathroom already, so all I had to do was wait. So, you¡¦ve guess it, I still feel sleepy when I am at work, especially now, 219pm.

This morning, I took the MRT with my Di-ku. We talked while on the trip to Ayala, and I also pointed to him Daph¡¦s house at Corinthian Gardens as we(the MRT) passed by. I arrived at work by 920am. We parted at the walkway since he is going to Ayala Triangle.

Jo Yao texted me this morning if I wanted to joint them for lunch, and I told her that I will be eating with my groupmates but will text her if there¡¦s any change of plans.

My groupmates arrived, except for Ruz by 1025am. I think today is Ruz¡¦s day to be absent. They were doing the beads thing, and I found a lot of those beads that had falled down onto the carpet, and I started picking them up one after the other, and stopped only when I can¡¦t find any of these anymore.

I ate lunch with Jo and Mich. Did decide to eat with JO kasi sa pantry lang sila(groupmates) kain (though dapat talaga sabay ako sa kanila today, since I told them na sabay na ako every Friday. Anyway, they went to eat sandwich sa pantry by 1030am plus, akala ko merienda pa lang yun kasi mag-11am palang. Habang nandun sila, parang gusto k na uli sabay sa kanila (kasi I told them/nagpaalam ako before pa sila kumain or to go to the pantry for that sandwich and after asking where they would be eating and finding out that they would be eating at the panty, kung pwede kain ako with Jo; payag naman Bic). When they got back, I wondered what time will they eat lunch then, e gutom na ako eh. When I asked, naglunch na pala sila. Sandwich na pala lunch nila. Ayun, so sumabay na lang talaga ako with Jo and Mich. Dapat talaga first day ko to eat with them uli tapos hindi natuloy. Sayang. Next week. Gusto ko naman talaga eh, kaya lang pabago-bago isip ko. I told this to mom. I also said sorry to Bic, for not eating with them, sabi niya wala yun. :)

Groupmates left after I left I guess. I got back to work by 1230pm. Up to now, 219pm, the two of them aren¡¦t back yet, though they did leave their bags here. I am trying to work on the project, though nothing really comes to mind. Guess I am just excited in getting some rest over the weekends, if I do get to. :)

This evening, I hope I finish the research for my cousin so that I can give it to her tomorrow, so that the research would be submitted in time by her children on Monday. I will also call Daph, if I get the time and if she¡¦s home by then.

I will be going to see my personal trainer tomorrow, July 5, during the morning, go back home to take a shower and then attend an IT seniors forum in the afternoon from 1-230pm ( I have decided that I will be driving to and from school, also during the morning. I already got my license already, the driver license card, and so I want to practice my driving again, hoping that by my birthday, aside from hoping that I will be 20 pounds lighter by then, that I would be able to drive our car by myself as well, and be able to drive my friends around because I am already a ¡§safe¡¨ driver since I will be allowed to do so myself. :)). Once home from the forum, I plan to clean up my room, well my side of the room. After that, in the evening, we are going to eat out because it is my grandfather¡¦s birthday. On July 6, we will be treating Aunt Rufina for lunch at Spring Deer, before she leaves for Canada on July 9. Other than those plans, guess I have nowhere to go. :)

Groupmates just got back now, 230pm. I said sorry to them by this time.

From the time I got back from lunch, by 1220pm, up to 340pm and also ever since this morning, I was using the computer, working on the FTP program. Now, 350pm onwards, they used it since they have to do something for one of the office staff, some sort of program as well. During my usage of the computer, I changed the text file used/generated by the program from sequential access files to random access files (don¡¦t want to expound on this). And from that time onward, they didn¡¦t leave the computer anymore. I asked what time they will be leaving today, and they said they weren¡¦t sure, that I could go first if I wanted to. I told them that I will be going home with someone today. When I said goodbye and was on my way out, Bic asked if I was going to commute, I said yes, and that¡¦s the truth. :)

I left work by 5pm and met up later with Kat Tan and Liz Sevilla at Banco Pilipino along Paseo corner Dela Rosa. Then, Liz and I saw Nats Eblamo and she offered us a ride up to Park Square. :) Kat had to take a jeep to Ayala; I didn¡¦t really know where she was going. Anyway, I took the MRT ride home with Liz. Of course, I talked a lot along the way, and also pointed out Daph¡¦s new place at Corinthian Gardens as we passed by Corinthian Gardens. :) She didn¡¦t talk a lot, guess she was tired, as she did say when we got off the MRT. She told me how I can save up buying a stored value card for my MRT rides since even if I am to use up 98 pesos worth of the card, and have 2 pesos left, I can still avail of a one way trip back home or two work, therefore saving 12 pesos. :) I didn¡¦t believe, until she used the card that still had a balance of 2 pesos, and she was able to get in for a ride, and out of the station when we arrived at North Avenue station. :) Once at North Avenue, I also bought a stored value card. :) We parted ways because she had to meet with her mom at SM North EDSA. My dad was already waiting for me at the car that is waiting probably just a few meters away. Once home, ate dinner, and watched tv. But then I had to pull myself away from the TV since I have to finish the research that my cousin had asked for(they don¡¦t have a phone line, so they are asking me to do the research). So it is why now, at 908pm, I am pushing myself to hurriedly type this down and start with that research so that I can hand it off tomorrow to her, so that my nephew and niece can submit it on time on Monday, July 7.

932pm, I did try to call Daph, but when somebody answered and passed the phone to Daph, I knew that she was busy. When she did answer, I asked if she was doing something and she said yes. Anyway, I told her to continue on with what she is doing. She then said, sort of asking, that she¡¦ll text me. I told her, it¡¦s your call. And she sort of said okay, and we hung up. Well, she really has much more things to do that I do since I am taking up OJT and she has classes. :) Understandable, and I should give way. :)

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July 3, 2003 Thursday

-came by 9am. Bic didn¡¦t come in, Farids and Ruz came by 1030am.

-program¡K lunch¡K Sannel had to test something¡K more or less the program is taking shape, though I have to be more organized in planning how I should go about it. I am going to test the UPLOAD later. I got to ask for an IP address that I can test upload to. :)

By 1240pm, there was a power surge/fluctuation. Of course, had to restart all the computers.

216pm. Yehey! I was able to ftp a file using our(my) program to ftp.drew.ph (Sorry Drew, I really needed to try it. And at least I know that my account works, the one you gave us usernames and passwords for that I weren¡¦t able to use before.) Yippee!!! More or less, half done. :) :( My groupmates just came back. :| But at least the program works, even if they didn¡¦t help me with it(much the better). :)

428pm. Fromm 3pm plus, I relaxed more and more. Researched on what my cousin asked me to. Groupmates left by 330pm.

505pm. By 445pm, I got tired researching and the net connection is slowing down here in the office, therefore I stopped and just typed down the journal entries for July 2 and July 3. I will be leaving the office by 530pm, and go get my order of 3 sandwiches from Olivers and then go buy olives at Rustan and then go home.

Once at Rustan¡¦s, I received a text message from my sister, it was 6pm by then, telling me to take the MRT a little while later because they can only pick me up from the MRT station by 730pm. So, after buying the olives, I went to Goodwill to look around the books they have, and I ended up taking a lot of my time looking at the different books on the piano solos pieces that were available there. But then, the books are priced within the range of 800-2000. Oh well, when I looked at my watch by then, it was already 645pm. Time to go.

I walked to Ayala Station and rode the MRT. I got to the North Avenue Station by 740pm. After that, since Aunt Rufina(my mom¡¦s friend who came from Canada to visit us) was still in our home, so we went to eat dinner with her at Alfredo¡¦s Steakhouse. (I know, I am in a diet, but I didn¡¦t eat much, only the whole course of soup, bread, salad and the main dish of Steak Mediterranean. :) ). After that, we stopped by home first, then went to see a friend of ours whose dad had just recently died, to offer our condolences. After that, we drove Aunt Rufina home at Malabon. Once home, I changed my clothes and went to sleep. It was midnight by then.

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July 2, 2003

Arrived at the office by 9am. :) Thank God I woke up and did my best to get out of the house by 750am. Told Ate Rems I want to be 150 pounds by my 21st birthday, and to go out with friends or probably just have Daph sleep over, and that we get to shop together in the future. :) I looked for Kuya Gudo and found him at the canteen. Aunt Emma and Aunt Cora talked with me for a while.

While at MRT, thought of Daph and went to see their place as the MRT passed by Corinthian Gardens. Walking to work, I just talked to my mind, though a part of me feeling happy and also unsure.

Once at the office, can¡¦t do much because they are using our computer for a task, sort of testing the LAN connection or something. More or less we are left to keep ourselves busy. :) Well, I just read on the WINDOWS API part of Visual Basic 6. I also listed my experiences and attendance and rewritten those in pencil, with a pen, of those thoughts/memories that I wanted to make sure doesn¡¦t fade away, so that it won¡¦t fade in time, those papers containing what I am thinking that I will be putting in my diary. Anyway, groupmates, except for Farids(who is absent today), arrived by 1030am something. Theyy left for lunch by 1140am. I ate lunch by myself, brushed my teeth, and I was back at my best before 1215pm.

From that time onward, I decided to draw an outline or sketch Daph¡¦s house, the new one at Corinthian Gardens. I used pencil first for the outline and then used sign pen for the permanent outline. I did it up to about 240-3pm. Almost three hours. Well, I tried to put the details that I remember about their house. Though I am just basing my drawing on what I saw and remember on my visit to their home. Well, of course, I would move something, align something, trying my best to draw down what think is their new home¡¦s layout. :) So after putting the permanent outline in ink, I had to label the places and erase any trace of pencil marks. After that, I made some notes on the color of the house, etc, particulars.

My groupmates came back by 240pm. Pretty late, right? Anyway, after finishing with the drawing , I started writing this journal down. Also, during this morning, and for the past few days, I still take not of what I remembered when I went to visit Daph, like things that we did, what or how I felt, what I was thinking, what we were doing, how things went that day, and some other particulars that day, also what she thought of on the things we were talking about. I still continue to write them down. Especially since I end up realizing a lot of other things as I think of that day. :)

It is now 320pm. Nothing else to do. I will probably draw how the house of Daph¡¦s looks like from outside. What I did a while ago was sort of an internal schema/outline/drawing of where the rooms are, and what were in there. If I am successful, it would take another two hours or so, more or less in time for 6pm. Oh, I have to think of questions to ask on July 5¡¦s IT seniors forum. I did ask Bic if we should start thinking of our thesis proposal again; she said that they are thinking of Workflow management, but that I also look into others as well. Woo¡K the office is still using the computer. Oh well. 345pm.

Groupmates left by 420pm. Bic had to go to the doctor, I guess, as I heard just a while ago.

