Grace's Mind-it-on-your-own

May 30, 2003 Friday

Last night, i slept by 12 midnight, listening to mp3s. Anyway, i had the following when i did fall asleep.

The dream i was in was set at home. anyway, i was just sleeping, just like in reality. (Last night, before i slept, i ate Cheetos... Cheesy. Yum...) Anyway, that was also something that i did in the dream. And of course, after eating and just listening to mp3s last night in real life, that was also what happened in my dream. Of course, in the dream i didn't dream anything anymore, and then, in the dream, i woke up. i was late again, as always in real life, and i was going to the other room to get some clothes. But then i was so late that i didn't have anytime to change. I just brought my clothes and my stuff to the car, on my way to work or something. My brother and my sister were with me. I was wearing clothes that were for sleeping or for exericising i am not sure. Anyway, i was sitting at the passenger seat up front. I was then looking at my teeth. Wow... it seems like the cheetos that i ate caused my brace's brackets to go loose all over (not just one, but i think almost all of the brackets. [i didn't brush my teeth last night after eating cheetos... go figure...:) ] ), and not only that, with the brackets loose, my teeth were in disarray, and it felt like that if i touch or move my tongue to touch my teeth, that my teeth will fall off. (Yikes, i think that would be anybody's, who has braces, worst nightmare. It is mine; i don't want to lose all my teeth... And if something like the dream happens, it would take longer to have braces on, and i don't want that to happen since i am having my braces to make my teeth look better and to be in much better shape. And then, of course, it would be any orthodontists' worst nightmare, and then my orthodontist would get angry at me, be disappointed, for not taking good care of my teeth.). And with that, i woke up, to the real world. It was 630am then; glad that the dream was just a dream. :) I went back to sleep, and woke up by 710am. (I know, i shouldn't have gone back to sleep when i did wake up by 630am, but then lazy old me wanted some more sleep, sleep that caused me in a way to wake up late and have to hurry up getting a bath and after that eating breakfast and then going to the station. But i did get to the office on time today, at exactly 8:59am, office time. ) :)

Anyway, when i did arrive at the Ayala Station this morning, on my way to exit the station, I saw Boogie on his way to ride the northbound train, for Ortigas. I was really surprised to see him, i thought that it wasn't him. I looked at his face a second time, and being sure that it was him, called out his name. When he saw me, we waved to each other, with the matching "i-am-surprised-as-well-as-glad-to-see-you" smile. I then asked if he was on his way to work and he said that he is, and he asked me the same question, and with me answering the same thing, that i am on my way to work. With that, we waved and said goodbye to each other. I felt happy seeing him, a friend, unexpectedly, at the station, as i have seen other people unexpectedly for the past few weeks. :) but i did really feel a happy and warm feeling inside, and i smiled, all the way, as i walked towards Enterprise tower from Ayala Station, and am still smiling now. (Just imagine, he was just in my dream the other night, and now, we see each other. :)) (Do i have a crush on him, i don't know. but i do know that he is a nice friend, as he has already been to me.) :)

agenda for the day: blog, check e-mail, and not to forget to go buy Mrs. Fields Cookies for my mom. Also, upload May 29,2003 blog, and try to understand the UPDATE code that Marivic had added into the project i was working on. :) [so that i know what i will do, with regards to updating, in the future. ;)]

It is funny how i have a dreamed of boogie just this past Tuesday night. i then didn't remember my dream the night after that. But i do remember last night's (Thursday night's) dream. and then suddenly seeing Boogie at the station.

Oh, JL Mendoza texted me this when Boogie probably arrived at their office:

"ei, nakita ka daw ni Boogie.. mag-isa ka lang nagcomute?! himala! hehe :) ingats :)"
~JL Mendoza, 9:02am

hehe :)

Faridah and Marivic arrived sometime by 10am. By then, i have checked my mail, typing this journal, and was checking the project that i was working on that they were updating yesterday. I did see some minor bugs and made the necessary changes and additions to the code to debug those errors. Now, 11:10am, i am not doing anything again except for this journal entry typing again. I already made the necessary changes that i can, without disrupting the flow of the code that they have added over my original code(it would be easier for me to see and discern if there are any changes made.). The other major changes, they will be working on, so i leave it to them. (Though i didn't get to see the code for UPDATE,but that's alright, i will do it later. :) [glad that both the computer and the laptop that we are using are available today, so that i wouldn't feel out of place not doing anything, and i enjoy typing my journal because it would be easier to edit, and there wouldn't be a need to type the written entry, right? :) ]

It is nice that i have been able to live with myself for the past month, and not being really depressed at all. I again found that i can live my life being with people, and not being with the people that matters to me, that i can continue on if i really put my mind into it and did my best to understand the other people, and to really love unconditionally. Because despite the distance, i think if you really love the people that you love, it wouldn't matter to you if they will remember you or not, but rather, it is the enduring relationship that you both have and that you can continue to have to do so despite the distance, and still get to grow with each other at that time, and also continue on with the growth when you get to be with each other, easily adapting to changes one sees in another, and still feeling that nothing really changed at all because the feeling between the two of you are mutual, doesn't really change, but grows, and continues to live on despite everything else that you might think might destroy/weaken it. :) This is how it is with me and my bestfriend, but despite us not seeing each other much, and not talking to each other much, we still feel at ease when we are together, feeling the nothing really changed at all; we still feel the closeness, the bond that ties us together, and we are comfortable, easily adapting to changes that we have both undergone and are still going through. We still enjoy talking to each other even after being away from each other for so long, and we are still not at lost for words or things to talk about. BUt if we do become silent, we do enjoy our "silent" time, that even without talking, the presence of each other is enjoyed. :) I hope Joanne and I would be like that as well when we do get to see each other on a more consistent basis this coming second term. :) Of course, she couldn't replace me and Daph's bond, because it is another relationship. :) but Daph did say that she wanted to meet Jo since she thinks that Jo's nice and that i wouldn't persevere to keep my friendship with Jo if i didn't think Jo and my friendship is worth it; Daph said that she believes that i fight for my relationships, especially for my friends. :) I hope that they do get to meet each other. I hope that they could, on my birthday this year. :) [it is going to be a friday. hmmm...]

Speaking of birthdays, Daphne's birthday is coming up: June 29. I still don't know what i am going to give her, something that is simple, something that she wouldn't get, but would still be useful to her and would have profound meaning to the both of us. :)

I do feel somewhat sleepy... I dunno. :) Funny how my sister leaves her big teddy bear with me starting Monday night. i guess she didn't like anything bulky on her bed, but she does like the teddy bear,but i guess she is not used to having a crowded bed, compared to my bed when you do get to see it. It wasn't hard for me to sleep on my bed with two pillows, the big teddy bear, the bolster thing, stuff toys(10 at most), the pillow faces of Hello Kitty and garfield, smaller pillows, totalling 4, two heart-shaped pillows(one mine, the other my sisters), and another bolster shaped like a paint holder(toothpaste-container shape). Now imagine those on a single bed (my bed and my sister's bed are twin beds; one person for each bed). And i do enjoy hugging the teddy bear when i sleep. :)

Oh, and i'll get to go to the Jubilee Evangelical Church this Sunday(i graduated high school from Jubilee Christian Academy), because my brother has to go there for Relstwo Parish Involvement and he asked me to go with him. (It is no problem with me; i did offer him that i will go with him if he decides to go there for parish involvement. :) and i do like attending the Sunday service. And I do get to see some of my friends. :),high school batchmates, to be exact.) :) Yes!!! :)

1135am, Marivic and Faridah decides to go down for lunch. I will follow a little later. :) Since i have a mission from my mom today: locate Mrs. Fields at GB1 and then reserve the order of four cans of their delicious cookies since my mom and dad will be bringing them to Isabela with them to give to their long-time friend, who is also the mother of the guy who is my mom's godson (i think). And my parents would be the Ninong and Ninang(principal sponsors) in that guy Ryan's Wedding. :)

May 29, 2003 Thursday

830am
at office. checked e-mail.

953am
Farids arrived.
1020am
Marivic arrived.

