Grace's Mind-it-on-your-own

Hmm... i feel not so tense although i should be worrying about a lot of things like my Network test tonight. There are also the projects to be submitted for Sdproj and Datbas... i feel "heart-numb" today. Not too excited, relaxed....

See yah...

March 27, 2002, Wednesday, 11:16 PM

Do we really have an affect in changing another person’s life as they can change ours, as in leave us completely different from the person we were before the change took place? Because I don’t know if my life really left a mark with the people that I sincerely loved. I missed them all, because we all live far away from one another. But the feeling of closeness, happiness and comfort never goes away. I can always feel how happy I am when I am with them. Memories can really help us get on with our lives. Although one cannot truly express what one feels, life seems to be able to bring it about to us through a lot of ways, though it will be much harder to distinguish.

There are times, up until now, that I feel alone even though I am surrounded by friends and family that I love. I don’t know why. I sometimes think that it could possibly be because I still feel a deep battle between my personality and my ideal self. Should I be true to myself? But if I am true to myself, everything that I know now will be lost in an instant. “The truth shall set you free”, but there are “different truths”. There is the I-am-the-only-one-who-knows-it truth. There are also the following: Some-of-my-close-friends-know-it truth, the general truth, the i-think-this-is-the-truth truth. There are a lot more of them, and they differ as you meet different people. Each person affects you in a different way, and we all hide something, even a little itsy bitsy secret, from each one of them. There are things that they know a lot, but the others they are just getting acquainted with.

Sometimes, I just want to cry, just like I did when I was still in high school. How soothing it was to just let go of what you are feeling at the moment! But I guess that I got used to crying that it is hard for me to just cry for some reason. Only a movie or a really important event can make me cry. Other than that, I find it hard to express a bad/sad feeling; I even have a hard time writing my thoughts down that I feel much more depressed, confused and bound up. ….

It is really something great, to have friends to be there for you, friends that will open your eyes, your heart and your soul to the infinite beauty of life and of the world, that is if you have one. I know that I do, more than I can count with my fingers. Each of them has helped mold me into something better, especially my bestfriend Daphne. I never thought that our relationship will last this long, but we are going five years already. =) I thank God for making our friendship possible, and I pray that our friendship will last even on the afterlife.

I found out that I easily regard people that I know as if they are close to me, although to them, I am just a mere acquaintance. Probably I just want to know more people, because I think that I don’t know enough (but the problem is, I am really bad with names, especially if I don’t get to talks and see that person often). But I am not ashamed of forgetting names, as long as I know that I will be able to make them feel better. There is nothing else I want to give the world than to be able to bring smiles to the faces of others. I don’t know if I sound geeky or too idealistic with my views, but that is what I want. My goal for a good life is to have a family, to enjoy a simple life, earn a living that will be enough to sustain my family’s need without the need of asking for loans, to live somewhere where nature can be enjoyed, and to work for a non-profit organization that will be able to save the world and to help people, and lastly, to save the world, and to make other dreams possible for all of us. I also look forward to being able to travel and live in space, to explore other galaxies…. There goes my imagination. =) Although I am not ruling out the idea of being really rich! =) but what’s important is that I will be happy with my life as I share it with others.

There is so much in this world that I cannot enjoy in its entirety. But I hope that will be able to through my friends, who have already brought much of it into my life by just spending time with me, and sharing the person that you all are. You all matter to me my friends, and YOU all know who you are. =)

THANK YOU GUYS! =)


March 22, 2002

I feel somewhat elated right at this very moment. For no reason at all, i feel somewhat happy. Could it possibly be because I am trying not to think of the upcoming group defense? What I am typing? This is probably just crap. Hehehe =)

Oh well, I just hope that I can pass all my subjects. I just can’t imagine what will happen to me if I fail another subject, especially Datbas3. I have already ranted about how I have been wasting my life being to lazy or, if not lazy, too preoccupied with other things other than my studies. Life…. I just can’t imagine where I can apply what I have studied. I don’t know whether what I will be doing will be to give good impact on other people’s lives. Just come to think, you graduate from one of the best universities in the Philippines, and you just can’t do much. What a mess one will get into if this happens. I know my parents wanted me to take this course because if I get great grades, I will land a good job, therefore earning enough to live by myself, and probably I can take care of my parents by then. Oh well, I am just thinking. I don’t if this thinking makes sense if I don’t act on it.

Oh well… oh well…. See you guys soon!

yes, connected to the school's network! =) and i didn't forget to bring my eyeglasses with me. =)

anyway, gotta go. still have to continue doing our SYANAD2 project. (Syanad = systems analysis and Design)

of all things to forget, i forgot to bring my eyeglasses. This is why i spent the whole day squinting to copy notes and to look at people. And you know what, my head had hurt so much that i slept for one hour straight when i got home. (my dad also said that i was snoring when we were still in the car...)