510pm. I had busied myself for almost an hour by drawing the external face of daph¡¦s place. Really rough. I also texted Liz Sevilla if we can go home and take the MRT together today. Still waiting for her reply. I still can¡¦t use the computer here still, so I have to keep myself busy some other way. If Liz doesn¡¦t reply, I will probably leave te office by 545pm, just like yesterday. But then, there¡¦s the feeling that you don¡¦t want to. I saw their attendance sheet. Sort of in minutes. They came in by 1030am, left by 1140am, came back by 240pm, and left by 420pm. Is that 7 hours? 324 minutes doesn¡¦t even amount to seven, just five hours and 24 minutes. And their time in doesn¡¦t even match the number of hours today if you really take not of what time they come in and out.

Wow! Now I know why Liz didn¡¦t reply. Her brother¡¦s using her phone and is at London.

Now I get it. 324 is the total number of hours so far. For today, they timed a total number of 8 hours, but then the truth is, they have been at the office for less than 8 hours, and even less than five. I checked it again and saw one record with ¡§6 hours¡¨ written on it. When you ad the value of the previous record to the 6 hours, you get the value of the next record, e.g. 207+6=213. And this has been going on ever since May. And everyday, they are logging in 7 to 8 hours, but they come in by 1030am, leave by 1130am, come back by 130pm or 230pm and leave by 4pm something. Obviously, they are lying about the no. of hours. I mean the values cannot be the amount they spent for the day, since they eat different lunches; and how can they be so consistent, and obviously not other values because there¡¦s an End OF OJT date of AUGUST 15, and a 189 value to start of from, which if added with 8 equals to 207, 207+6=213, and so on.

I am logging in much more correct time in and out, much more honest than they are. Oh well, so this is what they are saying na pakikisama sa attendance: madaya.

Once at home, I helped my brother out in scanning the pictures that he needed. I got to sleep by 11pm plus. Watched CSI during 9pm.

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July 1, 2003 Tuesday

Today, I stopped over at Gokongwei to give a new CD to Carlo(in payment for the Office XP CD that he made a copy of for me, well, for my brother, actually). Well, instead of just leaving it at the Nook, at Carlo¡¦s box, I went ahead to look for them at the 4th floor, just in case they are there. Well, I did find them(you guys), and I chatted with them. Drew arrived by 825am. As he was on his way out to the washroom, I talked with him. On my way down, I also saw Joan Wee. On the way to work, I hope that Daph will be able to sleep over at our place on my birthday. :) And at the same time, hoping that I will be able to drive by my own by then.

During the morning, I did some testing of the code I found on the book for our programming project. My groupmates arrived by 1030am plus. They used the computer for a while. So I started writing this entry down, and made a diary entry on the text messages that I don¡¦t want to forget, just in case I ended up needing to delete them.

Hah! *Deep Breath* *Exhale* I asked them if I could join them for lunch on Fridays, asked Bic specifically and she said okay. (Though if you see her face, it seems to her that it seems weird of me to say so and ask. :) ). But at least I took the courage to ask. :) My mom told me to do so, even at least to join them once a month or so, and she even gave me money for that. It would be waste if I didn¡¦t do so. I mean, she is sort of helping me out, though it was only last night that she was able to know of what had happened between me and my groupmates on June 25, when she asked me if I were eating with my groupmates as she was handing me money in payment for the things that she had asked me to buy plus the money that she wanted me to use to spend when I eat out with my groupmates. Though I know I can save up the money for the lunch thing by not spending it and using it to buy my own copy of the Harry Potter Book 5, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, a part of me wanted me to use the money for what my mom gave it to me for. And this also sort of a chance, opportunity; Jo said the same thing, that I should at least try to eat with my groupmates on Fridays; my bestfriend Daphne even said that I shouldn¡¦t be shy about bringing packed lunch when I eat out with my groupmates, that there is no reason to be shy and ashamed of bringing your own food, and that I really need to do something to get along, ¡§makisama¡¨, with my groupmates. At least their advices, well, what they said were for my good really, were followed and therefore of good used, and used good.

Well, then, I spent some time of the afternoon working on the program, maybe until 4pm. I didn¡¦t know what I should do to go on by then, so I stopped. Bic used the computer for a while to check her mails and they left sometime after 4pm.

Oh, I bought a PC-to-PC LAN cable yesterday. Since it didn¡¦t work last night, I brought it with me again to have it checked at the shop where I bought it. But then, a thought hit me and I asked the people in Unified to check it out for me (they are in this business anyway), since they know their stuff. :) Glad I did, because I wouldn¡¦t need to go buy that shop again later. I was just afraid that the girl who did the connecting or crimping of the LAN cable didn¡¦t know how, and might tell me that it¡¦s still right even if it¡¦s wrong. Anyway, I did ask Marco at first for help, but since he wasn¡¦t sure about it as well, we asked Carlo. Carlo said that it was done right, and said that it was a crossover/PC-to-PC cable as soon as he saw and examined it. This means one thing: there¡¦s trouble with me doing the actual connecting and that I didn¡¦t know what I am doing. :) I¡¦ll try connecting my laptop and my brother¡¦s new computer later. :)

I might as well not forget to update my journal entries for June 28-30, and up to the present. :) And this what I did for the remainder of the day, from 4pm up to now, 516pm. I will be checking mails and blog for the rest of the hour. :)

----

June 30, 2003 Monday

During the weekend, I relaxed, calmed down, when I was with Daph, and when I think of Daph. Of course, but there were times when I would be afraid, afraid of what may happen with me and my group mates, at work and in the future: would things work out? I was even afraid this morning, of going to work and all. I have been doing my best during the weekend to push away all these fearful thoughts by going to Daph¡¦s place to celebrate her birthday with her(though I am one day in advance, and we spent it together, alone, with nobody else, though the day can be thought of to be one of my ¡§normal¡¨ visits to their place rather than as a ¡§celebration¡¨), going out with my parents to see my uncle at Lagro, Novaliches, watching TV and such.

But I guess today went okay. When I got to work, and when they arrived, I told them (group mates) to tell me if I am improving or not, so that I can be on the right track. They said okay. And then we discussed the project/program that we would be working on. After that, we thought the computer was still to be used by Sir Ogie(our supervisor), so we didn¡¦t touch it at all. While they were talking to each other (my group mates) and after they left early for lunch, I was writing an entry into Jo¡¦s book thingy that I am going to give her, telling her o how I spent my day with my best friend, sharing it/these thoughts with Jo. :) Well, I ate lunch and such, brushed my teeth. It was only 1215pm then, so I tried to keep myself busy; rather, I decided to be so by starting the Visual Basic program of that automated FTP thing project. Marco did come over to talk with me for a while. Then I continued designing the interface and writing simple codes for the program flow up until my group mates arrived by 2pm something. So far, after telling them to inform me or tell me if I am improving or not, I felt somewhat much more at ease, and at peace with myself, with the fear sort of slowly going away. Thank God for that. :) But right now, they were asked to do something, so they¡¦re using the computer again, therefore I chose to continue to do this journal entry. :) It is now 2:58pm.

There are a lot of things that I have decided that I must do ever since I have met up with my bestfriend this Saturday, June 28:

1. Slim down. Target weight is 150 pounds(losing 20 pounds) at least. (Yup, my best friend is slim, and I am not. She is much more lighter than the target weight that I had set.) I start today. :) Because, I want to be able to go out with her and buy stuff with her, just like when she was trying to find and buy something for her good friend Nikka, and we were together by then, moving around from store to store, and at every store, should would also look for stuff for herself. :) I did tell her that probably next time we could go shop together in the future, and she nodded in agreement.:) (Well, that is how I remembered that moment; but I am sure that she didn¡¦t disagree.) :) I think I even told her that I have already decided to do since June 21, powered by the thought that I want to be able to spend time shopping with Jo, Arcy, and most especially with her, hoping that I would be able to slim down and lose some pounds by or before my birthday.

2. To clean up my table, my room. Her (Daph¡¦s) room is so clean and organized! Mine¡¦s not. And since my mom has been persuading for like forever to clean mind, but stopped because she got tired of keeping on asking me to do that, I am going to change and clean up as well as organize my things. (I mean, Daph just moved into their new home January this year, and her room is much more organized than it was when they were in their old home. But then, her room in both occasions were both cleaner than mine.)

3. Change myself for the better, as a whole person. :) My best friend is a good role model: hardworking, sincere, happy, optimistic, God-fearing, above all, and much more. I want to be a better person, and want to stop looking down on myself, and I want her to be proud of me, although she is already proud of having me as her friend, I want to be better still, for her, for me, and for everybody else. (Well, I did get to keep myself more or less more patient lately. :) and I do get to smile a lot lately, except when I have a troubling headache.)

I think I am not a bad person, or else how would I have great friends like you guys. :) And how would I have a great best friend like Daphne, who stayed with me, as a very good friend, and has been there for me for 6 years and running. :) She never left me even if I disclosed things that would usually make people move away.

I know I can do it, especially now, since my heart is at it. :) and I have things to look forward to: in life, in people/others, in me. :)

420pm. Well, I tried helping Farids out and I just can¡¦t figure out how to do what was asked of her at all. At least I made a start today. Still, like everyday, I look forward to the end of the day, as well as the end of the week, to relax and set some things to order(if I do follow my schedule), if I can. Now, my head hurts still. Farids couldn¡¦t find a way to do what was asked of her too. I just don¡¦t know what to do about it. What can I do? Nothing to do to help farads, nothing to help Bic with as well. Ruz was out with our supervisor Sir Ogie to get something from SMART, so there is nothing for me to do, really.

450pm. I received a text message from my dad, telling me to go down already. I just can¡¦t at the time. I don¡¦t want to add another hour that I missed to the five hours that I am already trying to make up for starting today. I am going on an overtime of 30 minutes for the next two weeks just to make up for the 5 hours I missed on purpose. I mean, I would love to go home early, but then I don¡¦t to accumulate more hours missed, I just can¡¦t. I don¡¦t want using my buffer days to make up for absences of an hour or so, but rather want to use those buffer days for much important matters that would really require me to be absent from work. And I still have to buy stuff after work.

457pm. Ruz got back from SMART with Sir Ogie. I already saw the pictures sent over by Mi, one of my HS batch mates, of our June 20, 2003 get together, :) at my lycos mail account. I hope that Daph will be home later. :) I really want to know how her birthday went, and I want to share my day today(though it is too early to be happy about current events, but today came out okay¡K). Since my group mates are using the computer, better stay aside and just write.

Oh, and I think a part of me is already able to let go of Jo. I am not afraid of the thought of losing her anymore. If it will be, then only time can tell. :) In fact, I will be deleting her text messages to me later, after writing them down in my diary, hidden but not forgotten.

