Grace's Mind-it-on-your-own

Jo Wee, Ellen, thanks for signing my guestbook. =)

Jo Wee, i do love to just write and write. I guess i can be content to be just writing, because it can help ease away some lost feelings.. Well, i guess i am already sharing me, and i am being true to myself, right? =)

Ellen, thank you! =) Already read your update, hehe =) You even mentioned my name. *shy* =) I will continue to write i guess, because i do love writing, and i guess i can't live without writing anything, to share what i feel. I always have this need to put things and feelings into words, even if it is futile to do so. Thank you for your compliment. =) And i will keep on writing, of course, thanks to people like you guys! =) But i can't say that i am truly honest; i still have something to hide, something that i just can't share....

Yes, it is another poem..... =0 I composed it today, when a thought hit me by 7am. I kept or tried to write it, thought i was going to end by the third stanza, by ended adding more of what i felt while intermittently checking my emails, doing something else and coming back to the poem. I did feel "satisfied" with the poem by 940am::::

As it always hold
Falling in love is never easy
For the one loving another
And for the one being loved.

But i am one who loves you
It is such a waste
How you cannot know about it
How i cannot not show it as it is

HOw easy it would be
How true it would be
If i had
nothing to hide
Not needing to hide my love for you

I wished that i need not hide a "me"
A "me" that i am not sure of
That i can show you who i am
Not needing to keep any secrets from you

I've always wanted to tell you this
But i end up not doing so
Afraid of losing you
And feeling rejected as well

How i wish i could be true to myself
True to you
True to everybody that i love
True to world
that we all live in

i know i am being one-sided
but what can a person do
if i am hiding something
Hiding something from the love of my life
From you

How i wish i knew
what you are thinking
what you are feeling
Then i will not be afraid

But that would be unreal
for nothing is certain
Even my feelings for you
Even your feelings to me

All i can still do is stay quiet
Go behind the shadows
Hide from you
While still feeling my love for you

How nice it would be to be true
To let you know who i am
how i feel
And still be able to be with you
Having you right beside me

To find no need to hide
to find a way to live
To live as who i am
to live my love for you

This is a poem I started composing last year, Dec. 5, but i only got to finish it today:::::

Ang bawat malaming na simoy
na dala ng bukang liwayway
at sa bawat pagtingala sa langit
ikaw tila ang laman ng aking isip

Sa dilim, Sa liwanag
Walang ibang iniisip
Kundi ang mga alaala natin
Na nananatiling sariwa sa aking puso't isip

Sa bawat pilit na kalimutan
ang sakit na nararamdaman
Tila lalo pang tumindi
Lalong lumaki

Nagtatanong ng bakit
Nag-iisip ng mga rason
Na hindi ko man maririnig
mula sa iyong bibig

Hinahanap
Ang nakaraan nakalipas
Nananaginip kung babalik
pa man ang dating pagmamahal

Ngunit wala na.
Wala na
Tila hindi ka na babalik
dito sa aking tabi

At hihintayin pa rin kita
sugatan man ang puso
Naghihintay
Kahit na sa wala

Dahil mahal pa rin kita
Di mo man madama ngayon
sana sa aking paglisan
malaman mong may taong
buong pusong nagmamahal sa iyo.

The poem below, i composed last night due to my feeling "morbid"::::

Waking Up Too Late

There are times
When you want to go to a corner
And hide
From yourself
From the world

Hoping that in this dark corner
I will find in the emptiness
What was hard to find
But then there really was nothing
Except me, my mind, unease

Not knowing what to do
Too much to think of
Afraid of what you’ll end up thinking
Afraid of what one might end up doing
Afraid of what one will be

Thinking of dying
Wanting to die
But then you hit yourself
Telling yourself
“damn fool!”

Staying there in the dark
Holding on to yourself
Not knowing what you want to do next
Not knowing if you are doing things right
By just being quiet

Fighting with yourself
Rationalizing how things are
Staring off to space
Losing oneself
Alone

When to wake up
I don’t know
Will I ever will?
Breathing?
Crying?

Reaching out to oneself
Reaching to no one
Finding no one
And holding myself tighter
Rocking back and forth

Will I ever find myself?
Will I be myself?
Will I be still here?
Will I live?
When I wake up?

This poem i started January 22, 2003, and finished on January 24, 820am.

