Grace's Mind-it-on-your-own

Since the start of the week, from October 28 up to now, i have been having this smile on my face, and i always feel happy, hyperactive, too happy to even listen to class lectures. I think i am not me, but i am happy being happy. Is this the effect of being in love? =)

I don't know, but lately i find myself just smiling and being happy, especially when i am with.... =) oh, that's a secret. =) I just feel so happy, and that the world revolves around this person. Though we cannot be always together, we are still there for each other. Oh well. Drew, you know who. =)

All i can say is that i am so happy. Pretty speechless i am, as you can see from this very short entry. =_)

I just want to continue smiling! +)

Oh, i will be going to the Cemetery tomorrow, November 1, to help carry things.... Well, gotta sleep! +)

take care my friends! i love you all! =) I love you too, my love! =)

("-")

Posted on Oct. 25, 2002:::::

To Drew, Che, Carlo, Caleb, Johnny, Joan, Mara, Peggy, Jess, Fed, Tommy, Ellison,,,, and everyone else, thank you for the gift of the crown of sampaguitas and the sash with "happy birthday queen!" =) I am truly touched. =) When i saw the crown, i rememebered Galadriel in LOTR and i kinda felt that i was her..... ( smiling.....) =)

I spent most of my day(birthday) with Jo Yao that day, but i went out with Jo Yao, Arcy Yao, Che Chua and Genina Lao for lunch at Pancake House. We arrived there past 1pm, and stayed there until 330pm, i think. =) We did eating and some talk. =) That night, we took the test for Webdeve and we failed! The passing grade was 24, i got a 22. GRrrr..... We studied hard for it and then we just failed.... Grrrrr.....

Anyway, we finished the test early, so we went down to the Gokongwei Lobby and played a game in which one sings a song and then stops at a certain word then the person must sing a song containing the last word where the other person stopped. Jo Yao, Liz, Me, Adam and Ram were playing. But Jo is the best; she really knows a lot of songs. i forgot all the songs that i remebered.......

Anyway, i still feel drained from the two tests we had this week. Anyway, our group will be going to the Community Service tomorrow, Oct. 26. I just hope that everything goes well, and that it would benefit both the kids and us students, in a way. =) Well, til next time! =)

("-")

And this is something i composed:::: more on about how i feel towards my new crush:::
October 22, 2002 11:16AM

Empty it seems
This heart of mine
Feeling just fear
Wary of what’s behind

To selfish
In seeing the world
To unwilling
In letting things go

That in my heart’s recesses
I feel hatred
To the extent
Of corrupting one’s heart and mind.

Who would have thought
I would be this way
Why do I decide
On feeling this way

Unfair to the world
Am a cynic such as I
A cynic wanting change
To be an optimist

Trying to hide what I may
Of a real person behind
Too uncertain
Too afraid

Will the person that I do love
Accept me as who and what I am
When one ends up knowing
Will one even care to stay

All will be a shadow
Until it will be lifted in due time
By one’s acceptance
And by one’s love above all.

I will definitely be wearing braces before the year is over, i think. Yesterday, i went to see the orthodontist with my dad. He talked with her about what may happen etc... Well, they asked me if i wanted to go through, and i said, "sure, let us get it over with as soon as possible...." (i didn't exactly say it this way, but that was what i felt and was thinking during that time.). After that, she took a "mould" of my teeth, and also that of my teeth when biting. then they also took pictures of me smiling and of my teeth when i am biting. Then, they asked me to go for an x-ray nearby, as soon as i can. well, that very day, we went to have the xray, which will then be delivered to the orthodontist once it is done. Oh my....