(from 830am-1020am, i was just checking mail and reading on news on astronomy posted on the net. after that, i let them use the computer and make the necessary changes. Didn't have anything much to do, so i copied down the hiragana katakana writings on my lunchbox and tried reading them out.)

1110am
not doing anything. Just writing hiragana and katakana. wasting ink. better that rather than staring at the wall and zoning out.

12nn
lunch

1230pm
surf net, read up on news on astronomy at www.universetoday.com

(sleepy, from not doing anything, and head starting to throb. grr...)

230pm
Joey, one of the office staff, asked me to sort out entires for a certain project an dlocation. At least this is something to do. My head throbs painfully when i am not doing anything. During lunch, i told Ana (the admin) how i am not doing anything; she said something about the staff being shy to ask me to do things. Is it because i am chinese? and then right now, when JOey asked me to do something, he called me Ma'm Grace, but then after that he just called me Grace. Whew. :)

6pm.
from that time onward, i didn't do anything again, and was jsut staring at the wall, feeling sleepy, and just doodling. Went down to the lobby by 430pm and ate Hungarian sausage from Oliver's Sandwiches. Back upstairs by 520pm. Left by 6pm. Arrived at Ayala station, mrt crowded with people(well, for the past 3 days, i always left the ayala station by 7pm, and it was less crowded. i forgot that i am going home early today. :) ). arrived at north avenue station by 705pm. My mom, dad and sister arrived at the station by 720pm to fetch me. Instead of going home, we were going to go to the Katipunan Avenue branch of Mrs. Fields to buy cookies; my mom didn't call to order or reserve so when we arrived at the location, we found out that the Ms. Fields branch there is not there anymore. OH well, my sister said that there are also Mrs. Fields branches at Glorietta4, Greenbelt1 and Shangri-La, and that we could go there right there and then. But then my mom said that she is already hungry and so we decided to go home. They just told me to go buy 4 cans on my way home, but of course i should also go to g4 or gb3 to reserve those 4 cans by lunch, and to tell the person there that i will be just picking it up after work. I knew that that was coming. :)

Once home, being just a few days before the month end, i did the counting of my expenses for the months of april and may. I started by 830pm, after dinner. i was done by 9pm, but then i was still counting something else, and i ended up finishing by 945pm. I was suppose to call Jo Yao up to ask about Ad's Lavender Cd. OH well, i will call her tomorrow then. And then by 10pm, i started typing out this entry. :) Oh, and i got a nice desktop wallpaper from www.universetoday.com. Look it up at that site. It is nice. :) It is a jpeg file picture taken by the hubble telescope; it is under one of the headlines for the month of May.... when you get to the main page, just click on the links at the lower part of the page where you see the MORE HEADLINES link, and then just look through. It would most probably be in the next 2 to 3 pages. it is located somewhere at the top of the page, and it is made for two resolutions:1024X768 and 800x600. :)

Che, am not really that hardworking or something. :) the office employees were going in to work, which means we have to go to work as well. that's was why i went to the office still despite the rain. (If i were in school and knew that there were no classes, then i wouldn't even bother to wake up for a few more hours.

Again, am at office. Hungry, but i would like to wait until 12nn before i eat. It is just 20 minutes anyway. (Though my tummy is really grumbling already, and my groupmates already went ahead to eat outside..) well, i arrived early today, 830am, since i went with my brother to school, then the driver drove me straight to the office. Did nothing really, just checked my mail and such. When Marivic and Faridah arrived(Ruzzel didn't come in, again.), i let them used the computer since there is only one around that is assigned for us. they didn't mind me anymore, so i kept myself busy by practicing on the hiragana and katakana writing of mine. And when i was really out of words to write in japanese, i went on to write Chinese characters, writing on how hungry i am already and such. Oh well.... :)

Here is the May 23, 2003 entry, and the May 22, 2003 entry as well....

Yes, it is a Friday. :) But then, once the weekend end, then it is all back to Monday. Oh well, at least we can get over with the three weeks already. :)

My sister, her friend and I is suppose to watch the movie tonight, but then she told me last night that they will be watching on Saturday instead. Fine with me. :) Get home early today and relax so that i wouldn't be sleepy while in the gym tomorrow.

Since I started work, i always sleep in. I do hear the alarm clock, but i would always hit the snooze button, and sleep some more until more is more than enough, and i am behind schedule. I am always lucky that once i get out of the house, the driver is already waiting for me, and drives me to the North Avenue Station, reaching the station by 8am. Of course, after that, i would be taking the Mrt, then walk from Ayala Station to the office. So far, this week, i was late on Wednesday, by 10 minutes. But that is all for this week. :)

5 hours and 32 minutes to go.

And i have nothing to do anymore. I can't think of anything else to do. I have been on some code since 9 am up until now. And right now, i don't want to add anything anymore, because the program just gets more complex and complex everytime, and it is harder and harder to find the bug. So far, this week, we worked more on debugging our project applications.

Marivic sort of is trying to be civil with me; her face has that of look in which it is trying to convey that she might be "angry" or something, and i don't know, but that she still wants to be civil. We don't talk unless need be. Oh well. I think that perhaps that she thought of what i said as a direct attack on her as i thought what her said to be a direct attack on me. My fault...

16 minutes to go before 12nn.

trying to test and debug program...

5 minutes to go, and they went ahead. marivic did tell me that they will be going first, to eat their lunch somewhere. Ruz didn't come in this morning. Will she come this afternoon? Oh Well...
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12:08 pm, Kat Tan (Joanne Yao's friend) texted me to tell me that they are having lunch at Enterprise Tower's Foodcourt. :) I am glad that she did. I just finished eating lunch then when i got the message. I went down as soon as i have finished and went down to the foodcourt called the FoodPark. :) They told me that they were at a table near the Jollibee stand. :)

Well, Diane cabrera, Natalie Eblamo, Katrina Tan, Lizzette Sevilla, Michelle Concepcion and Joanne Yao were there. :) I just went over to seat with them, since i already ate. I am really glad to see them again, more or less i got to enjoy myself with company that i enjoy being with. :) They were just talking about their workplace and such, about guys, about the Meteor Garden series being shown at ABS-CBN and such. :) I just listened to their chattering, enjoying myself being around the people that i know. It would really be nice to go to OJT with your friends; i mean, ruz, faridah, and Marivic enjoy being together because they are friends way back then. Probably one reason why i don't really enjoy though not really hate the OJT is that i am not with somebody, or with some friends. But i am really glad that when they met with each other here (liz, kat, jo, diane, nats and mich), they didn't forget to inform me about it, and they made me feel part of their group,in a way, though i am not up-to-date with their gossips about each other's life because this is something they keep to their own group, but still, they do their best to make me feel at home with them, to be comfortable with them, and i am comfortable with them, and i hope that they are comfortable with me too. :) Anyway, by 1245pm, they had to go down; I think Lizette was the last one to finish. :) Anyway, they asked me where i worked and such, what floor, what company etc... On their way out, i walked them to the door where they will be exiting, and of course after that, i went up already. :) What else can i do, right? :) But while we were on the escalator going down, i told them that i was glad that they texted me, and that i am glad that we got to see each other again, and that i miss school already. With that, at the ground floor, they had to go, and we said our goodbyes. Once out of the door(leading to the ayala ave, opposite the door where people who work or come to enterprise with cars and drivers come in), Mitch and Jo went to the right, towards Ayala, and Diane, Nats, Kat and Liz went towards Dela Rosa st.. It is really nice, to see familiar faces, where you feel comfortable to be with, to be with friends who like you and enjoy your presence, as you do enjoy being with them. :)
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four hours and 30 minutes to go. Am thinking of using multi-dimensional arrays instead for putting temporary data before any saving is done. the ADODC is posing as a major threat to our project's success. Hoping this works.
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four hours to go. I thought that Marivic would be much better after lunch, but i was wrong. She still treats me on a "when-needed-to-talk-lang" basis. Anyway, probably that's probably they see me now...
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three hours and 33 minutes to go. Typing this code as leisurely as i could. This code that i am typing, i will modify as soon as it works as is. :) Don't wanna rush. Just wanna enjoy myself, although i know that i might end up finishing less, but at least making the most out of the time, without being idle.
If i don't finish this today, then i can do or continue this on Monday. Monday, May 26, oh, how i wish i am going to be in school with Drew and the gang and the rest of Goks.
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245pm Just like this morning, the laptop suddenly turned off when the full battery light was lighted green and the half full battery was lighted and blinking red. It just suddenly turned off by itself. I think the batteries full or that it was running on batteries despite it being plugged in, and then reaching the battery empty level. and everytime i try to turn it on, it would start but then turn itself off again. I almost did that in 5 minutes. AFter nothing happened, I stopped out of shame for having to do it over and over again, and i just left the laptop off. After a while, i guess, i tried turning ti on, and suddenly it turned on. Weird, right?