Nawawala pa rin ako
Habang hinahanap ang sarili ko
Lalo na ngayong nakilala kita
Nabuo ang isa pang bagong ako

Hindi ko inaasahan
Ganito ang reaksyon
Ng pusong nag-iisa
Hindi nag-akalang magmamahal

Sa bawat pintig
Sa bawat paghinga
Sa bawat panaginip
Ikaw ang naaalala sinta

Ang tinig ng iyong boses
Ang tingin ng iyong mata
Ang iyong ngit at pagakatao
Dulot sa akin ay tuwa

Naghahangad sa bukas
Upang makita ka
Ang makasama ka
At lalong mahalin ka

Ang kasalukuyang ako
Ay para sa iyo
Handang magbigay
Lahat ibibigay

Nawawala pa rin man ako
Ang iyong ningning
Ang nagdala sa akin sa iyo
Isang pag-ibig hindi ko matanto
Ngunit tinanggap ng buong puso

At sa iyong pag-alis
Naiwan ako
Sa isang mundong
Nakasentro sa iyo

Laging naghahanap
Laging nag-aantay
Laging nangangarap
Naghahangad saw ala
Nagbabaka-sakali pa

Ngayong parang isang panaginip
Ang nakaraang pag-ibig
Mga alaalang masakit isipin
Ngunit buong pusong tinatago pa rin

At ngayon ay nagsisimula muling
Maglakbay upang hanapin ang sarili
Ngunit dahil sa isang pag-ibig
Ang kapirasong ako na nabuo nito
Ay buong buhay na mananatili

... And this, i ended up thinking today:::

I started blogging, sort of because I wanted to write on something profound, or well, something like that. I felt I wanted to be thought of as someone who is deep and such. Anyway, I ended up blogging about how my day was, what my feelings were and are, of who I am everyday, the very shallowness that I didn’t want to talk about: myself. So much for feeling high and mighty… I fell from the pedestal I have put myself upon, for it was too much pride on something that I don’t have: perfection.

But I would still want to feel like a writer, although I can’t really be one, or I think I can’t be. But there are still so many things that I want to do. There are so many things that I am not sure that I will be able to reach. I started on something, but I don’t know if I will be able to start on something that I REALLY want, something that I really love.

Again, in falling in love, with the present person that I do love: do I really love the person that I love, or am I just disillusioned by my own want, or need, to love and to be loved? I don’t know the answer, though it feels still that I do love the person, very much, but then I expect too much, and I end up being disappointed. Is this still love? Added with my own neurotic, obsessive compulsive, self, am I ready to fall in love? And if I am really in love now, am I ready for a relationship, to face the problems, the ups and downs, of a real relationship? Will be able to handle losing the people that I love very much? Will I be able to handle anything serious and grave in my life? Will I be able to do something for the people that I love? Will I be of some use, of some relevance, of something that I don’t know.

I don’t know.

There are a lot of things I don’t know about myself. Probably I am just pretending to know them all, or I just felt that I knew all about myself and the world. And I probably felt that I knew what it is to be in love, to fall in love, to love…. And the search for myself, for who I really am, still goes on….

Jo Wee, I don't know if it is just a crush or a love, but i do love the person, i think. =) I am, in a way, glad about being able to be happy. Today, i just woke up feeling happy, smiling for no reason at all, or probably i do have a reason, but i just don't know. =) I just felt like smiling, even while listening to mushy, sentimental love songs at 94.7. =) It was sunny today, and i just smiled; my heart smiled. =)

Che, glad that things are going okay. =)

Love can really color your life, but losing the person that you love can take all the color away in your life.

something i composed yesterday::::

Is it a habit of mine
to just fall in love
in the nick of time
to someone i'll give my world to
someone who is my world too.

But how can it be
When i just felt it now
Love, felt only now
Fell in love now
Not knowing that it is you

My heart just wanna shout:
I love you
I need you
You are my everything
You are the whole world to me

Simple words these may seem
But they mean a lot more to me
And they are deeper than they are
More than what we see
More than what we feel

Look at the sky oh so blue
And then it reminds me of you
And how my heart reaches out
to touch the sky
To feel you and be with you

Dreaming of you
Seeing you everywhere
Hearing your voice always
Missing your touch, your hair
Missing your smile
But especially your love!