I also heard that i would need four molars to be pulled out/taken out, so as to make space for my overcrowded teeth. But this thing would be decided after the orthodontist has studied the x-ray and the moulds. ( i just found out, as i am typing this that i spelled mould as "mold"). But if it will be pushing through as planned, then the dentist would need to pull one from the upper set and another from the lower set of the left/right side first. then after a week, they will pulling out two from the other side. And then they braces would be attached to my teeth.... Yahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh well..... ("-")

I am going to slimmers again tomorrow. And i will be going to the orthodontist by 130 pm. ORthodontist? that's right. i will probably have braces the next time you see me or when she(the orthodontist) finishes looking and deciding what to do with my teeth. =)

I officially finished reading Book Three of Lord of the Rings. =) Now, i am bent towards reading the other books of Tolkien, only thing is i don't a have a copy of those! =)

Here is something that i have composed out of the blue::::

Looking at you
Thinking of you
My heart beats
And i smile

Holding your hand
In mine
I feel the warmth
Divine

Writing poems of love
And looking at the stars above
Feeling that you are
Beside me, alive

Seeing the light in your eyes
Feeling the hug of your love
Never quavering for a moment
Looking forward to life eternal

But then loneliness falls in
And i look around
Darkness falls in
And I fear

Feeling the worst
And them i'm lost
Looking for you
Even in the course of blindness

i fall into a disturbing sleep
Holding out to empty space
Neither a speck of light to see
Lost, no guide, no dream

And i stayed there
Never wanting to move no more
For deep fear of going further
No return to love of life

And i stayed still
Waiting for you
Despite my loneliness
Despite the silence.

Never want to forget
Your love's warmth
Even in the recesses
of the deadly cold.

Che, thanks. =) And i love you guys. =)

Lately, well since the start of second term, i kinda 'met' and got to know Arcy Yao and Joanne Yao. Now, we are most of the time together, especially during the mornings. they said that i was the oldest sister, Arcy next and Joanne the youngest. I feel happy with them too, just as i always did and still do when i am with you guys. =) I don't know why i am saying this, probably just wanna share.

Because i love you guys, and i love them too. Blessed are we to have friends who will be with us through happiness and loneliness. Blessed are we to meet more friends to fill our hearts with the warmth of love, joy. Blessed are we all for being friends to each other. Blessed are we all.

Sorry if i haven't been blogging lately. Due to the cold, the headache. Well, gotta go.

By the way, 4 more chapters and i am done reading the Lord of the Rings Trilogy! =)

Ah! It's a Friday! Time for a break! Bam-bam- bam..... Hachoo!

Yup! I think i am starting to have a cold. I started sneezing since 6 pm last night. Hated it. And i feel that my throat is so dry. Who would have thought i would catch the bug. (and i was so proud that i didn't get it when most of the family had it)

Anyway, i will be going Slimmers tomorrow morning. I just hope that the car i am allowed to drive would be fixed by tomorrow. I wasn't even able to practice driving all week, which i usually do during Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, because on Monday, we went out with mom's friend, Wednesday, because my dad came to fetch us. I just don't know about what may happen today. =) Let's hope i can drive and make the road run for it's life. =) Hehe

bye. gotta eat lunch! =)

Drew, thanks for your concern. =) i know that even when we won't be able to talk each other that you will be there for me. I thank you for everything. =) We have a lot of things in common, and we both know about it. Don't worry, it is okay if we don't talk much. =)

See you all! No time to blog anymore for now. Probably by the end of the week. =)

(At least the wedding is done with. =) )

I had a dream Wednesday night, Oct. 2, about Sharon, Jessamine, Pam and Mara staying over at our place. But the thing is, they slept in my room. There are only two twin beds there: i slept on one of those, but the four of them slept on the other. I was wondering, even in the dream, how they were able to do so since i really saw four sets of pillows and blankets there. Weird. AFter that, i heard the hamster scratching on something. Then i saw that it was in a plastic bag, but even if he chews on it, it doesn't break. i even looked at the hamster and even brought it near my face. after that, i woke up. My sister said that the hamster was really noisy that day, chewing on the metal hash something cover. weird...

i am going to Slimmers tomorrow and i will surely see Carlo there.