And this is what happened again right now, that is why i am jsut writing this. I hope that the text file named May 23, 2003.txt that i saved was the most recent one(with the typing leisurely entry), and that i have to retype everything in that formarray thing vb program, and redo everything that was not saved(this is sort of the best way to use time and waste time at the same time). I will wait for a few minutes; probably by 3pm, to see if the laptop would work again ( i am sort of waiting for the battery to drain again so that it will charge again or something like that.). I did the "turning-on-the-laptop" a while ago; the OS would start momentarily but then turn off again. I did this more than a couple of times. No use for it now; I just have to wait then, like i did this morning.

Oh, by the way, Ruz didn't come to work again today(probably spent the night out late with friends of hers, after they watched Matrix Reloaded). And then, Marivic doesn't really talk with me yet, doing her best to be civil and such. They could have borrowed my pen a while ago, as they always used to, but then today, they went over to Ate Ana, the Admin person, to ask if they could borrow a pen. Trying not to mind me at all, I guess, as long as they can; sort of "if i can not mind you at all, i will not mind you, unless really needed."

Trying to check the again, and no use. :( Oh, I remembered what Liz was saying about Nats sleeping most of the time at work, especially when not doing anything(why, of course). :) Wished i could do that, but I'm the only Chinese here, and better set an example to them, as well as to myself. 2 hours and 54 minutes to go before the 3rd week(of OJT work) ends. Went to the washroom. Back at the office, tried turning the laptop on again. NOthing happens. 2 hours and 37 minutes more to go. Just writing my plans for the array thing. 2 hours and 25 minutes to go. Still not done planning, and laptop still not working; 2 hours and 12 minutes. Planning in progress; 2 hours to go. Still doing the program flow or the algorithm on paper since the laptop still won't work; one hour and 47 minutes to go. I think i just finished writing down the algorithm in English statements; tried turning on the laptop, to no avail. One hour and 38minutes to go(now 422pm)

Sometimes, i feel that they are just helpless gals(my groupmates), needing help in such and such, sometimes to the point of being really dumb, thinking that something can be so easy when they really don't know about the complexity and assuming that everything is easy (435pm)

Just practicing hiragana and katakana writing, now 455pm. One hour and 5 minutes to go. Now one hour to go, but more or less 55 minutes left; i use up 5 minutes to put in the laptop into its proper place. Nothing to do anymore. The people are relaxing a little now, grouping together near the entrance of the office; 50 minutes to go. I guess i am afraid of starting to relax, because Marivic and Faridah are still doing something since their computer is still working; the laptop that I am using still won't start. I didn't ask for help in fixing it since 245pm because it gave me time to plan on the array thing. And i think i only wasted 1 hour and 38 minutes today, before the day ends. I didn't want to go asking the guy who sort of manages the laptop we use when he is busy doing something and we are 3 hours and 15 minutes away from 6pm; and if we are to take into consideration that i am idle for 1 hour and 38 minutes, then asking him to fix the laptop when he still has something to do, i think what he has to do is more worthwhile of his 1 hour and 38 minutes before 6pm, than trying to fix the laptop. He can fix it after 6pm, I guess. 43 minutes... CR... Got back, laptop still won't work. 27 mins....

found out that Marivic wasn't feeling good today. ANyway, when they were leaving by 6pm, they sort of told me that we go out already.
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laptop never did work. Befor i went home, i told the guy what happened, and he told me that the laptop always did have a power supply problem. Oh well... :)


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ay 22, 2003 Thursday

One more day of work and it is the weekends again. :)

I did something somewhat "productive". :) I got this VB code from the net a few days back, and downloaded it into the other computer, which my groupmates are using. Well, i tried out the other code for the past few days but since the image didn't load and such, i kind of lost hope for that and just resigned it to God to help us out. But today, i kind of remembered this zip file of that vb code that i downloaded and copied it to my floppy to try it on the laptop at the office that i am usually using. The code that i got shows the drives and the files in that drive. If you double click the file,it would open the file using the appropriate program. Well, it works, and i experimented on it, thinking of how i would integrate it to our code. Well, i removed the part where there is a need to choose what file to open, and i then i made some simple changes, stating that i want this certain file to be opened, and added this code to the project we are working. Ta-dah! It works. :) Yehey! I thought that i wouldn't understand the code, but then after reading through, i thought, "Hey! That wasn't hard enough. :) I understood the code since i am able to make changes and still have it work. :)". Of course there were some bugs to fix so that our project would work well with that piece of code, but then, i was able to debug it. Yippee! :)

And so I shared this little discovery with my groupmates, showing it to Marivic, demonstrating our project with that piece of code integrated into our project and is working properly. Well, she asked for it and then they tried it out on their pc. I explained to them how that piece of code works and such. But then they tried it out on their computer and well, oohed and aahed as if they have never seen anything like it in the world, and i felt a little frustrated on how they need to check the code out, telling me that they will try to "explore/navigate" through the code on their own, when i have already explained how it works, and having shown them how it works properly. anyway, i just let them be; what else can i do when i don't want to be at odds with my groupmates, right? Anyway, when they have finished navigating and integrated the code into another project of ours that needs that code as well, they told me that the code that i found works; well this made me feel at ease, sort of happy that my efforts, even how small it was, was seen, is used and is useful to our project and is appreciated. :)

And there again, i am not doing anything right now except to write/type this journal entry up. :)

and its now 1145am and they are off to lunch at Landmark.
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Am off to lunch as well by 12 NN. And then, i ate lunch is more less just 10 minutes. Fast, huh? :) I don't have anybody to talk to, so i preoccupied with eating my lunch and that's all. :) I used the rest of my time to surf the net and was glad to have read this article on ripping audio cd files for mp3. :)
Visit this link: http://autofeed.msn.co.in/clippath2/computingAppCentralclip1.asp?showid=1

Right now, i am waiting for my groupmates to arrive. 4 hours and 54 minutes to go before the day ends.
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4 hours and 37 minutes.
And my groupmates have arrived.
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And there's still nothing to do right now. They were saying something about training us on other things, but then, they can't do so right now because they are so busy with other things. And what they ask us to do are more on filing and organizing things. And aside from that, there is nothing more to do. I do have the laptop here, but the updated program/project is at the computer my groupmates are using, and they are working on the project they asked me to do on that computer.

they are now checking the program that i sort of made. They were encountering errors, so i had to help out since i did most of the coding. When i wanted to point out something and talk, marivic said that i keep my voice down, that i don't shout. the truth is, i wasn't even shouting; and i felt agitated when she told me to keep my voice down, so i told them that i am not shouting, that i am not angry and that they also laughed as loud as she thinks i am talking loudly now. With that, she shut up; i didn't want her to shut up with her opinions with the program, but after that, she was sort of afraid to voice out her opinions when she shouldn't be at all. I mean, they have a right to voice out their questions on why the program is like this and like that so that the proper changes can be made. Marivic would always asked me what i think, after i told them that they laughed as loud as they thought i talked loud, and kind of didn't want to give her point anymore on how to have only this one button and that. I don't want to be against them or something. And i don't want to feel bad or anything. I am doing my best to get along, despite my very aggressive nature still; i am trying to change, am i not? I am just pointing out something, that they laughed and talked loudly when the three of them are huddled together, as they think i talked out loud when i am voicing out my ideas or opinions; something both sides have that they don't see but i see. I want them to know that i really am not angry. I texted Marivic, to tell her that i am not angry, and that i am telling the truth about their laughing out loud as well and that i just didn't tell them or didn't point it out to them.

anyway, a staff of Unified Communications asked them to bring over something to PhilamLife Bldg. the three of them went along, leaving me alone here; they didn't even invite me to go with them, meaning they took what i told them and felt that i am angry at them or such (when in fact i am not angry at all). (And when Marivic called on me to help, i was doing something for our project, rather than type this entry or play, so she can't say that i am not doing anything when in fact i am doing something for the project when she called me to look at the error.)
3 hours to go, and 2 minutes.
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one hour and 43 minutes to go.