And even if i lose the words to say
There's nothing that can wipe my smile away
When i see your face
When i see your eyes
When i see your smile

As always, my heart will shout:
I love you
I need you
Everything is heaven to me
As long as you're beside me

Your smile lights up my life
And your voice just wakes me up
To the right world, in a great world
Knowing that i will stand
Right beside you

Yup Che, the touch screen thingy. I don't know if we will be able to avail of the touch screen thing, but anyway,hope that we could convince La Salle. =)

Joan Wee, really? You're feeling good vibes from me? =) That's great. =) But one thing i know, is that i do feel better when i know and feel that things are somewhat going better. =) =) So far, WE are talking. And last week, i started going to counselling. =) More or less, this week, i also feel happy although i did feel somewhat uncertain friday afternoon, but things changed that same night. =)

I became paranoid, too paranoid, when i thought i would lose her. But am glad that i still have her, because she still stayed as my friend and sis. =) Thank you guys, for listening to me blabber on and on when i was too paranoid. =)

See yah! =)

Che, we were thinking of working on e-college this afternoon, but then we ended up on wanting to propose an information kiosk for La Salle when i asked Drew about what thesis topic would be nice and he suggested the kiosk thingy. =)

I feel happy today, and yesterday, that's for sure. I can just feel a smile forming. My heart is also smiling; i feel lighthearted, positive. =)

I would like to thank my friends for being there for me. =) Thanks everybody! =) I love you guys! =) And I also my "sisters" Joanne and Arcy! =) Thank you, both of you, for your support and presence when i was really down. =) I love you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)

Mwah!!!!!!!!!!! =) Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)

=) ("-")

Hi Keren! =)

Today, i guess i don't feel sad. =)

=)

=)

Aaaahhh... still need to read up on portals etc.... to connect them with e-learning ....... for thesis topic and proposal....... grrrr......

Thank you for you guys who drop by my site. =) And also for signing my guestbook. =)

Snow. It is something beautiful. You wonder how it looks like, somwhat like an asterisk, but much more beautiful. Imagine those that you see in cartoons or movies that show them to be somewhat magnified.... Don't know of an exact movie to tell to look for what i mean... But when you see it, you will wonder how it was done to be so, to be shaped like so.... =)

sometimes we don't know when we cry. we cry because we are happy. we cry becoz we are sad. sometimes tears just come falling down your cheeks, from something deep inside, trying to find answers, and peace...

You'll see snow when the time comes, Jo (Jo Wee ah. Dami Jo kasi ako kakilala eh.). =)

Now that i am online for today, i will doing mostly course notes downloading. Oh well...

You know guys, i still need to shift from my present IT-RESM class to the IT-RESM class where most of my thesis mates are. But their class is in conflict with my INTCALB class, so i might move my INTCALB class to the INTCALB of S14, S15 or S16, which luckily don't conflict with anymore with other classes in my schedule. =) I will go to see Ms. Divine tomorrow; she wasn't in school today....

Gotta go. =) Need to proofread something for my dad. =) Hope that i won't be cross-eyed next time you see me.=) The font size is small, as in really small....

Ellen, Drew, you are both welcome. =)

Drew, do the compilation if you are really not busy ha? =) thank you. =) Had fun with you guys yesterday.

Drew, you know for sure that i am happy today. =) With R.P and all, despite the headache and dizziness. =) See you tomorrow. =) I should have gone with you to buy what you need.... Grrr..... selfish me.... Another time, i suppose? =) Thank you for your "sacrifice", but i think it would have been okay with everbody else to go to where you needed to since we didn't have much direction, we were just walking around, windowshopping. =0

GV! I can't sign your guestbook. Why is it so? All i get is a blank page. Hmmm....

Oh, thanks for adding me to your links. =)

Hay... On falling in love.... Hirap talaga.... It's a mystery we always get involved in, no matter what we do, even if we try to prevent/stop it.... But knowing that the person we love is happy enough, the person's smile just makes the day go great, and you look forward to each new day just to see the person... These are great, but you end up just being there in a dream, until action is taken. Too much risks.... Too many people involved.... And i end up thinking too much.... Don't know why i should do all those thinking.... Memories....

Oh, enough of that.

Love...

GV, thanks for visiting my site. =)

Johnny, thanks for signing my guestbook. =) In a way, yes, it is good to be back at school. =) Glad to see all of the gang together, except for Adrian. =0 But you guys(Drew and the gang) will see him at Advandb. I saw him today, before my Japala1 class. =)

I felt nervous for the past two days. I guess it is not caffeine from the tea. Probably Ate(literally means "older sister" in Tagalog, but can be used to address somebody older than you by probably a couple or a number of years.) Remy is righ, that i keep on thinking and being so much "afraid" of what may happen and such... I thought it was the caffeine yesterday and this morning, but i guess it was never the caffeine. I probably was just trying to find a different reason other than the "real reason", i guess. =0

Drew, if you really want to compile my poems and add it as a link to my page, sure. =) don't forget to check my ujournal page, too, since there are also some there. =)

What else do i have to say? Hmmm.... I am sleepy.... ZzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ........................

Tomorrow, classes start again. I am somewhat excited, yet also unsure of myself, unsure of what to expect. I am afraid of something, that is for sure.