525pm. They left early again.

The following are the dates that I met with Daph since fourth year¡K.
Planned: March 29, 2000(high school graduation; we spent it together rather than going out with others), May 2000(before classes started for DLSU and summer classes ended for Ateneo), December 2001(at my home, since she came over to bring my christmas gift to me. Supposed to be staying with me for an hour, but then since her mom and her has to go somewhere else, therefore change of plans), December 23, 2002(we planned on this, and glad that we were able to meet. Exchange of Christmas presents. :)), June 28, 2003 (to celebrate her birthday a day in advance. Just wanted to see her and be with her. :))

Coincidental/Accidental meetings:
October 20, 2001(I was at National Bookstore then, the Scout Borromeo branch. She was also there with her older brother and younger sister to buy a book before going over to see their grandparents. She asked her sister Denise(Beng) to get my attention, after which she surprised the both of us. :)), May 18, 2003(I was attending my cousin Eric¡¦s wedding at Century Park Seafood Restaurant. Daph and her dad were going to attend another wedding on the other half of the restaurant. :) I was surprised to see her there, and I had to look at her twice before I can confirm that it was really her. :)), June 20, 2003(That high school get together just this month. We didn¡¦t tell each other that we were going because we didn¡¦t know about each other being asked to go and about each other going. :)).

----

June 29, 2003 Sunday (Daphne¡¦s Birthday) :)

Texted her midnight.

Bought banana for alay. Went out to get cd from Carlo Cabanlig, a copy of office xp installer. Went to buy pizza. Went to Di-ku¡¦s place. Back home. Watched Harry Potter and the Sorcerer¡¦s stone(philosopher¡¦s stone) with Elbert until midnight.

Texted Daph, hoping that she enjoyed her day. Sleep.

----

i would love to share about June 28, 2003, but my entry for this is too long, and i have different files of it. :)

2003-07-03T20:12:00.000-07:00

Hi there! Sorry if i haven't uploaded my new blogs yet. :) I am typing them down still, most especially the June 28 entry. :)

So far, i am doing some progress with the program i am(supposed to be 'we') doing. :) It can already ftp files. :) Yippee!!!! :)

Okay. :)

You'll get to ready my "mid-year" resolutions. :) (Mid-year, because i only thought of it during June. :))

2003-06-26T10:04:00.000-07:00

June 26, 2003

Well, arrived at work by 910am. Groupmates weren’t around by then. So I was left alone again. I am glad that I was able to get a ride with Elbert today, though Elbert was almost 30 minutes late for class; we left home by 715am, but then due to the heavy traffic, of which cause we don’t know, we still arrived late for school. Anyway, he didn’t say anything, and then kuya Gudo drove me to Enterprise Center. Once at work, I checked my mails and then read on those things that I have researched on yesterday. Really, I am sort of dazed from all those information I read.

Oh, I did write a letter for Marivic yesterday. Hope that she reads it. I did feel last night that I shouldn’t give it anymore, but then I still did, and Jo told me to do so.

Well, I am counting again. 1 day, 11 hours and 48 minutes to go before I go over to Daph’s place. 1212pm then. My groupmates haven’t arrived for work yet. By 1220pm, I met up with Jo and then handed over the Flash disk that she borrowed from me, and then that’s it. Jo also told me that if ever I did not bring packed lunch and my groupmates didn’t come for work, that I call them by 1130am, through Michelle’s cell phone. I went back up by 1240pm. My groupmates arrived more or less by 1pm something.

Of course, I gave Bic the letter that I wrote yesterday, and then I did ask her if it would be alright if I eat with them on Fridays, with me not bringing packed lunch anymore on that day. She said that the problem with eating together was just a shallow reason. She just hope that the initiative they get will be that on work na lang. Well, I did ask if they wanted to discuss it now. Well, they said that probably tomorrow. I did discuss with Bic about using Visual C++ and visual basic(which allows us to use the dll or dynamic link libraries made available by Microsoft), and then they asked if I have all that I researched, if I have a copy, and I told them that I did keep them in file on the computer’s desktop. I also told them I don’t know what to really do and decide on, therefore things are inconclusive. I just want to discuss it together, on how we are going to do and divide the work. Well, I think this is me trying to take the initiative, but then they thought that they should give me until Monday, well, I told them if they wanted to. But anyway, they told me that tomorrow, we can talk about the project tomorrow. Okay with me then. I asked them if they were going to use the PC, and when they said they wouldn’t, I took the liberty of typing all of this down before I forget about it. It is now 236pm. I have almost 3 hours more to go before 540pm, by which I will leave the office for the day since it would already be 8 hours by then. Yesterday’s extra 30 minutes, I will add on tomorrow, so I am thinking of leaving work earlier on Friday in preparation for meeting up with Daphne on Saturday. :)

Oh, I did text mama and papa about me being the office already, as I always do when I get to the office every morning everyday, but today, I added a message that I sent to my mom, asking her if it will be okay if I can stay until the afternoon on Daph’s place on June 28, Saturday, that kuya gudo just fetch me in the afternoon. Mama did reply, and told me that it was okay, and that I could stay probably up until 4pm in the afternoon, and that Kuya Gudo can fetch me from Daph’s place. I then texted Daph about this, told her that mama said that I could stay up until 4pm, and I asked if it was okay with her. Daph replied, “Sure! :)” and so, everything is set. :)

Oh, my groupmates are still reading the magazines that they brought with them today so that they could spend the day themselves. Might as well make myself useful and just do more research, since that is the only thing I can do for now. I mean I have typing this journal entry and yesterday’s evening entry for almost two hours, better spend the next three hours doing something else. :)

Well, it is now 441pm. My groupmates left earlier, probably by 420pm something, since there is nothing more to do for the day. As we have talked about earlier, we didn’t discuss the FTP project thing that we were going to talk about until tomorrow. And then Sir Ogie, before he went out, told them that he will be asking them to do a lot tomorrow. Hmmm…. Looks like if this is true, then we can only start talking about our programming project on Monday. I think we should start with it, or else we might not finish it. They did tell me that they will be going already, Farid was the one who told me today. Anyway, for the whole afternoon, I just browsed the net for more “codes/source codes”. I really want it that we discuss it; I always did want to but then I was too stubborn to even ask, and they were doing something else for some of the office staff. Anyway, I will stay until it is 530pm or 520pm. Oh, you guys should check out www.pdf995.com . you can download that pdfmaker which is 4.3 MB big but then it is cool, and for free, with no expiration date. :) The other two that can be downloaded is also free. Just check the site. :)

I have uploaded it to my briefcase.yahoo.com. Oh well. :)

521pm. Blogger has a new layout. But then I cannot post and publish my blogs. Wah!!!
Well, I will leave work already.

After leaving work by 530pm and on my way to the MRT station, i was then being called by Liz and Kat while on our way to exit Glorietta 1. So, i ended up having Liz for company during the MRT ride up until North Avenue. Once i was home, i saw that the new pc for the house was already bought, and of course i fussed over it. Who wouldn't? :) 40 GB HDD, Pentium IV 2.something gigahertz, has a dvd rom, cd writer, floppy driver, four usb ports, of course new monitor, serial mouse, new speakers, windows xp home edition os, has lan port as well as for rj-11.

Well, after that, by 8pm, i left my dad to deliver some cherries to family friends. First stop was at Letre Rd, at Malabon. Aunt rufina and uncle Dalmacio weren't home, so we just left the cherries with the household help; we arrived at their place by aobut 847pm. There was this heavy traffic at EDSA, on the way to Monumento, at the area near where cars can turn right to go to Baguio(North expressway?). Anyway, after dropping the cherries off at Aunt Rufina's, we went to bring two boxes of cherries to Aunt Haydee. She had jsut gotten out of the hospital last week, i think. she had her kidney removed the other year, this year, a malignant tumor had to be taken out. and she needs to go for radiation treatments that the doctor thinks she can only get available serivces at New York or Singapore. She gotten much thinner. I hope she gets better. Well, we arrived at their place by 9pm i guess, and we left by almost 1047pm. we enjoy chatting with them. :)

Once home of course, i have to tinker with the new pc again, and had to download stuff and to make sure that there are dial up connections for my brother and sister to use, and then my sister asked me to download the programs that she uses in the old computer at home. Oh well, i am the only one who likes going online and doing a lot of surfing. Even if my sister does check her mail everyday, as i also do if i am in the office, i am still more of a power user with the internet. :) Oh well, guess she knows that, saying that i am an addict and such. anyway, if i am not so, then she would have to sit so long in front of the computer waiting for the downloads to finish and not do much. :)

Anyway, i just can't wait. i will be going to Daph's place, and it is just a day a way. It is right now 1:02 am, which means i have almost 23 hours to go. I am not counting June 28 anymore, because once the clock strikes 12:00 mn, it is already June 28. I am so excited. :)

2003-06-24T18:42:00.000-07:00

June 24, 2003 Tuesday

Last night, dreamt of sort of going out and then stopping over Ad’s house. Hmm…. It was sort of a condominium or something. Well, I did leave an idea but then since I was leaving with haste, I forgot to get it and when I remembered, I went back but can’t get in so I had to devise a way to get in, sort of be the janitress or something. Hehe :) Weird. The dream just went on and on. I can’t remember the exact details anymore.

3 days and 13 hours and 31 minutes to go before the start of June 28, 2003. :) I can’t wait to visit my best friend. :) I always look forward to our meetings or “bonding sessions” as she once called it. :) I usually go over her place and we would just go to her room and talk to each other for the duration that I will be there. Of course, we do get to talk once in a while, but of course, since with both our busy schedules and she is usually not home on weekends, we don’t get to talk that much and meet that much. But then I am glad that we are still close to each other despite all, and that we don’t lose touch to each other. We can still talk about anything under the sun when we do get to talk and to meet each other. And she can just make me smile and feel happy, excited, but not too much of the heart pounding and such. I just feel peaceful around her, calm. She is one of the best persons to be with. :) If my presence to other people can help them calm down, then Daph is the one person who can help me calm down. I show her who I am, and I am not hiding anything from her. :)

I am still sleepy, as always. I slept by 12 midnight last night. When I got home, I ate dinner, finished up on the translation, spent some time uploading that translation file into the platform that Tzu Chi has set up, and then downloading the new MSN Messenger 6.0 for almost an hour. :) When I was done with that, I watched Lizzie McGuire, and I ended up watching other shows, oh and X-men evolution up until midnight. Hehe :) Once on the bed, I was asleep. :)

I was supposed to wake up by 7am, but of course, I waited until it was 730am before I did wake up. I got to work by 910am. :) I will leave the office by 525pm, and I did bring something else to do aside from the programming thing here. :) I will be transferring the letter for Daphne again to stationery and also going to write an entry into Jo’s gift. :) I might end up writing another letter for Daph again, if I feel an urge to write again. :)

Do I sound boring? Hope I am not. :) Anyway, I plan on experimenting more on the program that we need to do (or must I say I need to do since my group mates are not showing much initiative). Oh, by the way, my group mates haven’t arrived yet. They would probably come to the office in the afternoon. Oh well, I don’t know about them. It may sometimes be unfair to me, but then I don’t want to be like them. I just don’t know why, but I don’t really like them, but since there is nothing else that I can do, I must live with it, and I do need to be in a group or else I wouldn’t be allowed to take up the IT-RESM to ITTHES1 and ITTHES2. I need them as well, though I don’t like them at all. But I guess we are not at war, we are just not like each other, therefore we are civil to each other but that’s it.