Now, i think i wouldn't be able to update my blog everyday from today up to April because i have to focus on finishing our projects, and also to focus on not failing in any subjects (datbas3 in particular, since i didn't pass any test yet....). i hope that you would all understand.

gotta go now. see you guys soon! ("-")

ahhhhhaaaahahahahay................................... i had written a short "blog" about watching "where the heart is", but anyway, just watch it. i just lost the thoughts i had when i wrote it.

and i don' t feel that good today, sort of sad and scared.

nothing much to say....

Drew, thanks for keeping me company today.... =)

Let's have more fun next week ( i doubt that since there will still be projects to finish, and tests to take... oh well)

Doing fine today, and it is partly your doing. =)

see ya all!

Maita, i hope that you get to read this when you check my page again. =)

Today, I went to eat at Subway with Drew, Che, and Ad. It is a very wonderful day for me. =) I really did not bring any lunch with me today so that I would really go out and buy there.

Anyway, I ate a 6-inch tuna sub on wheat bread and lite veggie salad. I shared the salad with Che since she said she already ate. Che, you sure you ate lunch ah… because if you are hungry it is all my fault.

Anyway, we chatted for a while then we left sometime by 1230. we arrived at Gokongwei lobby by about 1240 I guess. Che and Ad stayed until the time their Introai class was to start. When they went to class, Drew and I continued on listening to mp3s. I went to work with my groupmates by 230pm and stayed with them until 4pm. After that, I listened to mp3s again with Cha Romero. When it was 5pm, I was so glad that Drew met up with me. We went to see the registrar again ( we went there this morning, after our anmath class. They told me/us to return during the afternoon. When I did go there by 2pm, I have to wait for almost 30 minutes, only to tell them that I will back by 5 since I have to meet my groupmates,) when we did get there, we had to wait for another 20 minutes, and the sample that I brought me still wasn’t approve because they wanted a better quality paper. Anyway, the customer is always right.

Drew and I were back at Gokongwei lobby by about 550pm. We chatted some more. He kept me company until the family driver, Kuya Gudo, picks me up. The driver was suppose to pick up by 5pm, but it is okay if they (kuya Gudo was with Kuya Gil to run errands) arrived late because my friend Drew and I spent more “quality” time (and quality laughing time) together.

Oh, by the way, read my "weird" 2nd journal entry below. you are free to give comments etc, by signing my guestbook. Thanks. =)

What a great day! Hope you all had a great day too! see you guys soon! (“-“)

Sorry guys, i know i said that I would go and eat with Drew at Subway yesterday, but guess what, I had to run errands for my parents, so i have to settle for a Big Mac. =)
So much for eating something much "healthier". =)

Anyway, i left school by about 1145am. But since everyone will be having a lunch break, the driver, Gudo, and I just went to buy burgers for our lunch and went straight to the first company we have to go to on my errands list. Since there is a parking space there, we stayed there until 1pm. We also ate our lunch in the car. I waited for an hour, went it and came out of the building within 20 minutes. You know what i did in the car? i just stapled the photocopied pages of the Syanad book that i have to read. I can't even think of reading because i feel so tired. Anyway, the next few companies that we went to were much "easier". When i went to SM at Quiapo, i had to go up and down the stairs a lot. I was asked to get the expanded withheld tax forms from these companies, but in SM, it was much harder to do so. Since i didn't know the place, i was asking one person after another. They were just passing from one person to the next, but there were some nice people who really took their time to help me out and also to offer a smile, as if telling me that i can do it. I arrived at SM by 230pm, i guess, and left the place by about 4pm. After that, we went to 4 other places. Pretty much okay since it is much more easier compared to what i had done at SM. Before i went home, i bought my mom the find-a-word puzzles that she liked and went to buy jumbo pao, sharksfin siomai from Kowloon House and went home.