Am still working getting the data from access, using vb, then directing it to fields at excel. the part on Recommendation worked. Am going to try it for those with description table. :)

5 minutes later... It worked.:)

And then 7 minutes later.... Just finished zipping/compressing the files.:)

5 minutes later..... Just saved it to the floppy. one hour and 23 minutes to go. :) Am still working on the SAVe thing. it has a bug, again. :0 Can't solve this bug today. will rest for now. But anyway, they still don't mind me, as always.

40 minutes to go before 6pm.

i guess they will leave early today since they would be watching Matrix Reloaded tonight.

Sorry, i didn't get to upload the May 23, 2003 journal entry of mine. I will do so once i get home, or something....

Here is today's entry:::::

May 28, 2003 Wednesday

I went home early yesterday. At La Salle, they declared “No Classes” already by 1 pm. We were still in the office then. Sometime by 4:30 pm, Ogie(our “supervisor”) told us that he can’t think of anything else to ask us to do, and that we ca go home early if we wanted to, so that we can be home before floodwaters continue to rise. Well, I left by 4:45pm, went to buy the pillow that my mom wanted, and some other chair pillows that you sit on, before going home sometime by 530pm. I arrived at the North Avenue Station by 6pm something, fetched by my parents and my sister, who is the one driving. I showed my mom the pillow I bought, and she said that it was just right. Great. :) Once home, I just watched TV after dinner. Once on the bed, I fell asleep at once.

Last night, I dreamt of me about to be going to school on a Tuesday when there weren’t any classes anymore(probably due to the ongoing rain outside, in the real world, outside the dream realm); Pat Espeleta even asked me if there was class. Anyway, I didn’t answer anymore. My cellular phone was showing 3D menus or objects, sort of out of the screen. :) Cool, huh? :) Anyway, so I didn’t go to school anymore. But I went out, sort of to a Robinson’s Place, but not really RP. Anyway, I went in and went up the stairs, reaching and entering Jollibee. Boogie(Dennis Madrazo) was there. I then sort of filled out an attendance sheet( I am still thinking of OJT I guess.) and then went down with Boogie. His arm was just on my shoulders. Once at the lobby, he sort of put his arms around me and we just danced to the light music. I was just holding on to his arms, and my back sort of “resting” on his chest. We just danced to the music and I just felt happy, and I felt I was smiling and feeling all warm inside. After that, we sort of went out for a while, the details of which I don’t remember. Once we were back in the building, the power was already out. We were going through the standard bag check upon the entrance. Once inside, somebody else put his arm around me in the dark; knowing he was not Boogie, I panicked, moved away from him, and went back to look for Boogie. Once I found Boogie, I held on to him tight, my arms around his waist, and my body close to his. I was really afraid. He just let me hold on to him, as we went back up to Jollibee. Once up, a group of girls used my attendance sheet; I got angry and started shouting at them. Boogie and I were supposed to be going home together, but then I made sure those girls erase those things that they wrote on my attendance sheet. Boogie went away for a while(we were sort of at La Salle, or somewhere along Taft Avenue, suddenly), but he never came back. I then woke up. (By the way, I was hugging a big stuffed Teddy Bear [my sister’s] last night while sleeping, and another pillow was on my back.)

Anyway, I was up late again, 7:24 am, when I needed to be up and around by 7 am. Anyway, I went on to prepare myself for another day in the office. My brother was already in school by then and it was declared “no classes” again, so the driver who drove him to school for his 7 am class had to go back (even when it was already 7:40 am). So I waited. I called to check if there was somebody at the Unified Communications office. There is and so I still decided to go to the office. Kuya Gudo drove me to the MRT North Avenue station, and the rain was still pouring hard. Once at the station, on the MRT, I prayed, realizing that I hadn’t prayed for the last few nights. Once at Ayala station, I walked to the office, arriving by 9:30am; only I and an office employee were there. It is now 10am, and not one of my groupmates has shown up yet; either they are stuck in traffic or they decided not to come in anymore due to the heavy rains. Nothing to do here since the laptop we were using was not where I usually find it in, and the computer we were using yesterday was hooked up to the ETC of another computer.

As of 1020am, Faridah and Marivic arrived. I thought I would be the only one around, which is a frightening thought, but in a way cool. :) Ruzzel didn’t come to the office, again. By this time, the one who is in charge of the laptop, brought the laptop out for our use, having been able to fix it. Marivic and Faridah are using it right now.

1240pm.

I just finished eating lunch and brushing my teeth. While eating, I was looking outside the glass windows of the pantry from the 19th floor of the Enterprise Center Tower 2. You can really see it raining hard, and the winds are strong as you can see when it hits the buildings. Most of the high-rise buildings are sort of covered with the clouds, mist-like, and you can’t see anything else that are much farther from those building. (I am at Enterprise tower. The only buildings that I see from here is the adjacent tower 1, the nearby BPI building, Robinsons building, PBCOM(which is sort of hidden by the “mist” already), and the building before PhilamLife, which is sort of on the corner. Farther than that, I can’t see much anymore, from the 19th floor, that is.

While eating, the Lucent Technologies employees were talking, and they were also exclaiming on how strong the winds were today and such. It was indeed very strong. But anyway, I minded my own business and went on eating my lunch and enjoying my lunch break as well.

Well, since this morning, I didn’t really have anything to do, so I just read the SNMP book they had, that Ogie did say we could read since he doesn’t know what else to ask us do. Anyway, I just read, then ate lunch, then went back to reading it.

Once, when I entered the CR, I saw female Lucent staff trying on clothes; 2 other women, the vendors, came into the building and then went to the female CR and the Lucent staff were there to try on the clothes. So that is how they spend their time. Anyway, I just minded my own business, and went out once I was done. And back to the book again.

2:45 pm

The computer thing that was connected to the computer that we were using, has just been disconnected, and the computer we were using put back into its original physical condition. This is why I am back to typing again. And guess what, the LAN connection that was anonymously taken off last Friday, May 23, 2003, is put back on. Yehey…. I mean, I can type this entry, and at the same time check the mail, since I am not really doing anything here at all.

After checking my e-mail accounts, I did some of the translating for Tzu Chi that is due June 1. I haven’t finished all, but I did most of it. I really need to have the Chinese dictionaries around so that I can really finish it. I am just lucky that I didn’t delete the e-mail will the attachment of the document to be translated, or else I wouldn’t be doing anything after finishing checking my mailboxes.

I left the office by 6pm. Then I went to Rustan’s Supermarket to buy my sister pitted black olives in brine.(I became the official shopper for them when they needed something bought from Makati or anything they need, since they know that I walk through Glorietta every time I am to go to the Ayala Station to commute home by MRT.). Once home, it’s the usual eat dinner then relax routine. Tomorrow is another new day.