Just a while ago, 1130am, Sir Alvin told me that it seems that I am almost done with the program that he asked me to do. I told him the truth, that I am not at all close to finishing it yet. He then said that it is okay, that I still have time until September; I sort of said something that I can do it on my own pace, and he just didn’t say anything at all anymore and just went on his way. Sir Alvin is a nice person; I guess I am just “afraid” of him because I am doing a program that he asked us, well he told me, to do. I am afraid that I might not meet his expectation and I don’t deliver. But I know I must. How else will I get by and live in the real world? Right? :)

I have just finished checking my e-mail accounts again, the time of which is 1245pm now, and my group mates are still not in for work. Does that mean that I will be alone today? Hmm…. Highly unlikely because they always come in late, but then, who knows? Oh well…

I can’t figure out what’s wrong with the program. It is just almost all pseudocodes. No real codes yet, but then whenever it compiles, it says that it cannot open the header file. What’s wrong?

149pm. Still wondering why it can’t compile when I have already added the snippet
#include and the output would be that “cannot find file….”

Sir Alvin would come over whenever I am browsing through html files of the documentation. But then, I still don’t get answers. I am using the laptop right now so that I won’t go over to the PC with which I can instantly connect to the net. And anyway, by 330pm, I decided that I will stop what I am doing and relax my mind from this since if I can’t find an answer today, maybe tomorrow. Though today’s errors can still be tomorrow’s errors, and the days after tomorrow’s errors.

221pm. I guess it is a matter of the header files presence in the INCLUDE folder of the Visual C. It was able to locate and open the header file then. But then, errors are now the program itself. Hmmm… Another big problem.

240pm. It is definitely inside the code. Here is the error messages:
c:\documents and settings\administrator\desktop\ftp_asr\ffce.h(6) : error C2061: syntax error : identifier 'ffce'
c:\documents and settings\administrator\desktop\ftp_asr\ffce.h(6) : error C2059: syntax error : ';'
c:\documents and settings\administrator\desktop\ftp_asr\ffce.h(7) : error C2449: found '{' at file scope (missing function header?)
c:\documents and settings\administrator\desktop\ftp_asr\ffce.h(39) : error C2059: syntax error : '}'

But then if you look at the code of ffce.h, it is just a class definition. Hmm… I haven’t used VC++ for object-oriented programming, so this is why things seem to be weirder and weirder for me.

Well, another thing is that it is now 243pm and group mates haven’t arrive, so that means they will be absent today. Oh well… By 3pm I will start writing letter for Daph and Jo. I don’t know what else to do, and I did ask them to borrow a book from the library. Without the book, it would be harder to understand all these programming stuff.

348pm. From 3pm up to now, I just wrote an entry for Jo. I will be writing Daph’s letters next. :) Gotta go to the CR again. It is too cold here in the office. :)

438pm. Just finished with the first letter for Daph. Starting with the next one. :)

I left by 530pm. Once home, watched tv, ate dinner, watch tv until about 1030pm. I just went on to finish Jason and the Argonauts at Hallmark Channel. After that, I went to look at the map to study the places that I would be going to: at Laong Laan and Corinthian Gardens, both of which are far from where I live, but then what can I do when I want to give a lot to my best friend. :) After seeing the places I have to go to, I went straight to sleep.

2003-06-23T02:14:00.000-07:00

Sorry, here are my journal entries for June 11 up to the present:::

June 11, 2003 Wednesday

Well, i nearly woke up late today. Luckily God helped me out and made me wake up by 657am. I had my cellphone's alarm set for 650am, but i guess i hit the snooze button twice and therefore turning off the alarm. I am so lucky. :)

Arrived at work by 9am. :) Well, i did some more research work and reading on Visual C++. Just found out that we might be able to use Visual C++ and make a DLL(Dynamic Link Library) to make our program work, though we need to make it have a user interface because the user must be able to make administrative functions. Hmm... it is just an idea. Visual C++ has this MFC or Microsoft Foundation Classes. I saw a function CFtpConnection, making the program connect to the FTP using the INternet(?). I didn't get to finish reading it yet since my groupmates are to use the computer because the files the were working on yesterday(a powerpoint presentation for PLDT) were on the computer i was using earlier. So i stepped aside and let them use it. I, on the other hand, just took the laptop(much slower and with no internet connection), so that i could just read first the things that i have downloaded yesterday and also to try to enjoy myself with writing this journal. I mean, it is just 30 minutes away before 12 noon. I can relax while reading. I also tried finishing up the requirements for the Green and White Yearbook. i just need the print out of the softcopy of the pictures and i think i am already done. i must finish it today and submit it tomorrow. :) (Last day is June 13, but then there is no classes on June 13, in lieu to the June 12 Independence Day, which is a "working" day because of Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo.) Well, Arcy did call me a while ago and told me that i should also have left a copy of the pictures with her yesterday so that she could have scanned the pictures for me and edited them, and then have them printed at a nearby Kodak Center near school. But then, i had already planned out yesterday what i will be doing today, and we communicated to text/sms and no definite plans were made. So, anyway, i will still be on time if i do the photo printing today. :) Thanks Arcy, for your concern for me. :) I hope that we could get together again, just like this past Monday.:)

1135am, my groupmates already left. :) I guess i will surf the net for a while and then head on out for the photo place and then each lunch outside and then get it. :)

By 12nn, i also headed out for lunch. I asked Ate Remy not to prepare lunch for me anymore since mama said that i should not bring a lot of things because i am going to watch movies and eat out with some of my high school batchmates. Anyway, i went straight to the photo place first. I arrived there by 1215pm, i think. I had to pick which pictures were to be printed and such. I thought that i could get it after one and a half hour, but not today, because their machine broke down. But i asked the guy if i could get the prints by this afternoon; he said yes, by 4pm. Okay, now it is decided, i leave work by 530pm so that i could plenty of time to walk from work to Park Square 1 and then back to Greenbelt 3. My left knee has been hurting lately(it is the leg where it had gone through some broken bones and kneecap dislocation.). when i got out of the photo shop, i thought of where i should eat lunch. I mean, i planned on eating lunch, slowing down and such up until 130pm so that i could get the prints. But then, the prints can only be taken later this afternoon, so i thought if i went back to the office and eat at the Foodpark, it would also cost almost 100 something. So i decided to just eat at Kaya Express Korean Food, anyway, i already did decide about this yesterday. :) And And i would still be returning to work by 130pm even if i did eat at the foodpark since i do have to eat still. and i did count the hours that i would have left if i did come to work by 130pm and leave by 530pm. :) it would still be seven hours counted for today(it would be easier to have it in whole number, in hours, instead of having to count the minutes and such. And i do know that i do have some buffer days for us to finish our OJT.).

Once inside Kaya, near Outback, i ordered a Beef Stew rice toppings with soup and drinks already for 99 pesos. (Of course, i ate alone.) when my order arrived, it did look like beef stew, it is more like "pork". but i don't know, i just ate, probably because i am really hungry by then. i just ate quietly. It was a bit spicy, but not quite. In a way, i did enjoy eating and did feel full after finishing the meal. I don't know, but i even gave a tip of 20 pesos. Now, what made me do that? :)

Anyway, after lunch, it was just 1pm. I thought of walking around at Glorietta but the thought of me possibly getting lost(with all the turns that you can get into), i just decided to go back to work. I did past through Landmark again, and i suddenly went into the place of OFFICE WAREHOUSE at the ground floor to see if there were any paper shredders(the office admin and accountant did ask me this morning if i knew of where they can buy paper shredders). After doing so, I went to look at the Samsung laptop bags, since I have been interested in one since I got my laptop. But then, I decided not to buy anything yet since my old laptop bag is still usable. That was then when I decided to go back to work, and I arrived just in time for 1:30pm.

Well, once back at the office, I started off by listing down my expenses for the day, as well as my time-in and time-out. Then I continued this journal entry, typing it. But then the following part is the continuation of this typed entry, of which I was forced to write down instead since I stopped using the laptop by 230pm because my groupmates also needed to use the laptop for encoding something for one of the people here, I think it was Sir Anthony and his calling card stack. (Anyway, I am just typing my journal entry; if not, I would just be reading about MFC or Microsoft Foundation Classes again.) I gave them the laptop to use since they did ask for it, meaning it is very much needed. I did tell Farids to help me out with the FTP project once I did understand it, and Farids gave a nod.

I can¡¦t wait for the clock to strike 530pm. I am looking forward to the get-together with my high school batchmates later. 2 hours and 45 minutes to go. I will just continue reading tomorrow, since I can¡¦t read the file without the computers that were assigned for us because my groupmates were using both laptop and PC. I just hope that I can start by next week Tuesday, you know, on programming the FTP thing. :) though it really seems easy, it is hard to implement, based on the things that I have read. Probably I don¡¦t feel very tense right now because Alvin, who gave us this FTP project last week June 5, is not in the office since this morning.

2:58pm
I think I am afraid to work alone on the programming thing of the FTP. I want someone to help me out, sort of to ¡§converse¡¨ with me on the ideas on the project. And I think I am afraid that what I am working on might not work. I know, I can do it, and must not depend on people always, and I must do it. But it seems since my groupmates are not showing any initiative or interest, I am also not showing any, well maybe, not as much initiative as well. It is like I don¡¦t want to be different, but the truth is I don¡¦t want to be like them. It is as if I am stooping down to their level, which I really shouldn¡¦t do. But then I guess I am afraid not to do so, because I already feel I am somewhat different from them, and in some ways I don¡¦t want to be like them. Right now, I just want to sleep and forget about everything. Yes, I know, I am and do want to escape but then I really look forward that tomorrow, June 12, will be the last working today of the week, and that from the 13th to the 16th, I would be at Isabela, away from the city, and will be back to work by next Tuesday, the 17th. I just keep on escaping but the fear and the problem just grows, and it is eating me up through anxiety.

