Grace's Mind-it-on-your-own

Wow.... So far, i am doing well. Well, i think and feel that i am. Despite having to go back and forth to our test bet company, BAR or Bureau of Agricultural Research, i am glad that we are getting something. Eric and I really hope that our thesis project, the EDMS (Electronic Document Management System) will help them, i mean really help the organization. I am really glad that Eric became my thesis mate as well. Well, i can't say that we really work that well very much with each other, but at least we are comfortable working with each other and i can be who i am while i work. :) I did thank him for being a good groupmate and thesismate (whenever we would need to go interview somebody in the company, he would always go over our place to pick me up, go to the company, then drive us to school. And whenever we work on the thesis proposal, we understand each other and we try to help each other. So far, he hasn't really shouted at me. He's been very patient. In the group, i think it is Eric and I who understand each other better. :) and i guess we work best together. :)). He told me after i thanked him, "anytime". :) And he said that it was probably meant to be, that God has a reason, that we left our old group. You see, i was out of Genina's group, transferred to Bic's group but then feeling unsure and uncommunicative as well as unable to understand them i have to leave them as well, which landed me to being groupmates with Malcolm, after which finding out that Eric himself moved out of their group and at which time i contacted him at once if he wants to join me and Malcolm and he said sure. :) We, Eric and I, planned to be groupmates if we plan to move out of our respective groups during our first IT-RESM proposal course if we want to, which we both failed. :) When i asked him right after our failing IT-RESM, he didn't say anything yet, and told me that he needed time to think. But then, who would have thought that our plan to be groupmates would be possible, and that we are now groupmates. :) He said that everything is destined, intertwined with the choices that we make and God's reasons on why these things happen to us. :) Well, so far, for me, i am glad and happy and comfortable that we are groupmates, because so far, we have been doing much of the work together and we seem to be comfortable and that we understand each other when we talk about the project. :) Well, i guess he is right that things are meant to be, and we are both glad that we can be groupmates, that our paths did cross and can work together. :)

I did go through a "down" phase just of late, and i am somewhat able to get a hold of myself, so i think that is good. :) RIght now, i feel okay. Though just this morning, i was really sleepy and i still have this throbbing headache at the back of my head. I dunno. Probably because i have been sleeping late lately. :o

When i was walking along inside school, i sort of felt glad, in some way, especially when i saw my best friend's cousin Mariane. :) and of course, i remembered Daph. :) and i remember a text message she sent me just recently and i tell myself as i look up to the sky with a smile, "I am glad that my friends are still there, that Daph is still there for me. I am still surrounded by the people i love and that loves me. Why should i bring myself to feel down over one person when there are a lot of other people who loves me more? Shouldn't i be happy and cherish my time with them?" :) Here's the text message: "If you are feeling and you think nobody's there to support, listen or show they care for you, just save this message and everytime you read it, it will remind you that a part of me is always with you... " And i do feel that she's been with me always, as she always reminded me that God is always with me as well. :) And that's caused me to smile more, because i remember more people like you guys who are there for me as well, always a part of my life. :)

I look at my hands
I look at my feet
And i wonder
"Where am I going?"
"What am I to do with my life?"

Where does my life lead?
What am I thinking this way?
When one needs to live one's life
Without measuring up to others
Especially when it is on what one feels for oneself.

And i look back down at my hands
And i look back down at my feet
And wonder again where i must go
And then i look up
And continue to stare
Hoping that i can find an answer
to questions i keep having in my mind
and of feelings and qualms i always have.

--we always like listening about other people's lives, and marvel at how they went through life, and we don't even look at our lives the same way.

Yes! We passed our IT-RESM, with revisions though! :) But that's alright. :) We still one week left to finish the revisions!
Oh no! :o We have just finished writing a letter to tell the Director of BAR to allow us to conduct further interviews and such. Oh, i just hope all goes well. BAR's IT department is willing to back us up, which is a good thing. :)

It's sad: i don't get to watch the PASICATCHAN tonight. I remember watching it last year because I promised Jo Yao. :)

Well, here's a poem i wrote while in the car on the way home:::

The raindrops on the window
Remind me of the tears that i've shed
shed over things in the world
a world that includes you

And i look through these eyes
In some way up to now
Unclear and distorted
Feeling what i have felt when we're together

And i feel dizzy
thinking about you
just as i feel sick
inside a fast car

I know that i shouldn't be thinking of you
but in the deepest of nights
when i am left alone to think
you come into my mind

Just like cars and people i passed by
i go after something
that i know very much
is out of my reach

I yearn for something
that can never come back
that can never be again
that will not be the same.

Change, we have to always face
To admit to ourselves and realize
that the world we think of is hard to have
especially if we don't have the people that we love

And i go dizzy agin
just thinking of all of these and you
Hoping that once again
I can be right beside you
when i felt everything is great
just being with you.

For what does a fool like me
have to do in times like this
over a lost love
and in search of oneself

To look forward to something
that is obviously out of the question
that is obviously not as it should be
Because you are you and i am me.

But it hurts much so
when you know i need you
when i cry out
and you move away...

it makes me want to hurt myself
wanting to either wake myself up
or end the uncertainty
that is eating me away

We will be having our IT-RESM defense at 2-230pm this afternoon. I really hope we pass this term. :o

I heard and had already congratulated Nikki's group as well as Cha R., Cha E., and Marla. :) I am glad to hear that they passed IT-RESM. I hope and pray that we do pass as well. :o

Will blog you guys the outcome. :o