I still have regrets, and still look forward to things going as in the good old days.... I yearn for what was so great, yet i think it will never come back, or at least not at the moment....

Tomorrow will be a big day, not just me, but also for a lot of people facing up to the challenge of a new life, or of a new beginning to one's character building as one searches for oneself and improves oneself. I am, in a way, trying to improve myself.

Oh, and tomorrow is also my brother's birthday. He is so irritating to be with at times, but I just love it when he just listens to me when i just blabber about my worries. And he can make me laugh, as long as we don't end up fighting... =)

I hope that we all find something new and something good in ourselves to cultivate. I hope that each one of us find something different in their lives and in their world. I hope that we find what we want with our lives, our dreams, and aspirations, that will help us find contentment and happiness, more so of joy, in our lives. I pray that each one of us find ourselves, and stop being lost. But most of all, i hope that we love ourselves, just as we would love others, and in the process end up loving others as we love ourselves: sincerely, wholeheartedly and unconditionally.

See yah! =)

i forgot to upload this "completed" set of poems that i composed from Kevin Kern's songs.

Here they all are again::::


Blossom of the Wind
Hiding from the light
Looking through your eyes
divine
Looking back at me
What now do you see of me

You are standing there
Despite my sorrow
Cannot face my life
Cannot face you at all

Blossoms in the wind
To smile
To laugh
To live
Is hard

To love
To stay
To be silent
Oh, why

Look at the evening sky
To an infinite world
Blankly living a life
Even that of my own

Not to see you mine
To live with memories gone
To live each day
With you gone, alone

How do I
Stay the same
How do I
Continue to live this way

Where are you
Where do I go
Where do I stay
Where do I stand
Alone in the dark
Listening to the wind
Blossoms of your voice
Singing with the wind
Goodbye
Farewell
Is this how it should go
With the wind
Amiss tomorrow
In a world filled with shadows


Through your eyes
How I see you smile
Whenever you are with me
Having the fun of our lives

Thinking of the past
Of memories etched in my heart
How they come back
To me now

In your eyes I see
Your love was so free
In my heart I feel
What it is to love

Living life as it should be
Missing your smile
your love
you

Look at you now
How far have you gone
Leaving me alone
Where we began

Here you are
Just in front of me
But in the present
I am the past

Looking at you
I still feel lost
Lost in the depths of your eyes

You are the cradle of my heart
Holding what was
And still is joy

You are me
Hoping to find a way
But I found my way
In you

But living today
I must strive to live
As I did
Whenever I look into your eyes
As I did when I look into your eyes
Into your eyes


Childhood Remembered

In my childhood
I remember
How it was not to be loved

To be there for each other
Was all that I ever want

To love as if there is nothing
Can ever separate the world

How I wish that I was back to then
To leave this lonely heart behind

Oh, how I wish of those times of innocence
To be free of these questions
To leave behind a world of sadness
To find where my heart belonged

To see the world with such gladness
And not think of the world alone
To love and see life in its greatness
To leave nothing alone

(violins)

And here in the depths of the enveloping darkness
To look for where it once was
To find myself in the corners
Of a dark, empty room

To see what it was in the world
That I thought I grew to belong
To find the meaning of what love and life is
Despite not feeling that I belong

To find what life is
And to long
For what I wanted
To belong


The Silence of knowing

Knowing you are here
Sitting beside me
I felt what it
Was to love

To see you happy despite trials
To see you do your best every and all the time

I see you with me
singing melodies
Always being the one strong

That even in your darkness
You chose to
to stand
Do What you want

The silence of knowing
You and Your life
Of your love
And the world you live in

To see you
Be the best that life has given
That you can be
to live out your life as you want

Knowing you love me
Would make life perfect
To see the beauty in life

I will do anything
Not too lose
But too much
pushed you away

The silence of knowing
That I still love you
even if
You are far away

To know that you are happy
Despite away from me
I will try to be
Happy for you always

To see you up
And doing things in life
I hope that I
Can live it up

To be still there
For you
When you need
Just in case
I will come


Above the clouds

The world around us
Vast and untamed
The sky
A deep blue
As oceans are

Trees in the darkness
Stand high
And proud
Green and old today
Stands still for the time to come
Despite all that may come

To be alive now
To be what one can be
To find what it is in life
finding answers never to come

Above the clouds
So high, so light
Seeing the world
In a different light

I saw your wonder
And loved you whole

To love and to cherish
To be there when you need me
To give my life for you
To be just with you

To love you wholely
To love all
To stay despite hate
To love all and all
All about you, even your bad