330pm
One hour and 45 minutes to go. I need to leave by 515pm, instead of 530pm, since I had just been asked to buy an original Nokia 8310 battery for my mom and I still have to look for it at the Hub and to look for the Hub at Glorietta, then get the pictures, then go back to Glorietta and Greenbelt. Well, for today, we are doing more encoding.

June 12, 2003 Thursday

After leaving the office by 530pm, I went straight to buy battery for Nokia 8310 at the Hub, but then they said they were out of stock. So anyway, I decided to go get the pictures to be digitally printed. Guess what: the machine was still broken. I was mad and asked for a refund. Well, during lunch time yesterday, they did tell me that the machine was broken, but that they could still print the pictures, so I didn¡¦t mind at all. Well, they did give me a refund and I have to go around Glorietta looking for another photo shop that accepts digital printing. The other shops do accept digital printing but then it would take them a day or two(I still thought that the due date was to be on the 13th, and there was no news then yet on the extension date). Luckily, I found a shop near Glorietta Hub and they can do the printing in an hour. It was almost 6pm then. Anyway, I did tell my mom tat the Hub didn¡¦t have any stock of the battery, and she told me that I didn¡¦t need to buy anything anymore. But it was while I was looking for a photo shop that she was calling me, asking to still try to look for one. Anyway, I did try but when it was already 630pm, I stopped this and went to meet my friends at Greenbelt3 cinema. I was still wondering/thinking then whether I should not watch and just pick up the photo, or if I should buy a ticket, and still pick up the photos, and be back on time at Greenbelt movie house. Well, I called the photo place and they told me that I can pick the pictures up by 7pm. So I bought a movie ticket after asking the girl in charge how long after the movie started can I still get into the theater(20 minutes), left the place almost by 7pm, arrived at the Photo place by 705pm, picked up the photos, left by 710pm, and was back at the cinema by 720am. :) (the movie started 710pm.) My friend, Miriam, said that the movie had just started. Anyway, we watched ¡§It runs in the family¡¨. After that, we ate at Bubba Gump. Really stuffed. Anyway, we were able to leave Greenbelt by 11pm something. Louie drove me home. We did take some pictures while at Bubba Gump¡¦s, and they were planning of another going out next Friday, well it is more of a barbecue ad movie marathon. Well, anyway, I still need to ask my mom for permission, so let¡¦s just wait for next week. I was home by midnight, my dad opening the door for me. I went straight to my room to finish compiling the requirements for the yearbook subscription. I was done by 1am. Lying on my bed, I wasn¡¦t able to go instantly to sleep, more or less, for fear that I might not wake up on time for work.

Well, I did wake up on time. Got myself ready for the day. From this morning up to now, I still feel tired(Imagine I was running around from 530pm to 730pm yesterday and was up until 1am today.) anyway, once we drove Elbert to school, I also went to submit the yearbook requirements t the Green and White office. At the G&W office, the person who was there told me to just come back later; I told her that I can¡¦t because I have OJT. Well, this person doesn¡¦t really know how to do the issuing of job receipts for the picture taking, but she did try to issue one for me. Luckily, her friends, who knew what to do, came and did the necessary things for the scheduling of the pictorial and such. I was done by 815am. Once at work, I still felt drowsy. But I did try to ¡§research¡¨ more on Visual C++ at MSDN. More or less, it was me copying the text from the site to a WORD document; I didn¡¦t like the idea of going to the site always. It took me the whole morning. And then I checked my mail as I was uploading the files to my Yahoo Briefcase. I was also eating lunch by then, while checking my mails. I then told the Admin that I will be absent on June 16 since I will still be with Papa, Mama and Gennet at Isabela. After that, I went to Park Square to continue my search for an original Nokia 8310 battery. I was like walking around from 12 noon to 1pm. I was walking from one store to another, also at the same time asking about external cd-writers. When I have made a list of possible stores that I will buy from, I called my sister and asked from which I should buy. Well, I ended up buying one that¡¦s worth 1000 pesos with a 3-month warranty. The others sell below 1000, others were priced at 1300-1400, without and with warranty, respectively. After buying, I still walked around a little at Glorietta for a while. Well, after 105pm, I decided to walk leisurely back to the office.

During the morning, my groupmates didn¡¦t come to work. When I came back in the afternoon, they came. Well now, they are both using the PC and the laptop and I am officially not doing anything at all. Well, I will be leaving work by 515pm today. How I look forward to it, just 2 hours and 40 minutes away. A part of me just wants to get away from the office and from my groupmates. And somewhat from Sir Alvin as well, because I am not doing anything, though he is not checking much on my current progress. Surely it is because a part of me feels guilty and shameful since I wasn¡¦t able to do much, though I really did research a lot this morning and can¡¦t really do much right now. OH well.

Trying to keep awake. 242pm, 2 hours and 33 minutes.

247pm, 2 hours and 27 minutes. ¡V 3pm, 2 hours and 15 minutes, was just cutting shapes from paper. Bored. ¡V 305pm, 2 hours and 10 minutes.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that the yearbook requirements due date was moved to next Wednesday, June 18.

310pm, 2 hours and 5 minutes. ¡V 315pm, 2 hours. Oh, hurry up. ¡V 320pm, 1 hour 55 minutes ¡V 325pm, one our and 50 minutes. ¡V 330pm, one hour and 45 minutes ¡V 335 pm, one hour and 40 minutes ¡V 340 pm, one hour and 35 minutes ¡V 345pm one hour and 30 minutes ¡V 350pm, one hour and 25 minutes ¡V 355pm, one hour and 20 minutes ¡V 4pm, one hour and fifteen minutes. ¡V 405pm, one hour and 10 minutes. ¡V 410pm, one hour and 5 minutes ¡V 415pm, one hour ¡V 420pm, 55 minutes ¡V 425pm, 50 minutes ¡V 430pm, 45 minutes ¡V 435 pm, 40 minutes ¡V 440pm, 35 minutes ¡V 445pm, 30 minutes,450pm, 25 minutes ¡V 455pm, 20 minutes¡X5 pm, 15 minutes ¡V 505pm, 10 minutes ¡V 510pm, 5 minutes. ¡V 515pm, 0 minutes.

3:27 pm. One hour 48 minutes, I have finished writing the following times above but it is just 327pm.

332pm one hour and 33 minutes. I will just write a letter for Daphne. :) I decided that I will leave by 5pm, anyway, I came to work early today, 845am. 335pm, one hour and 25 minutes. :) 345pm, 1 hour and 15 minutes ¡V 405pm, 55 minutes. :) -- 415pm, 45 minutes. ¡V 420pm, 40 minutes, almost done with the letter. ¡V 425pm, 35 minutes, done with the letter! :) 430pm, 30 minutes :) Going to clean cellphone. :) 450pm, 10 minutes. :) :) :) :) :)

Left by 5pm from work, ate out with Achi and Kat and others at A touch of LA along Roces, and then went to Greenhills, drove around, stopped at Mcdo for sundae and went home after driving Kat and them home. (this was planned already during the June 11th).

June 13, 2003 Friday

We don¡¦t have work today. Instead of the June 12, 2003, being Independence Day, as holiday, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo move the no work to June 13, 2003. Anyway, because of this, I didn¡¦t wake up early this day. But I think I did also wake up somewhat early because I also went out to run errands. We were back by lunch. I prepared my things for the trip to Isabela, and was done by 3pm something. We just waited until my mom¡¦s friends, who are natives of Isabela, arrived to take us with them on their trip home. We left by 5pm. We then stopped over at a Bulacan Shell station for dinner. Then we resumed our trip up until 9pm, stopped for the last time where we can use the CR at Nueva Ecija. The trip continued from this point until we arrived at Isabela by 1am of June 14, 2003.

During the trip, I texted Daphne and such, telling her where I am going; I did call her but then her cellphone¡¦s battery was already low, so I just texted her. Also, I didn¡¦t sleep much, and I just tried enjoying the night sky outside. It did rain during the trip, but we were glad to be at our destination when we did arrive. Ryan Yu welcomed us to their placed, and we slept.

June 14, 2003 Saturday

I woke up by 6am, automatically, but then went back to sleep. I woke up again by 830am. :) Anyway, once I got myself prepared for the morning, I texted Daph, telling her that we have already arrived at Santiago, Isabela. She then asked me if it was nice there. I told her that there was the usual fields and stuff, but that the air is cleaner. :) I also asked her when I can visit her, and she told me that I can do so on TTHS mornings or we can have coffee sometime by 5pm during weekdays.

This day, we went to see my mom¡¦s elementary(?) and high school principal. But before that, we ate breakfast first, then watched ¡§The Parent Trap¡¨ starring Lindsay Lohan, Natasha Richardson, and Dennis Quiad. We only watched halfway because we had to leave for Cabatuan, where the school is, by 1040am.

We first stopped over at my mom¡¦s friend¡¦s, Aunt Le-Tin¡¦s, shop. After that, we started our trip for Cabatuan. Once there, we( my sister and I) went to look around the school. When my dad did find the principal, we went down as fast as we could(the school is just small). The principal(yes, he is still alive) said that my sister is an exact replica of my mom when my mom was younger, and that the way they walk are also the same. The principal said that I looked much more like my dad. Wahh¡K anyway, with that done, my mom handed over some gifts for the principal. (My mom and her siblings were poor back when they were younger, and they didn¡¦t have enough money to pay for tuition and miscellaneous expenses, but whenever they were to take tests, which required them to have already paid for school expenses, this principal always made sure that they were able to take the test, and just signed the papers, telling that they(my mom and her siblings) can take the test, and that my grandfather, at the mother side, can pay when he has the money.) After that, we left. But before going somewhere else, we went to look for where my mom once lived. But then, my mom couldn¡¦t find it anymore, though she said that it was just nearby; she is surmising that it is now the vacant lot which is just a block away from the school, I mean the lot nearest the corner of the street where the school is.

After that, we went to eat at a restaurant there called Jambalaya, which is said to be owned by a Fil-Chinese like us. :) We then stopped over at the Cauayan bakery which is owned by the family of a friend of ours who is now in Canada; his brother is now taking charge of the bakery. :)

So we went back to Santiago right after that, to help prepare food for that night¡¦s eating, I didn¡¦t what the occasion was, but then it was sort of because my mom was there, but then it could be the usual Saturday night out with the rest of the family. :) Well, I did my share of work by washing the dishes or whatever they have used and might need later on.

Sometime by 5pm, there was this cool breeze; it is so clean, cool, refreshing. :) That is how I would describe it, and we enjoyed it because it is something we can¡¦t really have anymore in Manila. :) While waiting, I then remembered my groupmates and the projet that we needed to work on. I was scared of the thought of those but then I reminded myself that I am here at Isabela because I want to get away from them, relax, and not think of them. So my sister and I continued watching The Parent Trap again.