When i arrived home, i went to the office to give what i bought to my mom and went home. I started studying by 730pm. it's weird because i really studied, and i slept early too, by 1130pm. (well that is already early for me). Anyway, gotta go. i have to accompany Drew to see Ms. "Divine".

see you guys soon! ("-")

oh no, i just did something wrong. online confirmation for enrollment to one's respective block will be on March 18. but i went ahead and clicked end. now, i got a schedule, but the cost is equivalent to zero. it is weird.... could it be possible that something will happen to my sched.... i wish nothing changes, that i still get the block S14 for my section.. Yahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I passed my second anmath quiz, a 91 for me. =)

Poor Drew, the computer he is using isn't connected to the net. Anyway, he will have a lot of time to finish his project. Right Drew? =)

We will be having lunch at Subway today, and we are going to stay there for an hour. Haha! =)

Anyway, i have to look forward to more assignments, projects, research papers and quizzes/exams to the future. i fervently hope that i pass all my subjects so that i will have a worry-free summer vacation. =)

Got any thoughts to share? ("-")

i will be posting something long today. actually, it is something i wrote during dawn, as of 3/9/2002. =)

just look for the fouth inline frame in my page. =) just before the LINKS. i just wanna share.... =) hehehe

Happy reading! =)

i am not really sure if i will be passing my Dismath test this time around. i just hope that i did...

how about anybody of you? does anyone have this feeling that they need to find what they are here for? Me, i don't think that i will amount to much, although i know that i have a lot of dreams that i want to come true. I want to have a family of my own, to be able to serve others by working in a nonprofit organization, to be able to help in saving the earth, to be able to live in space, to be able to make the world a better place. Probably too broad and too unreachable, but these are what i long to be able to do...

i have a lot of things to do, but i just don't really know where to start. although i have planned for what to do for the coming days, i don't know if i will be able to follow it. I tend to leave it til the last minute, or til there is no more time. it is after this that i feel bad and pledge to myself that i will do better the next time round, only to find out that during the "next time round" i will be thinking of this same thing again.

Life, what is it? Too much of a problem, yet overflowing with emotions:love, hate, happiness, sadness....

I have uploaded my webpage already! =) Thanks to Caleb's fast DSL connection and for the use of his computer which uses Intel Pentium 4.

Drew, thank you for helping me upload my page.

Carlo, thank you for waiting for me to finish uploading my files, to check my mail, etc...

Please sign my guestbooks guys! =)

BE HAPPY! ("-")

We are here at Caleb's place (coz you see, he's got DSL connection, so it would be match faster to load pages.) =) And by the way, we are also going to study for our Dismath test. =) What a day it is going to be! =)

I am also currently working on my page. I hope to improve it in some way or another so that YOU can see my blogs there already, instead of the one supplied by blogger. =)

Hmm... I felt good today, although I did get the feeling of wanting to eat taco salad sometime between 230pm to 4pm (because I felt bad, tense....). Anyway, Drew and I just listened to some CD's that i brought with me to school today.

I got a guestbook already: titagrace.signmyguesbook.com (and qoa.signmyguestbook.com -- this is because I clicked the "I accept terms" button twice.) =)

Oh! Drew and Carlo also helped me in designing my webpage, although I made another one tonight. ( I hope that I can upload it sometime next week, that is with Drew's help.) =)

I am so happy, because I got to talk to my crush! =) But hey, there is an exam for Dismath, so it is not really that "enjoyable". Anyway, I hope that I will be able to study tomorrow. =) (talk of procrastination) =)

Drew!!!!!! ("-")

I just got to thinking today. When I was looking around me and i saw this girl pass by, I was thinking of what I think she was thinking. I don't know what I was thinking then, but I remembered feeling that I was in some sort of "see myself in the future" thing. Anyway, I was back to reality as soon as I found myself thinking of "seeing myself" as if in some movie when the leading person pops out of the daydreaming bubble.

And then I found out that my head ached so much that I only wanted to sleep. But I didn't sleep, even though my eyes are heavy.....

And I still haven't rested up to now. =)

By the way Drew, how do I add those "I Heart" buttons to my page? =)

Drew has been so kind as to host my page. THANK YOU DREW! =)

i am just starting to design a page for drew.ph/qoa. Please bear with me.

by the way, qoa stands for "Queen of Antarctica" haha =)

I thought that this would be a nice "name" because I liked nature and its beauty. I am also the type of person who thinks a lot whenever alone. Antarctica is such a place where one can think in the silence, hence being it's "Queen", I rule its silence and its beauty. I am alone, yet I am not.

I feel so happy to have my own blog, but I also feel wary because I don't know how whoever sees this will react once they read my blogs or look through my page. Probably i am just nervous of sharing my thoughts here. Yeah, probably that's just the reason....

Captain's blog, March 5, 2002, Tuesday. Entry 00000000001

We have just started our maiden voyage into the vast of space of The Blog. My fellow blog explorer, Ensign Drew, have informed me of the unchartered regions of Blog Kingdom. As of right now, nothing can be seen. We can only observe blank space. We are waiting to return home...

BZZZTTT!

Back to the world of the Living:

Hi Drew! Thanks for helping me out with this. Blog forever! My future blog host: drew.ph

~see you guys soon~ ("-")