Above the clouds
In the light of ever
Seeing you
And nothing else
I am blind to fall in love
To love you and none
For you are
The flower
In these eyes of mine
To know to love


Bathed in Dawn’s Light

The sun
Rising above the horizon
Giving light
To the darkness

Giving warmth to the freezing cold
To give hope
To a heart that longs

To shine
To guide us
To bring what it was
That was hidden

To be the start
Of a beautiful day

Bathed in dawn’s light
Your loved showered my soul with all the warmth and
Life became so brand new
And life was so true

You have brought light
To my darkness
Inside my soul

You are the light of all things
In my life no one comes like so
How can you just come and go
Leaving me, with memories of you

To love
To cry
To hurt
And even to die

Living anew
To see the dawn again tomorrow

Light you are to me
Even in the darkness I am in again.

To look for you in my hurt heart
To look for love
But you push me away
To give back what was not for you

To be alive
For oneself
To live


From this day forward

I will change now
Change for you
To become better
A person for you
To fix what’s in me
That destroys what we had
We had before

To love you
And to care for you
Will never change
As long as you’re you
I know I did wrong
and I must change
To make you
Proud of me
To talk to me
Just the way you use to
To hear your voice call out my name
To find the time again for us to be friends
And to keep you as my friend forever
To be a friend, as I ought to be

From this day forward
I will still love you
To be a better person
To be there for you
To be, what I have not been
A friend, that you can lean on
A friend, that will never change
Despite the distance and the time
To be a friend and also yours always in time
To be with you when you need me.

There are times I miss you
But I must pay for what I have done
But I hope and pray
That time will come for us
To be friends
To be together
Forever
From this day forward
I will change for you
And your love


A secret grove

Under the moonlight
Thinking about you
Of all the times
We’ve been together

Dreaming of joy
For one and all
Never thinking
Of what may go wrong

In my secret grove of dreams
I found
What I want
most in my life

I found that you are
What my life means to me
That you are
The world to me
My world to me

In my secret grove
I can now see you
Despite the time
And the distance

We share the memories
Of what had been
But then I am just
In my dreams

In my own secret grove…

(instrumental)

Even in the dark
I am happy
Knowing that life
Can go this way

I am just like a kid
Looking forward to a dream
Loving life, as I thought it would be to me

In my secret grove
I dream of you
I dream of life
Knowing that I lived it

To love and care
For the people I love
And to be there
When they’re down

In my own secret grove…

To be there for you
Forever
To love you
Ever and ever


Fantasia’s lullaby

Friend Goodnight
Friend Sweet dreams
Are my wishes for you tonight

Hope you’re fine
Always alright
Doing just fine

I am here
Just for you
Waiting for you here
In this world of mine
And sing fantasia’s lullaby

Lullaby
To a deep slumber
A song of my dreams

Lullaby
Sang by your own voice
Bringing me to my dreams

I miss you
Even in dreams
Looking for you just there

When can I
Learn to smile
And be just the one to sing

Lullaby
And Goodnight
Looking forward to see you in my dreams
To say that I love you still
To be there for you still

In my dreams
I have you
With me here
And we are
Happy and
I just continue to dream
Through your lullaby goodnight


A Gentle Whisper

Silently
Just watching you live
In a place
Far off from you

I live
Knowing I still love you
Knowing that
And still knowing not

What just am I
to do to live this life of mine
To look forward to
Today with you

What a life would it be without you
Without even giving you
A gentle whisper
Saying that I love you
That I love you still
That I love you still

In my silence
I miss you
Where you are far off from me
I miss you
You live,
You sing
You smile
You light up my life

And I cope
To find a way
To reach you
Even if through just
A gentle whisper
To say all I want
And just feel happy

A gentle whisper
To tell you that I love you
That I care for you
Even if you don’t
That I live for you still
Despite just all not seen
That nothing is nothing at all
For a gentle whisper now.
Is all I want to give you