Oh, by the way, i drove home from school today. But you know what, when we were near Roosevelt Avenue, along Quezon Avenue, a taxi was going into my lane (well he was out of lane), but i didn't let him go before me because i had the right of way at the lane i am in. Well, i was going slowly, due to the traffic, the taxi suddenly cut acrossed in front of me. Luckily i was driving real slow, and i was driving an old car. I did hear the taxi's right side, hit the front of the left side of our car. Our driver, Kuya Gudo, said that the taxi driver did it on purpose because i didn't let him go first (probably this taxi driver's pride was "bruised" because a girl was able to do that to him but i do hope that this never happens again) therefore he seeked for revenge, but doing the cut across thing. I am just really lucky i am driving an old car. Another incident before that, i was turning right from ARaneta Ave, and these policemen are getting angry at me for being too slow on making the turn when there were people crossing the road before me. When i did get to turn right, i was able to avoid an incoming bus, but trying to get into the rightmost lane, a car nearly hit me. Luckily, the other car's driver was alert and was able to hit his brakes on time. I really thank God for that, and would also like to thank that driver. Whoever you are, thank you! =) But our driver said that i am improving since there wasn't much "adventures" today, of suddenly turning right or left or going forward and back, of the engine dying down etc....

see you guys soon! ("=")

This should have been posted yesterday, Oct. 2, 2002:

I don't feel happy again. Yesterday, Oct. 1, Joanne Yao wasnt in a good mood. NOw, i am the one whose feeling it. I want a hug but am afraid to ask for it. And the more i was "aloof" after watching Devil's Advocated during Relstri. And i don't feel like listening to P-chan now, during Theopro(no offense sir, you're a great teacher, i just don't feel good).

I have this urge again, to hurt myself, suicidal in thought. Most of you probably don't know that or i could have already told you about it. ( i can hear my mom saying, "you're crazy!" if she would ever hear me saying i want to die....) Ifelt the urge a while ago to take out my little Swiss Army knife and probably just "slice" or cut myself a little, until blood would ooze out of me. But then i remembered my best friend and i did promise that i would do my best not to do anything to hurt myself. (Daph, i miss you!)

i didn't really look good when i fitted the dress that i will be wearing to my cousin's wedding, no near the designs made, as one of her bridesmaids. Oh well....

here is a poem i have just composed.....

Remember the time
When heart were loved
Seeing the sky above
Feeling the stars in line

Seeing the hand
Feeling the love
Living the life
Despite the rain

Hearts aglow
Mind no low
Love aflow
From one to one

Dreaming dreams
Seeing things
Illusions or not
Matters never a lot

Feel the time
feel the sun
feel the wind
Don't forget the love.

Look at my eyes
As i look into yours
Look at me from within
Doesn't matter if i am fat or thin

Together, with hearts
Let's talk about love abound
for never again found
are memories to be bound

Listen, look
Understand
Love, Dream
Live

Forget me not
When i am gone
Forget you not
For you are loved.

>>>> Does this poem make sense?

Wow, am blogging again. I am really excited being able to blog again. I enjoy blogging, even though i don't get to sometimes. =)

Speaking about weddings, my cousin's wedding (Maureen who is working at Singapore) will be on Oct 6, this sunday to be exact. they will be coming to the PHilippines by Oct. 5. I am one of the bridesmaid and i don't know how i will look like when the wedding happens. Pray God would help me look "good". =) (I thought that i looked like a ninang or godmother when i looked at myself at the mirror when fitting the dress. =)

I went to Slimmers last saturday, Sept 28, and will be going again on Oct. 5 (and Carlo and I would probably meet there and have our gym sessions together, with our P.T.s who are husband and wife [Raffy: Carlo's PT, Irene:My PT]). I still feel that my body hurts, but not so much as when i had the PT the first time round.

I am still going through that four day diet, though it seems that i am not losing anymore weight, but i am not gaining weight either. I think this will be okay. =) Probably because i am going to the gym, and the muscles are firming up (?!?!). =) well, i just hope so. and i pray that i will continue losing weight until i reach my ideal weight of 120 pounds. =) I really hope that i would, before i even graduate college, so that you guys can see the change. =)

anyway, gotta go. class might probably start by 5 pm. =)

see you all at school! =)

Animo La Salle! ("-")