We ate dinner sometime by 7pm. We were so full. :) Home-cooked food is definitely yummier. :) I ate a lot of the spaghetti Ahia Ryan prepared. :) My sister and I already had a serving, but then, my sister went ahead to get another plateful of spaghetti and we shared it. :) After that, we finished watching The Parent Trap. I guess they were just waiting for us to finish watching, because once the movie was over, they started the Karaoke. :)

And so, they karaoked all night. I was just the person who inputs the number of the songs. Anyway, I sneaked away by 950pm to relax for a while and write this down. By 12:05am, they were still singing. I couldn¡¦t take it anymore, so I went ahead to our room and slept.

June 15, 2003 Sunday

I woke up again by 6am, and went back to sleep by again; I woke up by 8am again. I took a bath, and then after which I prepared myself before I went out to eat breakfast. After breakfast, my sister and dad karaoked again before we left Ryan¡¦s house for the grotto, the first stop for the morning. (We have already packed up since we were to leave Isabela this evening, for Manila.)

Once at the grotto, we took pictures. There, at the top, where the grotto is located, you can see the land surrounding the place. It would be nice to have my own hilltop abode in the future. :) (Well, that is well into the future, if I do have the money to buy one such place.) After that, we went to fetch Aunt Le-tin and some other family members because we were going on our way to their side of town, Tumawini. A part of the trip was that we were going to cross the river: there were this boats that would take a few cars on their boats that they have connected together, and they would bring it to the other side, for a fee of 50 pesos. :)

We ate lunch there by 130pm. I really enjoyed the lechon(yum, yum¡K lean, and crispy, not too much fat), and the halo-halo with langka and kamote, crushed ice and evaporated milk. Yum! Simple yet delicious. :)

After lunch, there was another karaoke session. They did ask me to sing, and I did, singing just a few songs. After that, there was the last picture taking for the day. We left the place by 430pm. I didn¡¦t feel like 430pm, but then what can we do if time is really moving. :) We then stopped over at Kalaw Cave. (we thought that we were going straight to the bus station of Autobus, but then they took us for a detour to bring us to these caves for their beauty, but then that would mean that we would have to climb up the stair-like paths way up to the caves. We told them that we can¡¦t do anymore, and we now went on our way to the station. The bus station is in Tuguegarao. But we stopped over at a mall called Brixton first, bought some water and to stretch our legs. Then they brought us over to the bus station already by 7pm. They gave us a lot of food to eat, like the ensaymada(really big piece) and then there was the Indian mangoes and the malagkit na bibingka native to Isabela. Well, the bus left by 8pm.

The ride was okay. But it was cold and my neck did hurt whenever I would wake up from sleep. Although the bus did have leg rests, if I were to sit straight, my legs wouldn¡¦t even reach the leg rest, and while sleeping, I would always slide towards the leg rest but my back would hurt, so I have to sit properly again. Grrr..

But the truth is, I liked it much better in the province, it is more laid back. But then, we can never get away from reality, for how much we escape it, we will end up facing it again in one form or another, and sometimes it grows much bigger. Oh well.

June 16, 2003 Monday

The bus arrived at Munoz, our stop, by 545am. We took a jeep home, and was at home by 6am. Once home, I watched tv until I fell asleep. I didn¡¦t go to work; I have already and did ask permission that I will be absent this day. I ate lunch by 2pm. Mama, Elbert, Gennet and I talked on the specs of the computer to buy for home. Well, I went online for a while, until 7pm, well, it was nearly 2 hours. Then my sister watched Smallville up until 12mn. I didn¡¦t eat dinner anymore because I felt that I was still full from what we ate during the weekend. I missed Jo Yao¡¦s text message, asking me to call her by 10pm because my cellphone¡¦s battery was already empty, and I wasn¡¦t even minding my phne much. Grrr¡K.

June 17, 2003 Tuesday

Well, I woke up a little late. I missed my ride with Elbert to school. Anyway, I went to Makati with Di-ku; he drove me there since he had to see clients as well. We left by 9am, and I arrived at the office by 1020am. A part of me really wished that I didn¡¦t need to go to the office, but then what can I do¡K I have to finish this for the practicum.

1125am. I really want to be productive today, but they are using the computer and I can¡¦t find the laptop that is set aside for us to use. So I am starting with the translation for Tzu Chi. My mom got angry at me today because I watched Smallville last night using my laptop with Achi, and watched until late in the night.

222pm. 3 hours and 38 minutes to go. I am still not doing much. I can¡¦t do much reading/researching at the office because they are still using the computer and I can¡¦t still locate the laptop. I am still thinking of things that I can do so that I won¡¦t end up sleeping. 3 pm. 3 hours to go. Really sleepy. Trying to translate for Tzu Chi. 322pm. 2 hours and 38 minutes. 335pm, 2 hour and 25 minutes. 414pm, I hour and 46 minutes. I will leave by 550pm. They left by 440pm. I don¡¦t know where they will be going. Checked my email, read on FTP, replied to e-mail, and went out of the office by 550pm. :)

Once home, after buying the things that Gennet asked me to and taking the MRT home, I called Jo ¡V my talk was cut short because we were going to visit aunt Haydee at the hospital and I really wanted to go see her. But when we got to Chinese General Hospital, we found out that she had checked out earlier that day. Anyway, we went back home. I then helped Elbert out with some assignment; I was supposed to call Jo back but then when I was done helping Elbert, it was already 1015pm, and I told her that I will be calling her back if I am home before 10pm. Anyway, after that, I went to sleep.

June 18, 2003 Wednesday

Glad that I need not take the MRT this morning; Kuya Gudo drove me over to Makati because my dad asked him to run errands in the area.

12 nn. I have been researching more on FTP. Found out one can run scripts to automate FTP sessions. Hmm¡K I really need to borrow books from DLSU. I used the computer from 9-12nn, even when my groupmates arrived. They didn¡¦t ask me to go away; they just let me do what I am doing. I am really tired. I did decide that I will continue researching until noon and then they can use the computer the whole afternoon, of which time I will write my letter for Daph. I can understand what I am reading on about the scripts, therefore I really need to borrow a book to read. That is the only way. All those in the net are sort of too advanced for me already, and too quick for me.

256pm. Just finished writing letters for Daph¡¦s birthday. Last night, I called Jo, since I wasn¡¦t able to call her back when she texted on the 16th. Turns out, she just wanted to know how I was doing. She said that she texted both Arcy and I, but both of us didn¡¦t reply; she said she was wondering whether Arcy and I were together that night. :) She also asked when I will be having my yearbook pictorial; I told her that I scheduled mind on July 24; she said that I should have scheduled it on the same day as theirs since I have did see their schedule. I told her that we weren¡¦t able to talk about this, so without any plans, we weren¡¦t able to have the pictorial together. Our talk was cut short since we were going to see Aunt Haydee at Chinese General Hospital. Well, she has already checked out, and we got home back early. I was going to call Jo but then I helped Elbert out and it was already late when we finished. Oh well..

310pm. 2 hours and 50 minutes to go. 415pm, 1 hours and 30 minutes to go. Why? Because I plan to leave by 545pm. Nothing else to keep me busy anymore. I did draw some sort of plan of my ¡§ideal¡¨ farm home if ever I do get to buy something like that in the future. One hour and 20 minutes. 1 hour and 15 minutes. Looks like my groupmates are going to leave early again today. They don¡¦t have much to do, I don¡¦t have much to do, and they were gone by 432pm. I have the urge to leave earlier than 545pm. Maybe 530pm. Maybe now. I will try waiting until 5pm to see. The thought the computer was not working; well, I thought so too, until I turned(tried) the power on. Why do people here call me Ma¡¦m when they shouldn¡¦t? and why do I answer in reply to that? I am kinda ashamed about that. I will just surf for a while and leave by 530pm.

Once home, I ate dinner. Then the Karaoke thing that my parents ordered came. 845pm, I called Jo. We talked for a while, discussed about crushes, school, getting married, children and going out together(me, her and Arcy) to Glorietta. By 945pm, I needed to go because I was asked to help mama out on how to use the Karaoke thing. I told Jo that I will try calling her again tomorrow. :) But she really like the idea of us 3 going out together for shopping. :) Told her that I can¡¦t go out on the 28th since I will be seeing Daph that day, so that I could give my gift to Daph before her birthday on the 29th. :) I slept by 1:30am, having to keep my dad company while he karaoked on and on.

June 19, 2003 Thursday

I can¡¦t wait for the barbecue thing with HS friends. I will leave early tomorrow. Reminded Mama about this before I left for work. Got to work 20 minutes before 9am. As of now, 1125am, groupmates haven¡¦t arrived yet. I have been looking around the net still; still have no clear idea on how I will be implementing the program that sir Alvin asked us to do. I will rest for a while, since I am sleepy from sleeping late last night and waking up by 550am.

Decided to do the following, since by now, 1246pm, my groupmates haven¡¦t arrived yet. I sort of planned out how I will be spending my afternoon alone here if they don¡¦t come. I will be leaving by 5pm today, preparing myself by 455pm. :) I will work on the ¡§program¡¨ from now until 315pm, more or less, giving myself until 430-435pm to type down my blogs/journal leisurely and post it on the net. The remaining 25 minutes would then be divided into the following: 5 minutes for writing up last minute reminders and such, 5 minutes for shutting the computer off, 15 minutes for preparing myself to leave(washroom, fixing my things.). 1:36pm. Groupmates still haven¡¦t arrived. I guess I can say that I am really sure that they won¡¦t be coming in today, which brings into mind the following: will they be coming in tomorrow?

Groupmates arrived by 1:40pm. Guess I will be sharing the computer later, after all. Whew, at least I am not alone. Well, they might not share the computer. The laptop was left in the office, so they will be using that. I guess, I can use the computer here up until before I leave.

2:38pm, have typed the ¡§things¡¨ I wanted to do into asr_ftp.c. hope that I am doing the right thing. I don¡¦t want to be just too idle. I just have 37 minutes more to go before I can start typing my blog. :)

3:00pm I will now commence typing, though leisurely. I have been at the office, trying to research, so I deserve a ¡§little break¡¨. (Am I allowed to do this? But then, I can¡¦t focus on the program anymore since I can¡¦t think of anything else and have to look it up before I can get it done. I know I can do it now, but then, what can I do tomorrow? And I think I won¡¦t be able to find the answers today.

Though there is one time, when Sir Eric asked us what we were doing. They said that all they had to do was the encoding of the calling cards ¡V does that mean that they are going to leave the programming of the FtP thing to me, when in fact it was a group project assigned to us by Sir Alvin? It seems that way, but then I interjected and told Sir Eric that we also needed to do the FTP thing that Sir Alvin asked us to do, sort of in a way to let them hear that they need to help me out since this is a group project. I just don¡¦t know if they were able to hear and understand that.