May 27, 2003 Tuesday

Here is an update of how my weekend went:

May 24, 2003 (Saturday)

I woke up late, as always. I didn’t go to the gym that day since my personal trainer texted me the night before that we won’t be able to meet the following morning. So anyway, I think I woke up by 9am. My sister had already went ahead to the other Slimmer’s Gym at Greenhills. My brother was still sleeping, and my parents were out at the market, so more or less I was the only one awake, aside from Ate Remy and Ate Cora. Hmm… what else did I do? I think I just watched tv, and made a mental note of the songs that I want to download. Oh, now I remember; after I woke up, I turned on my laptop and was just browsing round my folders, and finished typing the May 23 2003 entry. I did turn my laptop on Friday night, but I didn’t do much and just went on watching TV instead. After this, then I watched TV. :)

Of course, by 12nn, we had lunch. Then from 1pm onwards, up to 4pm, I was watching tv; I was supposed to help my brother out, to teach him how to use frontpage, but I am not really a great user of Frontpage, so I ended up not doing any helping, and more of watching(my brother just played computer games at our pc, after playing some computer games on my laptop). By 4pm, I went on to take a bath, since we were to go out to watch a movie that night with Katrina, Kerwin and Kevin. We left home by 5pm, went over to their place, and then we were on our way to Greenbelt 3, where we will be watching the movie How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days. It started raining that hard that day(which went on up until today, May 27, 2003). Anyway, once at Greenbelt, we walked around first to help us decide where we wanted to eat, and then we ate at Italiannis. After dinner, Kerwin, Kevin and Elbert went to play at Timezone, while Gennet, Katrina, and I walked around the mall for some window-shopping. When it was 840pm, we went to pay and get the tickets. After that, Kat and Gennet just went to sit down and rest, and I went over to where Elbert and the other 2 were and told them about the free games stub with the movie tickets, and we all took turns having those stubs(2 free games per stub) reloaded into the Powercard(the card contains the credits left that will allow the holder to play games). After that, maybe by 930pm, we decided to go up, after using up all credits, with my sister and Katrina using up the last of the free games.

Well, now, on How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days, well, I can say that it is a nice movie, I did enjoy it, but I wouldn’t label it a great movie. Details on the movie, I cannot really talk about since it would ruin everything, if ever you are planning to watch it. ( I did write a sort of entry or summary of the movie.... but, as i have said, cannot disclose it to you guys because you might be planning to watch it.

After the movie, we went to eat crepes at the nearby Café Britton. And then we drove Kat, Kerwin and Kevin home, and then went home to ours. (It was still raining hard then.). Once home, I think I dozed off as soon as my head was on my pillow.


May 25, 2003

We woke up by 10am. We left home by 1130am, to drive over at the Greenbelt area again to eat at Banana Leaf Curry house with Achi mau and Ahia James (Achi Mau just came over from Singapore.). Mama, Aunt Florence, and Ate Ana went to Antipolo with Kuya Gudo as their driver. They got to Banana Leaf probably by 1230pm; we already went on ahead and ate. And of course, we ate until 2pm, I think. All of them went ahead to go home while Papa, Gennet and I stayed behind to buy some stuff we need. We went to Mercury to buy papa’s chili plaster. After that we went to Landmark again to buy the plantar something for mama, and we also bought some oil and my dental floss. Then we went home. Once home, we took a rest for a while, then we left again, except for Elbert, with Achi as the driver of the new car, WJG 263, Mitsubishi Adventure, as she also did this morning. We went to Lagro, then to Dela Costa homes, which is near Lagro, then to Pasay, to bring over some of mama’s pasalubong of suman for Di-ku, Aunt Louisa and Aunt Gloria, respectively. After that we went to eat dinner at Causeway ( I wasn’t feeling good when I woke up, probably indigestion from eating popcorn last night without drinking much after that. After the movies, we still went to Café Britton to eat crepes and I drank coffee.); my tummy felt better after dinner, all warmed up. :) Once at home, by 8pm plus, we just watched TV(I watched CSI from 9-10pm. From 10-11pm, was with my dad, since rheumatism is starting to affect his right arm and he couldn’t lift it up anymore. My sister and I then tried to find my 3-pound dumbbell, but weren’t able to locate them). My sister and I decided to take our parents to see the doctor, and I gave her the number of the orthopedic doctor who was the one in-charge of me when my knee cap was dislocated. My sister and I were already in our room by 11pm, but we didn’t get to sleep until 12 midnight.

May 26, 2003

I woke up late. And arrived at work late, but anyway, I compensated for the time lost by eating lunch 20 minutes later that 12 noon, after I got to add/make changes to our program. Stayed for work until 6pm, as usual, “fighting” with the program. It was still raining hard when I went to work, and it was still the same way when I was on my way home.
I went home late, leaving Ayala station by 7pm, because I was buying the extra plantar cushions for the feet that mama wanted, and went to look for pillows that my mom needed for her back for her upcoming trip to Isabela since she will be one of the principal sponsors in the wedding of her friend’s son. I did get to buy the plantar cushions, but I didn’t buy the pillows yet, I went looking around at LandMark and at Glorietta(at the section where there are baby stuff.). When I wasn’t really sure what pillow to buy, I decided that I can go back tomorrow, so I left, and anyway, Gennet was already looking for me, and joked that I might already have drowned due to the rains. :) Papa, Mama and Gennet picked me up from the MRT North Avenue Station.

On the way home, Gennet told me that mama and papa will be going to doctor, Dr. Tanbonliong, tomorrow. Great. :)

We ate dinner by 8pm something. After that, I went to check my e-mail accounts, from 945pm to 1056pm. After that, just sat with my sister, after we tried looking for the dumbbells once again, and watched TV up until 12 midnight. Once we were in our room, and lying on the bed, I was asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow.

May 27, 2003

Woke up by 630am. Left with Elbert, since his class starts 8am, and makati is just nearby, so mama decided that I go with Elbert, after which once he is at school, that Kuya Gudo drive me to the office. Arrived at the office by 830am. Tried to work out needed changes to the program I am working on. I continued to do so until lunch, of which time I stopped for a while, ate lunch, and then relaxed up until 1:13pm by typing this journal entry. After that, I tried working out the bugs on the program, but since I have been working on it for days, even weeks, and I can’t still find the error, I did the easier alternative, in a way the easier way out, the alternative that Marivic did once recommend or point out before. After doing that, I told her that I did what she had once recommended/pointed out since I really didn’t know how else to solve the error, the bug. And with that, she asked me if I was already done; I told her that I think I am already done. With that, she gave me a nod, and I went ahead to type this entry again, up until now, the time of which is 2:10pm.

Che, the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 days was okay. Well, i can't say that it is all great, but then, i think it is okay. :) I did enjoy watching, though people have different tastes. But i think it is okay, it is nice. :)

Yup Chanty, we won't be in school for one term, though we are enrolled for ITPRACT this term. :)

Updates will follow, once i get to writing them :)

Hi Chanty. :) Won't be at school on Monday, since like the rest and most of the IT people, we will still be deployed to our OJT companies until the end of the term. :) But how i wish i am going to be at school with you guys.

Joan, me, craving for shopping and buying something from national bookstore? :) Probably, i do want to buy some more books but then when i think of it, i don't get to read much and just want to watch tv once at home. :) My sister said that we might watch The Hours Friday night, but then she might ask her friend first if i could tag along; we would be watching at Greenbelt3. Then just now, she texted me that they decided to watch How to lose a guy in 10 days. :) I asked again if i could tag along, she said "ok". :) anyway, i would be paying for my own movie ticket... (Usually, when my sister invites me to go watch, she pays for me movie ticket. :) But then that wouldn't go on forever, so starting this time, i will try to pay for my own ticket. :) When i told her to take me with her if they were to watch The Hours, i told her that i would be willing to pay for my own movie ticket because she said something about not treating me again since i am the one telling her to let me tag along. :) Anyway, at least we will be watching tomorrow. Hmm.. where should i wait, Glorietta?

May 21, 2003

Time seems to fly so fast. Itis already the third week's Wednesday, which means, i still got eleven weeks and 2 days left before i meet the minimum number of hours. Just two days more, and it will be the weekends again. But then, it is a full 11 weeks more, more or less 3 months.