A gentle whisper
I love you
Still
my love

At last, am online again. =) Woke up late this morning, by 1235pm. =0

Anyway, here was what i wrote on my "travel journal" while in China:::::
12/24/2002 (Tuesday)
-left home in the Philippines by 6 am
-dropped Ate Remy off at Pandacan
-went to pick up Aunt Gloria at her home at Pasay
-was quiet during the travel to the airport.
-arrived at airport by 7-730am. Met my Hubert’s (my sister’s ex-boyfriend) mom, who facilitated the issuance of our boarding passes. Bought wine for relatives in China, boarded plane by 9am something.
-arrived at Xiamen, China, by 11am then ate lunch (I ate congee with century egg and oyster cake; we already ate at the plane, but we still ate at an airport restaurant when we landed at the airport because it was paid for.)
-checked in again for connecting flight to Shanghai. Boarded plane by 1:25pm.
-arrived at Shanghai by 2:50pm. We entered the wrong gate/entrance, therefore we ended up at the wrong luggage claim area and were wondering about our luggage for about an hour. We then asked around, and found our luggage already together at an airport office, then we heard, while inquiring, that our tour guide were asking about passengers from Xiamen, but then one of the airport people said that we could probably have left because it has already been long. So, anyway, with our baggage, we were looking for a phone so that we could call a certain Ms. Tan in Xiamen to help us out(we already met her at Xiamen). But while walking around, we suddenly bumped into our tour guide. It was already 4pm then. He was holding some sort of banner with our tour’s name as he was going pass us. My sister suddenly got his attention and then we were led to the bus that will be taking us to the hotel. We were lucky to have found him, or else we would be taking a taxi to the hotel (therefore an added expense). It wasn’t entirely our fault, but still we(my sister and I) did hear someone shouting that people who came from Xiamen should go to the left. But since my dad and mom didn’t hear it, they went straight into another entrance after alighting that brought us from the plane to the airport; we(my sister, brother, aunt and I) just followed them, and therefore the mix up. But my dad was saying that the airport should have had some sort of system like those showing the way for passengers to go to which gate should have some placards pointing to where, or they should also say it in English and that they should use a bullhorn so that passengers can hear it loud and clear.
-4:55pm, am right now in the bus – “taking notes” – while on the way to the hotel. Feeling like a reporter or something, writing about one’s trip. =)
-cool, 5 degrees centigrade. Mama didn’t bring the fleece. But I guess we will survive. =)
-having braces on my teeth still hurts, but not as much as it did from the 21st to the 23rd. I kind of got used to it already, though I can’t really bite anything yet today, but I got used to just “swallowing” what I eat. This is my 3rd day with my braces on.
-6pm. Just arrived at the hotel (Ramada Plaza Hotel) and are now joined by 9 other people (another family) from the Philippines that came before we did. We are now on our way to a restaurant to eat dinner (I don’t know what I will eat, but anyway…). But of course, there is traffic here too. =0 =)
-arrived at the restaurant, but must take elevator to the 12th floor. Literally “pushed” into the elevator.
-for somebody who can’t really chew, I ate a lot! =)
-walked about Nanjing Road but did mostly window shopping at the shopping centers that lined that Road from 8-9pm. I didn’t get to buy anything, yet.
-9pm, went back to hotel

12/25/2002 (Wednesday)
-woke up by 6am. Done by 7am. Ate breakfast of 2 bowls congee and omelet, and drank apple juice, water and fresh milk.
-heard that it was 1 degree centigrade, and that it snowed where we were going – Jade Buddha Temple. When we went out of the hotel, you could “see” your breath, as we did last night. Was shivering due to the cold.
-am at the bus right now. Starting to get dizzy. Left the hotel by 830am.
-by 910am, arrived at the Jade Buddha temple. Terribly cold. Have to zip my jacket close, but it was still very cold due to the wind. Walked at the temple grounds for an hour.
-thought of this: Letting go doesn’t mean that you can already move on. One doesn’t need to completely forget to move on, because memories remembered makes life sweet, and bitter, as well as lets us know that we lived our life.
-the others’ faces are somewhat red or pink; mine just remained white. It is also funny on how I, who felt so cold, have the warmest hand in the family.
-slept while on the bus, and woke up wanting to go to go to the CR. Arrived at a store selling pearls. Left the shop by 12 noon.
-1230pm, arrived at the restaurant. I ate a lot for someone whose teeth still hurts. =)
-walked to Yu/Pan Garden. Was so cold still, 0 degree Centigrade. Freezing. Feet hurt.
-went back to bus after an hour or so of walking. Arrived at a French colonial place that is transformed into a place full of posh restaurants. My tummy doesn’t feel okay.
-450pm, arrived at the hotel and went straight to the bathroom… left hotel by 510pm.
-ate dinner from 545pm to 630pm.
-was brought to the harbor to go for a boat ride, but once arriving there, we have to walk a kilometer or so to reach that place where we will be boarding the boat. At the boat, we were looking at the night scenery for an hour. My brother and I went to the roofless upper deck because, as the others said, the view was clearer and better up there. I just love the water….
-after the boat ride, we were on the bus and were taken on another ride to see the same scenery. Weird, right? I was in my own world of thoughts during that time anyway and continued to be in that place until we arrived at the hotel by 940pm.
-slept by 11pm.