Oh, and aside from the barbeque thing with my high school batchmates on June 20, Friday, my sister also texted me on the 17th, I guess, aside from the things that she wanted me to buy for her, that we will be watching The Hulk on Saturday, June 21, at 1110pm. Or it could have been on the 18th, yesterday, but the text message I remembered receiving from her yesterday was on having to keep my grandparents company since my aunt, who stays with them is out of town, and my cousin, who was supposed to look after them, needed to go out, so I am left to do the taking care of. Though I ended up not having to because my mom told my dad to tell my grandparents that they just call us if there is any problem since there is an intercom in their room that is connected to the intercom in my parent¡¦s room. ;)

Eating, birthday kasi ni sir Anthony yesterday. Eating pizza. And then, later this afternoon, after I get of work by 5pm, I will go straight to Makati Med to meet them at the Nuclear Medicine section. She will be with Aunt Rufina by then. Then we would be seeing a manhihilot, then we will eat out with Aunt Rufina.

At first, mama planned that Gennet fetch me, but then she thought that I would be staying in the office up until 6pm, and that Gennet go to fetch me at the North Avenue station by 7pm, which is the usual arrival time of mine if I leave the office by 6pm. Well, she texted me, telling me to just call Gennet when I am already at the North Avenue station since they are outside. I didn¡¦t quite get what she said, so I asked her if they would be coming to fetch me at the office or at the North Avenue Station, and I also told them that I will be leaving the office by 5pm since I have already completed by 8 hours for today since I was early this morning. After a few minutes, mama called up. She told me that there was no other car at home, so Achi can only fetch me at the North Avenue station by 7pm; so she told me, or asked me, if I can just extend my time to 6pm, so that it could be 9 hours for today. Well, I sort of didn¡¦t understand her and sort of confused of what she meant(I think she was also dazed because she there are things that she has to see to), but she sort of probably understood that I didn¡¦t want to stay any longer in the office when she asked me if I just wanted to go with them or just wait for Gennet, or just wait for them. I told them that I will just meet them at Makati Medical. The truth is, I don¡¦t want to stay any longer in the office for this day; it is already enough to be in the office for 8 hours in one day. She did tell me that they are now at Aunt Rufina¡¦s place in Malabon, and that they will be going to Makati Med after that, and then go see a manhihilot and then eat dinner. She did say that they will be leaving for Makati Med a little later, so I just told them that I will go straight to Makati Med to meet up with them instead of what she said that I just walk around nearby, if I were to wait for them to come by to fetch me if I decided not to go home by MRT today. :) Well, when she heard that I decided that I will just walk to Makati Med when I leave the office by 5pm(instead of walking around and wasting my time, well not really), she seemed glad that I would and can do so(well, it seemed that way from her voice, and she was sort of excited) and told me to meet them at the Nuclear Medicine section at the second floor, and she also told me of what will happen after the business there, that we would see this manhihilot and that we would be eating dinner outside with Aunt Rufina, and she was joking that I shouldn¡¦t eat; I exclaimed, ¡§How can I not eat when I am with you?¡¨ and she just laughed. With that agreed upon, we both hanged up. I am excited to leave the office, not just because I get to eat outside with them later, but because I really liked going with them when they go to the hospital. :) It is sort of me feeling that I am at least caring for them since I take time to be with them, to keep them company while they are at the hospital, waiting for the check-up or what else they need to do. :) They texted me by 3:33pm. It is now 4:08 pm. Just a few minutes more, well, more or less 20 something minutes, before I have to prepare myself to leave the office for the day. :)

Well, I did leave by 445pm. It took me 15 minutes to reach Makati Medical. When I was already at the 2nd floor, near the Nuclear Medicine department, they called and asked where I was. They told me to meet them at the entrance. Once in the car, we dropped off some old directory and bottles to my aunt Gloria¡¦s shop, then we went to see this manhihilot for Aunt Rufina. Then we went to eat at Century Park restaurant. Then we stopped by at Powerplant, then Fort Bonifacio, then we drove Aunt Rufina home to Letre Rd Malabon, then we went home. I watched some tv, then slept by 11pm something.

June 20, 2003 Friday

Can¡¦t wait for this afternoon. I will be leaving by 440pm, after which I will meet with HS friends for barbecue. :)

And then just this morning, Daph replied on my going to her place on June 28, and asked what time I will be going over. :) And then I made a schedule of mine for the coming and the next Saturday. I also told mama about this before I left for the office this morning, and mama agreed and gave me permission to go to Daph¡¦s place next Saturday. Yehey! I feel so happy going out this afternoon, then we will be watching movies tomorrow with Kat, Kerwin, Kevin, Me, Achi and Elbert, and then I am excited about June 28, meeting with Daph. I can¡¦t wait, and I am really happy that I can¡¦t help smiling. :)

And since I haven¡¦t been able to borrow any books from La Salle still, I don¡¦t have much to do except to ¡§formulate¡¨ or plan what functions I might be needing for the program. :) I will probably stop by school tomorrow, and go with Elbert if he will be going since mama did say something about Elbert having to go to DLSU tomorrow in the afternoon, therefore telling me to cancel my slimmers session as well because the driver might be needed to go drive around for aunt Rufina. But of course, I will be needing the driver in the afternoon, for the orthodontist appointment. :)

Today, and almost for the whole week, didn¡¦t commute during the mornings because almost everyday, I can join Elbert of somebody else on their way toschool or to makati. :) Just like today. :)

I did text to tell Ate Irene that I wouldn¡¦t be having my gym session with her tomorrow. She told me it was alright and that I just text her when I am able to go. :)

Yup, so I came to work late today, but I can¡¦t deny that I am happy and excited for what¡¦s going to happen this afternoon, tomorrow, and on June 28. :) This afternoon, I will be meeting up with Miriam and the others for barbecue and movie marathon at Daryl¡¦s new place. Then tomorrow evening, we will be watching Hulk with Katrina, Kerwin and Kevin. And then next Saturday, June 28, is that day I am most excited about: I am going over to Daph¡¦s place, to see her! :) When I think about this, I just can¡¦t stop smiling; I really miss her that is why I really look forward to it. :) It makes me feel all warm inside. :) I really hope that nothing will come on our way, that the plan of meeting her would push through. So far, I think, everything will go okay since I already got mama¡¦s permission to go. :) Daph!!!

I was wondering a while ago, ever since this morning if I should bring flowers with the gift when I visit or bring cake. I would really like to bring her a bouquet but then when I asked Ate Remy, she said that cake would be better. When in the office, I was still thinking about it: bouquet or cake? If I have enough money for both, I will buy both. I have saved P500 from last month, but then would that be enough? I wonder. Butthen if I have some left over money for this month of June and if I get my allowance for July early, then there wouldn¡¦t be any problem. :) That is if everything goes as it is planned. :) hehe :) though there would always be a minor glitch or snag. I just wish nothing goes wrong. It is now 1:20pm. I will leave by about 430-440pm, 3 hours and 10-20 minutes to go. :) I am not doing much today, because I can¡¦t put in the code yet since I have to study WINDOWS much further. So I am just planning on doing this journal and then writing another letter for Daph. Okay, I have decided to leave by at least, 435pm, or 430pm. :)

During lunchtime, 12-1pm, I was just resting my mind. But while doing so, I kind of remember how it was in the past, memories of me and Daph, of times when we were at her room, of when she blacked out during CAT training and as a medic and her friend, I stayed with her. And I would just smile and be happy for a while. Oh, by the way, a lot of the office staff is outside right now. Most of them have to go meet someone or has an activity to attend to. So the office is kind of empty and quiet. What a nice time to sleep. ;) but I can¡¦t, because I am too excited to get out of this place and enjoy the start of the weekend! :) I just can¡¦t wait!!! 140pm, 2 hours and 50 minutes! :)

153pm. 2 hours and 37 minutes left. I am still writing a letter for Daph. Once I finish and they are not using the computer, I will go use it and type this journal entries down, which would be a good way to do something until 430pm. :)

2pm. 2 hours and 30 minutes. Really excited. ¡V 2:10pm, 2 hours and 20 minutes. My groupmates are asked to do something and need the computer. Oh well¡K 223pm Sir Joey is going to ask us to do something. Alas! ƒº 2 hours and 7 minutes.

440pm, leaving now. Will finish new task that Sir Joey asked me to do this coming Monday. Did really ask for permission already. :)

I rode MRT at Ayala station. I was still dazed from work and I lined up for North Avenue instead of for Cubao, but I got myself together and bought the right ticket. Once inside MRT, too crowded. Arrived at Cubao by 530pm. I was fetched by Mi and Caleb by 545pm and was at Da¡¦s palce by 6pm something. Daph was also there! :) I didn¡¦t know and she didn¡¦t know I was going. Mitzi was also there; I didn¡¦t recognize her and was wondering who she was, until I asked Mi and she told me. I got mad(well not really) at Mi, for not telling me that Daph was there. :) Anyway, we watched movie: Hulk(just watched the ending), So Close, ate dinner(I drank the pomelo drink with gin that Louie prepared. I did feel warm, after a glass, and tried some of the vodka drink, but that¡¦s all I did take that night), then continued watching So Close after taking pictures, and I sat beside Daph all the way through, until the time she had to go down since her mom has already arrived to pick her up. :) Her mom arrived sometime by 9pm. I walked her, Nics and Mitzi out, with Da, Mi, and some others. I carried her laptop for her. Although I know she is used to carrying it, it seems to me that she still somewhat feels that it is heavy, so I carried it for her up to the car, even if she told me not to anymore. :) I told her that if she didn¡¦t let me carry it, that I wouldn¡¦t give her laptop back to her until when I visit her next week. :) Anyway, after that, we watched The Eye. Louie and I left by 1055pm something since he has class next day. :) He was not drunk anymore when we left; we talked a lot while on the trip home. I arrived at home by 11pm. Louie was drunk while we were eating dinner and sort of told me that he was kinda ashamed of himself that time because of what most of the girls may think, especially since Daphne didn¡¦t talk much during dinner, not like the other girls. I told him to not think about it since Daph is not that shallow, that there is more to Daph. :) Though I did end up wondering what Daph may think of me for even trying the pomelo drink, but then she didn¡¦t push me aside when I sat beside her during the movie, and then she let me walk her up to their car. :) Daph and my meeting on June 28 will push through, 9am on June 28. I hope she didn¡¦t feel bad about me trying the drink with some gin. :0

Once home, I was really tired and fell instantly to sleep after trying to whisper a prayer.