I don't know, i don't feel productive even if i am doing anything, trying to find a way for the program to work in a certain way for a long while, with no positive results. And i feel more stupid because my groupmates are just playing the game. and i heard Ruz say that she was just attending just for the Attendance, not really minding of what she will learn or something like that. I don't like their attitude, in that matter. Right now, they are just playing and playing, not really doing anything. Me, since they are not asking me anything to do at all, tried to do something about the excel thing to work, but then i gave up on it for now because i can't find anymore solution unless i try the piece of code i got the other day at home since the computer in the Unified Communications Office wouldn't display the image. I will try it out at home later, even if i feel lazy, just so that at least i can say that i took the initiative to try it out for the betterment of our project, that at least i am trying to do and to contribute something productive even if they are not asking me to do anything else anymore. In a way, i feel that i am grouped with people who are very like me in a way, to just get on/pass through and be done with it; though in a way, i am still different to them, because right now, i want to feel that at least i am productive, and have done something of quality. I still want to be better. I just don't know about them; from my viewpoint right now, i think they are not interested at all. But right now, i can't think of anything else to do, except that of which i must try out at home, or get by using the net at home and then try it out tomorrow here at the Unified Communications office so that i will be productive here. I guess that wouldn't really be hard.

It just suddenly crossed my mind: What if i asked to be deployed to another company? nah.... I would be lucky if i can get into a better one. I wished Arcy had texted me earlier about the SMART opening. But then, i should be glad that i am already deployed, and then Arcy did ask still, so she remembered and thought that i might not have been deployed, so she informed me of the possible opening and i replied, declining the offer since i think that i am doing fine here at Unified and it would be rude to jsut leave Unified when they have so nicely accepted us into the company as OJT people. Of course, a part of my heart with still wish, but then a part of me is also afraid because i might not be able to do what the people at SMART would ask me to do if i were working there. So, i guess, i am staying in my comfort zone, feeling uncomfortable, uneasy and i don't know. I might just be waiting Unified's resources or something, or probably not. Hmm... Will i try learning Java again while at home? i will try, but i can't promise. I can't promise even to myself, even if it would be for the better?!?! Wow Grace... you're something... different and indifferent to yourself, that you would care less what would happen to you.... Oh my, oh my, my mind and my heart seems to be playing it with me again, though i guess it would really be my fault anyway.

Two more hours to go, and 30 minutes.

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In a way,right now, i just want to get over with the practicum. I would rather be at school. Ahh... And now, i am just playing games. And am hiding from them. /?!?!? and then they asked us to file/organize some stack of paper. We obviously don't have much to do around here.

one hour and 22 minutes to go.

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one hour and 8 minutes.

my groupmates are taking their merienda. i don't want to anymore. I just want to go home. And i can't win this solitaire game...
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48minutes.

Ogie said something about taking us with them onsite to show us around about the Switches used by SMART at their cell sites. though feeling somewhat hungry, i guess i just have to wait for some 43 minutes more. I don't really feel hungry if i am doing something. but right now, i can't do anything,even the thing that i want to try out since when i am trying to access it through the internet here, the picture wasn't loaded. I think i already discussed this somewhere in the paragraphs above.
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25 minutes.
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I left by 6pm. Then went on my way to the Ayala Station, but before buying ticket i went to buy Cheezy Fries. Got home, and ate dinner. then watched Tv. Then i did try to check that site out about that image thing which contains code that wouldn't load at the computer at unified Communication office's computer. Well, nothing did come out of the image when i did also check it at home. Well, which means, well, i already did what i can. I also checked the site out at home, www.mcp.com/info, and as how it was in the computer at Unified, it also didn't show up/load at our home's computer. Therefore it means that files for both the image and the site of mcp are probably lost due to time. At least i took the time to check it out at home, if the site and the image is working, rather than not doing at all, and then feel guilty for not even trying to check it out and then doing nothing at the office. Now, i won't feel much guilty in the office since those files are not in the net anymore, so if i don't do much in the office i would feel okay because i did check the sites out. If i didn't check, then i should feel guilty of not doing else because i didn't check if the code was available on that site, and thinking how stupid and lazy of me not to even to try to check it out if it's available or not; but then i checked and found out that it was really unavailable, so it shouldn't be any problem to me.

Anyway, after that, i just watched tV to relax up until 1030pm, after watch Lizzie Maguire. :) And when i laid myself down on my bed, boy, did i doze off as soon as my head is on the pillow. :)

Thanks Ellen, will do try to do my best sa OJT, to make the most out of it. Sayang, if i had known you were just at PhilamLife Bldg, we could have met up with each other or something like that sometime during the past two weeks. oh well... :) *hugs Ellen back* :)

Joan, thanks for your continued support as well. :) I will do try to do my best to learn what i can from OJT. :)

Last night, had a dream. sort of was with groupmates in a Luneta like place with a National bookstore there. We sort of went there and they were talking about how people are buying books early. And then we were then sort of transported to Enterprise Tower and how the americans were checking the security in the building, telling the buildings personnel that they are not doing enough on security measures or something like that. And then a little while later, we were sort of shopping, and this woman told me that a dress can fit, that i can fit in one of those dresses, not those extra size dresses. :) And then we were sort of in front of a house, sort of where we were staying, and Pam Espiritu was also there, sort of our groupmate us well, and we were suppose to go to National bookstore to buy something else. And then i woke up, back to the world of the living, finding out i am late again in waking up, 720am,when i have to leave by 745am.

Arrived to work late, 910am, 10 minutes late. The MRT stalled for a long while. but anyway, i will make up for the time lost by taking lunch 10 minutes past 12 nn.

:)

May 20, 2003

Today is like any day in the office since I started "working" at unified Communications. I can't say that I enjoy it, and I also can't say that I don't enjoy it. I would usually count how many hours I still have before the day is over, how many days before the week is over, and how many more weeks before we reach the minimum number of weeks (and minimum number of hours). I look forward to Friday nights, Saturdays and Sunday mornings, but dread (well, not really dread, but something like "it's work again, facing the computer the whole day." I mean, I do do a lot of facing-the-computer-all-day thing when i type my journals and such, but then i love writing journals and such, and programming, though i am not good at it, and not bad at it i guess, isn't just what i love to do. Probably because i feel that i can't program the best that i can because i can't maximize the use of the programming language. It really takes me time to read on these programming language books because the more it becomes technical, the more that i want to get it over with, therefore the more that i miss things from what i read because i start skimming through the contents and not really reading and understanding it. And I am lazy when it comes to this, just haven't brought it to heart to learn to love programming, when i know that i would have to start at programming once i graduate from college. I do know that i need to catch up on programming and programming languages. My grades are not great, though they are not bad either.

I know, I should be working, but then i have tried what i can, and with this computer/laptop having no internet access, i won't be able to work on trying to find extra visual basic codes to try to make the program/application we are working on better. Even with the VB 6 book with me, i can't make much out of it; it is limited to what is contained there. And there are parts of the application that we need to do but then is not really covered comprehensively in the book so we need to try to find some other sources to find codes needed for that, the nearest substitute of which is the internet (and we[most of the Computer Studies people] do go online most of the time instead of going to the library. So, i am just sitting around, While one of my groupmates works on our application(she was absent for two days last week, thursday and friday), while the other two are playing something, and I, I am typing this "journal" thing, just to have my thoughts down on "paper" as i have not done so for a long while since April 15. It is funny how when i have class, i spend a lot of my time writing these journal entries, but when vacation started and our OJT started, too, as well, i kind of became lazy from doing this typing. But now, since i can't think of doing anything else at all, for the moment, i am making more use of my time by "writing". (I think i am possibly making journal writing as a time-taker[i sort of write journal entries first, even if i know that there are more important and urgent matters to do at hand. i am more on a writing mood if i do feel so happy, so bored, so sad, or just want to get away from the feeling of all the pressures, the projects, and just plain trying to enjoy myself while i keep on delaying what needs to be done.]. But then since vacation, and i don't do much at home, and even before we started OJT, i wasn't doing much writing, though a part of me wanted to. Instead, I felt lazy, and just wanted to watch TV and sleep all day. More or less something like that. I do check my email, but then i did become lazy with that too. I feel that since i am not really enjoying, though i don't really hate what i am doing here at Unified, i am using journal writing again as a distraction from it all, and and as a "time-taker" as well, sort of what i would do at school to get away from the pressures, as stated somewhere above, in this paragraph.)