12/26/2002 (Thursday)
-woke by 7am; done by 8am.
-930am, went with our family friend Mr. Kogane from Japan, to the Taiyo Kikai Shanghai branch (Koganesan works at the Tokyo branch; he flew from Tokyo to just show us around at the Shanghai branch of the company). Their factory is clean, and we toured the place for almost an hour, and I kept on asking a lot of questions. Taiyo Kikai supplies my parents’ business with the machines up to now; we don’t buy much of the new machines, but we do need parts of the machines for replacements.
-12noon, ate lunch.
-by 1:30pm or 2pm, were at a shopping center with optical shop so that my mom’s eyeglasses can be fixed. My mom ended up buying a new frame, but we had to wait for 2 more hours, so we told Koganesan that he can leave us at the shopping center and we will just take a taxi back to the hotel. At first, he was hesitant, but when we told him that we will call him once we arrive at our hotel, he agreed. So, up to 530pm, we were window shopping. But I did buy 5 Stephanie Sun CDs, hair clips and scarves.
-left the shopping center by 545pm. Arrived at our hotel by 650pm.
-Koganesan arrived at the hotel by 740pm; he wanted to eat dinner with us. We went to a nearby restaurant at a nearby department store. We ate Japanese food. Finished eating dinner by 10pm. Koganesan planned on paying for the tab, but we were ahead of him by leaving my sister’s credit card with the cashier for our table. =)

12/27/2002 (Friday)
-dreamt last night that I was in DLSU. Drew and the gang were there as well as Joanne Yao. We were all together. They decided to go to Robinson’s place. At first I said that I would also go. Then when I saw and heard that Joanne will also go, I then decided and said that I will wait for them all at school. Then, as if shifting from one place to another, I was at another position from Joanne, but still seeing Joanne when she said that I should go. She said, “Sama ka.”. And then I woke up; it was 550am then.
-left the hotel by 838am, 23 minutes later of the agreed time of departure of 815am, due to an accusation that we “took” 4 minibar glasses. I was infuriated! How could it be us who took it when I didn’t even know how it looked like; I didn’t even know that there were four glasses! Sheesh. We left the hotel, not paying them for the glasses since we didn’t take it or break it. We even told them to check our baggage to prove our innocence. Of course, the hotel management didn’t even dare to check the baggage because it is out of place to do that to their customers.
-850am, on the bus on our way to HangZhuo.
-stopped at an old village-like place called WuZhan. Then went for lunch at a nearby restaurant.
-from 1:30pm to 4pm, we rode the bus to HangZhou. At the hotel, we were given time to rest from the trip and left the hotel again by 530pm.
-ate dinner, then went to a shopping center. Stayed there for an hour.
-arrived at the hotel by 845pm. Went to the Business Center to go use a computer and check my email. Was online until 1040pm.

12/28/2002 (Saturday)
-dreamt last night that Jo Yao and Lizette Sevilla was waiting for me outside of a room at Gokongwei. Crawled out to them after class. Then stayed at Goks Lobby with them, and we were happy together. But then Jo and Liz needed to go home, and I went with them. But then on my way out, got separated with them, but we were to meet outside. And then I saw a gold-colored cockroach, with wings that seemed like plastic. Anyway, when I got out and saw Jo, I was woken up by my aunt.
-visited Yi Fei’s memorial and went for a boat ride at West Lake by 930am.
-we then went to a silk manufacturing plant and my sister bought clothes, called Khi Pao in Chinese, a Chinese-style dress that became popular late in the last dynasty of China, and the style of which is sometimes used in contemporary fashion
-for lunch, I ate a lot of fish. =)
-then went to temple. I prayed for the good of everyone in the world.
-arrived at a tea plantation by 440pm and left by 545pm.
-ate dinner and left restaurant by 740pm.
-from 743pm to 840pm, was online again at the hotel’s business center’s computer.
-after that, watched tv until midnight.