June 21, 2003 Saturday

I didn¡¦t go to the gym today. I just stayed home. I woke up by almost 10am. Looked around the fridge to look for something to eat and found chocolate cake. I think I still felt sleepy from the gin last night. Anyway, when mama arrived, I helped carry the vegetables and stuff that they bought from the market. I did want to go with Elbert to school, so that I could go to the library and look for the book I needed, but then he was already late and I haven¡¦t even gotten myself ready yet, and I haven¡¦t eaten lunch as well. So much for that plan. But anyway, I just stayed home. I watched tv for a while, and then took a bath by 2pm, prepared myself for the orthodontic appointment today. Well, Gennet drove me to the orthodontist¡¦s office. My appointment was 4pm, but since Gennet said that I should wait for her, that I must follow her time, we left home by 350pm after she had gotten a bath and was ready, and we arrived late for my appointment. We therefore had to wait for two more people before it was my turn. She went up with me to the dental office because she wanted to see how the orthodontist works with my teeth. :) Anyway, the orthodontist fixed the loosed brackets, and but a long chain of rubber band on the lower set of teeth. She said that it would be to bring the teeth close together after making the move apart to set them straight. The top part have to stay as is since it didn¡¦t move the way it should have because of the loose bracket; this caused the delay but then for me it was better or else I wouldn¡¦t be able to eat, because my teeth would feel somewhat numb and painful whenever I chew if ever she puts the chain of rubber band on both the top and lower set of teeth. :)

After this, my sister and I went to buy some food at Bodhi for my mom. Once at home, I helped my mom prepare for dinner, doing most of the dishwashing. :) After that, we ate dinner. My dad was still using the karaoke. Anyway, by 830pm, I called Jo again and we talked, though she did most of the talking, somewhat complaining on how their supervisor didn¡¦t even acknowledge to the people in the meeting that they attended that she and Michelle did the work; instead, the supervisor sort of ¡§claimed¡¨ the work to be his own. Well, she has a right to feel that way.

Anyway, we had to leave by 930am for the movie. But we went to fetch Kat, Kerwin and Kevin, and we were on our way to Greenbelt 3 to watch Hulk. We arrived by 1020pm,then after paying for the reserved tickets, the guys went to play at Timezone while Gennet, Kat and I walked around the mall. When it was almost 11pm, we went back up to look for the guys. We saw Vlamir and his girlfriend playing at timezone as well as our cousin ahia Eric. :) After that, we went up to the CR, bought something to eat and drink, and went in to the theater.

Hulk was not that bad as people think. :) Though I didn¡¦t like the leading man. But anyway, I liked Jennifer Connelly. But anyway, there is this thought that some or most people can provoke us to be angry, but there will be someone, especially somebody that we love(most probably the one we love the most), that can calm us down no matter what; somebody who can sooth the anger and pain.

The movie finished by 120am. We arrived home by 2am something, and I dozed off as soon as I was on my bed.

June 22, 2003 Sunday

I didn¡¦t go to church today. I woke up by 9am, and then prepared myself to leave with my parents to go eat out with Ahia Michael since he came over from Singapore for uncle Mike¡¦s one year death anniversary. We stopped over at their home, which aunt Florence has already sold, to pick them up. Dennis was with them(Aunt lotty¡¦s son, the older of two), and I was asked by mom to keep him company in the other car(Uncle mike¡¦s car), which had Ahia Mike¡¦s stuff as well as the aircon that will be moved to Aunt Florence¡¦s new place where she will be living until she moves in with Ahia Mike and Cynthia when her papers for Singapore are processed and are done. ƒº I was also finishing up on Elbert¡¦s assignment on flowcharting.

We went to eat lunch first at Alex III. After that, we drove Ahia Mike to the Philippine Airline, international terminal, at Naia 2. I walked Ahia Mike up to the entrance. And then we went to see Aunt Florence¡¦s new place at Soler. And then, by 1pm something I guess, we left. While in the car with Dennis, we were talking a lot about cars, being a doctor, of what we wanted and such. :)

We arrived at home by 2pm something. I watched TV, though I really wanted to work on the translation already, but then I just relaxed up until 4pm something. By 4pm, I wanted to start on the translation, so I turned my laptop on, and after all was loaded, I first typed in nice quotes that I have read into one of my files. I think I officially started by 5pm something. But then we had to leave by 630pm, so I have to stop. We had to leave because we were going to eat at Gloria Maris with Aunt Rufina, Uncle Dalmacio, Aunt Felisa and Uncle George and Family. We arrived by 730pm. We ate. Kinda okay, but we were quiet for the most part. The parents would do most of the talking. Yvette and Stephanie were talking to each other, Earl and Elbert talking to each other and then Gennet and me talking. We left Gloria Maris by 10pm. Arriving home by 11pm, I decided that wouldn¡¦t continue it anymore today, but that I will do so tomorrow. I then ended up watching The Promise, sort of a documentary of Donita Rose¡¦s wedding until mama told me to go to sleep already. :)

Oh, during the evening, I asked Katrina Tan, Gennet¡¦s friend, where she bought the flowers she gave mom on her birthday and on mother¡¦s day. She told me that it was somewhere at Laong Laan, at Dos Castillas, where there are flower shops there. :) she asked when I would be going to buy, I thought she was asking who I was giving it to and answered that it was for my bestfriend. It was too late when I realized that she was asking when I would be buying. But I still answered her question, and told her that I will be buying it Saturday morning. I just can¡¦t stop feeling excited on getting to see Daph on June 28. :)

June 23, 2003 Monday

By today, I still haven¡¦t been able to borrow from La Salle. Didn¡¦t get to do so last week because when I did go with Elbert, Gennet was with us and she needed to run errands. If I am going to the library, she shouldn¡¦t be with us because it would take me time to look for the book.

Anyway, I am really excited on going to see Daph on the 28th. I will go buy flowers and cake for her, aside from the gift that I will be giving to her on that Saturday. :) It is just a few more days away. :) let us see, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Just four more days and 8-9 hours. :) I don¡¦t want to count today as another day because the day will be over soon. :) It is now 2:18pm. :) 3 hours and 22 minutes to go. :) I leave by 540pm today, having 8 hours accomplished for the day. :)

Morning, I checked my mail. And then when Farids arrived by 10am, I left for the CR. When I came back, she was using the computer already, so I went and took the laptop and started on the task the I have told Sir Joey that I will do today. :) I mean, for me it is a good thing to use the laptop, so that I won¡¦t end up just surfing the net instead of trying to do something more productive. By noon, I did finish typing in what Sir Joey asked me to. :) I then ate lunch, brushed my teeth and was back by 12:15pm. :) And from that time until now, 2:38pm, I am typing down the journal entries of June 11, 2003, up to today. :) 3 hours and 2 minutes. :) After this, I will be finishing up on the Tzu Chi translation since I did bring with me the Chinese dictionary. :) I only need to finish on about 3 more pages. :)

It is now 310pm. Just 2 hours and 30 minutes to go. Gennet has asked me to buy her another Surenet Internet prepaid card later. I also took the courage to tell Bic that we needed to work on the ftp thing for sir Alvin. She didn¡¦t do much as to look at the things I have researched as of now, but then, it is sort of alright, since I am not doing much about it right now. I am almost done typing in today¡¦s journal entry details for the moment. :) Well, there is only the translation left.

Oh, there will be no classes tomorrow at DLSU due to Manila Day, therefore the school wouldn¡¦t be open as well, with no students and faculty around, therefore no use to go to the library as well.

330pm. 2 hours 10 minutes. My groupmates already left. They will be dropping by school, most probably to submit our weekly status reports(which are already almost a month overdue) and our monthly attendance reports. I hope they didn¡¦t submit my June attendance. :) Oh well. I will be finishing up with the translation first. I did ask them to find a book for on the Windows environment from the school library if they have the time, well, since they are already there.:) I really think a book on that would be a big help. :) I didn¡¦t get to borrow a book from La Salle since June 5. Well, June 5 was the day he(sir Alvin) gave us this programming project. June 6, I didn¡¦t come to work. June 7-8 was weekend. June 9(Monday, didn¡¦t go with Elbert to school), 11(Wednesday, didn¡¦t go with Elbert to school and was going out that night with hs friends), 13(holiday,no work). June 10, did go with Elbert to school, but then didn¡¦t get to do much because I needed to pay for the yearbook thing. And I only decided to borrow from the library on the 11th. But then on the 12th, Gennet was with us, so I just submitted the yearbook requirements, and went on back to the car so that we could get on with our lives. June 14-15, was still at isabela. June 16, was back at Manila, but didn¡¦t go to work, meaning I didn¡¦t even go out. June 17, woke up late, therefore wasn¡¦t able to go with Elbert to school and leaving home with Di-ku("Di"-two, second; "ku"- uncle from the mother's side, brother of my mom) by 9am, therefore late for work, arriving by 10am, instead of 9am. June 18, Wednesday, therefore didn¡¦t go with Elbert and Kuya gudo drove me to work, therefore waste to gas to have to go to La Salle, and he needed to run errands for papa, so really cannot go to La Salle. June 19, Thursday, Gennet went out with us again, so nothing much to do about that again, and didn¡¦t go to library or else I would take long inside, when Gennet needs to run errands. June 20, it is a Friday, therefore I didn¡¦t get to go with Elbert and then when I did leave late, I was with Di-ku and Gennet, and they have schedules as well, so they drove me to work, and that night, I met with hs friends for barbecue. June 21, was supposed to go with Elbert and go to library, but then when he needed to go, he was already late and I haven¡¦t even prepared myself, not yet ready, and haven¡¦t eaten lunch yet. Too late. Oh well. Today, June 23, Monday, didn¡¦t go with Elbert, so I didn¡¦t get to again. But then since groupmates will go, then I just asked them to do so. I don¡¦t need to stop by tomorrow? Probably. :) But I guess I just need to try it out tomorrow as well. :) 350pm. One hour and 50 minutes before 540pm.

425pm. One hour and 15 minutes. I am still translating. 440pm. One hour left. As of now, I have finished the translation. Will just type it when I get home. :) It is just the same if I type it now or later. :) I just must not forget to send it. I don¡¦t have the file of the translation I did last night, so I really have to do it on that file, even if I still have the one that Florence emailed last June 13. Guess I will just surf the net until 525pm. :) I will leave by 530pm, instead of 540pm. :) I know that I am thinking, ¡§what is the use of 10 more minutes?¡¨ and I will answer myself, it is a matter of honesty, integrity.

2003-06-18T20:44:00.000-07:00

Belated Happy First Month Anniversary to Che and Johnny! :)

Sorry, i haven't been updating lately, being "lazy and enjoying it" lately. I have been keeping written journals for the past few days, but i still need to type it down and post it. :)

gotta go! :)

am sorry if the pictures load so slowly for this new layout of mind. they are so nice, but i guess, it just loads slow. one disadvantage of showing nice jpegs. :(