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Oh, it is nice to think that i will be able to fill up my second diary sometime soon. I mean, i have already finished the Garfield diary, and the hello kitty, too, as well. and then i still have a few ten pages or so more with the Looney Tunes Diary. I probably need to check this out. :) I might probaby be finishing my third diary since i started when i was in grade 5 or something.

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Finished lunch a while ago, 1230pm. Right now, am not doing anything much. Once i got up from the Lobby, i went straight to the computer, which our group uses, and checked my mail as well as my guestbook. I was glad to see an entry from Ellen; it is sad to know that her last day is today. If I only knew, then we could have had arranged a casual meeting or something like that between friends. Oh well. :) I really hope that i could get to see them at school one of these days, if i get to drop by. :)

I could be more productive right now, but then, i just can't think of what to do, and am in a way afraid to ask. Well, our group are working on two applications: TTR(trouble ticket report) and JR(job request). Well, Marivic and Faridah are grouped to work on JR (we drew lots), and Ruzzel and I on the TTR. Well, all three of them worked on the JR, and they did start something out of the TTR, to which i just added some more(probably a lot more, but of course with some help from them). Well, i think the JR system is almost finished, except for the other customizations that the user wants; the ttr is more than half-finished, more or less 75% finished -- the other 25% i don't know how to do, and Marivic and Ruzzel are working on that other 25%, so i ended up doing nothing again, well, except to type this Journal entry. Probably i don't want to look idle, but the truth is i don't want to be idle as well, because i feel as if i am "lying" to myself and to the staff who is handling us since we should be working, but rather right now only one out of the four of us is working at the time being. Well, what else can i do if Marivic and Ruzzel can work on the other 25%? They already know how to do it, the customization thing and such, and i have done more than 50% of the work already. I mean, Marivic is working right now, while Ruz and Faridah are playing this game, and i am just typing away. I don't know what else to do, because the reason i was working on the TTR was because Marivic told me to, after i was done reading the Visual Basic 6 book to prepare myself to help them in the programming of the two applications. May 5, we didn't do much at all. May 6-7, i was reading VB6 in 21 days within 2 days. May 8-9, they asked me to help out. May 12-16, i was programming most of the time. May 19 up to sometime this morning, was doing some programming, and that was all. Right now, they(Marivic and my other groupmates) didn't ask me to do anything else at all, for the time being. Instead, they were still asking me what needs to be done; those things that needs to be done, Marivic and Ruz will be doing. I can't think of anything else though, that's the truth, though a part of me, rather a part of my overanalytic and anxious mind tells me that i might have missed out on something. I just hope i didn't, but then, this feeling won't go away until or unless both the JR and the TTR program are checked out and we are told that they, the applications, met the user's specifications and can be used without problems. Some of the staff told us that it would be okay if they meet any problems with the program since we would be here for a while, up until late August or the first week of September, so they could ask us to fix the bugs. Oh well....

I got used to using the company's laptop with the DEL or delete button somewhere near the lower right area of the keyboard, that when i use my own laptop at home, where the DEL button is at the upper right corner of the keyboard, i would always reach down at the delete button at the lower right, but then would remember at the last minute or just find out/remember that my laptop's delete button is at the upper right. But i think my laptop's keyboard keys are much better. I don't have much problem with my laptop,and i don't feel my hand/fingers to be strained and to be required to type with more power or strength, compared to the company's laptop that i am now using. Sort of feels small or cramped. It looks like it is almost the same size as my laptop, but then i guess it's not and that my laptop is a little bigger in size, and in accessories.

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Bored and am starting to yawn. *yawn* Three hours and 50 minutes to go before 6pm.

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Most of us would say, "I deserve better.". We always say these, hoping to have better groupmates, or a better job, a better life, a better something else than what we have at the present, a better everything. And then, i count again, i still have three hours and five minutes to go.

Trying to find something to do can be so tiring too. I am trying to think of what i can still do right now, and this is the first day, out of the last two weeks when i was in Unified, that i am yawning at work. I usually don't feel sleepy or bored at all because i am doing something, i am programming. But right now, doing nothing makes me want to sleep. My mind is thinking of making a "system" for the office, for Trans-World so that their report would be much more easier or such. I just don't know what they need, and if they will need the change. I remembered that I wanted to make sort of a customer database or something like that, but i never really knew what i wanted to do about it.

We can't choose most of the things we have in our lives. And if we do get to choose, we don't choose right, or we have to choose differently, depending on the present circumstance/situation, and also based on the possible outcomes and future considerations.

Now i remember. I wanted to write about my dreamlast night. I had a new phone, small but new. But then, i didn't want the casing, but i kept using it anyway since it was my new phone. I did get a text message from Gherald Tan, kat Tan's boyfriend, telling me that i was invited to batch party or something like that, but then i got to read the message later, and i needed to rsvp if i am to go by 5pm, but then i got to read the message after 5pm. I dunno what i was doing then, in the dream that is. Anyway, i think i was out with family then, and i especially remember my brother. and then the dream sort of fast forwarded into a part where i am attending my OJT but instead of being with Lasallian friends, i was with my highschool batchmates Genevieve Choi and Joanna See. We were then riding this train, which looked okay in the inside (i have been having this train in my dream for the past few days; i think it is sort of connected to my having to ride the MRT to work or to my OJT i guess.). Anyway, more or less it was just that and i think that's it. More or less, i felt that i had a crush on a guy in that dream, i just don't know or can't remember who that guy was.

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6pm. On my way home, while walking at the walkway along Dela Rosa St., I saw Ms. Lolit Reyes; she was going the way i was from while i was heading towards LandMark, Glorietta towards the MRT Ayala Station. She was sort of dazed, walking along, minding her own, as i guess i was also walking in like fashion. But when i saw her, and looked at her face and our eyes met, she sort of smiled, and i did too, and we waved hi to each other. We were both surprised, but in a way, i guess, happy to see a familiar face; it was sort of like me saying through my smile and my have of hello, "hey, I know you. you are a professor at La Salle, at the College of Computer Studies. I see you at Gokongwei Bldg all the time." and for her it might be like, "hey, i know you. You are a student at La Salle, at the College of Computer Studies. I see you at Gokongwei Bldg all the time." :) Funny, right? I know who she is, because she was one of our substitute teachers in Dastruc when Ms. Tessie Limoanco got angry at our class for the misbehaviour of some. She, i guess, doesn't know me by name, but probably know me by face, or my face looked familiar to her since i am always at school, being a student and all, and being early at school as always, with my laptop at the Gokongwei lobby. :) Anyway, after that, we walked along, going our own way. I did feel glad, happy that i was at least able to see someone from school; i am sort of missing school already. I thought that it wouldn't be impossible to see another person from school, that there might be big possibility to see another person from school. I was sort of thinking of JOanne Yao, as i walked along the walkway still, nearing the stairs to Landmark. Once down along Landmark, i was suddenly surprised to see Kathy Torreno and Inna Valencia (they are taking their OJT at Teligent.). They didn't see me, so i called out Kathy's name. When Kathy and Inna saw me, both of them were surprised, and Kathy was sort of so surprised, that she can't believe i was there and her voice was getting louder and louder. She was sort of hugging me, sort of in disbelief and also in relief to find somebody from school. :) The person who was minding the bag stand, where people leave their things, was sort of looking at us, smiling. :) Anyway, after the "surprise" had subsided a little, we talked for a short while. Inna and Kathy asked where i was working. And i then i told them how we waited for Teligent to call, then to find out that they were the ones accepted, with Teligent not telling us at all, since we were waiting for a reply of some sort. Anyway, i asked why there were there, waiting outside, they said that they were waiting for somebody to fetch them; i told them that i was commuting, and then i said that i needed to go. On my way into Landmark, Kathy said that i am slimming down; i know i should have said thank you, but then i was used to not really accepting that and sort of gave her a shake of my head from right and left and sort of, i think, stuck my tongue out. I know, i know, i shouldn't have done so, but it was sort of my way of saying, "no, hindi ako pumayat noh./Konti lang yan./Mukha lang pumayat." Anyway, i waved goodbye and they went on waiting for that person that was going to fetch them. I walked in and walked towards the doors where it leads to Glorietta 2, sort of still feeling awkward on how i have reacted to Kathy's compliment of me getting slimmer. Anyway, i just walked, and sort of felt happy. And i did look forward to see somebody else i know, but i didn't meet anybody else from school, up until when i got home. What a day. :)

ellen, saw PhilamLife Bldg as i was walking by the walkway along Dela Rosa St. :) It is so near, as you've said. )

Che, those korean dramas have subtitles. And i just read. and if i don't understand a word or two, i just watch out for what's happening. :)

Joan, well, programming. :) Hay.... It does strain my neck muscles.... Ouch...