12/29/2002 (Sunday)
-1005am, arrived at a place near the mountains. If it were unspoiled by the ongoing road construction and if there weren’t much garbage, the place would look great, just like those portrayed in Chinese paintings.
-arrived at a cavern, by 1020am. It started snowing. We went in to the cavern, where it was 18 degrees Centigrade. Once out, it was still snowing. =) Wanted to collect the snow but it melts right away. Took some pictures while the snowflakes was still falling. (This isn’t my first time to see snow though. =) Went to the restaurant nearby for lunch. Beautiful scenery outside the restaurant window.
-after lunch, another bumpy ride and I ended up falling asleep again because I felt dizzy while taking these down while on the bus from 2-345pm. Went for another boat ride; there was no heating system in the boat therefore I was rocking myself back and forth to keep myself warm. But I did enjoy the beautiful scenery. The only thing that destroys the beauty is the garbage floating on the river. My left knee did hurt and I had to keep it warm so that the pain won’t grow worst.
-once back at the bus, I was asleep all through the trip back to Hangzhou. Ate dinner by 5pm when we reached Hangzhou proper and finished eating by 630pm. It was snowing when we got out of the restaurant.
-from 710-810pm, went to a line of small stores where you can bargain for the price. =) did get to buy something. =) was also glad that I was able to bargain with them in Mandarin (I am not that good in speaking and understanding Mandarin, that is why this is a big deal for me. =) ).
-arrived at hotel by 840pm.
-9pm, watched “Cast Away” at HBO. Slept by 1130pm.

12/30/2002 (Monday)
-saw Pamy Tan (DLSU batchmate, ST Major) when I went down for breakfast. =)
-went to a jade shop. My mom bought some lucky charm that were said to bring in money. I asked for one from her. =)
-11am, ate lunch up until 1130am.
-bus ride to the Hangzhou airport from 1140pm to 1pm plus. Boarded plane by 1:40pm, of which was also the departure time. =0
-arrived back at Xiamen by 230pm. Was met by a tour guide. Went for a tour around the city, starting off with the city’s “golden gate”. Arrived at Holiday Inn hotel by 430pm.
-5 to 6pm, dinner.
-back at hotel by 7pm.
-watched movies: Dude, where’s my car; Big Momma’s house, Hollow Man, and Say It Isn’t So.

12/31/2002 (Tuesday)
-watched movie again when I woke up, rerun of Say It Isn’t So.
-we left by 9am, I think, and went for a long ride. We were listening to sentimental songs. And I kept on thinking of a lot of things, I mean a lot about one certain thing…. And I kept on writing those thoughts down into my “journal”.
-arrived at another temple. Then we went for lunch.
-fell asleep on our way to a boat museum. After visiting the museum, was back at the van and fell asleep again ( I guess it is a way for me not to feel dizzy and also to stop myself from “thinking”.)
-245pm, arrived at maternal grandmother’s birthplace. Stayed there until 4pm. We went there to inform them of my grandmother’s death. She passed away November 5, 2000. We were offered to spend a night there, but we couldn’t because we will be leaving tomorrow. Back in the van, I fell asleep again.
-by 5pm, arrived at Tan Ka Kee’s memorial and garden. Walked around again…. This guy built and used up all his money in this memorial and garden. He didn’t leave his riches to his children, telling them that they should earn money themselves. He also built a school, in which the students needn’t pay for tuition. That was then, it is different now that it is run by the government.
-ate dinner from 630pm-8pm.
-9pm to 1045pm, watched Moulin Rouge. Was up until 12midnight, to watch with my aunt CNN to see if there were fireworks, but then we switched to a Chinese channel that showed how they celebrated New year in China of which they only showed one kind of fireworks and that was it. When we switched back to CNN, the segment showing the New Year celebration from different countries was already over. Oh well. There were no fireworks outside our hotel.

1/1/2003 (Wednesday)
-dreamt last night that I was some sort of undercover agent. Kept seeing the initials BW.
-watched “Little Women” at HBO up until 12NN.
-left hotel, arrived at restaurant to eat lunch by 130pm.
-after lunch, went in search of hamsters. Yes, H-A-M-S-T-E-R-S. searched for it until 330pm. We then went to a stone carving place to spend some time while waiting for the hamsters to be brought to us. The guy who was to deliver the hamsters got lost and arrived by 5pm. We should have been at the airport by that time, but since we really wanted the hamsters, we waited for it. We arrived at the airport 530 pm. Checked in, and was on the plane by and before 645pm. We “smuggled” 5 hamsters back to the Philippines, but sadly, three of them died. Out of the three, two of them were much younger hamsters. Probably died due to shock and lack of oxygen despite the holes we have put on the boxes.
-once in the Philippines by 930pm, we went through immigration, then claimed our baggage. When we were picked up by my uncle at the arrival area, we dropped my aunt off at her home at Pasay, then went to deliver a box of chicken for Hubert’s mom. After that, we went to stop over at Arlington. My dad and my uncle went down; my cousin’s wife’s dad just died on December 27, 2002, as I have heard.
-Was home by 1130pm. Was up until 12 something….
-I slept by 1am.


This afternoon, i didn't get to do much. Tonight, i just typed this from what i wrote in my journal. Oh well...

And you know what, guys, i gained 5 pounds! =0 so much for having braces....

Oh well, see you guys at school.