Ellen, where is PhilamLife tower? Along Ayala Avenue right? Sorry, i don't go out of the building much. I bring my own lunch and eat at the pantry. :) Maybe you can tell me if you're coming over again to Enterprise Tower. :) It would be really nice to see someone i know who works nearby. :) How i wish i could see all of you now. :)

Che, Jo, Ellen: Are you guys done with your OJT yet? :) I think Che is already done with hers. How about you, Jo and Ellen? :)
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the following are entries that i should have uploaded, and even tried to finish, but then i am lazy...

May 10, 2003

About starting ojt May 5, Monday – up to yesterday. About how it was with me, “working”. [hm.... me, working..... trying to do the best that i can....]

How I am so “anxious” about thinking if there’s work on Saturdays at Unified communication. I asked for four times because I am really afraid that I might be hearing it wrong or something like that. (From Ana, Carlo, Tess, Ogie). But then, I talked about this with Ate Remy, and I have thought about how many weeks we would be working, if for a five days a week, we can get 560 hours, equivalent for 14 weeks. From this week, May 5 to May 9, up to September 1 to 6, it would be in total 18 weeks. So we have four more weeks after the minimum. 5daysx8hours=40hours, 40hoursx4weeks=160 hours, 40 hours per week x 18 weeks = 720 hours and if 40 hours per weeks X 14 weeks = 560 hours. 720 hours(for 8 hours x 5 days in a week x 18 weeks which is the maximum we can have as I have counted the maximum number of sheets of weekly report status reports that I was able to make for May 5 to September 6), the maximum hours that we can get from May 5 to September 6, is more than the minimum of 560 hours(8 hours a day x 5 days a week x 14 weeks, which is the minimum we must get, at least). Therefore we got 18 weeks to work at Unified, but the minimum is just 14 weeks, therefore we have more that we have, the minimum, therefore we won’t be at lost of hours, and there will be an extra 4 weeks(18weeks[max. we have from May 5 to September 6] – 14weeks[minimum weeks to accomplish ojt/practicum] = 4 weeks) or one month more for us to finish our ojt time in case we need some more time. Right? I have been trying to prove this time from time and time on, and I think putting this down into this journal or document would help me see it in tangible form, more like a proof or something, because if I am to calculate it again and then try to check all of these out, if would still be the same; I don’t think that I am that bad in mathematics, right? This is just basic arithmetic, and I know basic arithmetic. I didn’t go to all these years of schooling and not know anything about basic arithmetic, right? Right? Right? Right?!!!!???!?

About how my fears of not knowing how to program finally caught up because it will really be the first job that I will be having once I graduate from college, before I can be a system analyst because I need to know the strengths and weaknesses of the programming languages before I can say which is good for which system to be used by the company. It is a far-fetched idea that I will be able to work for a non-profit organization at once after I graduate from college. It would take years of work or more before I even can get to that since there are a lot of things to keep in mind, and earning for a living comes first so that I can be able to take care of the people around me.

How I thought Drew and the gang are busy with their OJTs, knowing what they needed to do, without the fear of the programming languages that will be used because they know how to and can learn to do so easily, well not that easily, but they can do it, because they have used it a lot of times. I, on the other hand, survived years of not programming much, and must just start off again right now, since the start of second year college. But I mean, we are programming right now, and am helping out, even a little. But I mean, Drew and those at NTC are planning then implementing; we, my thesismates and I, aren’t doing much planning, but more on just getting on with the programming. But I guess we wouldn’t just be doing anything that works, and that we would be doing what we can that the program works properly.

May 12, 2003 Monday

I think the OJT is doing/going okay. A big part of me, though, is still afraid: afraid of making mistakes, afraid of unmet expectations (both mine and that of others), and fear of not being able to do what I am asked to do. I pray to God during the start and the end of the day, or whenever I can, to help me face the day with strength and courage, and to continue on with my life, to do my best and to put my heart into what I do. But I’m counting; I’m just 13 weeks away from meeting the minimum [number of] hours for OJT/Practicum. The most important thing is to meet the minimum number of hours and still have time (buffer time) to catch up in case I miss an hour or a day due to unforeseen situations. It’s better to finish the minimum number of hours rather than not doing so at all.

Anyway, it was very tiring. I wake up by 6-630am, leave home by 730-745am, commute by MRT to Ayala Station for 30-40 minutes, walk to the office at Enterprise Tower 2, arrive by 9 am, stay in the office for 9 hours (one-hour lunch break included), leave the office by 6pm, walk for 30 minute to Ayala Station through the walkway(then Landmark, then G2, then G4), another 30 to 40 minutes in the MRT, and I’ll be fetched at the North Avenue Station. Once I get home, I sure am tired, physically and mentally. That’s why I’m glad if my groupmates don’t ask me to take any more “try this at home”. I tink this is whay my mom says as the “no take home” anything once you’re working, but then it can also be otherwise.

I was also glad that there wouldn’t be work during Saturdays, but then I ended up “worrying” or thinking about “work” at home while I am relaxing and watching TV. I am really weird. (May 10, 2003, stayed home, with ma and pa to hi-top that night. May 11, 2003, was out the whole day with Ma, pa, aunt Gloria).

Anyway, got to go back to work.

(written from 1240pm to 1pm, May 12, 2003)

May 19, 2003
We hide. We feel Good because we feel secure, especially if we share our hidden feelings with another person. But then we start to fear when the “security” from this hiding goes away, afraid of losing the people that we love, and the person we shared these “hidden” feelings with, much more if we love that person.

Last night, dreamt of ghosts and Jo staying with me to keep me company, and to be there for me,understanding my fear for the ghosts, and stayed with me even if nobody believed me when I said I saw ghosts. She comforted me. I sat and had my arms around her legs. She just held my head and comforted me.

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May 17, 2003 Saturday
Went to the gym, then went to see the orthodontist 4pm. From 1-3pm, was checking my email. Evening, was out to celebrate my grandmother’s birthday. :) Slept late, by 1pm.

May 18, 2003

Woke up by 10am. Watched tv. Ate lunch by 12 something. Helped my parents to prepare for my cousin Eric’s wedding, which was held at San Sebastian Church, 2pm. I was the only one who need not worry up about dressing up. Went to the Church; after the wedding ceremony, went to pick up my sister at Dragon Gate along Roxas Blvd. Once home, we rested for a while, watching tv. Left by 7pm something I guess, to Century Park Seafood Restaurant for the reception. Saw my bestfriend coincidentally, who was to attend another reception at the other side/half of Century Park Seafood Restaurant with her dad since her mom had to attend another reception that same night. :)
Got home by 11pm. Went to sleep by 1140pm, though while on bed, I was half asleep, half awake.
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Sorry... kinda long, and "disjointed"/incoherent. :)

Anyway, hope to hear from you guys again soon. :)

Thanks again Che, Jo, Ellen for signing my guestbook. :)

You come from Dark Water. You are solitary and
find peace in yourself, or maybe you're
turmoiled but pull off peace.


Where Did Your Soul Originate?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are pink. You are in limbo. Not pure and manipulated like white, not impure and noble like red. You are unsure of your real identity, but whatever you chose it to be, you can be it. That is your power. You change everyone you touch, and everyone remembers you. In literature, pink represents the place between heaven and hell. You are the one we will never forget.

What inner color are you?

Posted by: Grace / 5/15/2003 10:01:00 PM